COLLEEN stretched languorously as the sun poured in her bedroom window. For some reason this morning, she felt happier than she had since she took up the job here. She smiled to herself. Maybe it was because she had come to a decision about Ciaran and because some of the tension between her and Daniel had disappeared. After all, her job would be so much easier without the constant clashing of wills. Or maybe it was because she had talked to Daniel about her dad? No one in the family could bring themselves to talk about those final days. Not in front of their mother anyway. They were all too scared that a mention of his name would send Mammy into another paroxysm of grieving. Perhaps it was time that they did talk about Daddy? When she was home next she would try.
She jumped out of bed before Dora could arrive with her tea. She couldn’t get used to being served her tea in bed by the housekeeper. It seemed so lazy.
* * *
By the time she came out of the shower the tea tray had been left on the table. Dora had even added a small vase of flowers. It seemed that Dora was beginning to thaw towards her. But when she bent to pour the tea, she noticed a small envelope addressed to her in unfamiliar handwriting.
Puzzled, she tore it open. It was from Daniel. It was brief and to the point. ‘Thanks for the warm milk. And for telling me about your brother. Most of all thank you for caring about my son.’
Something shifted behind her ribs. Daniel wasn’t so bad once you got to know him. They had got off on the wrong foot, that was all. And if her heart had done a crazy little pirouette when she’d seen the note was from him, well, that was just a sign of the pleasure she felt that they seemed to have reached an understanding.
* * *
As soon as she was dressed she went to Harry’s room. After their chat last night, she’d half-expected to find Daniel by his son’s bedside and not just the night nurse. Colleen tried to ignore the thud of disappointment—which was, of course, on behalf of Harry, wasn’t it?
‘Morning, sunshine,’ she chirped.
Harry turned his head at the sound of her voice and smiled. Colleen felt her heart melt—what would happen the day that devastating grin finally reached his emerald eyes? Then she’d be a goner, that was for sure. She was getting far too fond of Harry already, but there was something so special about this young man that she couldn’t help herself.
The night nurse gave Colleen a quick handover before she left. ‘Has Mr Frobisher been in to see Harry this morning?’ Colleen asked softly, so that Harry couldn’t hear.
The nurse—Sheena—nodded. ‘An hour ago. Harry was still asleep. Mr Frobisher didn’t stay long, though, said he’d an important meeting to go to and wouldn’t be back till later.’
Colleen closed the door behind Sheena. So much for thinking she’d got through to Daniel last night. It was all she could do to stop herself from marching to the nearest telephone and telling Daniel Frobisher exactly what she thought of him! But she had Harry to concentrate on and that was far more important. Instead, she pulled open the curtains and flung the patio doors wide before turning back to her charge.
‘Oh, Harry, it’s such a beautiful day—too good for staying indoors. Are you up for some fresh air?’
Harry nodded his head slowly and moved his mouth. ‘Yes. Outside. Nice.’
Colleen laughed in delight. ‘Excellent, Harry—you’re doing it! You’re almost there—before you know it you’ll be chatting twenty to the dozen, giving me a run for my money, eh?’
His grin widened and Colleen put her hands on her hips in mock horror. ‘Are you trying to say I talk too much, young man?’
A sound of delight bubbled from Harry. It was the nearest she’d seen him come to laughing properly. Oh, why wasn’t Daniel here to see his son take these tiny, but oh-so-significant steps forwards? Despite his protestations of love, words, after all, were easy to say—acts of love were much harder to do. If only he could understand how much he was missing out on.
She tilted her head to the side. ‘You know, Harry, I think you’re ready to try something new this morning.’ Suddenly his eyes widened in fear and his smile faded. Colleen sat on his bed and reached for his hands, stroking them gently. ‘No, no, don’t worry. Trust me, Harry. I won’t do anything to harm or frighten you, you know that, don’t you?’
When Harry didn’t reply, she continued, keeping her tone light and soothing. ‘Your dad told me how much you used to love swimming, especially when you were little. Well, I think we should try swimming today; it will really help your arms and legs rebuild their muscles. What do you think?’
Still he gazed back at her. ‘I know you’re not sure about it, Harry, but I promise I’ll look after you. You’ll be safe with me, you know that, don’t you, sweetheart?’
Harry nodded slowly.
