––––––––
“It’s such a tragedy.”
Ms. Mitchell stood in front of my English class, hands folded in front of her, expression somber. It seemed as if the loss of Mel’s presence placed a gray cloud over my entire school. Even Ariel and Jasmine’s enthusiasm had dampened. “If anyone would like to talk about what happened, we have an excellent guidance program that includes our own Bella French, Student Guidance Counselor.” All eyes turned to me, and I placed a weak smile on my face.
“I encourage all of you to take a moment and talk to someone that you trust about the devastating effects that drugs are having on our student body.”
My eyes rolled to Jake. A normal person would have cowered, or shown some form of regret. Not Jake. His back was strong, his hands folded in front of him as if he was a model student. As if the drugs didn’t come from his car.
How could he be so unaffected by all of this? He may not have thought of Mel as a friend, but she was a human being who he’d hurt. How could he not feel anything when the crushing weight of my inaction weighed on me?
I looked forward. I had to. If I looked at Jake for one more second, I’d scream, then our secret would be out.
That couldn’t happen.
The weight on me increased later on, while I sat in Student Guidance Counseling. The line stretched in to the hallway with students, all clamoring for fifteen minutes to talk about how much they missed Mel. Or, so they claimed.
Little by little, I came to understand that these kids weren’t coming in to mourn Mel’s overdose. They were coming in to either be seen or to get information.
“Have you seen her? Is she okay?”
“What did she overdose on?”
“Who sold her the drugs?’
“What was she wearing when they found her?”
I grew sicker and sicker the more they spoke. These kids didn’t care about Mel at all. They were leeches who just wanted something to gossip about later.
When the bell rang, I sprinted out of the room, past the line of bodies still waiting to speak to a guidance counselor. In the last forty-five minutes, I’d realized a very important truth.
Popularity didn’t make people love you. It made people jealous of you. It made you a target. Mel was right. She had a bullseye on her back, and when she fell, the vultures came to pick at her remains.
Popularity was a lie.
The chorus of Black Balloon by the Goo Goo Dolls, one of my favorite 90s bands, played in my head as I walked to my next period. I closed my eyes and said a little prayer for Mel, though I knew that she never would have done the same for me.
I slid in to my chair, waiting for Cole to teach me all the French he knew.
I felt him before I saw him slide in to the seat across from me.
“You’re chipper. Is Mr. Cogg getting deported?”
I rolled my eyes, pulled a piece of paper from my book bag, and slapped it on the table.
“No, though that would be nice. Read it and weep.”
Cole picked up my French quiz and whistled.
“A one hundred. Nice.”
“My first hundred in French ever.”
“What can I say? I’m an excellent teacher.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“You may have helped ... a little.” I smiled. “So, what are we going to go over today?”
Cole gazed at me, making my face hot. Being with Cole made me feel so light. Like my heart had sprouted wings. It was refreshing to be with guy who actually listened when I spoke, and who was interested in what I had to say. It made me feel cared about and secure.
His eyes dropped to the earbuds sitting on the table.
“Another quiz?” I asked.
“No. Today, we are going to improve our French pronunciation by listening to some French music.”
“What? Here in the library?”
“Sure. Why not?”
He stood, grabbed his bookbag and the headphones off the table, and headed back to the digital library. It was a small, dark room in the back with big touchscreen TVs. Most people used it to download books from class.
Today, the TVs were dimmed and the room empty.
“Me and Mrs. Smalls had a little talk. She agreed to give us the room as long as we were quiet and promised not to make out. I told her I could only speak for myself.”
I hit him with the back of my hand and smiled.
A vision of Cole kissing me sent the butterflies in my stomach into a panic. I was glad that the room was dark. I was sure that my face was red by now.
Cole led me to the back of the room, where he’d laid down a blanket.
“Where did you get the blanket?” I asked. It was blue and white checkerboard and looked threadbare.
“From the emergency kit in the storage room. I promised the custodian that I would return it later.”
“Is there anyone you didn’t make a promise to today?” I asked.
“Besides you?”
I stuck out my tongue at him.
