––––––––
Three hours later, I sat in the back of my father’s sedan as he drove me home.
I wished that he would yell at me. That he’d tell me what a terrible daughter I was. That he would ground me for life. Instead, there was only crushing silence.
It was the worst punishment of all.
By the time we arrived at our apartment, I was so on edge that it felt like my chest was going to explode. Between the tension, the headache, and the nausea, I was sure that I was going to die soon. I hoped that it happened before my father grounded me forever.
Dad walked in, threw his keys on the counter, and massaged his temples.
“Daddy, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
He walked over to the couch and sat down, his fingers still on his temple.
I took off my shoes and sat next to him.
“Daddy, I-”
“Who are you?” he asked.
I frowned.
“Who are you?” he repeated.
I wasn’t sure that I understood the question, so I said the simplest thing that I could think of.
“I’m Bella. Your daughter.”
“No.” Daddy sat back, and waved his hand in front of his face. “No. You can’t be, because I told my daughter that she couldn’t go to this party. And yet, here I am, picking up this girl who dresses different than my daughter, who has these different rich friends, who sneaks out of the house to get drunk, gets in to a bar brawl, who lies, and nearly gets arrested. If that jerk kid—Jake, is it—if his father didn’t call in a favor, I would have had to bail you out of jail. So, no, you are not my daughter, because my daughter wouldn’t do such things.”
I’d never seen Daddy so angry. Then again, I’d never done anything like this before.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“Don’t Daddy me. Go to your room and get some sleep. Starting on Monday, you will be volunteering at the horse stables after school so that I can keep an eye on you.”
“What?”
“That’s right. Apparently, you like to sneak off. Let’s see if we can redirect that energy somewhere else.”
“But that’s not fair!”
“Let’s not talk about fair, Bella! Not when you still reek of beer. Now go to your room, and try to stay there this time!”
I stood and walked barefoot to my room. I felt terrible. Worse than terrible. I had lied to my father, and almost gotten arrested. Who was I? When had I become this person?
I showered and brushed away the taste of alcohol from my mouth. I still felt kind of dizzy, but, apparently, three hours in a holding cell was great for sobering me up.
I changed into my pajamas, climbed in bed, and pulled the blanket up to my chin.
Before I fell asleep, I wished that time would turn back. That I could be what I was before I knew what Jake was doing. Before I knew who Cole really was. Before I had lied to everyone that I had ever cared about.
I wished that I was invisible.