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Two knocks echoed through my room, followed by Ariel’s face peeking through the door.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
I shrugged, curling my knees up to my chest.
She nodded, stepped in to the room, and quietly shut the door behind her.
“You’re not okay,” she said.
I shook my head. “No. I’m not.”
“What did Cole say to you in the hallway?”
I shook my head and squeezed my lips together. It wasn’t what he said to me, it was what I said to him that haunted me. The lies that spilled from my mouth. Lies that I told with such ease now.
Ariel sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulder.
“Bella, you’re so secretive lately. Maybe if you opened up about what’s going on in your life, you’d feel better.”
I snorted at the irony of it all.
Opening up would ruin Ariel’s entire existence, and here she was asking me to do it.
That time would come, but I didn’t want it to come any time soon. It would mean the end of our friendship, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. Honestly, I didn’t know if I would ever be ready.
“Is it about Jake? Did he do something to you? Is he hurting you?”
In more ways than one, I wanted to say. But I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut, because it was what I had to do.
“So you’re going to sit there and not say anything?”
I could hear the anger rising in her voice.
“We are best friends. We tell each other everything, and now I’m not good enough for you to talk to anymore?”
“That’s not it.”
“Did you tell Stephanie what’s going on?”
“What? No?”
“Mel? Ursula? Dana?”
“Why would you even say that?”
“Because you seem to be cozy with them lately. Meanwhile, Jasmine and I barely ever see you. I’m here, trying to repair our friendship before it all falls to crap, and you can’t even tell me what’s going on? You can’t even look me in the eye.”
A tear dripped down my cheek. If I spoke, it would ruin everything. I knew it would.
“Bella, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be in a one-sided friendship. You have to decide right now. Tell me what’s going on, or I am gone.”
Another tear dripped in to my lap.
“You’re gone anyway,” I whispered.
Ariel’s eyes went wide, as if I just slapped her. She let out a breath and stood.
It was hard walking away from Cole.
It was even harder to watch Ariel, my best friend, my partner in crime, my heart, walk out of the door and not look back at me. I felt her begin to hate me, and I knew that I deserved it. I deserved every ounce of hatred she had because I had lied to her, and I’d made Eric lie to her, too. I had made her fall in love with a lie, and, when what it did come to light, I was going to lose her forever.
Or, maybe I had already lost her forever.
My tears began fresh, and I mourned for Ariel and Jasmine as if they’d died. As if I’d never see them again. I mourned for all the jokes we’d never again laugh at. Late night movies that we’d never watch. Gossip we’d never share. I’d never again look at Ariel in science class and make a funny face. We’d never be able to talk without saying a word again. Those times were over.
And I was alone.
Truly, hopelessly, terribly alone.
I’d done that to myself with a lie.
Now there was only one thing to do. I dried my tears and put on a jacket.
I’d lost everyone in my life that I loved. Now, I’d make it count for something. If nothing else, I would see that my school was no longer overrun with Jake’s poison.
I had to call Detective Harding and tell him what I’d learned. But I needed to see someone first. I had to say that I was sorry.