We laid down on the itchy blanket, his phone between us.
“Just one pair of headphones?” I asked.
“Don’t be so hoity-toity. It will be more than enough.”
“Did you just call me hoity-toity? What is this, 1932?”
“Shut up and put in the headphones.”
I complied, and put one earbud in to my right ear, while he put one in to his left.
“Any particular song?” I asked.
“That’s part of your homework. You will give me the name of the songs you hear as well as a translation of the chorus. What’s the rule?”
I rolled my eyes in the darkness, though he couldn’t see me.
“No Googling.”
“That’s right.”
He pressed play, and for forty-five minutes, the most beautiful music floated through my ears. I didn’t understand all the words, but I did recognize a few things. Talk of love, hope, and happiness. A tear ran down my cheek at the beauty of it all.
I thanked god again for the dark.
I closed my eyes, and let the music overtake me. Somewhere along the way, Cole’s hand entwined with mine. I gave it a squeeze. He squeezed it back.
And, somewhere, deep within my heart, I fell for him a little more.
The warmth in my heart from French tutoring carried me right through to my English project. Cole knocked on the door and stood there, waiting for me to take Mojo’s leash and walk him.
I had already walked Mojo, but there was something about walking with Cole that felt so nice. So natural. I gave Mojo a treat, and we started on our way.
I was proud of Mojo’s accomplishments. He had stopped pooping in the house, and only occasionally did he pee on one of the pee pads. He walked on his own, and had stopped scowling at me. I’d say that I was becoming a pretty good dog mother.
“So,” Cole said, walking next to me at a relaxed pace. “I happened to come across two tickets to a certain Broadway play, and I was wondering if you might be free in two weeks.”
A Broadway play? I’d cut my arm off to see a Broadway play.
I didn’t hide my enthusiasm for his offer.
“I’d love to see a play. Which one is it?”
He shrugged. “A good one. But, I only have two tickets. Do you think your boyfriend will have an issue with us going out together alone?”
“I don’t know. Technically, you are kind of my brother-in-law, so I think it’s okay.”
He put up his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! No one is getting married. Especially not to Jake.”
“Would you have a problem with that?”
“Yes. A huge one. My brother is a pig. If you even thought about marrying him, I’d have to kidnap you and lock you away in a cottage somewhere. For your own good, of course.”
I scoffed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Ugh. You can’t marry Jake.”
I laughed out loud. “No one is marrying anybody. Now let’s do a music quiz before you barf.”
He shook his head. “We should change it up a bit. How are you with movies?”
I shrugged.
“I can hold my own.” It was a massive understatement. I loved movies almost as much as I loved music.
“Favorite movie?” he asked.
“The Princess Bride.”
He looked at me for a long time. That Cole gaze that warmed my cheeks and made my heart pound.
“What?”
He smiled, and shook his head.
“Nothing.”
“Are you making fun of my movie choices?”
“No. Never.”
“Fine. What’s your favorite movie?”
“How about you guess?”
“Fine.”
He cleared his throat, and took a deep breath. His legs spread apart, and he put his hand up in front of him, like he was about to stab someone with a sword.
“‘My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!’”
My eyes went wide.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No way!”
“I have the shirt to prove it. I believe that you do, too.”
My heart exploded with a joy that I knew I couldn’t keep. I turned toward Cole, ignoring Mojo as he pulled me forward.
“Why?” I asked.
“What?”
“Why tell me all of the things we have in common now? Why didn’t you tell me years ago?”
He shrugged.
“You hated me then.”
“I didn’t hate you.”
“Didn’t you?” He raised an eyebrow, and I started walking again.
“I may have, but that was because you teased me all the time.”
“Just banter. You took it too seriously.”
“You could have stopped.”
“And miss speaking to you every day?” He stopped walking and turned to me. Every time Cole looked at me, my whole body seemed to come alive. As if he plugged himself directly in to my soul, electrifying me from the inside out.
Captivated, I stood and allowed him to run his thumb down my cheek. I felt it all the way down in to my toes. My entire body blushed, and he grinned at me, dropping his hand.
