The Chairman, Mr G. H. Bondy, rang his bell and rose to his feet.
‘Gentlemen,’ he began. ‘I have the honour to declare this extraordinary general meeting of the Pacific Export Company open. Allow me to welcome all those present and to thank them for attending in such large numbers.’
‘Gentlemen,’ he continued with a shaking voice; ‘it is my melancholy duty to acquaint you with some sad news. Captain Jan van Toch is no more. The man who, if I may put it that way, was our founder, the originator of the happy idea of establishing commercial relations with thousands of islands in the distant Pacific, our first captain and most zealous collaborator, has died. He passed away at the beginning of this year on board our ship Sdrka not far from Fanning Island, as a result of a stroke he suffered in the performance of his duty.’ (Probably had a row, poor bugger, was the thought that flashed through Mr Bondy’s mind.) ‘May I ask you to stand in tribute to his shining memory.’
The gentlemen rose, scraping their chairs, and stood in solemn silence, united by the hope that the general meeting would not go on for too long. (Poor old Vantoch, G. H. Bondy thought with genuine emotion. I wonder what he looks like now! Probably dropped him into the sea off a plank - what a splash that must have been! Well, he was a decent chap and he had such blue eyes - )
‘Thank you, gentlemen,’ he added briefly, ‘for commemorating Captain van Toch with such piety; he was a personal friend of mine. I now call upon Mr Volavka, our Manager, to acquaint you with the financial performance which PEC may look forward to this year. The figures aren’t final yet, but please don’t expect them to change substantially by the end of the year. If you please.’
‘Gentlemen,’ Mr Volavka, the Manager, began to burble, and then he came out with it. ‘The situation in the pearl market is most unsatisfactory. After last year, when pearl production had increased by a factor of nearly twenty compared with a favourable year like 1925, the price of pearls began to slip disastrously, by as much as 65 per cent. That is why your Board has decided not to place this year’s output of pearls on the market at all but to hold it in store until such time as demand hardens again. Unfortunately, pearls began to go out of fashion last autumn, probably because the price had dropped so much. Our Amsterdam branch at the present time holds a stock of over 200,000 pearls which for the time being are virtually unmarketable.’
‘On the other hand,’ Mr Volavka continued to burble, ‘pearl production this year has been declining alarmingly. A number of sources had to be abandoned because their yield no longer justified the long voyage. Sources opened up two or three years ago seem to be more or less exhausted. Your Board has therefore decided to turn its attention to other deep-sea products, such as coral, shells and sponges. While it has been possible to stimulate the market in coral jewellery and other ornaments, it is Italian rather than Pacific corals which have so far benefited from this boom. Your Board is moreover examining the feasibility of deep-sea fishing in the Pacific. The main problem is transporting the fish from there to the European and American markets; the results of preliminary investigations are not too promising.’
‘On the other hand,’ the Manager read in a slightly raised voice, ‘a slightly higher turnover has been recorded in respect of various secondary articles, such as exports of textiles, enamelled hollow-ware, wireless sets and gloves to the Pacific islands. This business is capable of further expansion and intensification; even in the current year it will entail only a relatively insignificant deficit. It is, of course, out of the question for PEC to pay out any dividends on its shares at the end of the year; that is why your Board begs to announce in advance that, for this once, it will waive all fees and commissions …’
A prolonged uncomfortable silence followed. (Wonder what this Fanning Island is like, G. H. Bondy mused. Died like a true seadog, good old Vantoch. Great shame. A really good chap. Wasn’t all that old either … no older than me …) Dr Hubka then asked for the floor - so why not just quote from the minutes of the extraordinary general meeting of the Pacific Export Company:
Dr Hubka asked whether liquidation of PEC had at all been considered.
G. H. Bondy replied that the Board of Directors had decided to await any suggestions on this point.
M. Louis Bonenfant criticised the fact that the collection of pearls at source was not being carried out by regular representatives permanently resident there, who would ensure that pearl-fishing was done as intensively and efficiently as possible.
