“You seem distracted tonight,” Misty said from across the table at the BBQ joint they were having dinner at.
She didn’t sound bitchy or petulant about it. Just concerned. That’s how Misty was. Tucker gave her a reassuring smile so she didn’t think somehow it was about her. Though in a way, it was, because he had to tell her about the pregnancy. He was still floored by the knowledge that Elle was having their baby. It was crazy. What were the odds? They had sex once in twelve years, with a condom, and she got pregnant?
“I am,” he admitted, shifting in his hard wood chair. He should wait, he thought, until they were in private, to tell her what was going on. “But don’t worry. I’m fine. It’s fine.” He was, if still shell-shocked.
Having a baby wasn’t a bad thing. It was exciting, really. He just wished it wasn’t all so damn complicated.
“Are we fine?” she asked, then seemed to regret her words. “I’m sorry.” She looked flustered. “I didn’t mean to do that. We had a conversation about where this is going and here I am already, asking for reassurance. I’m not sure why I suddenly felt insecure.”
That made Tucker feel like a heel. “Don’t feel insecure. I like you, Misty, a lot.” He did. He didn’t love her, not by a long shot. But she was a good woman who would never cheat on him and never be irrational and demanding and he appreciated all her positive qualities. If she committed, she would stay. She wouldn’t leave him, like Kara. Or Elle. “I just got some news that shocked me. It has nothing to do with you, but because it affects me, it’s going to affect you.”
Glancing around, he made sure they weren’t in earshot of any of the other diners. News in a small town spread like wildfire. If he didn’t tell her now, she was going to spend the whole dinner fretting and he owed her honesty.
“What news is that?” Misty asked. She reached out and covered his hand with her small one and squeezed. “I’m here for you, Tuck.”
She would be, he knew it, under any other circumstances. This was a lot to ask of anyone though. “So my friend Elle was here to tell me she’s pregnant.”
He waited a heartbeat to let that sink in.
Misty looked at him blankly. Finally, when he didn’t elaborate, she said, “Well, that’s nice for her, right? How does her boyfriend feel about it?”
“She doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Tucker reached for his beer, then stopped himself. He couldn’t drag this out anymore. “The father is me.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh. But…oh.” She swallowed visibly. “I thought y’all were just friends.”
“We are. I mean, we dated in high school, but for all these years we’ve just been friends. Until a little over a month ago. It was just one time.” Somehow saying it like that seemed like he was minimizing what had happened, which didn’t make any sense. But he realized there was no way to preserve everyone’s feelings at the same time. It was an awkward situation and he had created it.
“Was it before or after we started seeing each other?” Misty was looking down at the table, her hand absently rearranging her silverware.
“Before, of course. I would never do that.” Though, it wasn’t like it was eons later that he had asked her out. More like twelve hours after the fact. He didn’t think he needed to point that out though and upset her further. He didn’t want Misty to know that in essence Elle’s rejection had propelled him to finally make a move with her.
“So what does this mean?” Her voice rose sharply, at odds with the way she usually sounded.
“It means I’m going to be a father and I’m guessing that I’ll have the baby on the weekends or maybe only every other weekend. It’s a long haul between here and Nashville for more frequent visitation.” That bothered him, he had to admit. His heart ached at the thought of not being able to be there for his child, for all the tears and sleepless nights, the feedings, the bath times. But it was what it was.
“You’re not moving to Nashville?”
He shook his head. “I really can’t. My career is here. I mean, I guess technically it’s possible, but I hadn’t really thought about it.” Did that make him selfish? He didn’t want to leave his home, the only place he’d ever known. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the pace of a city department and all the chaos of Nashville. He would probably wind up having to do things like security at awards shows, and that was not something that interested him at all. But hell, maybe he had to look into it. Maybe it wasn’t fair to his child to stay put.
Tucker rubbed his forehead. His head hurt.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Misty asked. “I understand if you are. I don’t like it, but I understand if you think you have too much going on right now.”
