Tucker wanted to join Elle in the shower but he didn’t trust himself not to get hard again. It might be time to give her a rest. She was tired, he could see it under her eyes, in the droop of her shoulders. She looked content, happy even, satisfied. But tired. He really wanted to make her some tea, give her the gift he had brought, then tuck her up into bed and hold her close all night.
So he left her alone in the bathroom and went to the kitchen, first pouring himself a giant glass of water and drinking it straight down. He was low on fluids after that workout. He paused before refilling the glass, lost in the memory of what it had felt like to be inside Elle without a condom, her cries muffled by the couch. Damn. That had been hot. And against the wall? Even better.
They weren’t going backward after this. Hell to the no. He wasn’t going to allow it. She may be the wild child, but he was the sheriff. He was laying down the law.
When she came into the living room ten minutes later, dressed in a soft fuzzy robe and equally fuzzy rainbow socks that went all the way to her knees, Tucker had a cup of tea with honey waiting for her on the coffee table. She looked sleepy and clean-scrubbed, her hair up in a messy bun on her head. She yawned when she sat down next to him on the couch, raising her feet and propping them on the coffee table.
“Are you going to shower now?” she asked.
He knew he should, but he’d pulled his jeans and T-shirt back on already and he didn’t want to be in a different room from her. Yep. He was a goner. “In a few minutes. I made you some tea.”
She gave him a bemused glance. “Thanks.” Picking up the cup, she breathed in the steam. “Mm. So can we talk about something that doesn’t involve my family, your family, or our future family?”
All he wanted to talk about was their future family, but he knew when to push with Elle and when to retreat. “Sure. Like what? The winter looks to be brutal. That’s interesting. Not.”
She laughed. “What is going on with you at work? Any interesting cases?”
Tucker took another sip of water. He didn’t really want to talk about work but he would if she wanted to hear about it. “So we got a call this morning from the EMTs because this woman called to say her father had a nosebleed that wouldn’t stop.”
Elle crooked her head. “She called 911 for a nosebleed?”
It was honestly one of the most bizarre cases he had seen in a while. “Yep. Only when they got there they said the guy was about sixty years old, sitting on the bed, and his entire chest and the mattress were soaked with blood from his nose. To the point where they couldn’t believe this guy was sitting up and coherent.”
“Okay. Then what?” She took a sip of her tea, then tucked her feet up under her robe.
“The guy said he was fine. That he didn’t need any help. It was already stopping. But of course they took him in and it turns out he had a gunshot wound to the head. His daughter shot him when she thought he jacked her heroin and he didn’t want to get her in trouble. How in the hell, one, the guy didn’t die, and two, he was sitting up acting like he was fine and didn’t need medical attention, is totally beyond me.”
“That is insane. Did you arrest the daughter?”
“Yes. She confessed in about three minutes, sobbing and freaking out that she never meant to kill him or even hurt him, she was just pissed.” Tucker shook his head. “I’m not sure what the intent is then, when you put a gun to someone’s head and pull the trigger. Cause and effect seems to confuse some people. But the guy is fine, believe it or not.”
“Merry Christmas, Dad. Geez.”
“I know, right?” Tucker squeezed her ankle. “So what is the moral of the story?”
“Live alone?”
That made him laugh. “No. Don’t do drugs, kids. It will kill you.”
She gave him a thumbs-up. “Got it. Thanks, Sheriff. But I would think that’s not really true because the woman who did drugs was the one who attacked. So the innocent man, presumably clean, had no control over the situation. Technically.”
Tucker eyed her. “Don’t be difficult.”
“I’m just saying.”
Sometimes Tucker wondered if he would ever know everything that was going on in Elle’s head. She had secret depths he wasn’t sure she allowed anyone to plumb. Maybe it was her personality. Maybe it was her childhood. She had always been the sneaky, secretive sibling. The one who got into trouble the most as well, though he wasn’t sure she had deserved it. When they’d been teens he’d thought that her mother had showed slight favoritism toward Shane and Jolene, and it had annoyed him on her behalf. He still felt that way.
“How is your work going?” he asked, genuinely interested.
Elle shrugged. “I’m bored. I have to admit it. I’ve just been doing appearance makeup for Jolene and for guest stars. Which is cool, I do enjoy it, but I’m getting restless.”
