Elle followed Tucker into the house and watched him gather blankets for her to sleep on his couch. The freaking couch. She had to admit, this was not how she had pictured the night playing out. When she had read the test results that morning, she’d spent a few hours pacing, crying, and generally flipping out. But once she had made the decision to get into her car and tell Tucker in person that she was pregnant, she had envisioned that it would go down the way things normally went down between them. Tucker would be alone, half-naked, and sleepy, and he would pull her into his arms, take her to bed, and hold her.
He would reassure her, comfort her, make everything okay. He would be strong and she could lean on him. Hell, she had even envisioned having sex again, because it would feel good, and why couldn’t they at this point?
The last thing in the universe she had expected was that Tucker would have a woman in his bed. He never had a woman over when she called or texted him. But now she wondered if that was really true or just what she had assumed. In any case, if she had known he wasn’t going to be alone, she would not have shown up on his doorstep.
The house was warm and quiet, the only sound a clock ticking somewhere. The door to his bedroom was closed. She kicked off her shoes and tried to be quiet as she unzipped her coat and sank onto the couch. She couldn’t drive back to Nashville this late. A hotel was appealing but Starkey wasn’t exactly overflowing with good options and she was too tired to be driving forty minutes or more up the highway. This was stupid and awkward, but the most practical solution. She could hightail it out of there at dawn before the girlfriend woke up.
Girlfriend. God. She wanted to puke. The timing sucked. Tucker had been divorced from Kara for two years and now he chose to date? She couldn’t help but think that the fact that they had fought after breaking the sexual seal on their relationship and hadn’t spoken since made this not a coincidence. He was proving a point to her or himself, she wasn’t sure which. That he had moved on. That he wasn’t going to be perpetually available to her.
Elle rubbed her face. If the other woman was prettier than she was, she was going to ugly cry. It was just going to happen.
Tucker had taken off his overalls, which unfortunately left him in nothing but his underwear again. He’d put the beer back into the fridge and came over to her with a pillow and two blankets from his linen closet. “Lift your butt,” he murmured.
She did and he tucked a blanket under her, brushing her thighs and her cheeks inadvertently. Heat bloomed over her whole body, making her think for a second that she was actually blushing in the dark room. What the hell? She hadn’t blushed over Tucker in twelve years.
“Lie down,” he ordered.
She swiveled her legs and did as she was told. He shifted the pillow behind her head and laid the second blanket over her body, tucking in the edges.
“Do you need anything?” he asked. “Water?”
She shook her head. “No, that’s okay.”
“A best friend with less aggressive sperm?” he joked.
Elle wanted to laugh, but she didn’t have it in her. She stared up at him, willing him to understand how scared she was. While she might not be like her brother, who had shunned intimacy for years before finding Avery, she wasn’t exactly known for successful relationships. She had no idea what she was doing. “Just a best friend,” she said.
His face softened. “You got it.” He kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep.”
She nodded. Then she watched Tucker pad softly across his living room, his broad shoulders and tight ass disappearing into his bedroom, where another woman was waiting for him. There was the sound of low voices, the bed creaking. Nausea crawled up Elle’s throat. Was the woman naked? Would Tucker spoon her, like he had with Elle last month? Were they kissing? She strained to hear, convinced she heard kisses and soft moans.
Well. This was hell. She rolled over toward the back of the couch so she couldn’t hear, but then she couldn’t stand not hearing. So she rolled back, which made her feel light-headed. She stared at the ceiling and concentrated on not throwing up. She felt hot, yet her fingertips and feet were like ice cubes. She didn’t hear anything anymore and she marveled that Tucker might have so readily fallen asleep in there. She was glad he had, as opposed to, say, banging the mystery woman, but at the same time she was astonished that he could just drop into slumber after hearing the news that he was going to be a father.
This was the most surreal thing that had ever happened to her, and she had seen some weird things while partying in her early twenties. They couldn’t hold a candle to this though. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d been in her hometown. She didn’t make it back very often. The woman in the bedroom could be anyone. Elle clutched the blanket and hated herself for caring. This was her fault. She was the one who had trotted out a date fifteen minutes after orgasm. This was really like payback even if that hadn’t been Tucker’s intention.