Manager Volavka stated that this had in fact been considered but that it had been felt that this would raise overheads too much. At least 300 salaried agents would be needed; besides, would the meeting please consider how one could ensure that these agents passed on all the pearls found.
M. H. Brinkelaer asked if the Newts could actually be trusted to hand over all the pearls they found; might they not hand them over to persons other than those authorised by the Company?
G. H. Bondy noted that this was the first public mention of Newts. It had been customary in the past not to mention any details of the methods by which the pearls were fished. In point of fact, that was why the inconspicuous title Pacific Export Company had been chosen.
M. H. Brinkelaer inquired why it should be inadmissible in this forum to mention matters which concerned the Company’s interests and which, moreover, had long been known to the general public.
G. H. Bondy remarked that it was not inadmissible but a new departure. He welcomed the fact that it was now possible to speak more openly. As for Mr Brinkelaer’s first question, he was able to state that, to the best of his knowledge, there was no reason to question the absolute honesty and working efficiency of the Newts employed in fishing for pearls and coral. But one had to expect that present sources of pearls either were, or in the near future would be, largely exhausted. As for new sources, our unforgettable collaborator Captain van Toch had died just as he was en route to hitherto unexploited islands. So far it had been impossible to replace him by somebody of equal experience and equal honesty, let alone dedication to the cause.
Col D. W. Bright fully acknowledged the merits of the late Captain van Toch. He pointed out, however, that the captain, whose demise everybody mourned, had pampered those Newts too much. (Hear, hear.) Surely there was no need to supply the Newts with knives and other tools of such high-class quality as had been done by the late van Toch. There was no need to feed them so expensively. It should be possible to cut down substantially on expenses incurred in the maintenance of the Newts and thus to improve cost-effectiveness of their enterprises. (Loud applause)
Vice-Chairman J. Gilbert agreed with Col Bright but pointed out that in Captain van Toch’s lifetime this had not been feasible. Captain van Toch had insisted that he had personal obligations vis-a-vis the Newts. For a variety of reasons it had not been possible to flout the old man’s wishes in that respect.
Curt von Frisch asked if it was not possible to employ the Newts on other and conceivably more profitable projects than fishing for pearls. One might bear in mind their natural, almost beaver-like, talent for the construction of dams and other submarine structures. It might be possible to use them for deepening harbours, building breakwaters and other hydraulic engineering projects.
G. H. Bondy informed the meeting that the Board of Directors was actively considering just this point; there was no doubt that a great potential existed along these lines. He announced that the number of Newts owned by the Company now totalled approximately 6 million; if one considered that each Newt pair produced about one hundred young each year the Company might have some 300 million Newts at its disposal next year; by the end of a decade the figure would be downright astronomical. G. H. Bondy asked what the Company should do with that enormous number of Newts, bearing in mind that it already had to supply its overcrowded newt farms with copra, potatoes, maize, etc., because of an insufficiency of their natural foodstuffs.
