––––––––
Jake and Stephanie sat at their separate lunchroom tables, presiding over their minions.
With Dana gone, Stephanie had taken over as the next in line, laughing and flipping her hair as if she was already a queen.
Jake, on the other hand, was sullen. Red faced. After Stephanie left, he told me that our deal still stood. I had to agree to be his permanent girlfriend, or else I would regret it. When I asked about Stephanie, he said to let him worry about her and left. So, I was back in the same place I was before. Too afraid to tell the truth. Sinking in to more lies.
Ariel and Eric were already firmly seated at the popular kids table. Funny. She had taken her newfound visibility like a fish to water. Popularity suited Ariel. She was beautiful and unique with a kind heart. The invisibles looked up to her, another princess risen from the darkness.
I watched her and Eric watching each other. He had a sort of sadness in his eyes. A glossiness. As if each glance would be his last. He touched her cheek with his fingers, saying goodbye without words. His guilt was just as great as mine. We’d both fallen in love with a girl, and then ruined it with lies and manipulations. Each moment was a step closer to her slipping away from us forever.
The thought sat like a stone in my heart.
If only we’d been stronger. If only we hadn’t been lured with Jake’s deceptions, and with our own greed, then none of this would have happened.
I looked around at the dozens of kids like me. The invisibles. The kids who looked up to the popular kids. Who envied us. Who wanted to be us. I couldn’t keep silent anymore. I had to do something. I had to tell someone how wrong my course was. Eric’s course. Mel’s course. I had to warn them against the same fate.
An inner strength that I didn’t know that I possessed took over me, and I stepped on to the lunch table amidst the gasp of the jocks that surrounded me. They could keep their gasps. I had something to say.
“Hi!” I shouted.
The lunch room quieted and turned. That was the thing about being popular. People were always waiting for some pearls of wisdom to drop from your mouth, as if you were better than them. As if you held the key to life.
If only they knew how stripped bare we were.
“My name is Bella French.”
A few cheers and whoops rose form the crowed.
“A week ago, most of you didn’t know that. To be honest, most of you didn’t know that I even existed until I became Jake Winsted’s girlfriend, and that’s okay, because being his girlfriend, and having all of you know that I’m alive, has made me realize something very important. Popularity is a lie.”
A collective gasp rose from the lunchroom. Still, I pressed on.
“It tells us that we have to measure our worth by tangible things. By the number of people who say hi to us in the hallway, by the amount of compliments we get from strangers, by how big our wardrobe is, and by how much money our parents make. And, that’s all crap. Party invites and friend requests don’t give lasting happiness, and the truth is that everyone at this table,” I gestured to the table that I stood on, “is empty and alone and shallow and missing out on every good thing that this world has to offer. Like friendship, and love. Simple things like that elude us because they make us a little less perfect and that is unacceptable. We have to be perfect. But, of course, being perfect is impossible, so we fake it. We become these over sexed, over dressed, photoshopped robots who try every day to live up to impossible standards that we create for ourselves. It sucks! We’re not to be envied. We’re to be pitied. Don’t be like us. Don’t sacrifice yourself to the popularity gods. The truth is, the popular kids are afraid of you. They’re afraid that, one day, everyone will wake up and see them for what they really are. Just like everyone else.”
My heat slowed. My words ran out.
I stepped off the table to absolute silence. The crowd parted for me as I walked out of the lunch room and down the hallway. I planned on hiding in the library for the rest of the period. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to remember the good times that I’d had. To remember my friends. To remember being in Cole’s arms. To remember what it was like to feel normal. I had made up my mind. Today was the day that I would tell Ariel everything.
I would finally tell the truth.
I hoped it would set me free.
My steps echoed in the empty hallway. Somewhere, in the distance, I heard applause.