––––––––
I walked in to my bedroom, and slammed the door closed. The mirror vibrated in protest, and I slapped my hand against it, halting its shivering. I studied myself. Every freckle. Every curl.
Cole had been on my frenzied mind since fifth period. His face, his words, his warmth.
Did he think I was attractive? Did he think I was more attractive than Stephanie Pleasant?
I knew that I shouldn’t care. That my confidence should be within myself and not based on what a boy thought of me. But I did care what Cole thought of me. I cared if he thought I was prettier than Stephanie Pleasant.
Why would he hook up with that skanky girl? Where was she when I held his hand after he told me about his mother? Where was she when he defended me against Jake’s attack? When did this happen? How long had they been together?
I sat on the couch, arms crossed over my chest, foot shaking, knee bouncing. Nervous energy pulsed through my body.
By the time Cole knocked on the door, I was already thinking of where I would hide his body.
I stomped across the floor and snatched open the door.
“Hey.” Cole’s smiling face dropped into a frown. “You okay?”
“Why were you smiling?” I demanded.
He put his hands up in a defensive pose.
“Um, because I was told to leave my piss poor attitude at the door. Remember?”
“Who told you that?”
“You did. What is this, an interrogation?”
He slipped past me, and walked over to the couch.
I followed behind him, my anger blazing.
“Where were you?” I asked, leaning on one hip.
“Robbing old people with a potato gun.” He flopped down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. He was comfortable. Too comfortable. It grated on my already taunt nerves.
“This isn’t a joke, Cole.”
“Oh really? Because I find your little attitude quite funny.” One dark eyebrow raised high. It would have been cute if I wasn’t so angry. “Did anyone tell you how amazing you look when you’re mad? All flushed skin and flaring nostrils and quivering cheeks.”
“That’s not funny!” I cried.
My anger seemed to be feeding his humor, and he wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Who says that I’m being funny?”
“Not me. Though I know one girl who might.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Who’s that, pray tell?”
“Stephanie Pleasant.”
His smile faded a bit, and his head tilted to the side as he examined me.
“Why would you mention her?”
“Your brother told me that you two were hanging out. What are you? A thing?”
“What do you care?”
I shrugged, trying to sound like I didn’t care. I definitely did.
“I don’t care.” Another lie. “I just wanted to tell you to shower after you see her. I don’t want any of her crabs crawling on my couch.”
His hand went over his heart.
“Ouch.”
“I’m serious.”
“French, come on. Stephanie is a nice girl, and she only had good things to say about you.”
“I’m sure. What do you see in that girl, anyway? Or is it what you don’t see in her?”
He stood and walked to where I stood, shaking with anger. I could tell that his patience with me was running thin by the way the smile faded from his lips. The tease in his eyes was gone, leaving behind only frowning brows and a turned down mouth.
“What is it, French?” he asked, his eyes hooking in to mine. His jaw tightened, and his eyes turned sharp. “What is the real problem?”
My heart beat so fast that I felt like I was having a heart attack. I took a step back, then turned to the kitchen, avoiding his eyes for fear that he would see my secret. The secret that I wasn’t ready to admit, even to myself.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” I said. “Stephanie isn’t right for you.”
“Oh yeah? Then, tell me who is.”
I opened my mouth and shut it again. That was a dangerous question.
“French, what is going on in that mind of yours? I can practically see the thought bubbles over your head. They’re filled with spelling errors and grammatical faux paus.”
“I’m really not in the mood, Cole.”
“Fine. Then we’ll get it all out. You don’t want me with Stephanie. Why? Who would you rather me be with?”
My brain refused to think it. My mouth refused to say it. It was forbidden. Not allowed. There was no way that it would work.
“French.”
I could feel his heat getting closer. Drawing me to him like a moth to a flame. My body trembled and my hand went over my heart.
I couldn’t say it. Couldn’t even imagine it.
“Please.”
Gathering the last of my strength, I pulled myself together and whirled around.
“Maybe you should leave, Cole. Go back to Stephanie. I hope that you two live happily ever after.”
Before I could take another breath, he descended upon me. Two large hands cradled my face, his mouth so close. So inviting. He breathed out. I breathed him in. Then, I stopped breathing all together, as if my lungs wanted to hold a piece of him within me forever.
It took all that I had not to close the last inch that laid between us. That wretched inch.
I couldn’t. It was impossible.
“You’re not breathing,” he whispered. “Do you know what that means?”
I shook my head, trying not to give in to the dizziness that overwhelmed me from the lack of oxygen.
His chin tipped forward, his lips barely brushing mine.
My feet danced beneath me. They wanted to lift my body just the tiniest of inches, but I wouldn’t allow it. I couldn’t allow it.
“It means that you’re with Jake.”
He took a step back, releasing his hold on me.
I have never wanted to throw myself in to someone’s arms before. The feeling was powerful. Hypnotizing. I let out a breath and choked one back in.
“You’re with Jake,” he repeated, taking another step back. “And I’m with Stephanie. That’s what it means.”
“Unless.” The tiny word slipped out, unchecked. Cole’s eyes widened, and he took a step forward.
“Unless what?” His tone turned frantic.
My bottom lip trembled. My chin trembled. I was shaking all over.
This moment felt so big. So overwhelming. If I said the wrong words, I could ruin not only my life, but Ariel and Eric’s as well.
“Unless what?”
Cole stepped in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. His touch was so gentle. So warm. It made me want to loosen my tongue. To reveal my greatest secret to him.
“Tell me.” His voice was soft. Pleading.
A single tear dripped down my cheek.
I stepped out of his hold and away from him.
“Rolling Stones,” I said. “The answer to yesterday’s question. The Rolling Stones.”
He looked confused, and angry as I stepped around him and backed toward my room.
“Goodbye, Cole.”
I hadn’t yet closed the door when my hands flew over my face to keep in the sobs that rocked me to my core.
A moment later, the front door closed and Cole was gone.