Elle bit her lip and stood in her living room, her phone idle in her hand. Tucker had hung up on her. Sure, he’d said goodbye, but he had cut her off and rushed off the phone. That wasn’t like him at all. Tucker didn’t get angry or overly emotional. Hell, he still wouldn’t trash talk that bitch Kara for cheating on him. So this was worrisome.
She honestly didn’t even know what to do. Maybe she should give him some space and call him the next day. But a pit had settled in her gut and she felt sick. She called her sister.
“Hey, what’s up?” Jolene said as a greeting.
“I think I did something stupid,” Elle said.
“Oh, Lord. Does this call for margaritas?”
“Yes. Can you meet me at El Carnicero in twenty minutes?”
“I don’t even have any makeup on. Can you come over and do my face first, then we’ll go out?”
Everything was a damn process when you were famous. Elle got that. But sometimes she wanted Jolene to be simply her sister, not a country singer. There was no changing that though, so she just said, “Yeah. I’ll be right over.”
Fortunately she had already done her own hair and makeup for the day so she was able to head immediately to Jolene’s. Since she had a key, she texted Jolene she was letting herself in, which was easier. Her sister was lounging in her robe in the living room watching TV, her face squeaky clean. Chance was nowhere around, which was a relief. She did not want to share her concerns about Tucker in front of her brother-in-law. It was too embarrassing.
Jolene waved and stood up, stretching. “You caught me on a day off. It’s a miracle.”
“I know, right?” Elle jerked her thumb in the direction of the master bathroom. “Get in there and let’s give you a face.”
One thing she loved about doing Jolene’s makeup was that she had the best brushes to work with. Jolene had a professional set on the ready for her and she reached for the concealer. Her sister was staring at her in the mirror, curious.
“So what’s up?”
“I had a really lousy date last night with Nathan. He tried to stick his hand down my pants at Tootsie’s.” The story needed context.
Jolene stared up at her as she blended concealer under her eyes. “Okay. And? Because I know you want to talk to me about more than aggressive guys with tiny pricks.”
“I slept with Tucker.” She turned and dropped the concealer. Sorting through Jolene’s foundations, she found a lightweight one for day wear and turned back to her sister.
Jolene’s eyes were huge. “Excuse me? As in Tucker, your high school boyfriend? How the hell did that happen? I thought you were out with Nathan.”
“I was.” She reached for a clean beauty blender. “But afterward I called Tucker, like I do. I guess he thought I was truly upset, because he drove down to Nashville.”
“In the middle of the night?”
“Yes. He rolled in around 4 A.M. Scared the crap out of me and made me feel guilty as hell.”
“So you apologized with your vagina? Sorry for your trouble, here’s an orgasm?”
Elle frowned at her sister. “Gee, thanks for making me feel better. No, I didn’t offer my vagina like a thank-you pie.” She went back to blending foundation. “I told him Nathan said I was a bad kisser and so I asked him to kiss me. He said no.”
“Y’all have a strange friendship.”
“Tell me about it.” Elle dropped the sponge and leaned against the vanity counter in her sister’s glamorous bathroom. “See, the thing is, back in school, I was in love with Tucker, like teenagers are. We made out, all the time, we groped each other half-naked, but we never had sex. We haven’t gone there in over a decade and I like our friendship. So me asking him that, even for research purposes, was stupid. I crossed a line.” One she felt kind of sick about. Tucker had not been okay.
“You guys have been friends forever. I hardly think asking him to kiss you is going to ruin that.”
“I would agree, except that we had sex this morning. Like full-on, naked intercourse.” Jolene’s dog, Dolly, came sauntering into the bathroom and rubbed her head against Elle’s leg. Elle gave her a scratch behind the ears, enjoying the warm comfort of the dog’s body. A million times she had thought about getting a dog, but she traveled too often. Yet maybe if she had a dog in her bed, she wouldn’t forever be doing stupid things in pursuit of companionship.
