Chapter 35

Tuesday 2nd November, 6:11am

I drop a second can of dog food into Sophie’s purple rucksack as Mark comes back into the kitchen.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Packing. We need to leave.’

‘Right now? What the hell’s wrong with getting some sleep first?’

I’m shaking my head as he speaks, moving about the room, grabbing Sophie’s pencil case, dragging Tom’s school bag from beneath the table. No way is he going to delay me and the children getting out of here. We can’t leave soon enough.

‘I’ll take them to Shirley’s for breakfast and she can take them to school. I’ll sleep then at Alan’s.’

‘Are you nuts?’

‘No more than Jennifer.’ I stop moving and look at him. ‘Or Shirley, George, anyone but you. Come with us? We can go straight to Alan’s if you’d rather.’

‘The dishwasher guy’s here sometime between eight and ten.’ Mark stares at me. ‘It’s broken down, remember?’

I don’t know what to say. I don’t give a damn about the bloody dishwasher. It was such a relief yesterday morning when I walked away from this house. I don’t want to spend a moment longer here than I have to and Mark will try and change my mind if we delay, I know he will.

‘And the mechanic, he’s coming about the car. He reckons he can tow it to his place, work on it there, if the back axle will stand it. It can’t be moved otherwise; the battery and engine have been stripped out.’

Mark stops speaking, we stare in silence at one another. Riley barks and barks, I glance at the back door.

‘He doesn’t like being outside.’

‘He’s a dog, Kate. He’s absolutely fine out there.’

I look at Mark and start shoving Tom’s schoolbooks into his bag. ‘We’re going, with or without you. I’d rather you came.’

My throat is thick, my voice waving. I thought I’d decided what I wanted to do, that I’d tell Mark calmly we were done. Stupid of me. I head for the back door, Mark is quick, beside me, grabs my wrist as I reach for the doorknob.

‘You’re very concerned about a dog you didn’t want. His fingers press into my flesh, I glare up at him, jerk my arm away.

‘It’s not what you think, Kate. Nothing’s going on with Cassie. There’s no one else.’

I stare into tired eyes. Stubble, at least a day’s growth, shadows his jaw and can’t disguise the hollowness in his cheeks. I want to reach up, touch his face, feel the warmth of his skin. I want to believe him, but I need a lot more than this. Too much has gone on and for too long. How can I be sure of anything he says?

‘What then?’

Riley’s howling, a weird thin sound I’ve never heard before.

‘The sale of the London house fell through back in the summer.’ Mark stops speaking, his eyes on mine. ‘It didn’t complete until . . . I’m so bloody tired.’ He runs his hand through the front of his hair. ‘I don’t know what day of the fucking week it is!’

‘Tuesday. It’s Tuesday morning.’

‘Yesterday afternoon then. It completed when you were at the police station.’

I stare at him, his words not making sense.

‘What the hell are you on about, Mark?’

‘I’ve been staying at the London place trying to sell it.’

‘Not at Charles’s?’

He shakes his head and stares at the floor.

‘Mother said it was making it all worse not telling you, but it got so bad . . .’

Riley howls, I glance at the door, back at Mark.

‘You weren’t good when it first fell through. The doctor said you were to have no stress at all. I thought it’d just be a few days, a couple of weeks at the most, so there was no need to bother you with it.’

‘How did we buy Haverscroft then?’

‘I got a bridging loan. I’ve been taking every case going to make ends meet. Believe me when I say I don’t want to be Blackstone’s junior on the Southampton trial.’

‘Are we okay now?’ I can’t believe all he’s saying, all the deception to keep me in the dark.

‘Just about. Mother loaned me some money.’

‘We owe Jennifer money?’ I’m utterly furious. He knows I would never want to be in debt to Jennifer. Never.

He holds up his hands. ‘Just a loan, that’s all.’

‘You should’ve told me all this, not gone behind my back! Why didn’t you delay buying Haverscroft like any rational person would? Are you entirely insane?’

I can’t do the maths, my brain refuses to compute the figures. A bridging loan for God knows how many thousands of pounds and for months. Mark knows I would never have agreed to taking such a massive financial risk. I ball my fists, hold my arms straight at my sides to stop myself lashing out at him.

‘I can’t explain it. I just can’t. I tried explaining it to Mother . . . Once we saw this house that first day, I just had to have it.’

All their whispered conversations, Mark’s snappy short temper, Jennifer’s angry face I’d taken to be directed at me, the nutty, needy wife. No way did I ever suspect it was over money.

‘Lyle offered to buy the place two, three weeks ago. Not a bad price considering the state of the roof, but I’m pretty sure he’s got wind of a planning application I put in a few weeks back.’

‘Planning? For what?’ I’m astounded.

‘A care home, possibly a small hotel.’