“No, I’m not breaking up with you. I enjoy spending time with you. But you need to know that I’m going to want as much time with the baby as I can get. That will impact our dating if you still want to keep seeing me.” This time he did take a swig of his beer. “I don’t blame you if you decide this is too much drama and you want to move on to something easier.”
Misty tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’ve been interested in you for a long time, Tucker. I don’t want to just walk away. But I’m not sure how I feel about this. Is it okay if I take some time and think it through?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“I like you and I like babies. I always said I wouldn’t object to dating a single father. So it would be hypocritical of me if I stormed off now. What difference does it make if the baby is forthcoming or if I met you when you had a one-year-old?”
“I don’t know. None, I guess.” Misty was so reasonable it just boggled his mind. Any other woman he knew would be on a tear, asking where she fit into the new dynamic. Misty was willing to step back and reflect. Play it by ear.
“I appreciate it, Misty.” He meant that, sincerely. “I’m really lucky to have you in my life.” He was. Especially now. But he wasn’t sure how realistic their chances were; it didn’t make for the best start to a new relationship.
Misty took a sip of her sweet tea and looked away. “I guess I need to figure out if you’re worth it.” Then she seemed to amend the comment. “If it’s worth it.”
It stung because that’s also what Elle had told him. She had said no man was worth it. That was the way it had always been with Elle though. Her independence was something she clung to, wore like a shield. She didn’t want to turn into her mother. He got that.
But it hurt. It hurt because he still wanted Elle to think he was worth it. He could admit now that he always had.
It was time to move on though, despite the baby. Hell, maybe because of the baby. He and Elle couldn’t be mucking around in each other’s emotions. They needed to retreat fully back into friendship to make this co-parenting thing work.
But it didn’t sound like Misty thought he was worth it either, and he couldn’t take that personally. Or he’d try not to anyway. It was perfectly reasonable that she would want to retreat.
“I’m going to do my best, Misty. I promise you that.”
“This is bullshit,” Elle said fiercely, leaning over the toilet for the second time and hurling her tea and toast into it. “I’m over this, Jolene. I quit.”
“I don’t think it works that way, honey.” Jolene pulled her hair gently back off her face and secured it with a hair tie.
Elle spit. “I bet you can’t wait to have me do your makeup.” She had come over to her sister’s to get her ready for an in-home interview with an entertainment news channel. The only problem was, by the time she had driven over, she had been so sick to her stomach, she’d barely made it inside the house and into the powder room off the foyer. It had been two weeks since she had found out she was pregnant and it had been two weeks of the universe telling her she had zero control over her body or her life. She felt like she was being mocked for thinking she had a handle on everything.
Hey, look at me. I have a great job and a cute apartment and I’m so even-keeled I can screw my best friend without consequence.
Wrong. All freaking wrong.
She was so constantly nauseated that she was afraid staring at her sister’s face to do her makeup was going to make her want to throw up again. It seemed like she couldn’t get close to anyone without her eyes crossing and her stomach clenching. With her job, that was a serious problem.
“I think you should move in with me and Chance,” Jolene said, out of nowhere.
“What?” Elle lifted her head to stare at her sister through watery eyes. “Why?”
“Because you’re not feeling well and once the baby comes, Chance and I have tons of room and we can help you out when we’re home. They say it takes a village to raise a baby. We can be your village.”
She was touched beyond belief. “Thanks, Jo. That means a lot to me. But I’m not ready to declare myself incompetent just yet. I want to see if I can do this.”
“But why would you if you don’t have to? It doesn’t prove anything to be stubborn. This house is big enough for all of us to share without getting on one another’s nerves.” Jolene’s face was a mask of concern.
Elle appreciated it, but honestly, the thought of watching her sister day in, day out with her husband was too much. Elle already spent ungodly amounts of time with Jolene and Chance. She didn’t need to insert herself into the middle of their newlywed lovefest. “I’ll think about it,” she lied.
That was only going to happen if she found herself crying at 3 A.M. with a colicky infant. Otherwise, she was digging in and going to raise her baby by herself, accepting responsibility. No more flighty Elle.