Jolene’s eyebrows rose. “I’m still confused as to how that happened. How do you go from him saying no to a kiss to naked rubbing?”
“Basically I woke up and his hands were all over me and then his penis was inside me and I liked it.” That was the general order of how things had gone. Elle tried to remember exactly what it had felt like to be fast asleep then to be dragged out of that space into a warm bed where Tucker was softly kissing her. It had made a lot more sense in that moment than it did now.
Her cheeks burned and she felt a longing to be back in that hazy cocoon, where she hadn’t hesitated. Where she had let the strength of Tucker and his decisive personality sweep her off into a sweet sensual orgasm.
“Oh, Lord, your face,” Jolene said. “Girl, you more than liked it. You loved it. Admit it.”
“I’m not denying it,” she said, nodding. “It just happened and it felt comfortable, natural. Hot. But now Tucker seems pissed at me.” She described the phone call to her sister as she powdered her and started in on eyes.
“Elle, seriously? You told him you have a date with another guy? What man wants to hear that while the sheets are still warm?”
“I don’t know! I’ve always told Tucker when I have a date.” She felt defensive and her hand shook a little, which irritated the hell out of her. She knew it had been bad timing the second she’d said it, but now she didn’t know how to make it right.
“That was before he slipped you his dick. Honey, you of all people know that changes everything.”
She really didn’t even know what that meant. “What are you talking about? I don’t know that! I’m the goddamn queen of casual sex. I always put the horse before the cart, thinking, What the hell, why not?”
Jolene started laughing. “Would you like a sash that says that?”
“Yes. And quit laughing or I’m going to stab your eye with this mascara wand.” She really wasn’t amused. She did not feel like any of this was funny.
“Seriously, though, casual sex with pretty boys is one thing. Tucker is not a casual sex kind of guy. Of course it was going to change things. I guess I’m surprised he bothered to cross that line after all these years. It seems like if he had been overcome by lust it would have happened a long time ago.”
“He was married, remember? And with Kara for two years before that. Since then I don’t think he’s dated much.”
“So he was all raging hormones? And he figured he could get off with you and no harm, no foul?”
Elle didn’t like that thought either. “You just said he doesn’t seem like a casual sex guy.”
Jolene studied her. “So what is it you want? Do you want things to go back to the way they were before? Or do you want Tucker to want you? This is me. You can be honest.”
“I don’t know,” she said, feeling miserable. “I just can’t imagine life without Tucker. He’s always there.”
“Maybe what Tucker is telling you is that it’s time for you to stop taking him for granted. Maybe it’s time for you to be there for him.”
“What does he need me for? Sex?”
“Maybe he needs a lover. A true companion.”
The thought made her feel terrified. Physically nauseated. She felt panicked. If she tried and ruined it…she would lose Tucker forever. “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know how to do it with anyone. I’ve never had a successful relationship in my life.”
“Except with Tucker.”
Elle had abandoned the mascara. She stepped away from her sister and pressed her hands to her stomach. “So what does that mean?”
“It means talk to the man and not about other men you’re dating. Tell him how you feel.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know how I feel. I don’t even know what to say to him. Besides, he told me not to call him unless I was in real trouble. I’m not calling him.”
Jolene said, “I think we need ice cream more than tequila. I’ve never seen you like this.”
Elle didn’t even know what she was. She did know that she couldn’t go out on a date with another man though. Not a good idea. “I didn’t think it was going to make me feel like this. I thought we would just have some delicious sex and that would be the end of it.” Truthfully, she hadn’t even thought about it. It had been happening before she could consider any sort of aftermath.
It was the end of it though. Because Elle was too chickenshit to call Tucker and she didn’t hear a single word from him either. The longer it went on, the more impossible it felt to call or text him. What defined real trouble?
A month and a half later she knew exactly what that meant and she had to break her silence. His silence. Their silence. There was no choice.
But this deserved more than a phone call. She took three days off of work, got into her car, and drove to Kentucky.