Tucker thought that maybe Elle was ready to move on to the next phase in her career, but hadn’t quite reconciled that notion yet. He didn’t know what that entailed though. He just wished, somehow, it’d be closer to him. But he wasn’t going to think about that. “A job is a job is a job. Everything gets boring after a while.”
“True.” She grinned. “Except for me. I’m never boring.”
He rolled his eyes. “No, you’re not. You are lots of things. Boring isn’t one of them.”
She nudged him with her foot. “What am I?”
“Fishing for compliments.”
Elle mimicked a rod and reel. “Yep. I’m pregnant. I need reassurances that I’m not a pale, limp-haired bore.”
Tucker had no problem being honest. “You’re definitely pale. Sorry, there’s no way around that. You never got a tan like Jolene does.”
She stuck her tongue out at him.
It was so Elle. And she was gorgeous on the couch in her soft robe, her face clean of makeup. She looked natural and soft and mischievous.
“But…as for being limp-haired or a bore or anything else, I can reassure you fully.” Tucker reached out and ran his finger down her cheek, his heart insanely captured. He looked at her, and he ached. He swelled and poured with love, to the point where he didn’t know how he could possibly contain it. Or if he wanted to anymore. “You’re beautiful. Beyond beautiful, whatever that is. You’re like glass…you sparkle in the light and you break if someone drops you. I’m going to try really damn hard to not drop you, sweetheart.” He took his free fist and tapped his chest. “This here—you own it. It’s yours.”
Her whole face softened. “Jason Michael Tucker, I do believe you are a secret romantic.”
He refused to feel embarrassed. “You bring out all kinds of things in me.”
“You bring out all kinds of things in me too.” She turned slightly and rubbed her lips on his hand. “I feel more me with you than anyone, if that makes sense. And I don’t understand why you put up with me. You could be with anyone, you know. Chicks dig cops.”
That made him snort. “Oh, really? Sure, until you get rotated onto night shift. Or you have to work security for an event when it’s their birthday. It’s not easy being a cop’s girlfriend or wife.”
“Stupid bitches. Their loss, my gain.”
Tucker needed to hear more than that, he needed to know what Elle wanted, but again, he wasn’t going to push. “Open your present.”
“I got you something too,” she said. “But I didn’t wrap it because I suck.”
He winked at her. “I don’t mind your sucking.”
“Perv.” But she stood up and padded in her fuzzy socks over to her front closet. She pulled out a brown shopping bag and came back and handed it to him.
Tucker gave her the box he’d clumsily wrapped. “Mine looks like a kid wrapped it with his feet, but it’s the thought that counts. I put a bow on it.” And had felt like a giant ass doing it. He wasn’t exactly known for personal touches on presents. He was normally the king of the gift bag.
But Elle clearly didn’t care, as she was tearing it open. She pulled out the sweater he had bought for her. It was one of those crazy shawl things she wore. He had done a little spying on her clothing tag when she had been at his house for her father’s funeral.
“Oh, Tucker, it’s gorgeous, thanks. It’s the brand I love.”
“I know. You don’t have this one already? If you do you can exchange it.” He figured it would be roomy as her belly popped, but he wasn’t about to mention that to her and kill the good vibes of the moment.
“How did you know what brand I like?” She ran her fingers over the orange and purple and blue fabric. Since she had showered she was free of the variety of metal rings she usually wore.
“I creeped on your suitcase.”
“Stealthy. That should make me nervous.” She smiled at him. “But thank you, that was really sweet.”
“You’re welcome.” He peeked inside the bag she’d given him then shut it quickly. “Something is alive in there.”
“What?” Elle bent over, alarmed.
He flicked her nose. “Just kidding.”
“You’re an ass.”
Tucker laughed. He couldn’t believe she’d fallen for that.
“You’re lucky there isn’t an appointment card for a vasectomy in there. Merry Christmas, super sperm.” She wrinkled her nose, clearly averse to being teased.
Elle had always liked to dish it out more than she liked to take it. “Very funny,” he said. He almost added he had no intention of getting a vasectomy after only one child, but he bit his tongue, not wanting to freak her out. But he was an only child and he didn’t want his kid to grow up the way he had—frequently lonely. Maybe he was idealizing siblings, but even now that he was older it made his family feel small, quiet. Days like Christmas illuminated that, especially since his parents were on a cruise and hadn’t extended an invitation for him to join them. Not because they were cold, but because they figured he was an adult.