Jolene’s eyes lit up. “Chance and I are trying for a baby. What if I get pregnant and you move in and we can raise our kids together?”
“Oh, God, that’s so hillbilly,” Elle groaned. “Why would you think that’s cute?”
Her sister laughed. “Because this is a two-point-five million dollar house, that’s why. It’s not hillbilly, it’s enjoying the fruits of our labor. Oh, my God, labor…I crack myself up.”
Elle hauled herself up to a standing position using the marble countertop. She wasn’t amused. “I don’t think it’s fair that you want a baby and you’re not pregnant and I am. I feel guilty.”
“I’m not worried. We’ve only been half-ass trying for two months. In another six months we’ll get real serious about it. Right now we’re just practicing.” Jolene raised her eyebrows up and down. “It’s yummy.”
“Thank you for reminding me how often you get to have sex.”
Jolene pointed to Elle’s stomach. “Hey, you’re not celibate, missy. Don’t give me that. You can’t claim immaculate conception.”
“One time. I’m like a teenager. It was only one time, I swear.” She rolled her eyes. “By the way, Tucker is driving me insane. He calls and texts me like seven hundred times a day. I needed a nap hard-core yesterday and I had to block him for two hours just so I could get some sleep. He’s forwarding me about six articles on pregnancy per day and asking me very weird questions about my body.” She turned on the taps and washed her hands.
“Like what?”
Elle splashed cold water onto her face and reached for a towel. “He asked me if my labia seem swollen.”
Jolene started laughing. “What the hell?”
“The man needs to get off the damn Internet and go about his business.” She dried her face. “I don’t even understand what he’s talking about. He’s doing so much research, while I haven’t read a damn thing. I get information overload so I’m just winging it. I figure take my vitamins, don’t take medications, no sushi, and I’m good, right?” The doctor had seemed very nonchalant about everything when Elle had seen her three days earlier. She gave her multivitamins and told her to make an appointment for eight weeks later for an ultrasound and doctor check-in.
“At least he’s interested. I mean, it would suck if he didn’t care.”
“Tucker will never be the man who doesn’t care. You know that.”
“Is he still seeing that chick?”
Ah, yes. Misty. Magnificent Misty. Maternal Misty. Misty of the Magical Understanding. Why the hell the woman had stuck around, Elle could not imagine. You couldn’t pay her to get involved in someone else’s baby drama, but clearly Misty was a better woman. She was frequently mentioned in Tucker’s texts to Elle. It was like he was determined to make it clear Misty was sticking around. She got it. Loud and damn clear.
“Yes, he is still seeing Misty, though we haven’t talked about her specifically. We’re both studiously ignoring how awkward that is.” Elle moved past her sister. “I need some fruit juice or something. I feel so friggin’ thirsty. This can’t be normal. But anyway, yes, Misty is apparently Mother Teresa. She has no problem with the fact that he is having a baby. Or I’m having his baby.”
Jolene followed her out of the bathroom. “I think I have orange juice, but I don’t know. That sounds harsh on your stomach.”
“I need something wet and cold.”
“That sounds like a dog’s nose.”
On cue, Chance’s dog, Dolly, came lumbering over to them and licked Elle’s hand. “I feel like a dog’s butt, if anything.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“Now you know how I feel after I read every text from Tucker.”
Jolene snorted and opened the fridge door. “OJ and cranberry. Either sound good?”
“Cranberry. With three million ice cubes.”
“What’s with you and cranberries? That’s basically all you ate at Thanksgiving.”
“I have no idea.” Elle got a glass out of the cupboard. Her mother and Jolene had cooked a huge dinner at Jolene’s, and Shane and his girlfriend had been there, along with Chance’s grandfather, Buck. Elle had dozed in and out of sleep on the couch while Buck said things like, “What the hell is wrong with her?”
Buck Rivers was a charmer.
“Hopefully by Christmas I’ll be past this and I can appropriately pig out.”
“You need to. You look thin.”