The couch was not comfortable. She had a crick in her neck. She also needed to go to the bathroom, but it was perilously close to the bedroom and she didn’t want to be anywhere near where she might actually hear things that would make her sick. This was bad—and for once, her legendary snark was missing. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say that would make it sound like she didn’t care if she was forced to face Tucker and his lover. Because she did care. More than she had realized. This was definitely not what she had thought would happen if she showed up on his doorstep at eleven at night.
Fortunately, growing a human was draining, and despite her conviction that she would never be able to sleep, after an hour, she did drop off. She didn’t wake up until she heard the bedroom door open with a creak. Trying to keep her eyes narrow slits so no one would know she was awake, she studied the person emerging from Tucker’s bedroom, cursing herself for not setting an alarm so she could bolt at first light. The woman was petite, blond, disgustingly cute. She had apple cheeks, a button nose, a sweet smile. She was short next to Tucker and looked younger than she probably was, her slim figure on full display in tight jeans. This woman was going to stay thin while Elle blew up like a Christmas lawn inflatable.
Tucker was in sweatpants, no shirt. He got the woman’s coat out of the closet, and helped her into it. She lifted her purse off of the kitchen countertop and gave him a brilliant smile. “Call me,” she whispered. “Thanks for last night.”
Gross. Elle had to clamp her eyes shut for a second so Tucker didn’t see her rolling them. It was a childish reaction, she knew that. But she couldn’t help it. After a second, she opened them slightly again, because she was clearly a masochist.
“I’ll talk to you later.” Tucker leaned down and kissed the blonde, full on the lips.
No lousy forehead peck for this chick. Elle was sorry she had looked.
She must have made a sound, because Tucker turned and caught her watching. “Elle. You’re awake.”
“Maybe,” she said.
He looked like a man caught in very awkward circumstances. “Elle, this is Misty. Misty, this is Elle. An old friend.”
“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you!” Misty beamed and waved.
Misty was damn cheerful for first thing in the morning. Elle hated her for that alone. Elle gave the best smile she could muster, but it felt more like a grimace. “You too.”
“Are you in town long?” Misty asked.
It was polite and conversational, and normally Elle would have thought nothing other than that she was a nice person, but now it just seemed nosy and territorial. Like Misty was wondering how long it would be before Elle would be out of their hair so they could fuck at will. Dark thoughts were starting to swirl around in Elle’s head, and she felt cranky and unpleasant.
“I’m leaving today,” she said shortly. It was only by sheer willpower she didn’t add a rude comment to her brief statement.
Tucker raised his eyebrows at her tone. Misty didn’t seem to notice anything, or if she did, she probably figured Elle wasn’t a morning person. It irritated her that Misty didn’t even seem concerned, or to question Elle’s presence when she hadn’t been there the night before. A rational woman would be suspicious.
“Have a good time catching up.” Resting her hands on Tucker’s shoulders, she went up on her tiptoes to be able to reach his mouth, and gave him another kiss. “I’ll see you tonight.”
He nodded. “Enjoy your day off.”
Misty was finally gone and the door shut behind her. Tucker leaned forward for a minute, his head hanging, his hand still on the doorknob.
“This is hard,” he said finally, raising his gaze to meet hers.
“Tell me about it.” She felt the hot press of tears behind her eyes. Tears of jealousy and mortification. Emotions she had no business feeling but did. “Where did you meet Misty?” The name alone was so perky it annoyed Elle.
“She’s a waitress at the diner. I’ve seen her there every week for the last year. I knew she was interested in me but we just started dating about a little over a month ago. After I came back from Nashville.”
After he’d gotten angry with her. She was right. This was all her fault. “She seems nice.” The words almost choked her.
“She is,” he said shortly. “I’m not looking forward to telling her.”
“Telling her what?” Elle shifted to a sitting position. She felt vulnerable lying down. Part of her was hoping he would say he was dumping her.
“That you’re pregnant, obviously. I guess it’s up to her if she wants to stick around or not. I wouldn’t blame her if she says to hell with it.”
So he was worried about losing Misty. Fabulous. That felt fantastic. The thought of sharing Tucker with another woman led her to the equally offensive realization that she would have to share her child with Misty too if they stayed together. That was like a knife to the heart.
“If she sticks around after dating for such a short time, that’s either very loyal or just flat-out crazy,” she said. “If I wasn’t the one in this mess, I certainly wouldn’t want to be involved.”