Colleen didn’t want to let him see how relieved she felt. If he’d refused or become agitated, there was no way she could have forced him. It was vital that Harry trusted her completely so that he would feel safe in the water and hydrotherapy would bring on his mobility in leaps and bounds. Colleen ruffled his har. ‘You’re my trooper, aren’t you? A brave young man, that’s what you are! And it’ll be fun, you’ll see.’ With expert practice she dressed him in a pair of boxer shorts and, using the hoist, manoeuvred him into his wheelchair, chatting all the while. Despite her best jokes and quips, Harry didn’t smile once. Colleen could sense his apprehension.
She knelt down in front of him. ‘I know you’re still unsure, Harry, so I’ll tell you what. Will it make you feel better if I ask Burton to help?’ Colleen grinned. ‘Hey, maybe I should ask him to put on a costume and come swimming with us. He might have one of those one-piece bathing suits that goes to his knees.’
She was rewarded with a smile. Now all she had to do was persuade Burton!
‘You wait there, now. Give me a minute while I put my costume on and give Burton the good news.’
* * *
To give him credit, Burton didn’t put up as much resistance as she’d expected. Perhaps he was too used to Daniel’s extravagant requests that nothing much fazed him any more—not that she could imagine what those would be. Who knew how the rich and priviliged lived?
Still, she felt a bit guilty laughing at him behind his back. But it had been worth it to have made Harry smile, she thought.
To her surprise, Burton was already there waiting for them and she almost pushed the wheelchair into one of the elaborate marble columns when she saw him. What in all that was holy was he wearing! Far from the old-fashioned costume she’d half-expected, the older man was dressed in the skimpiest briefs she’d ever seen in her entire life. If he’d worn a wig and a false moustache, she couldn’t have been more taken aback.
Colleen averted her eyes from his expanse of bare chest and hairy back, although it took a huge amount of will power to keep her gaze from straying away from his. It was as if her eyes had a sudden will of their own. Thank God they had to concentrate on getting the hoist round Harry and lowering him on to the sling at the side of the pool. When he was secure, Colleen slipped into the warm water and between them they lowered Harry in.
Whilst Burton sat on the side, Colleen slipped her arms under Harry’s back and eased him free. His eyes cast round desperately and she tilted him towards her, so that he could see her face.
‘Well done,’ she soothed. ‘I’ve got you and I’m going to let you go, Harry. Just try to let the water swirl around you.’
It took a fair amount of cajoling and encouragement, but within ten minutes she felt her young patient begin to relax. ‘You’re doing really well, sweetheart.’
Suddenly she noticed his gaze slip from hers to over her shoulder and he tensed. Colleen turned round in the water so she could see what had caught his attention.
It wasn’t what—it was who. Daniel stood uncertainly at the side of the pool. Thankfully he didn’t shop in the same store that Buton did and his swimming shorts were far more modest. She couldn’t help noticing that they somehow accentuated his tanned, smooth chest and broad shoulders and didn’t make his muscular legs look too shabby either.
‘Can I join you?’ Daniel asked.
‘What do you think, Harry? Can your dad swim with us?’ Colleen gazed down at the young lad, willing him to relax. She looked up and caught Daniel’s eye. Almost imperceptibly, she nodded.
Daniel nodded to Burton. ‘That’s okay, Burton, I’ll take over from here.’
‘Very well, sir.’ There was no mistaking the look of relief in Burton’s eyes. Colleen caught Daniel’s eyes and for a moment his lips twitched. Clearly he found the sight of Burton in his swimwear as amusing as she did. Colleen’s heart skipped a beat.
With a graceful ease belying his size, Daniel dived in at the deep end and swam towards them. Harry’s eyes widened and he flailed his body, pressing himself as close as possible to her. The arm around her neck tightened and his fingers grasped her hair. Ignoring the sharp pain, Colleen kept her tone even. ‘Remember when I said you could trust me, darling? Remember when I promised I wouldn’t let any harm come to you? Well, it’s the same with your daddy. He only wants to help, Harry.’
Harry tore his eyes away from his father and looked at her. His deep-green eyes searched her face, looking for the slightest hint that she wasn’t telling the truth, and in that moment she knew that if Daniel let him down now, made one wrong move, the tiny delicate thread holding father and son together would be broken—maybe forever.
‘How about letting your dad hold you? That way I could move your arms and legs about a bit in the water?’
‘No.’ Harry shook his head.
Colleen met Daniel’s gaze over Harry’s blond curls. His anguish was unmistakable, but yet he didn’t move away from them.
She brushed her lips against Harry’s cheeks. ‘Your dad is a big strong man, darling, and he’s going to hold on to you tight.’
Finally Daniel spoke. ‘I won’t let you go, son. I promise you.’