“Oh, the irony.” Elle took the juice from her sister and poured some into her glass. She sipped and sighed. “It’s like liquid heaven.”
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. “Five bucks says this is Tucker.”
“I’m not taking that bet.”
As she expected, the message was from Tucker. “He wants me to call him.” Elle rubbed her temples. “Remind me again that it’s a positive thing he wants to be involved.”
“It is, Elle, and you know it. Even if he is a little neurotic, it’s a good thing.”
“How much time do we have? Can I call him really quick so he doesn’t keep texting?” What Elle resented most of all was that before pregnancy—or BP, as she had started thinking of it—she would have looked forward to talking to Tucker. It annoyed her to no end that their dynamic had changed, and not for the positive, in her opinion.
But she did know that despite her fatigue and irritability and her insecurities over him asking questions she worried she should know the answers to and didn’t, Tucker’s involvement was the key to her being a success as a parent. She needed his help—emotionally, financially, and logistically. There was no question about that. So while she might complain, there was no way she wouldn’t return his calls. It was important to keep their relationship as stable as possible.
“Of course you can call him. I have at least an hour before they arrive. Maybe I’ll get dressed and you can cape me so we don’t get anything on my outfit.” Jolene was in her robe, ready for hair and makeup. Sometimes Elle wondered if Jolene ever got sick of having to be camera ready, but she didn’t seem to mind. Chance wasn’t always thrilled, but on the other hand, he didn’t have to primp, so Elle didn’t know why he fussed and groaned about appearances, but he did.
“That sounds perfect. Thanks.” Elle sipped her juice as Jolene crossed the kitchen to head up the stairs.
“Call Tucker,” Elle ordered her phone.
“Calling Tucker.”
He answered immediately. “Hey, I’m glad you called me right back.”
His voice sounded rough, close. Like he had the phone propped with his shoulder. She heard rustling sounds and a car door slamming in the background.
“Sure.” Her Spidey sense tripped. Something was wrong. She could just tell. “Is everything okay?” Her heart rate kicked up a notch and she jammed her hand into the pocket of her long sweater.
“Sweetheart, it’s Billy. He’s dead.”
The words had trouble penetrating the fear she had felt at his obvious concern. “Billy?” she repeated. “My father?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, Elle. Best the boys can tell, it was natural causes.”
Elle stood there and realized she felt nothing. Not shock. Not sorrow. Not regret. Just…nothing. “Oh. Okay. Does my mother know?”
“No. I thought you should be the one to tell her. I said I would inform the next of kin.”
“Thanks.” Elle shivered in her sweater, feeling the cold in her extremities that seemed to have become permanent lately. Her fingers and the tip of her nose were icy. Numb. She felt numb. “Where was he?”
“In his trailer. His girlfriend came home and found him.”
For some reason that sparked anger. Why was it that an ornery mean son of a bitch like Billy Hart always managed to have a woman willing to take care of him? It wasn’t fair. “I guess death was the only thing Billy Hart couldn’t beat the shit out of.” She heard the bitterness in her voice and was startled. She didn’t give her father much thought most of the time. She had distanced herself from him and her tumultuous childhood. But lately the universe seemed to be insisting she examine her past.
Tucker sighed. “Guess not. Do you think you’ll be coming up here? If you do, let me come and get you.”
That made her recoil. “Hell no. I’m not coming to his funeral. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to be buried with nothing but his drinking buddies standing there. I know Shane won’t go either.” Jolene might, but Elle doubted it. “If Jolene showed up it would be like somehow validating him and all those assholes who turned their backs on us. Do you know what I mean? You were there, Tucker, you saw it.” Tears stung her eyes and it wasn’t grief over her father’s death. It was grief that her childhood had revolved around his anger. “You know some families hide abuse, but Billy never did. He was proud of it, and everyone in town knew, and no one did a goddamn thing to help us.”
It was part of the reason she almost never went back to Starkey. There was nothing and no one there for her. Except for Tucker.
“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I wish I had been man enough to do something about it then.”