“I’m not worth it?” he asked with a smile, scratching his chest.
“No man is. That’s no reflection on your awesomeness. I can’t even imagine after a few weeks of dating that I’d want to be with a guy who was having a baby with someone else.” She raised her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. “But then again, I’m not maternal. Maybe to someone else it wouldn’t be a big deal.”
There was a long pause, like he didn’t know what to say. “Do you want some coffee?” he finally asked.
Yes. “I don’t think pregnant woman are supposed to drink coffee. When I was touring with Karlie Jackson and she was pregnant, she was obsessive about not drinking caffeine. But maybe she was nuts. Maybe I should look it up online.” Maybe she should look up her life online. Hey, Siri, why am I an idiot?
I’m sorry, Elle, I don’t know what to tell you.
Her phone got sassy with her sometimes and she could guarantee that it would now, when Elle least needed attitude.
“I can look it up.” Tucker seemed desperate to be useful. He was already swiping away on his phone.
She figured while he was doing that she would go use the bathroom. His house was clean. When she walked barefoot she didn’t get stuff stuck to her feet. Tucker was a good man, with a clean, if cluttered, house, and a big heart. He was stable and steady and would make an excellent father. He was, or had been, her best friend. There were worse things that could be happening in her life. Yet, catching a glance of her wretched reflection in the bathroom mirror, she felt like a miserable cow. She was tired, emotional, and even though she was only six weeks along, the pregnancy seemed to have taken its toll on her hair and skin. She looked pasty, with dark circles prominent under her eyes, which no amount of concealer was going to hide. Her hair looked like she hadn’t washed it in three weeks. It was matted and dull.
It wasn’t often in her adult life that she had been tested with difficult circumstances. There had been frustrations and minor annoyances, but nothing tragic or insurmountable. Only the first year in Nashville had been challenging, when she and her family were adjusting to life in the city, struggling to make ends meet. Her mother had been emotionally wrought as she finally divorced their useless father, Billy Hart. But Elle had been young and optimistic, and frankly, anything had been better than their tense childhood home, where their father could explode at any given moment. She had also started to worry about her brother, because he had started fighting their father back, and Elle had been afraid Shane was going to kill Billy and wind up in prison for life. Moving had been scary, because she hadn’t wanted to leave Tucker and everything she had known, but it had also been a huge relief.
Since those early days in Nashville, life had been good, clipping along. She had a career she really enjoyed. She was well paid. Definitely not in rich baller territory like her siblings, and she was frequently aware of that fact, but she couldn’t complain. She had no musical talent. But she did have an eye for color, so she loved doing what she did. Her dating history was ridiculous, but again, not the worst thing to ever happen. This wasn’t either. But it was a challenge she hadn’t expected. She just lived in the now, making the most of it. That wasn’t going to work here. Now she had to look forward and plan, something she rarely did.
Exiting the bathroom, she found Tucker in the kitchen, staring longingly at his coffeemaker.
“It says you shouldn’t drink caffeine,” he said.
Damn. “Well, that is possibly the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard. I live on coffee.” She wasn’t sure she would ever actually be fully awake without it.
“You can drink decaf.”
“That’s utterly pointless. I’d rather just skip it.” She wasn’t sure if she meant that or not, she just felt belligerent.
“So, have you been to the doctor?” Tucker asked. “Is everything okay?”
“No, I just found out yesterday, remember? I’ll call on Monday.” Elle felt the blood drain from her face and she momentarily felt light-headed. “Oh, Jesus, Tucker, we’re having a baby.”
He rushed forward, his face a mask of concern, and his large hands landed on her upper arms, stabilizing her. Because that was what Tucker did. What he had always done.
“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. We’ll sort this all out. Everything will be fine.”
“Do you promise?” she asked, throat tight. In that moment, she hated herself for asking that of him. For not being able to handle it herself. It wasn’t fair to him.
His eyes softened as he stared at her, his hands softly rubbing her arms. “Yes. I promise.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
Not the lips.
It was sweet of him. Really, it should have been perfect. But now all she could think was that he had kissed Misty on the lips. God, it was so like her to want something when she couldn’t have it. At some point when they were both single, she could have tried to rekindle something with Tucker and she hadn’t wanted to. She had preferred the friendship, feeling dating would ruin that special bond they had. Now she was jealous.