C. von Frisch inquired if the Newts were edible.
J. Gilbert: No. Nor is their skin any use at all.
M. Bonenfant wished to know what the Board actually intended to do.
G. H. Bondy (rising): ‘Gentlemen, we called this extraordinary general meeting so we could openly draw your attention to the exceedingly unfavourable outlook for our Company which, if you will allow me to remind you, proudly declared dividends of 20 to 23 per cent in recent years, in addition to setting aside ample reserves and amortisations. We have now reached a watershed: the kind of business that proved so successful in the past is virtually at an end. We have no choice but to seek new avenues.’ (Applause)
‘I would almost say that the passing of our excellent captain and friend J. van Toch at this very moment is the hand of fate. To his person was linked that romantic, beautiful and - let me be frank - slightly foolish little business with the pearls. I regard this as a closed chapter in our concern. It had its, how shall I put it, exotic charm, but it did not fit into our modern age. Gentlemen, pearls can never be the subject of a vast horizontal and vertical enterprise. To me, personally, that pearl business, was just a little entertaining diversion’ - (Uneasiness) ‘Yes, gentlemen, a diversion which earned you and me a nice profit. Besides, in the early stages of our enterprise those Newts had some kind of, let’s say, charm of novelty. Three hundred million Newts will no longer have that charm.’ (Laughter)
‘I said: new avenues. So long as my good friend Captain van Toch was alive there could be no question of giving our enterprise a character different from what I would call Captain van Toch’s style.’ (Why not?) ‘Because, sir, I have too much taste to mix different styles. Captain van Toch’s style was, let us say, the style of the adventure novel. It was the style of Jack London, of Joseph Conrad and others. The old, exotic, colonial, almost heroic style. I do not deny that in its way it fascinated me. But after Captain van Toch’s death we have no right to continue such adventurous or juvenile epics. What lies ahead of us, gentlemen, is not a new chapter but a whole new concept, a task for a new and substantially different imagination.’ (You talk as if this was a novel!) ‘Just so, sir; you’re right. Personally, I am interested in business as an artist. Without some artistic touch, sir, you’ll never come up with a new idea. We’ve got to be poets if we want to keep the world turning.’ (Applause)
G. H. Bondy bowed. ‘Gentlemen, it is with regret that I am closing this chapter, what I would call the van Tochian chapter. It enabled us to live out whatever there was young and adventurous in us. The time has now come to put an end to the fairy-tale of pearls and corals. Sindbad the sailor is dead, gentlemen. The question is: Where do we go from here?’ (That’s what we want to hear from you!) ‘Very well, gentlemen. Pick up your pencils and write. Six million. Got that? Now multiply by fifty. That makes 300 million, correct? Now multiply by fifty again. That makes 15 billion, correct? And now, gentlemen, would you kindly tell me what we are to do with 15 billion Newts in three years from now. How do we employ them, how do we feed them, and so on?’ (Why not just let them die?) ‘Yes, gentlemen, but wouldn’t that be rather wasteful? Just think that every Newt represents some economic value, a workforce value waiting for exploitation? Gentlemen, with 6 million Newts we can just about manage. With 300 million things will be more difficult. But 15 billion Newts, gentlemen, is simply beyond us. The Newts will eat up the Company. That’s how matters stand.’ (That’ll be your responsibility! You started the whole business with the Newts!)
G. H. Bondy straightened up. ‘I fully accept that responsibility, gentlemen. Anyone so inclined can immediately divest himself of the Pacific Export Company’s shares. I am willing to buy up every single share …’ (At how much?) ‘At par value, sir.’ (Commotion. The chairman grants a ten minute adjournment.)
After the adjournment H. Brinkelaer requests the floor. He voiced his satisfaction over the way the Newts were rapidly multiplying, which meant that the Company’s assests were growing. But of course it would be sheer madness to cultivate them without purpose; if they themselves had no appropriate employment for them, then he proposed, on behalf of a group of shareholders, that the Newts should simply be sold as labour to whoever planned to conduct any operations in or under water. (Applause) Feeding the Newts cost a few cents a day; if a pair of Newts, therefore, were sold for, say, 100 francs and even if a working Newt survived for just one year, this would be an investment that must easily pay for itself with any contractor. (Expressions of agreement.)
J. Gilbert observed that Newts attained an age considerably in excess of one year, even though experience so far was insufficient to establish their actual lifespan.
H. Brinkelaer amended his proposal to the effect that the price of a pair of Newts should be set at 300 francs f.o.b.
S. Weissberger inquired what kind of work the Newts could in fact perform.
Manager Volavka: ‘By natural instinct and with their exceptional technical adaptability the Newts are especially suited to the construction of dams, dykes and breakwaters, the deepening of harbours and waterways, the removal of sandbars and mud deposits, and for keeping shipping lanes clear. They can secure and regulate marine coastlines, extend continents, and so on. All these were instances of vast-scale works, requiring hundreds and thousands of labour units; moreover, these were projects of such magnitude that even modern engineering technology would never venture to embark on them unless an exceedingly cheap workforce were available.’ (Hear, hear! Bravo!)
