By popular request, the personal experience of self-healing has been shared many times at lectures, talks, and workshops. Everyone seems to want to hear the story over and over again of how a physician was healed of many diseases. Therefore, this chapter will relate the highlights of recovery and healing, because they illustrate in detail just how the principles and techniques we have been talking about actually work at the pragmatic level.
Lived experience and clinical observation confirm that the majority of human disorders are susceptible to being cured by following certain principles. Many diseases can be reversed unless there is a strong karmic dominance to the contrary.
Paradoxically, those serious cases, where all hope has been given up, often respond promptly and give the best results. This is perhaps because the person has finally let go and is now “sweetly reasonable.” They are ready for what Thomas Kuhn calls “a paradigm shift,” that is, a willingness to see things differently from an expanded perspective and to be open-minded. Sometimes it takes chronic sickness, suffering, pain, and a confrontation with the fear of death before a person is willing to let go of cherished beliefs and open up to the truth of clinical reality.
This chapter details the healing and recovery from a multitude of physical illnesses in the life of a physician. We will delineate the basic principles that facilitated the process of self-healing. In doing this, there will be a review of some of the material we have already covered, so as to bring it together into an integrated overall experience. We will start with the basic working concepts:
• A thought is a “thing.” It has energy and form.
• The mind with its thoughts and feelings controls the body; therefore, to heal the body, thoughts and feelings need to be changed.
• What is held in mind tends to express itself through the body.
• The body is not the real self; it is like a puppet controlled by the mind.
• Beliefs that are unconscious can manifest as illness, even though there is no memory of the underlying beliefs.
• An illness tends to result from suppressed and repressed negative emotions, plus a thought that gives it a specific form (i.e., consciously or unconsciously, one particular illness is chosen rather than another).
• Thoughts are caused by suppressed and repressed feelings. When a feeling is let go, thousands or even millions of thoughts that were activated by that feeling disappear.
• Although a specific belief can be cancelled and energy to it can be refused, it is generally a waste of time to try to change thinking itself.
• We surrender a feeling by allowing it be there without condemning, judging, or resisting it. We simply look at it, observe it, and allow it to be felt without trying to modify it. With the willingness to relinquish a feeling, it will run out in due time.
• A strong feeling may recur, which means there is more of it to be recognized and surrendered.
• In order to surrender a feeling, sometimes it is necessary to start by relinquishing the feeling that is there about the particular emotion (e.g., guilt that “I shouldn’t have this feeling”).
• In order to relinquish a feeling, sometimes it is necessary to acknowledge and let go of the underlying payoff of it (e.g., the “thrill” of anger and the “juice” of sympathy from being a helpless victim).
• Feelings are not the real self. Whereas feelings are programs that come and go, the real inner Self always stays the same; therefore, it is necessary to stop identifying transient feelings as yourself.
• Ignore thoughts. They are merely endless rationalizations of inner feelings.
• No matter what is going on in life, keep the steadfast intention to surrender negative feelings as they arise.
• Make a decision that freedom is more desirable than having a negative feeling.
• Choose to surrender negative feelings rather than express them.
• Surrender resistance to and skepticism about positive feelings.
• Relinquish negative feelings but share positive ones.
• Notice that letting go is accompanied by a subtle, overall lighter feeling within yourself.
• Relinquishing a desire does not mean that you won’t get what you want. It merely clears the way for it to happen.
• Get it by “osmosis.” Put yourself in the aura of those who have what you want.
• “Like goes to like.” Associate with people who are using the same or similar motivation and who have the intention to expand their consciousness and to heal.
• Be aware that your inner state is known and transmitted. The people around you will intuit what you are feeling and thinking, even if you don’t verbalize it.
• Persistence pays off. Some symptoms or illnesses may disappear promptly; others may take months or years if the condition is very chronic.
• Let go of resisting the technique. Start the day with it. At the end of the day, take time out to relinquish any negative feelings left over from the day’s activities.
• You are only subject to what you hold in mind. You are only subject to a negative thought or belief if you consciously or unconsciously say that it applies to you.