She had eight months to grow the hell up. She had better increase the pace. At her current rate she wouldn’t be ready by the time the baby was born.
“Thanks, Tucker.” Time to take a deep breath and be mature. “Just so you know, I don’t want to interfere with your relationship with Misty. I want you to be happy, and if she makes you happy, I don’t want this to ruin that.” Sure, an ugly part of her did, and she wanted no part of Misty interfering in her business, but she needed to stop being selfish when it came to Tucker. She had held him to her all these years without really meaning to—and now, when she needed him the most, the best thing for him was for her to let him go.
She blinked hard, knowing she was going to cry. She concentrated on taking short, shallow breaths. There was a rolling nausea in her stomach that kept crashing up her esophagus. She wasn’t sure if it was morning sickness or pure heartbreak.
“Thanks, Elle. I don’t know what is going to happen, but that means a lot to me.” He pulled her in for a hug. “Do you want me to make you breakfast?”
The thought of food made her gag. “No, thanks. I’m just going to head home. I have to work tonight.” That was a lie. It popped out before she could stop it. But she didn’t want him to know she had planned to spend the whole weekend with him, because now that she knew about Misty, it seemed both arrogant and pathetic.
She didn’t think she could stay another minute without losing her shit for real. She didn’t want to do that to him. “I’ll call you in a few days when I have a doctor’s appointment.”
“Text me when you get home.”
She pulled back and gave him a thumbs-up because she wasn’t sure she could speak. Things were rough when she started using the thumbs-up. He walked her to the door, where she pulled on her socks and shoes and her coat, and grabbed her bag. Tucker tried to hug her again, but she evaded his touch. It felt oddly smothering, closing off her airflow. For some reason, she was having a hard time meeting his eyes but she forced herself to look up and a smile. “Talk to you soon.”
“Absolutely. Drive safe.”
Elle practically fell out the door and down the porch steps. She had never felt like she had to hide anything from Tucker, but she did now. She didn’t want him to see her raw need, her vulnerability. Her desire for him to ditch Misty and focus on her. It was a selfish, ugly thought, and she hated herself for being that woman who couldn’t take care of her own shit. She had never thought she was that woman. But clearly she was.
Driving out of town, she was almost past the turnoff for her childhood home when she impulsively turned the wheel left and hit the gravel, tires spinning a little. She hadn’t been to the house since they had left. She didn’t even know if anyone lived there or not. She knew her father didn’t. Shane had told her Billy lived in a trailer on the opposite side of town with a girlfriend. She certainly didn’t want to see the man responsible for her existence. He was a waste of oxygen, in her opinion.
Bumping down the pitted drive, she spotted the house through the trees. Parking in front, she took in the sagging roof, the rotted porch. It didn’t appear that anyone was living there. The windows were dusty and bare of drapes, and as the sunlight cut through it looked like the living room was empty of furniture. She wasn’t sure who would choose to live there anyway. No one chose poverty, and she supposed her mother hadn’t picked this house as much as their income had chosen it for them. It had been a dump during Elle’s childhood. Now it was a rotting shack.
Goosebumps on her arms, she got out of her car and walked through the cold air to stand in front of the house she had spent seventeen years in, tears now burning at the backs of her eyes. She had a sudden, whole new appreciation for her mother. What must it have been like, trying to raise three babies in a crumbling house in the woods? Isolated, lonely, her husband a nasty drunk. Awful. That’s what it was. Elle knew her mother’s joy had been her children, and she felt guilty for every temper tantrum she’d thrown as a kid. Shane had been a good son, always helping their mother when he could. Jolene had been a big bundle of cheer, singing for their mama, making her eyes shine with pride. Elle had been a little bitch. She had been sly, mischievous, snarky. A little smart-ass.
Sighing, she ran her hands over the porch railing, picturing how she had jumped off these rails down into the dirt, egging on Jolene to follow her. It had been a childhood of contradictions. One filled with instability and violence, but also one of the strength and warmth of their mother’s love, and the beautiful freedom that came from growing up unchecked on a huge parcel of land. They had always been entertained, her siblings her primary playmates. It made her sad to think that she couldn’t give that to her child. Odds were, if her baby had any siblings, they would be much younger. Plus, she was going to grow up in the city, in an apartment.