Too many thoughts in his head these days. It seemed like he spent a lot of time mulling over things beyond his control. So he shoved those worries, or whatever they technically were, to the back of his head and focused on the gift in his lap. Elle had gotten him two tickets to his favorite band, in concert in March in Nashville. “Thanks, sweetheart. This will be a fun night out for us before you get too, you know, round.”
“Oh, I figured you would take River.”
Tucker looked at her blankly. She wanted him to take his cousin? “What?”
It was her turn to laugh. “I’m kidding.”
He felt relieved. “Nice. Does that mean you’re planning to go with me?” The opportunity to come back and spend another weekend with her made him happy.
“That was my plan. I won’t be obnoxiously huge yet or anything. I don’t think.”
“You’ll only be, like, five months along. You won’t be big at all.” She yawned again. “Are you ready for bed, sweetheart?”
“I think so. I’m wiped out.”
That brought out a ton of tender and protective instincts. She was growing life in there, for crying out loud. She needed sleep. “Come on.” He held out his hand. “Let’s go to bed. I’ll rub your back.”
“That sounds like heaven.” She took his hand and let him haul her up. She sighed, rolling her neck. “Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”
It had occurred to him it had to be one or the other, but mostly he had thought of their child in nebulous baby terms. Purely a baby. Not a gender. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter to me.”
“I feel like it’s a boy.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and came in for a hug. “Have you thought about names?”
“I don’t know. I figured you’d take the lead on that. Offer some suggestions.” He wasn’t sure he had any favorites. He just knew he didn’t like the more unusual names that seemed to be on trend.
“What about Silas?”
Tucker tried to keep a poker face but he must have failed.
“No?” she asked with a laugh.
“I’d like to hear my other options.”
“I’ll text you a list so you can have time to school your reaction.”
“Sounds good.” He looked down at her and felt more than he had any right to feel. Love. Gratitude. Happiness. Words hovered on his lips but he swallowed them. “Get your butt in bed, missy. It’s past your bedtime.”
For a second, Elle had looked up into Tucker’s eyes and she’d thought he was going to say something deep and meaningful. Something that would change everything. But he didn’t. She felt disappointed, but only slightly so. Being with Tucker was easy, comfortable. Sexy. Satisfying. Delicious.
He always knew what to say, but more importantly Tucker knew what to do. He got her. She knew she wasn’t easy to understand or predict. She had unrealistic expectations and she was needy, yet wanted to maintain her independence. But Tucker worked around all of that, and she loved him even more for it.
“Are you coming to bed too?” she asked. “Because I don’t feel like going alone.” Maybe that was more revealing than she intended. But there was deep truth to it.
“Yeah.” His expression was soft, tender. “You don’t have to be alone.”
Tucker led her down the hall to the bedroom and turned the bedside lamp on. He pulled the comforter back, rearranged the pillows. “Do you need water or anything?”
“No, thanks.” Given the way Tucker cared for her, it wasn’t a stretch to envision him in the future, nurturing their child. Part of her was so immensely grateful and part of her was terrified. She knew herself. She knew that it would be easy to lean on Tucker too much. It was an uneasy truth she had to face. She’d been doing it for years. Was it a horrible thing? Not necessarily. But it was selfish and she didn’t want to rely on him. The hardest thing was going to be counting on Tucker, accepting his help, while still doing what she needed to do. Retaining her independence.
And taking care of him. He deserved that. A woman who would prioritize him. She wanted to strive to be that person, but she was afraid she would fail.
But it was Christmas Eve and she decided that she wasn’t going to worry about it. There was altogether too much worrying going on lately. Now she just wanted to feel. To enjoy. To anticipate the arrival of their baby, and not be afraid of it. She peeled her robe off and slid into bed, naked except for a pair of panties and her socks. The sheets were cool and she shivered. As soon as Tucker lay down she maneuvered up next to him to steal his heat. She threw a fuzzy sock over his leg.
“Are you cold?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“No wonder. You’re wearing nothing but socks.”
He had a point. “I have on panties too,” she said, knowing that was no argument, but not caring.
Wrapping his arm around her, Tucker pulled her against his chest. “Not that I’m complaining that you’re naked. You will never hear me complain about that. But I can easily solve your problem by suggesting you put on clothes.”
