THE UNSTUCKS AT THE GATES OF THE DESERT FOLLY GARDEN

My branch of the family is unstuck-together. On the Mexican vaudeville circuit they were known as Los Desemepegados—The Unstucks. Back in those days there were many offshoots of the family, and they all hated each other. The Barcelona Unstucks hated the Paris Unstucks, all because of a one hundred-dollar bet that a cow would go up and down stairs. The Cyprus Unstucks hated the Jerusalem Unstucks, all because of a key that was hidden and lost. The Las Vegas Unstucks hated the Tijuana Unstucks; that feud was over who had the right to claim the invention of the Caesar salad. There were circus Unstucks, aerialists, who were known as The Flying Unstucks. They were famous for not catching each other. Every ten years the Unstucks come together, in a manner of speaking, at the Unstucks reunion.

Since the late eighteenth century, the reunion has been held at the Gates of the Desert Folly Garden. There is even a famous photo of the reunion you can get on the Web for a hundred dollars. It is mislabeled “André Breton and the Surrealists at the Gates of the Desert Folly Garden.” Perhaps one of the Unstucks lied about the identity of their party to the photographer.

The Unstucks meet and register for the reunion under false names, at the statue of the giant dangling a large naked woman by the ankles. To avoid conflicts they all don masks and wear the same face the whole time. It is a bald, eyebrow-less idiot face with a blank expression. During the reunion they even sleep with the bald, eyebrow-less, idiot face with a blank expression mask on. If two Unstucks happen to become amorous, say, in the pyramid-shaped icehouse, they leave the masks on. They even make love with the masks on; that way, no Unstuck is angry or jealous during the reunion, and they can go their separate ways without knowing from which branch of the family either one hailed.

Once, a couple of strangers, perhaps an English couple, wore bald, eyebrow-less idiot face with the blank expression masks and crashed the reunion. Apparently they liked it so much that they came back every ten years for the rest of their lives. In fact, it is believed that every ten years, two of their descendants crash the reunion wearing bald, eyebrow-less idiot face with the blank expression masks. But no one knows this for sure.