“You’re an odd duck, French. A real odd duck.”
I gave him my best fake glare.
“Shut up, Cole.”
I took another step, but my dog sat tight. He’d apparently found a new place to poop. A patch of dirt with a wooden tub full of flowers. Even the sharp smell of the small pine bushes couldn’t hide the gross scent that emitted from Mojo’s butt.
I handed Cole the blue bag that I carried for just such an occasion.
“You’re on poop duty,” I said.
He wrinkled his nose.
“Why me? It’s your dog.”
Mojo emerged from his bathroom, ready to head home again.
“I don’t have hands, remember. I’m a duck.” I smiled, did a quack quack, and walked back toward the apartment. Cole followed closely behind, a new, warm package in his hands.
“Are you serious?” Jasmine hissed.
I threw a pair of heels in to my bag. They would make too much noise when I snuck out.
I convinced Jake to pick me up at eleven instead of nine. Daddy is always in bed by ten, so that gave me plenty of time to get dressed.
I had to go to this party. Up until this point, I’d only seen Jake and Kenny talk to each other, but there was no evidence that Jake was actually the one supplying the drugs. The only lead I had in that regard was Stephanie’s comment about Jake being a supplier, but at this point, that was just hearsay. I’d seen Kenny actually handing drugs to people and getting money in return, but Kenny was the small fish. I had bigger fish to fry.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell Jasmine all the sordid details of my secret spy mission, so I just asked her to sleep over and cover for me while I was at the party. Needless to say, she was less than enthused.
“Bella, this is insane. I don’t feel comfortable doing this.”
I combed on more mascara, my heart pounding with nerves.
There was a second, more selfish reason that I wanted to go to this party. Once Jake was caught, my short time in popular-ville would be over. I felt like I hadn’t experienced as much as I should have. The kids at school knew my name now, I was invited to parties, and they said hello to me in the hallway. But there had to be something else. I was happy with the attention, but it still felt hollow. Empty. There had to be more to it than just greetings, lies, and pretty clothes. Some spark, some flash of light that satisfies their hunger for life. There had to be something more than waves and social media friend requests. I hoped that I would discover what that something was tonight.
“Bella, are you listening to me?” Jasmine’s dark, unapproving eyes followed me around the room, her arms crossed over her chest. “This is crazy. You are lying to your father. That’s not the Bella that I know. Jake has changed you into something that you’re not. Into one of them!”
“Would you keep your voice down before my dad hears you,” I hissed, dabbing at my lip gloss. Yes, what I was doing was wrong, but Jasmine was being a little melodramatic about it. I wondered if she was jealous that she wasn’t going to the party, too. The thought shocked me. I had never thought about my best friend that way. Maybe Jasmine was right. Maybe I had changed.
“I hope he does hear me. I hope that he comes in here and talks some sense in to you.”
I went to sit next to her on the bed and slid on a smile. The same charming smile that Jake used when he wanted me to do something. I watched my friend’s face soften, and a little piece of my heart froze and broke off.
“Jasmine, please. I am asking you as a friend.”
“I just don’t understand why you are doing this. It’s not because you like Jake, because I can tell that you don’t. I see the way you two look at each other. There is nothing there. So why?”
I stood and pretended to fix my dress, avoiding the eyes that saw my truth clearer than I ever did.
“He’s my boyfriend,” I said. “I’m trying to make him happy.”
“You’re lying.”
I sighed.
“Look. The why is not important.”
“It’s important to me.”
I threw my head back. My shoulders sagged with the heavy secrets that they carried. Ariel. Drugs. Popularity. Mel. Jake. Cole. I wanted to tell Jasmine everything. Every sordid detail. But I couldn’t risk the secrets getting out. And, more importantly, once Jasmine found out what I did, there was a huge possibility that she would never talk to me again. It was selfish of me, but I wanted to hold on to our friendship for as long as I could before everything was exposed and my life turned to crap.
So, I stood, grabbed my purse, and opened my room door.
“I’ll be back before sunrise.”
Somehow, I knew that she wouldn’t be here when I got back.
I had to risk that, too.