So practical. She snuggled in closer. “Why would I do that when I have a strong, sexy man in my bed to keep me warm?”
“I can’t argue with that logic.” Tucker sighed. “You feel good in my arms.”
Elle wanted to say something, let him know that he was so important to her, but she wasn’t sure what words to use. They were jumbled in her head, and felt like too little. Too flippant. Too trite. She settled on the very short and vague, “Everything feels good.”
She instantly hated herself for saying something so non-committal. The man deserved a compliment. So she looked over at him in the dark. “Tucker.”
“Yeah?” He eyed her, looking skeptical of what she might say. “Are you okay?”
That made her impatient. Frustrated. She did that to him—made him check on her, gauge her mood constantly because she couldn’t make words come out of her mouth. In twelve years she had never been able to truly explain to him how much he meant to her, and here she was failing at it again.
“Yes, I’m okay. I’m better than okay.” It was hard to see his eyes or read what was in them in the dark room, but maybe that was what made it easier to finally speak what was in her heart and her head. To finally explain to the one man who had stood by her what he meant to her. “You know that it’s hard for me to say how I feel but I’m just about choking on these words. I have to get them out.”
She looked at the man she had known since he was a boy and marveled at how time had aged him into such a ruggedly handsome man, his nose as straight as his backbone, his jaw as strong as his character. How could she never have seen that her future was in her past? “I love you. I don’t mean that I love you as a friend or as a person, though I do. I mean I love you.” She felt tears in her eyes and heard her voice crack with emotion.
She could see his Adam’s apple roll as he swallowed hard. “I love you too. As a man loves a woman. As a husband loves a wife. You make me so damn happy.”
Elle’s heart swelled with love, gratitude, relief. “Then let’s do it, Jason Michael. Let’s get married.”
Tucker paused, and when he spoke his voice was gravelly, tight. “Why do you want to get married? Because it’s practical? Because you feel like you need to? I’ll be there for you no matter what. You don’t have to throw yourself on the pyre to trust me to stick around.”
So her fears and shock earlier had botched it. She didn’t blame him for his reticence, but it did nick her heart just a little. “I know that. Dear God, I know that. You are always there for me. I don’t want to get married because it’s practical, but because it’s about as impractical as we can be. Because we live in different cities and we’re accidentally pregnant and we haven’t dated since we were teenagers and it’s stupidly impulsive, but let’s do it because we want to be all in. Because we want everything. We want each other.”
Tucker rubbed his fingers across her back, his touch gentle. “I already feel like I have everything I’ve ever wanted if you love me.”
That made her heart squeeze. She kissed him, hard, with possession. “You can have more. You just have to take it.”
He kissed her back before breaking it off and running a finger over her bottom lip. “Sweetheart, I’ve loved you for thirteen years. I pictured a future with you, then I reconciled myself to a future without you. And now, because of five minutes of my stupidity, I get to picture you as the mother of my child, and I get to enjoy you as my lover. It seems ironic that when I’ve lived my life being reasonable, a nice guy, everything gets taken away from me. And when I’m selfish, I get what I want. I don’t think that’s a great life lesson, but it’s the cold hard truth.”
He guided her head down, so that her lips met his again. He destroyed her with those kisses, teasing her with his tongue, nipping at her lip and the corners of her mouth, overwhelming her with that heady combination of love and passion that Tucker had proven he could generate within her. When he ended the kiss, she was breathless.
“So what are you saying, Tucker?” She couldn’t tell if he wanted to be with her or not. If he said no, she wasn’t sure how she would feel. Disappointed, definitely. Hell, devastated. She would be crushed.
“I’m saying that I’m taking you. And I’m making you mine. And I’m not letting go. I’m not going to be reasonable or nice or accommodating. So if that’s what you want, then I’ll take your sweet, sexy ass to city hall day after tomorrow and marry you. If not, then we can keep doing what we’re doing.”
With each word he spoke, Elle got more and more turned on. More and more amazed. “Oh, my word.” She liked this fierce side of the man she knew so well. “I want. I want that, Tucker. I want you. I want to be your wife.”
It gave her chills to say that out loud. It was the truth. A truth she had never been able to admit until right then. She had always wanted to be Tucker’s wife. She’d spent twelve years trying to find another man she would want that commitment with and she hadn’t.