• Stop giving the physical disorder a name; do not label it. A label is a whole program. Surrender what is actually felt, which are the sensations themselves. We cannot feel a disease. A disease is an abstract concept held in the mind. We cannot, for instance, feel “asthma.” It is helpful to ask, “What am I actually feeling?” Simply observe the physical sensations, such as, “Tightness in the chest, wheezing, a cough.” It is not possible, for example, to experience the thought, “I’m not getting enough air.” That is a fearful thought in the mind. It is a concept, a whole program called “asthma.” What is actually being experienced is a tension or a constriction in the throat or chest. The same principle goes for “ulcers” or any other disorder. We cannot feel “ulcers.” We feel a burning or piercing sensation. The word “ulcer” is a label and a program, and as soon as we use that word to label our experience, we identify ourselves with the whole “ulcer” program. Even the word “pain” is a program. In reality, we are feeling a specific body sensation. The process of self-healing goes more quickly when we let go of labeling or giving a name to the various physical sensations.
• The same is true with our feelings. Instead of putting labels and names on feelings, we can simply feel the feelings and let go of the energy behind them. It is not necessary to label a feeling “fear” in order to be aware of its energy and relinquish that energy.
The Healing of Multiple Diseases
In the case of this physician, there were so many illnesses all at one time that it was impossible to remember them all. When giving a lecture, it was necessary to list them on an index card. All of the following illnesses were occurring at age 50:
Migraine headaches. Chronic and frequent.
Blocked Eustachian tubes. Painful earaches.
Near-sightedness and astigmatism. Trifocals were prescribed.
Sinusitis; postnasal drip; allergies.
Dermatitis, various types.
Gout attacks. Necessary to carry a cane in the trunk of the car and to have a restricted diet.
Cholesterol problem. Further restrictions in diet.
Duodenal ulcer. Chronic and recurring for over 20 years, unresponsive to all medical treatments.
Pancreatitis. Intermittent attacks precipitated by the recurrent ulcer.
Gastritis; hyperacidity; intermittent pylorospasm. Therefore, further diet restrictions.
Colitis, recurring.
Diverticulitis. An appendicitis-type condition of the colon. Sometimes hemorrhaged, requiring hospitalization and blood transfusions.
Common problems at the lower end of the gastrointestinal tract. Scheduled for surgery.
Arthritis of the cervical spine (neck). Displacement of the fourth cervical vertebrae.
Low back syndrome, necessitating chiropractic treatment.
Vibration disease (Raynaud’s Syndrome). Loss of sensation and impending gangrene in finger tips due to loss of circulation.
Middle age syndrome. Coldness in hands and feet, loss of energy and libido, and depression.
Pilonidal cyst at base of spine. Curable only by surgery.
Bronchitis and chronic cough. Aggravated the headaches, spondylosis, and low back syndrome.
Poison ivy sensitivity. Skin broke out every year. Sometimes required hospitalization.
Athlete’s foot. There was the belief system that it came from hotel room floors.
Dandruff. There was the belief system that it came from being in a barbershop.
Inflammation of the cartilage (Tzietze’s Syndrome).
A rare disorder, with painful swelling of the junction of the rib and sternum.
Dental and gum problems. Loss of bone around the base of teeth. Surgery was recommended for the gums.
Overall energy imbalance. Kinesiologic testing revealed that all of the energy systems were out of balance, and every meridian tested weak.
In retrospect, it is mind-boggling how the body kept on going in the world and functioned as well as it did. Inasmuch as each of the disorders required a further restriction in diet, there were times when lettuce and carrots were about the only “safe” foods. This led to the loss of 25 pounds and a body that looked thin and haggard. Later, some friends revealed that they had made bets on how long that body was going to last. Most of them estimated that it would probably keel over at about age 53.
The inner question at the time was: How could a successful, highly educated professional man, functioning creatively in the world, leading a balanced life, who had been thoroughly psychoanalyzed and experienced many modalities of therapy and healing, still have so many physical ailments? Yes, there was a large workload, but it was balanced with physical exercise and creative work such as carpentry, masonry, woodwork, and architectural design. Moreover, the spiritual life was active, with two hours of meditation every day, before and after work. The endless techniques mentioned in the Introduction were investigated: self-hypnosis, macrobiotics, reflexology, iridology, polarity therapy, affirmations, astral projection, group intensives, bodywork, relaxation, and so on.