Dr Hubka objected that by selling off the Newts, which might then multiply in new locations, the Company would be losing its monopoly in them. He proposed that working parties of properly trained and qualified Newts should instead merely be hired out to hydraulic engineering contractors, on condition that any future progeny should continue to be the property of the Company.
Manager Volavka pointed out that it was impossible to guard millions or possibly billions of Newts in the water, let alone their progeny; unfortunately a lot of Newts had already been stolen for zoos and menageries.
Col D. W. Bright: ‘Only male Newts should be sold, or else hired out, to prevent propagation outside the incubators and farms owned by the Company.’
Manager Volavka: ‘We cannot claim that the Newt farms are the property of the Company. You cannot own or rent any part of the sea-bed. In point of law the question of who actually owns the Newts living in the territorial waters of, for the sake of argument, Her Majesty the Queen of the Netherlands, is exceedingly uncertain and could lead to a lot of litigation.’ (Uneasiness) ‘In most instances we do not even hold a title to fishing rights. We have, in fact, set up our Newt farms in the Pacific islands without legal title.’ (Growing uneasiness)
Replying to Col Bright, J. Gilbert pointed out that, on past experience, isolated male Newts after a while lost their agility and value as labour units; they became lazy, apathetic and often pined away.
Von Fritsch inquired if it would not be possible to castrate or sterilise the marketable Newts.
J. Gilbert: ‘That would come too expensive; there is simply no way of preventing the sold Newts from procreation.’
S. Weissberger, speaking as a member of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals urged that any future sale of Newts should be executed in a humane manner and in a way that would not offend human feelings.
J. Gilbert thanked him for the suggestion; it was understood that the catch and transportation of Newts would be entrusted to trained personnel only and operated under proper supervision. One could not, of course, guarantee the manner in which contractors buying the Newts would treat them.
S. Weissberger declared that he was satisfied with Vice-Chairman J. Gilbert’s assurances. (Applause)
G. H. Bondy: ‘Gentlemen, let us forgo the idea straight away that we could possibly maintain our monopoly in Newts in the future. Unfortunately, under existing regulations, we can’t take out a patent on them.’ (Laughter) ‘We can and must maintain our privileged position with regard to the Newts in another way; an indispensable condition, of course, will be that we tackle our business in a different style and on a far greater scale than hitherto.’ (Hear, hear!) ‘Here, gentlemen, we have a whole batch of provisional agreements. The Board of Directors proposes that a new vertical trust be set up under the name of The Salamander Syndicate. The members of this Syndicate would be, apart from our Company, a number of major enterprises and financially powerful groups: for example, a certain concern which would manufacture special patented metal instruments for the Newts - ‘(Are you referring to MEAS?) ‘Yes, sir, I am referring to MEAS. Further, a chemical and foodstuffs cartel which would produce cheap patented feedingstuff for the Newts; a group of transportation companies which - making use of experience gained so far - would take out patents on special hygienic tanks for the transport of Newts; a block of insurance firms which would undertake the insurance of the animals purchased against injury or death during transportation and at their places of work; further various other interested parties in the fields of industry, export and finance which, for weighty reasons, we will not name at this stage. Perhaps it would be sufficient for you to know that this Syndicate would initially have at its disposal four hundred million pounds sterling.’ (Excitement) ‘This bundle here, my friends, are all contracts which are merely awaiting signature for one of the largest economic organisations of our century to come into being. The Board of Directors requests you, gentlemen, to authorise it to establish this giant concern, whose task will be the cost-effective cultivation and exploitation of the Newts.’ (Applause and shouts of dissent)