“Then that’s what you’re going to be,” he said fiercely, his nostrils flaring.
She was about to say something else, tell him she loved him again, or maybe appreciate out loud how hot he was. So damn sexy. But he didn’t give her a chance. He shocked her speechless by reaching down and snapping the strap of her panties and peeling them down off of her body. She could barely accept the reality of what he had just done when he lifted her hips and shifted her right onto his cock. As he sank deep inside her, Elle groaned.
“See?” he said. “Mine. All mine.”
“Yes,” she breathed, raising herself up to more fully enjoy the sensation of him buried to the hilt. She pushed her hair back off her forehead then watched him as he held her hips and thrust into her rhythmically.
Tucker’s face was obscured in shadow, but she could see well enough to know that he was feeling everything she was. They had decided together to reach out and grab what they had and hold on tight.
“I’m glad you finally see things my way,” he said, giving her a dirty smile.
That made her laugh breathlessly. “Oh, yeah? All the good ideas are yours?”
He instantly stopped moving. She swore under her breath, wiggling on him to try to engage him again. “Tucker,” she protested. She tried to lift her hips and do the work herself, but he held her still. She ached with need, his cock a tease.
“This was my idea. Was it a good one?”
Now he was just being alpha for the hell of it, the bastard. But she would give him what he wanted if it meant he would give her what she wanted. “Yes, it was a truly magical, excellent, stellar, amazing-as-hell idea.”
He gave her one short thrust. “Is that sarcasm?”
“What? No!” Dang, her prior history was working against her. “You know what else would be a good idea? If you kept doing what you were doing.”
“Ask nicely.”
Oh, he was asking for it. But she would get even later. Right now she needed him to keep fucking her or she was going to die. “Please. Pretty, pretty please.” She lifted his hand to her mouth and drew his finger between her lips and sucked. “With sugar on top.”
He made a sound in the back of his throat. “I can’t deny that request. I always knew you had it in you to be sweet.”
She did, with him. And it wasn’t an act. He instantly made her feel tender. “I love you,” she said, and it felt easy. The words right.
Tucker couldn’t believe the turn his life had taken. He was in bed with Elle, talking about marriage, buried deep inside her warm heat, while she told him she loved him. He could see even in the dark room the slight swell of her usually flat belly and he was both in awe and aroused beyond anything he’d ever experienced. He felt love for her that was fierce in its intensity and he wanted to both stroke her tenderly and take her hard.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” Tucker moved his hand so she could no longer suck his finger. It was distracting, in the best way possible. He couldn’t play his own game any longer and tease her. He needed her. He needed her crying out his name and losing herself to the unexpected swell of passion that had been stoked to life between them.
It was the sexiest damn day of his life, watching Elle shatter at his touch over and over. He gripped her hips tightly and moved both her body down and his own body up, so they collided with a pounding thrust.
“Oh!” she cried out, her eyes rolling back, her hair tumbling over her bare shoulders.
“Still cold?” he asked, gritting his teeth, trying to hold back, ensure she finished first.
“Not at all. I’m hot as hell.”
“I agree.” Their rhythm was so in sync, their movements so fast, her breasts were moving in a way that was making him insane. He brought her down so he could suck a nipple into his mouth.
That was all it took for her to explode, her nails scraping his shoulders, her hair tumbling over his face. He couldn’t resist joining her. But then again, there was no point in holding back. There was going to be no holding back ever again.
He let go, and pushed his pleasure into her in a perfect synchronicity of her and him. He couldn’t have asked for anything more than this. It was perfect.
Elle collapsed on him. “Holy shit,” she murmured. “That was a game changer.”
That made him laugh, his big hand gripping her smooth ass. “Definitely.” Then, because he needed her to know that he understood what this was, and that he knew what he wanted, he kissed the top of her head. “Will you marry me, sweetheart?”
He’d already asked in a really stupid way at her sister’s, and she had asked him fifteen minutes earlier, but he needed to put the question out there simply, straightforward. He couldn’t be the guy who let his girl do the asking. It wasn’t him.
Elle knew him well enough to understand that and why he was repeating what they had already discussed. She kissed his cheek. “Yes. I will marry you.”
He closed his eyes and knew it didn’t get any better than that. It just didn’t.