What was the answer to this strange paradox of someone who had tried a multitude of techniques, groups, and therapies, but who still had a staggering array of illnesses? Also, how was it that he operated so successfully in the world despite this long list of illnesses and the constant pain that went with them? The answer seemed to be: a very strong will. It carried him through all obstacles and had the power to push aside anything that interfered with that effective functioning—in this case, primarily, feelings. With that kind of willpower, when a feeling was suppressed, it stayed suppressed.
The scientific ideal is objectivity. Objectivity means an absence of emotion. The achievement of this ideal in clinical and scientific work necessitated a suppression of feelings. This was especially intense given the nature of the clinical practice, which was with severely ill people. The extent of their suffering and that of their families seemed nearly endless. It went on relentlessly day after day, year in and year out. The intensity was compounded by having a compassionate nature and being attuned to people’s suffering. The mounting pressures of suppressed emotion in all areas of life obviously contributed to the multiplicity of illnesses.
At a certain point, both the mechanism of surrender and A Course in Miracles were investigated and applied to daily life. Because of the busy work schedule, there was very little time for any new techniques. Happily, the “Workbook” of A Course in Miracles requires the simple contemplation of a sentence or “lesson” throughout the day. The power of this technique is the alleviation of guilt by utilizing the mechanism of forgiveness. The mechanism of surrender could also be done silently throughout the day as an inner process. The two tools worked together. Surrendering and forgiving went on simultaneously during the day.
Once the mind knows the way to alleviate its inner pressure, like Pandora’s box, it begins to let all the garbage up, and up it came in profusion! Thoughts and feelings, which had hardly been noticed at the time of their occurrence, now returned. Life had been so busy that there had not been the time to handle them. The decompression process began to unfold on its own.
One immediate discovery was that every negative feeling or thought is associated with guilt, and this guilt is so all-encompassing that it is constantly being suppressed. Thus, there is no such thing as just anger. The actual feeling is anger/guilt. There is guilt every time we have a critical thought about someone. The mind’s constant judging and criticizing of the world, its events and people, is an unending source of guilt. Guilt itself engenders negative feelings, and negative feelings in and of themselves also engender guilt. It is that deadly combination which pulls us all down and creates such widespread illness and unhappiness. The guilt is so omnipresent that no matter what we are doing we feel somewhere in our mind that we “should” be doing something else. We have lived with so much guilt for so long that we don’t even recognize it anymore, and somehow that guilt is projected by the average mind onto the world around it. That is why most people need an “enemy”—an object on which to project their inner guilt. It is also where tyrants get their power, by manipulating people’s guilt and finding a satisfactory target for it.
There was also the discovery of a disdain for feelings. Anger surfaced at the imposition of feelings, which can make a person feel like a “victim.” To a left-brain orientation, feelings were the opposite of reasonableness, logic, and rationality. Superimposed on this was the male chauvinist idea that emotions were for women, children, and artistic types. Feelings had been primarily a matter of intellectual understanding and clinical analysis. When they came up internally, they had been labeled, pigeon-holed, and filed away.
At the beginning of working with the letting go technique, there was a period of rebellion and actually hating the feelings and experiencing dread over having to deal with them. It seemed degrading to have to suffer through them. This required a shift of self-concept because of the strong identification with the intellect. Now, like it or not, it had to be acknowledged that everyone is a thinking/feeling organism. It would not work to keep denying reality.
Before long, it was okay to have feelings. With the letting go technique, the only way out was to acknowledge and relinquish the feelings. This became easier as the physical condition started to improve. Although it can initially be difficult to face feelings in ourselves, the light at the end of the tunnel had shone itself, and this engendered hope.
Within days of using the technique, the physical condition at the lower end of the gastrointestinal tract promptly healed itself and, in fact, the surgery was cancelled. Many of the symptoms that had been active for years, even decades, began to diminish in intensity and frequency as the months went by. Migraine headaches, in particular, became less and less frequent. Lower back pains disappeared. The body began to feel lighter and stronger.
