True charity is the desire to be useful to others without thought of recompense.
~Emanuel Swedenborg
When I was a small child, my mother suffered a difficult pregnancy that required her to nap every afternoon. Lonely and bored one afternoon, I decided to straighten up the house while she slept. Carefully, I tiptoed around, emptying ashtrays into the trashcan (my father was a two-pack-a-day man) and wiping out ashy residue. Then I began collecting and rinsing dirty dishes, plumping sofa cushions just as I’d seen her do, straightening magazines and newspapers on the coffee table, returning stray playthings to the toy chest, and re-shelving books. When I was done, I settled on the couch and quietly read, waiting for Mother to wake up.
“Honey,” she exclaimed, walking into the living room. “Everything looks so nice. Did you do this?”
“No, not me. Must have been a good fairy.”
She started to correct me but instead joined in the pretense. “Aren’t we lucky to have such a helpful visitor? Maybe she’ll come every day while I nap.” And so she did until Mother safely delivered my little sister.
On May Day, we made little paper cornucopias with painted paper and doilies. Filling these cones with flowers from our garden, we walked around our neighborhood and hung their ribbon handles on the doorknobs of those who had delivered tuna noodle casseroles, fruit salad, and plates of cookies after Mom returned from the hospital.
Ringing doorbells, we then hid around the corner, smiling as we imagined the pleasure our little baskets would give the recipients. Our anonymity deepened the joy for both of us. This joy in anonymous giving is something I’ve continued to practice, with my own family, whether it’s a few bills in the donation box of a church, a twenty-dollar bill along with a “God Bless” to a panhandler, “adopting” families financially, or my husband collecting spare change all year in a German stein to drop in the kettle of the first bell-ringing Salvation Army volunteer he spies during the Christmas season.
Eighteen months or so ago, he and I were pleasantly surprised when our financial advisor suggested it would be wiser to give the windfall from an IRA to nonprofits. If gifted to our children and grandchildren, it would be taxed at a high rate; if given to nonprofits, they would get the full amount. Since we fulfill our family commitments in other ways, we had no problem with her suggestion. Neither did we have difficulty selecting two charities, as we had both devoted many volunteer hours to organizations whose programs, goals and staffs we fully support. We also had no hesitation in deciding to make our gifts anonymous.
Some would say that gifts should be made public in hopes of influencing others to follow our example. But we don’t believe either of us is that influential, nor is the point of our giving to encourage potential donors. If a program or cause is worthy of support, people will make up their own minds, whether they know of other donors or not. And giving anonymously keeps the focus not on the gift or the givers, but the cause itself.
Just like when I was a child tiptoeing around the living room or neighborhood pretending to be a good fairy, it’s a secret delight to do something without recognition. These days, when we attend meetings, and hear staff and volunteers making plans to enrich their programs or add facilities that otherwise wouldn’t have been possible, it just feels good to be anonymous donors.
~SuzAnne C. Cole