‘Gentlemen, I would ask you to reflect on the advantages of such co-operation. The Salamander Syndicate will supply not only Newts but also all the tools and food needed by the Newts, that is maize, starch products, suet and sugar for the feeding of billions of animals; further the transport, insurance, veterinary services, and so on - all this at the lowest cost which would ensure if not a monopoly then at least an overwhelming superiority over any future competitor who might try to market Newts. Just let them try, gentlemen; they won’t compete with us for long.’ (Bravo!) ‘And that’s not all. The Salamander Syndicate will supply all the building materials for the hydro-engineering work to be done by the Newts. That’s why heavy industry is backing us, cement, building timber, stone - ‘(You don’t know yet how well the Newts are going to work!) ‘Gentlemen, at this very moment twelve thousand Newts are working in Saigon harbour on new docks, basins and jetties.’ (You never told us that!) ‘No. It is the first large-scale experiment. This experiment, gentlemen, has been most gratifyingly successful. The future of the Newts is now beyond any doubt.’ (Enthusiastic applause)
‘And that’s not all, gentlemen. This does not by any means exhaust the tasks of the Salamander Syndicate. The Syndicate will be looking for work for millions of Newts throughout the world. It will supply plans and ideas for control of the seas. It will promote Utopias and gigantic dreams. It will supply projects for new coasts and canals, for causeways linking the continents, for whole chains of artificial islands for transoceanic flights, for new continents to be built in the oceans. That is where mankind’s future lies. Gentlemen, four-fifths of the earth’s surface is covered by seas; that is unquestionably too much; the world’s surface, the map of oceans and dry land, must be corrected. We shall give the world the workforce of the sea, gentlemen. This will no longer be the style of Captain van Toch; we shall replace the adventure story of pearls by the hymnic paean of labour. We can either be shopkeepers or we can be creators; but unless we think in terms of continents and oceans we shall fall short of our potential. Somebody here mentioned the price of a pair of Newts. I would like you to think in terms of entire billions of Newts, of millions and millions of labour units, of transformation of the earth’s crust, of a new Genesis and new geological epochs. We can speak today of a new Atlantis, of ancient continents which will stretch out further and further into the world’s oceans, of New Worlds which mankind will build for itself. Forgive me, gentlemen, if this strikes you as Utopian. Yes indeed, we are entering upon Utopia. We are right in it, my friends. We only have to work out the future of the Newts in technical terms - ‘(And in economic terms!)
‘Quite so. Especially in economic terms. Gentlemen, our Company is not big enough to exploit billions of Newts on its own; we are not capable of it financially - nor politically. Once the map of oceans and continents begins to change, gentlemen, the great powers will be interested in the business. But we will not discuss that; we will not mention the high quarters which are already adopting a very positive attitude to the Syndicate. I beg you, gentlemen, not to lose sight of the immense scope of the business that you will be voting on.’ (Enthusiastic prolonged applause. Excellent! Bravo!)
It nevertheless proved necessary, before the vote was taken on the Salamander Syndicate, to promise that a dividend of at least 10 per cent would be paid out that year on the shares of the Pacific Export Company, drawn on the reserves. After that, the holders of 87 per cent of the shares voted in favour and a mere 13 against. The proposal of the Board of Directors was in consequence adopted. The Salamander Syndicate came into being. G. H. Bondy was congratulated.
‘You put that very nicely, Mr Bondy,’ old Sigi Weissberger complimented him. ‘Very nicely indeed. But tell me, Mr Bondy, how did you hit on the idea?’
‘How?’ G. H. Bondy asked absent-mindedly. ‘To tell you the truth, Mr Weissberger, it was because of old van Toch. He had such faith in his Newts - Poor fellow, what would he have said if we’d simply let those tapa-boys of his die or be done in?’
‘What tapa-boys?’
‘Why, those bloody Newts. Now at least they’ll be decently treated - now that they have some value. Besides, Mr Weissberger, those brutes aren’t fit for anything other than some Utopia.’
‘I don’t understand,’ said Mr Weissberger. ‘But have you ever seen a Newt, Mr Bondy? I don’t actually know what a Newt is. Tell me, what do they look like?’
‘I haven’t a clue, Mr Weissberger. Why should I know what a Newt is? Have I got time to worry what it looks like? I should be glad we’ve got that Salamander Syndicate sewn up.’