Then, an unexpected crisis came that brought intense emotional pressure. The diverticulitis returned in a severe form with massive hemorrhaging. There was an inner decision of great magnitude: “Either this stuff works or it doesn’t.” So this time, instead of going to the hospital and getting transfusions, there was complete surrender. All of the sensations going on in the abdomen were acknowledged and not resisted. They were not given a name or a label. Instead of thoughts or words, there was a sense of oneness with the sensations, the cramps, and the pain. There was no resistance to the sensations, no matter how intense. Like being on a razor’s edge, every sensation and feeling was recognized and surrendered. This went on for four solid hours. At the end of four hours, the bleeding stopped, the cramps went away, and the diverticulitis was healed. Later, there were some minor recurrences; but each one was handled in the same way, and eventually the attacks subsided and disappeared. So the mechanism of surrender passed the acid test. It succeeded where everything else had failed. With continued application, other disorders began to fade away.
Over time, the experience of “knowing” replaced thinking. Knowing comes on in a totally different manner. It is just standing there for our recognition. One morning upon waking, there was the “knowing” of being cured of poison ivy. At the same time, it was obvious that the very name, the label “poison ivy,” was a program and a belief system in and of itself. In any case, there was the “knowing” of being immune to poison ivy, even when going outside, touching it, playing with it, and putting some of it in a flower pot to carry to an interview program that evening! The subject of the interview was: “The Power of Consciousness in Self-Healing.”
Another episode of “knowingness” occurred one day when unexpectedly confronted by intense insecticide fumes. Such fumes had been a severe allergy for many years and invariably triggered a severe migraine. On this particular day, however, there was the sudden “knowing” of immunity to fumes. Walking into a recently fumigated home and taking very deep breaths of the fumes without any consequences at all, a sudden elated feeling of freedom prevailed. How wonderful to be free and to experience the power of mind! It was obvious in that moment that we are only subject to those things that we hold in mind. It is not necessary to be a slave or victim in the world.
The same thing happened with a long-standing belief about elevated cholesterol. As the belief and concept of it were cancelled, eating dairy products was resumed with no negative impact on cholesterol. In fact, blood testing showed a progressive lowering of unhealthy cholesterol levels! Moreover, food intolerances and allergies disappeared. It took at least another year, however, for the sugar intolerance and functional hypoglycemia to disappear. For a period of time, it would still recur under periods of stress, especially physical exertion, after eating sugar and sweets accompanied by caffeine.
In the meantime, it was possible to return to a regular diet after many years of severe restrictions. How freeing to eat foods with seeds (not allowed with diverticulitis), all the foods that were supposed to be contraindicated for ulcers and colitis, and even hot fudge sundaes! It took a couple of years for the functional hypoglycemia to disappear, but eventually it was possible to eat all of the sweets that had been forbidden for years.
The whole middle age syndrome was a belief system as well. As this belief system was cancelled and surrendered, the coldness disappeared from the hands and feet. The fatigue, mild depression, and irritability also disappeared. Physical stamina increased and the tolerance for physical work became almost unlimited.
Now that the more major things were out of the way, some of the minor ailments were consciously addressed. The belief in pilonidal cyst was surrendered. In six weeks, it disappeared. The Eustachian tube, which always blocked when flying in airplanes, caused severe pain in the right ear. It took two years to correct itself. There was a continual letting go of all thoughts and feelings about it and, at the same time, the use of visualization in which the angle of the canal with the right temple bone was pictured as changing to a normal angle. This was the only ailment with which visualization was used. At the end of two years, the ailment disappeared, and there was never any further difficulty in clearing the ears with changes in altitude.
In the meantime, the neck pains were progressively disappearing, and this made dancing possible. While dancing and surrendering any resistance to the neck pain, soon the body began to automatically put itself into self-healing postures and movements, as though there were an inner chiropractor manipulating the spine. It was an uncanny sensation, as though invisible healers were realigning the spine.
As this was going on, there were changes in circulation occurring in the hands and feet, and they were no longer cold all the time. The vibration disease in the fingertips, which had been threatening gangrene, now reversed itself. The pads on the fingertips swelled back out and turned pink again. The burning pain in the fingertips disappeared. Sensation returned. Up to that time, the fingers had become so numb that it was not possible to turn the pages of a book.