Elle turned a circle. Except when their child was with Tucker. She would have that, at least. And maybe Tucker would give her younger half siblings to play with when she was with him in Kentucky. It was a given that he would manage a healthy long-term relationship before she would. Hell, he would still have been married to Kara if she hadn’t cheated. So Elle had no problem seeing Tucker married again, with more children. If she were a kid, she would have preferred that over a small apartment with her mother, who worked crazy ass hours.
If Elle were selfless, she would be the every-other-weekend parent. She should be brave enough to make that sacrifice. To do what might be the best damn thing for her child. To give her this—the woods, the lake, the siblings, and a daddy and a stepmom who cherished her. But she wasn’t that selfless and she hated herself all over again for that. The sour stomach she’d been fighting all morning rebelled and she bent over and threw up bile into the dirt in front of the house she had grown up in. The house that had built her.
Where she had learned to grab and covet, from food to affection. Snag it while you can, because it might not last.
Coughing and holding her hair back, she stared at the ground and let her vision blur. When everything went black and spotty, the past receding and the future uncertain, she sank onto the porch steps and pulled out her phone.
“Hey, Mama, I miss you,” she said when her mother answered her call.
“I miss you too, sugar. Are you okay? Your voice sounds shaky.”
“Mama, I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, my goodness! That’s wonderful! Though you caught me off guard. I thought Jolene would be telling me that first, not you.”
“Yeah, me too.” Elle took a deep breath. “I’m in Kentucky because I had to tell Tucker.”
“Jason Michael?” Her mom sounded confused. “Why would you need to tell him something like that in person? I thought y’all were texting all the time. If you asked him to be your birth coach over me I’m going to be hurt, I’m not even lying.”
“I needed to drive to Kentucky because I had to tell him in person that he’s going to be a father.” She rested her head on her fist, her elbow digging in right above her knee. She was tired.
“What on earth? I didn’t know you were sleeping with Tucker. Well, that’s wonderful news! I’m so thrilled. When you said you were pregnant, I wasn’t sure if I could be excited yet, since I know you date so many jerks.”
That made her laugh, just a little. “Thanks, Mama. But the problem is: Me and Tucker aren’t together. We just got carried away one morning.”
“You’ll be together after this,” her mother said, with complete confidence.
Her mother always believed in the happily ever after. It was amazing, considering everything she had been through. “He has a girlfriend.”
“Did you let him cheat on his girlfriend? Elle Lynn Hart, shame on you!”
Oh, Lord. “No, I would never do that. And if you doubt me, you should know for certain Tucker would never do that. He is the most loyal man I know.”
“Which is why he’s a perfect choice for the father of your child. This is exciting, honey.”
“Mama, somehow you, the most optimistic person on the planet, gave birth to me, your cynical daughter. I don’t even get it.”
For a split second, her mother didn’t respond, and Elle knew what she was thinking. That out of her three children, Elle was the most like her ex-husband. It was true. She was restless, always searching for something. Though she liked to think she didn’t have his worst traits. She wasn’t mean, cruel, intentionally emotionally manipulative.
“I’m a fool, Elle, and we both know it. You have more sense, and that’s a gift. But I do know you can trust Tucker and that’s a blessing. Girlfriend or not, if you want to be with him, make a play for him, I know you could pull it off. He loves you. That boy has always loved you.”
Elle shivered, the cold seeping into her fingers, her butt. “Mama, for once, I need to think about other people, not just me. I don’t know what is best for Tucker. Or, more importantly, my baby.”
“I did it all wrong, sugar, so I might not be the best person to be asking.”
“You did a lot right, Mama. You loved us and did the best you could. Never doubt that.” She meant it. She knew the fear her mother had lived with. She had been young, penniless. She didn’t blame her mother for staying with her father, given how often he threatened to kill her if she left.
“Thanks, baby. I love you.”
“I love you too. I’m sitting on our old porch, by the way.”
“That old dump? It couldn’t keep warm but I do have good memories of the three of you there.”
Elle closed her eyes and heard her mother’s voice singing a lullaby to her late at night. She pictured summer days, playing in the woods. The dark fear of her father’s anger hanging over them like a black cloud. No matter what she did wrong, it would never be as bad as that. She needed to remember that love could conquer anything. “Me too.”
Now it was time to create those same happy memories for her own child.