Gently Colleen untangled Harry’s arms from around her neck and eased him towards his father. Between the two of them they held the too thin child, until Colleen felt his under-used muscles finally relax.
Signalling to Daniel with a nod of her head, she again reassured Harry, ‘I’m going to let go now, but just so I can move your legs, okay? Your dad’s got you safe.’
As Colleen moved away, Daniel eased himself down into the shallow water, cradling his son in his arms. She watched as, ever so slowly, Harry’s arms snaked around his father’s neck and clasped on to him tightly.
For a split second she could see Daniel’s eyes widen in surprise, then he was looking down at his son, beaming from ear to ear. Pulling him closer, until his blond curls were tucked into his neck, Daniel looked at Colleen.
Thank you, he mouthed.
* * *
‘What would you like to do this afternoon, Harry?’ Colleen asked a couple of days later. ‘I know Nathan is coming over this morning, but if the weather clears up later, perhaps we could go out for a while?’
As they were talking, Dora came in with Harry’s breakfast and set the tray on the table.
‘I think you should have a go at feeding yourself,’ Colleen said to Harry. ‘Now you’re bound to make an almighty mess at first, so we’ll do it before your wash. How about it? Are you willing to have a go?’
Colleen cut up Harry’s toast that had been supplied with his scrambled egg into easily manageable slices. She wouldn’t call them soldiers. Harry would hate to be treated as if he were five instead of twelve.
To her delight, Harry managed, although with some difficulty, to pick up one of the pieces of toast in his hand and bring it towards his mouth. She waited with bated breath as he concentrated hard on bringing the morsel to his lips. Finally, after a couple of false starts, he managed to get it in his mouth. The fine motor control required meant that he was improving in leaps and bounds. He was making progress far quicker than she had dared to hope.
* * *
Just as they had finished breakfast and Harry was sitting up in his chair by the window, Daniel came into the room. He was wearing dark trousers and an open neck shirt—no tie.
‘Hello, everyone,’ he said. ‘I’ve taken the morning off work so we can spend it together. What would you like to do, Harry?’
Harry glanced up at his father and smiled briefly.
‘Nathan,’ he mumbled.
‘Nathan’s coming this morning,’ Colleen said quickly, seeing Daniel’s disappointment. ‘What about doing something this afternoon instead? I was just saying to Harry that we should try to have a session in the pool, but we could all go somewhere later.’
Daniel ruffled Harry’s hair.
‘You could have Nathan over another day,’ Daniel said. ‘I have to be in court this afternoon. It would give us the chance to do something together first. And you can choose.’
The boy pulled his head away and Colleen caught the bleak look in Daniel’s eyes before the usual mask came down. Don’t push it, she wanted to say. Give him time.
Harry shook his head again. ‘Nathan!’
Daniel’s mouth tightened. ‘You can have Nathan visit later. I’ve taken the morning off, despite the fact that I should be going over this afternoon’s case, so I think you and I should do something this morning, Harry.’
Harry flung Colleen a look so full of entreaty she couldn’t ignore it. Daniel was going about this all wrong. Couldn’t he see that?
‘I think since Nathan is already coming over, we should leave things the way they are,’ Colleen said evenly.
Daniel pulled a hand through his hair and a look of resignation crossed his face. ‘Whatever you prefer, son.’ And with one final look at Colleen, he turned on his heel and left the room.
Harry looked angry. As well he might be. ‘Dad. Work. Typical,’ he said. ‘No time for me.’
Although Colleen was thrilled that Harry’s speech and understanding was so much improved, it was the relationship between father and son that was concerning her.
‘To be fair to him, Harry, he didn’t know Nathan was expected. Your dad did want to spend time with you.’
She crouched by Harry’s side and took his hand. ‘You need to be patient with him. He’s trying his best.’
But Harry pulled his hand away. ‘You on his side.’
‘I’m not. If anything I’m on yours. But I know your father loves you. He’s just not sure how to show it.’
She reached out and gently turned Harry’s face towards her, forcing him to look in her eyes.
‘Give him time, darling.’
Suddenly tears were rolling down Harry’s cheeks and he buried his head in Colleen’s chest. ‘Want…my…mum,’ he said between sobs.
‘Oh, sweetheart, I know you do.’ And Colleen’s heart cracked as she held the sobbing child.
* * *
After Nathan arrived, Colleen left the boys playing a computer game. Nathan was working the controls, but Harry seemed to be engaged with the game, offering ‘yes’ and ‘no’s at regular intervals and even an ‘idiot’ once.