As the more serious ailments were healed, there was the energy and time to look at even more minor issues. There had been a long-standing belief that people catch dandruff in barbershops. When that belief was surrendered, the dandruff disappeared. A similar process occurred with the belief that correlated athlete’s foot with hotel room floors. Upon continual cancellation of that belief, athlete’s foot disappeared.
At Thanksgiving time one year, there was the opportunity to test the technique in an acute situation. A huge log dropped on the left foot and broke all the bones across the whole forefoot. Instead of rushing out to get a cast, the letting go technique was used. By Christmas, it was possible to return to the dance floor. At a later time, a severely sprained ankle healed itself in minutes by instantly surrendering the pain.
One evening while giving a lecture on the mechanism of surrender and making note of all of the above healings which had been experienced, a member of the audience said, “Doctor, if you healed all of those ailments, then why do you still wear glasses? Couldn’t poor eyesight be healed the same way?”
“Well, I never thought of wearing glasses as a disease. I always thought of it as an anatomical-structural defect of the body. But now that you mention it, I don’t see any reason why that shouldn’t heal.”
So, the bifocals were removed and stowed in a coat pocket. Indeed, at that time, eyesight was declining to the point that trifocals had been prescribed and ordered. In leaving the lecture that evening, the same inner knowingness came, that the condition would heal itself with sufficient faith and trust.
Driving home without glasses, vision was blurred. The pace was slow, with headlights on the curb. There was an inner knowingness that we would always see what we needed to see but unable to see what we wanted to see. During the next six weeks, a great deal was observed and learned about what goes on behind our everyday, ordinary seeing. There is a whole myriad of feelings, varying from curiosity to competition to erotic interest to intellectual titillation. Only about five percent of our vision is absolutely necessary to function in the world.
A peculiar phenomenon occurred; only that which was necessary to see was seen. Reading newspapers and magazines, watching television, or going to the movies were all impossible. It became clear how most of vision is merely escapism. On the road, it was as if Mr. Magoo were behind the wheel. Again and again that same mysterious phenomenon would occur. As soon as it was vital to see something, that’s when it would be seen. The edge of the cliff was made visible just as it was necessary to see it. There was a great deal of anxiety, with a constant surrendering of fear. Finally, by the end of six weeks, the fear seemed to run out. Instead, a deep surrender took place. “Well, I will only see that which I am allowed to see.” The other emotional objectives which seeing had subserved up to that time were willingly surrendered.
Then, a profound sense of inner stillness and peace occurred and a feeling of oneness with whatever it is that runs the universe. And in that instant, suddenly, vision returned totally and perfectly. What had not been visible or readable now was crystal clear: street signs, fine print in dim light, objects in great detail across the room and at great distance. At the next eye test for a driving license renewal, the evaluator said that the vision was perfect and that glasses would no longer be required. This had never occurred on any previous eye test!
Since telling this story around the country, quite a number of other people have taken off their glasses and gone through the same experience. Interestingly enough, each one said that it took about six weeks. One of the people who accomplished this decided to put his glasses on again. When asked the reason, he said that his wife was so used to seeing him with glasses that he looked homely without them, and so he put on blank ones in order to please her. He did it just because he loved her and wanted to make her happy, which is a very different reason than having to wear glasses because of impaired vision.
Those of us who have had the experience of healed vision agree on one discovery: It is with the mind itself that we see, not the eyeballs! Recently, one of the cases was a woman who had been blind since shortly after birth and had gross derangements of both eyeballs. After hearing the lecture on recovery of vision, she pursued a medical protocol and practiced the letting go technique on her sight. Within two days she began to experience a return of vision. She came up after the lecture and said, “I know you are right. I know that one sees through the mind because that is what is happening to me. I am seeing, and I am seeing with my mind!”
To understand how all of these healings can come about—some of them verging on the miraculous—we have to revise many of our thoughts about bodily processes, the mechanisms of healing, and how medical treatments bring about their results. It was discovered that there is a self-healing power within that is activated by continual surrender.