––––––––
After Ariel and Jasmine left, Stephanie, Mel, and Ursula sat on my bed and divulged all the latest gossip. It was mostly fluff and meanness. Nothing like the conversations that Ariel, Jasmine, and I had, but there were some useful parts. Like how Kenny had moved on from marijuana to cocaine and mollies, and the entire school was getting on board. After that, Mel disappeared in to the bathroom, only to reappear five minutes later, sniffing and shaking. I had a sneaking suspicion that she wasn’t peeing in there.
She sat on the floor next to me, letting out a heavy sigh.
“I wish I was dating a supplier. You’re so lucky. You’ll never have to pay for anything.”
My breath caught in my chest. My heart sped up.
Supplier? Did she mean Jake?
I wanted to ask more questions. To grill her for all she knew. But Stephanie started talking about my change in clothing choice and all the best ways to wear my hair, steering us back in to safer waters. The moment had passed.
After that, they got up and left, leaving behind promises of forever friendship and more questions than I had answers to. Questions that circled and spun in my mind until nearly nine o’clock when Dad called me in to the kitchen for dinner.
He’d insisted on grilling up two steaks. Steaks normally meant good news. That made me happy. I needed some good news today.
My mind turned to quick sand, sinking in to a hole of theories and conjectures as I sat down at the table, a steaming hunk of sirloin with a side of mashed potatoes and corn in front of me. Dad had whipped it all up in thirty minutes. Yes, the kitchen was a mess, but he didn’t complain and swear like he normally did. In fact, he seemed like he was in a pretty good mood.
I sniffed the air, catching a whiff of steak, butter, and ... cologne?
For the first time since I sat down, I took a good, hard look at my father. His face was shaved, he wore a clean, black button up shirt, and a red tie. He’d even gelled his hair. He looked like he was going out again. Where was he going so late at night?
“So,” I said, cutting in to my beef. “Steak?”
“Yup.” He popped a piece of steak in to his mouth with a grin. “Steak. There will be lots and lots of steak around here from now on.”
“Did you win the lottery or something?”
“I wish. Today, I was made manager!”
I gasped and sputtered, nearly choking on my steak.
“Manager? It’s only been two days.”
“The other guy quit, and, with my experience, Mr. Carson made me the new stable manager. I guess the lack of choices worked out in my favor this time.” He lifted his knife up in victory. It was silly, but I did the same.
“The best part is that I’ll be making more than what I made at the mechanics shop. Things are looking up. Thank God.”
I closed my eyes and said my own prayer of thanks. More money meant a happier daddy. Maybe if he had some more joy in his life, he would start to relax a little.
We ate our steaks with gusto—I even slipped Mojo a small bite—and after dinner, I baked a batch of cookies and we sat down to watch a documentary of lions in the wild.
As I cuddled next to my dad, smelling of steak and cookies, I felt safe. Grounded. Loved. We’d gotten through this trying time together with our unbreakable bond intact.
I sighed and, for a moment, wished that I could tell my father everything. I wanted to spill my guts about Jake and our stupid arrangement. I wanted to tell him about Cole and how he made me feel happy and sad all at once. But it wasn’t possible. He was already freaking out about the cop showing up here. Plus, I was still wearing Jake’s clothes. It was only a matter of time before Daddy brought that up again.
My mind went back to Jake, his drugs, and, surprisingly, Mel. If there was someone who was going to tell me everything, it was Mel. But how could I get her to talk to me? We spoke in Student Guidance Counseling, or at least we did until Jake made it mandatory that I hang out with him and his friends by his car instead. I wondered how long it would be until Mr. Mann discovered that the student guidance counselor program was missing its only counselor.
“Well, pumpkin, I have some plans tonight.”
Daddy kissed me on the head, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Plans?”
He stood, grabbing his jacket from one of the dining room chairs.
“Yes. I’m going out with a few friends.”
I frowned. “A few friends, or one friend?”
“Sweetie.” He walked back over to me. “I’ll be back soon.”
The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“You’re not dating anyone, are you, Daddy?” As soon as the words left my mouth, my stomach soured. My mother had been dead for six years, but she was still my mother, and Daddy’s wife. He couldn’t date anyone else. He still fell apart when I mentioned her name. We weren’t done grieving her yet.
He frowned down at me. “Honey, I am just going out with some friends. I’m allowed to do that.” His gaze turned hard. Parental. “I’m still the adult around here, aren’t I?”
His defensiveness said it all. There weren’t a few friends. There was one friend. A woman friend.
“Do your friends know that you were married?”
“Yes; they do.”
“Do they know that you have a daughter?”
“Yes; they do.”
“Do they know that your daughter doesn’t approve of you dating anyone?”
One eyebrow rose. “Doesn’t she?”
“No,” I replied. And I meant it. It was too soon for Daddy to date. Mom’s memory was too fresh. Her life still a whisper in our ears.
He nodded. “Well, when and if I start dating, I will be sure that we sit down and have a long talk about it. After all, I want you to be comfortable with whomever I bring home.”
“But not anytime soon?” I pushed.
He nodded. “We’ll talk about it.”
“Who is she?” I blurted out. “I want to know who she is!” My voice was raising to hysterical levels. I’d never thought that Daddy would date again. Ever. But, now that it was a possibility, it turned my stomach. He couldn’t just replace Mom like this. Like she never existed.
“Honey, you’re tired.” He went to kiss my forehead, and I jerked away. I didn’t want his kisses. I wanted his truths. I wanted to know who he had chosen to replace my mother. “Get some rest. When the time comes, we’ll talk about it.”
“Daddy!”
“Get some rest, honey. I’ll be back soon.”
Exactly three seconds later, the door shut behind him. He was gone. Off to see some woman who would smile at him and dance with him and cast her spell over him the way my mother used to. I was so angry that I couldn’t sit still.
He couldn’t go out with anyone. I wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ready for it.
It was time for me to make sure that he knew it.