She tapped on the door of Daniel’s study and marched in without waiting for an invitation.
Daniel looked up from his papers and frowned. ‘Now’s not a good time, Colleen,’ he said roughly.
‘It seems that there’s never a good time, Daniel,’ she said. ‘Have you any idea how upset Harry is?’ She was furious. Despite what she’d said to Harry about giving his father time, how much time did he need? After everything they had spoken about, Daniel still didn’t have the faintest idea how to go about building a relationship with his son.
‘If you think that the occasional visit with him, or the odd DVD, is going to cut it, then you’re a bigger fool than I thought.’
‘Harry—’ Daniel started, but Colleen stopped him with a wave of her hand.
‘Your son is making progress—fantastic progress. But do I need to remind you that he has just lost his mother. He loved his mother deeply and that little boy is grieving. And not only has he lost his mother, but he’s lost the only home he ever really knew. He’s lost the ability to play cricket, to play computer games, he can only express himself with great difficulty and he’s only just learning how to feed himself.’
‘He’s managing to feed himself? But that’s great.’
‘Please don’t interrupt me, Daniel. Yes, it’s great that he’s learning to do that. But it’s not so great that he’s having to learn to do everything he once took for granted all over again. Your son has shown, is showing, great strength of character, God knows he must have got if from his mother—but every day is a struggle for him. What he needs now, most of all, is to know that he is the most important person in your life. That you are with him literally every step of the way. That you will love him, even if he doesn’t improve from where he is now. He needs to know that he can count on you. His father. The person who will be there for him through thick and thin and never ever let him go no matter what happens.’
The shell-shocked look on Daniel’s face had slowly turned to anger. ‘I don’t like to be lectured, Colleen. I am making time for him. If I could be with him all the time, don’t you think I would? But there is a small matter of my job.’
‘Of course. Your job!’
‘Yes, my work. When I heard about the accident I was in the middle of the biggest court case of my life. Do you think that mattered to me when my son was seriously ill in hospital and his mother was dead? But believe it or not, no matter what terrible personal tragedies are happening in people’s lives, the world continues. People who need you to act for them don’t care what’s going on in your life, not when they could be sent down for years because they weren’t represented properly. I managed to get the case deferred for a while, so I could spend time with Harry in hospital, and then when it was clear that he was going to be there for some time, I tried to hand the case on to a colleague. But the client wouldn’t have it. Funnily enough, he trusted me. He believed, rightly or wrongly, that I was the only person who could save his neck, and he was right. I am bloody good at what I do. It’s his case that is starting this afternoon—the preliminary hearing—and I should be in chambers as we speak, going over the defence reports one more time, but because my son needs me, I am here. I can’t be with him this afternoon, and not very much over the next few weeks, certainly not as much as I would like to be, but I have no choice.’
His breath was coming in short rapid bursts as if the effort of keeping himself under control was costing him dearly. Colleen was stunned by the naked pain in his eyes.
‘So why didn’t you just tell him that? Explain? The way you have just explained to me? Your son is angry, hurting and not just physically, but he loves you and I suspect from the photograph we found under his pillow—he’s proud of you. At the moment he thinks you’re not giving him the time or attention he craves, because you’re not interested. Tell him the truth. Spend every minute you’re not in court, or preparing, with him. Even if it’s just sitting with him.’ An idea was forming in her head. ‘And maybe—I don’t even know if this is possible …maybe I could bring him to court some time so he can watch you.’
They were both staring at each other across Daniel’s desk. For a moment there was a silence. Something seemed to shimmer in the room. Colleen’s heart was pounding so hard she could almost feel it kicking against her ribs. Daniel reached across and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.
‘Has anyone ever told you, Colleen McCulloch, that you’re some woman? Anyone would be lucky to have you on their side and fighting for them. Maybe you should have considered a career in the court?’
Colleen’s legs felt as if they were about to give way. She reached behind her for the chair and almost collapsed into it. Why was everything with this man so…fraught?
Daniel leaned back and studied her through half-closed eyes as if she were a problem he couldn’t quite get a fix on. ‘I’d like Harry to come to court one day. Perhaps then he’ll understand why it was so difficult for me to be around.’
‘If you want him there so you can excuse your absence from his life, then I think it’s going to take much more than that.’
‘Determined not to let me off the hook?’
Colleen used the edge of the desk to ease herself on to still-weak legs.
‘I think it’s you that has to let yourself off the hook, don’t you?’ And with as much grace as she could manage on her wobbly legs, she left the room.