‘Is there no end to this secret life of yours?’ I glance at the backdoor, Riley’s quiet at last. ‘When did you think I might need to know any of this?’ How can I have been so naive, so blind to all that’s gone on?

‘I couldn’t tell you. You would’ve wanted to know why I was selling after I’d dragged you all out here. And that would lead to the bridging loan and there was no end in sight for it at the time. The chimney had just come down – you had enough on your plate. You can’t imagine the stress, Kate. I couldn’t tell you and risk making you ill again.’

So all his suggestions about taking my meds, did he really just want me to be okay? I need time to think, this is all going too fast. I play for time.

‘Mrs Havers isn’t going like it.’

‘I don’t give a damn what she thinks.’

‘Sell it, let Lyle have it, Mark. Just get rid of the place.’

He shakes his head. ‘He needs to up his offer. The house is worth far more if the planning goes through.’

‘You’re as bad as Mrs Havers, really you are!’ I throw up my hands, Mark flinches, jerks backwards. Any other time, I might laugh, but I just can’t. I just can’t believe what Mark’s done and without a word to me. I fold my arms, my hands tucked beneath my elbows.

‘I’m truly sorry I hit you, Mark. I shouldn’t have then, but I should now. It’s been hideous here on my own. I thought . . . I thought I was going mad.’ I turn my back on him, my voice cracking. I won’t let him see me cry. ‘You let me think that. You knew I was worried about it and you just let it go on.’

His silence is like a weight pressing against my back.

‘I’m sorry, Kate.’

Sorry isn’t enough, not now. It’s too late. I take a breath. I’m exhausted. I need to focus. Get me and the children out of this house.

‘At least you didn’t go for the kitchen-roll tube.’ His voice is falsely bright and jovial, but I’m in no mood for humour.

‘What on earth are you on about?’ I sound hard, cold, but at least my voice is steady. His feet shuffle on the floor tiles, I sense him closer at my back.

‘Mother ranted one day about me holding stuff back from you and hit me around the ear with an empty ­kitchen-roll tube. I don’t remember her ever striking me as a child. You’d have been hysterical with laughter if you’d been there.’

He wants me to turn around, tell him it’s all okay now. I stare across the room at the black glass of the window. After so much does he really think it’s just a case of forgive and forget? He must be the mad one, not me.

‘I’m still angry about Blackstone, but not at you, Kate, not any more. We shouldn’t have got to such a bad place where something like that could happen. Mother’s never spoken to you about Dad, has she?’

He moves to stand beside the table, hands leaning on the back of a kitchen chair. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, his face turned towards me.

‘She won’t, but I lived through it all. All the rows when he was home. All the time he was away working, Mother beside herself. She was unwell for a while . . .’

Riley’s barking again. What on earth’s the matter with him?

‘She thinks the world of you and the twins, Kate. I know you don’t think so, but she does. She just can’t show stuff like that, not like you do.’

‘We should fetch Riley in.’ I just want to be away from here, leave all of this behind.

‘I want us to be a family, Kate, change things like we agreed before we moved here. I want to have more time with you and the kids.’

I look at him. He straightens up, face full of doubt, waiting for my response. Silence stretches out, only Riley barking outside. He steps towards me, stops.

‘I got you something.’

He digs in the back pocket of his jeans, holds out his fist, uncurls his fingers. In the palm of his hand is a tiny, clear plastic box. A stylus. ‘I think it’s the right one.’

I stare at it for a long time, look up into his face. ‘The kids and I are leaving, Mark. You agreed we can stay at the Rectory, right?’

‘You don’t actually believe we’ve got all this weird stuff going on, do you? I’ll go along with Alan’s thing if it helps.’

‘If Jennifer says leave, would you?’

Mark looks startled, my voice, sharp, angry. He’s still holding out his hand, his fingers close about the plastic box.

‘Why can’t you believe me when I say we should leave, that the children aren’t safe here?’

He shrugs.

I slam my palm on the table, the sound loud in the silent house. ‘Can’t you see why it matters? Isn’t what I say important? You need to trust me on this. Come with us for no reason other than I’m asking you to.’

I turn away, walk towards the sink, stare out into the darkness. Rage boils in the pit of my stomach. I’m too tired to do this right now but I can’t let it pass. My eyes burn, the silence behind me thick and heavy. I wish the bloody dog would stop barking, just for a second.

‘Say something, for God’s sake, Mark.’

A face, bone-white, eye sockets sunken and dark, looms at me from the black kitchen window. I cry out, recoil from the glass, stumble backwards. The face, vanishes.

‘What’s wrong?’ says Mark.

I step further away from the window, still staring at the glass. Only the glare of the kitchen strip lights and our reflections wink back.

‘There’s someone out there,’ I say, glancing at Mark. ‘Someone’s in the garden.’