“You were sixteen. There wasn’t anything you could do. But the sheriff could have.” Then she rubbed her eyes. “Sorry. Shit. I didn’t expect to feel all of this crap. I need a grip.” She took a deep breath. “Holy Jesus, I need to call Mama. I have no clue how she’s going to react.”
“Okay. Call me back, please. I’m here for you.”
That made her heart squeeze. “I know.” Why was she such an idiot that she had never seen that she was taking for granted the one man who had always had her back? Tucker would never walk away. She should have glommed on to him years ago and not let go. Instead she had been in hot pursuit of men who gave more thought to their outfit choices than to her.
“Love you,” he said.
Because she was raw and running over with a whole range of emotions, she didn’t leave off the “I,” which was standard for them. She gave him the whole phrase and didn’t think twice about it, because it was true. “I love you too.”
She hung up and called her mother. “Mama. I have some news. I’m not sure how to tell you.”
“Baby, did you have a miscarriage?” Her mother sounded immediately upset.
“No, no. I’m fine. The baby is fine.” Elle leaned on the countertop, tired. She was always tired now. “It’s Daddy, Mama. Tucker called me. He’s dead.”
There was a long pause. “Billy’s dead?”
“Yes.” She just waited.
“That’s a shame.” Her mother’s voice dropped to a ragged whisper. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
That was something Elle did not understand at all. As far as she was concerned her mother shouldn’t give a rat’s ass that he had passed. “I’m sorry, Mama.”
“How did he die?”
“I don’t know details, but Tucker said natural causes.”
“Probably the liquor.”
“Probably.” The man drank enough to keep Jack Daniel’s in business. And never went to the doctor.
“Do you think we can leave today? It’s still early enough.”
Elle stood up. “What do you mean?” Good Lord, did her mother want her to take her to Kentucky?
“Or is tomorrow better? I know Shane won’t go, but you girls will take me, right?” Her mother’s voice was pleading.
“Mama, I don’t want to go.” She heard the desperation in her voice, wondered at it.
“I can’t go by myself, baby. I’m not good at things like this. We all know that. Please come with me. I need you.” Her mother was pleading.
Shit. Shit, shit, and fucking shit. It was true. Her mother wasn’t independent. She never had been. Elle swallowed hard and let the tears fall down her face. “All right, Mama. Of course I’ll take you. I need to do Jo’s makeup, then I’ll swing by my apartment for a bag. I’ll get you after that.”
“Thank you, baby. I love you. You’re a good girl, Elle Lynn.”
That brought tears to her eyes. She hadn’t always been as patient with her mother as she should, and she owed her so much. “I love you too.” Elle hung up the phone and went to find her sister. Jolene was sitting on her makeup stool strapping herself into high heels.
“What’s wrong?” Jolene asked, glancing up in alarm.
“Billy died.”
Jolene swore. “Is it sick that I sort of feel relieved?”
“No, not sick at all. And you’re doing better than me. All of sudden I was extremely pissed off. I haven’t felt that much rage toward him in ten years. I just told Mama and she wants me to take her to Starkey. Can you go with me?”
Jolene was already shaking her head. “I can’t cancel this interview. It’s in forty-five minutes. The lighting crew will be here soon. I can meet you down there maybe tomorrow, but I can’t go today. Not that I want to go anywhere near that miserable man’s remains, but I’ll do it for Mama.”
“Okay.” Elle called Shane and put him on the speaker. She gave him the news and got exactly the response she expected.
“So?” he said. “At least now he can’t try to squeeze Jo for money.”
“Mama wants me to take her for the funeral. Can you go with us?” She glanced at her sister, who was shaking her head, her lips pursed. They both knew what Shane was going to say.
“I can’t do that. I said what I needed to a few months back. I don’t owe him anything.”
“Okay, Shaney.” She didn’t expect him to go. He had broken bones from their father. It was his right to no-show. “It’s fine. I’ll take Mama. I’ll have Tucker there to help me with her.”
She always had Tucker.