Lord Belton appeared several minutes later on silent footsteps, and Peggy knew that he had seen her in distress if only for those last few moments. He offered her a cup filled with cool water that he must have procured from her stores. She was grateful for it and drank deeply.
Without a word, he turned and leaned against the wall so that they were shoulder to shoulder looking out upon the misty snow that was threatening to fall.
“Are you quite well?” he asked after a long silence.
“I am fine,” she lied.
He nodded as if accepting her words, but she could tell from the draw of his mouth that he did not believe her. “You know,” he began with a calm tentative tone, “if this business is too much for you, I would understand. You would still be welcome to remain in your lodgings for as long as you need. Or I could send you with the carriage ahead to catch up with your friends. It is not too late to change your mind.”
“It isn’t that,” Peggy replied with sincerity. “I know that I said that trade was something I wanted no part of but, if I am being honest, it felt… rewarding. What I did today.” Though she had not given it much thought before this moment, what she said was true. There had been something fulfilling in crafting those letters and knowing that she was making prudent decisions. She had not forgotten as much as she had thought, and though it had often grated on her father’s nerves primarily because she was not a son, it did come naturally. It still, after all this time, was second nature to her.
He turned his head slightly to look down at her, evaluating her features with that strange and almost unnatural ability to read a person. Then, he nodded, accepting what she had said for the truth that it was.
Still, he would not be fooled. “If it was not of the store, then what?” he asked.
Observant to the end, she mentally cursed his perception and her own weakness.
“It’s nothing really,” she said as she pushed away from the wall. “I must be tired.” She started to make her way back to the main room, not willing to let the conversation go any further. It would not be easy to keep Lord Belton from the truth if he really dug at it, and Peggy did not wish to lie any more than she already had.
But his voice put a pause in her step, so calm and earnest that she felt like the greatest heel for refusing to accept his attempts at kindness.
“Just so you know,” he said as he came to stand beside her and looked down upon her with those piercing blue eyes, “if there were anything amiss, anything that troubled you at all, you could tell us. If not me, then my sister.” He glanced towards the main room where Miss Nora stood watching with a concerned eye.
“I hope you know that,” he said.
She had no need to respond, for as soon as he had finished his statement, he walked by her and took his sister’s arm without a backward glance.
“Do you want us to stay?” Miss Nora asked.
Peggy shook her head. “I will be fine,” she said, and the sibling pair left on quiet feet.
Peggy stood there for a long while with her eyes closed and drew deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. She was unsettled. Normally so calm and collected, she was well-equipped to deal with wicked people. She knew how to handle anger and brutality. She had survived severe punishments and berating words. She knew how to handle cruelty. She had little preparation, hardly any at all, for how to deal with kindness.
Miss Nora called upon Peggy every day that week, as promised, and left Molly to help her with any tasks that needed done. When Nora arrived, they had all manner of entertainments. They took rides through the grounds of Whitefall estate, played cards, and Miss Nora even worked with Peggy on the pianoforte to help refresh her skill. She had not sat at the instrument since her time at the abbey, and her technique was rusty to say the least. Little by little, it was coming back, but her hands, callused and aching after years submerged in lye, did not flow as freely as the long, beautiful fingers of Miss Nora. She was sorely out of practice.
She saw little of Lord Belton except in passing. He was busy with his own activities and had no real reason to interact with Peggy while they waited for the results of her letters to become known. The planting season was in full swing and he had much to do in the bustling town as well as the outside farms. Lord Belton joined the women once or twice for tea and conversation, so she knew that there was no discomfort on his end. Nothing seemed to have changed. It was almost as if the conversation outside the barn had never happened except that Peggy recalled the memory with groans of mortification.
These people had been so good to her, and she was still keeping them at arm’s length. Such was her way. It had long been her way. It was what had sustained her through so many trials and tribulations. She did not let people close, and that was her sole protection.
If there did exist any discomfort, it was solely on her end and solely the result of her own behavior.
She had been prickly and on edge all week. Adam still had not called upon her. She had written a letter to Mrs. Finch, not wanting to stop by and surprise the boy only to put him off further. She asked if any progress had been made. The reply was brief.
Give it time.
Peggy, it appeared, had nothing but time at the moment. It was for that reason alone that she had allowed Miss Nora to occupy her every waking moment. The shop had been scrubbed and waxed and even painted under the watchful eye of her dear friend. Peggy would have completed the tasks herself, but Miss Nora had insisted that it would benefit the community if they paid some local boys to take on the burden. In the end, she was grateful that she had been not been left for hours upon hours to dwell in her own thoughts. With Adam still refusing to see her, her mind was in a dark place.
Jemmy had been one of the boys tasked with whitewashing the shelves inside the store. She had been surprised to see him at first. He and three other boys had appeared on her doorstep one morning with buckets of paint and brushes.
“Lord Nash said we’ve got to do a good job, so the store does well,” he said as he introduced his friends. “Don’t you worry, miss,” he added as if they had never met before. “It’ll all be fresh by the time we’re done.” When the other boys had turned their backs, he had offered her a pitying smile. Perhaps not pitying, she had been forced to amend after a few days of playing the moment over and over in her mind. Perhaps it had been more a look of understanding. Understanding the hurt she must have been feeling as Adam continued to maintain his silence and his absence.
The boys had worked in the shop for two straight days, and Peggy had been glad when they finished. Although she had been out with Miss Nora during most of that time, Peggy made a point of buying meat pies from the inn to serve the toiling workers during midday. She also gave them each an envelope with some coinage inside for her gratitude. She suspected Lord Belton was paying them as well when they tried to refuse the payment, but still, she had insisted. A selfish part of Peggy wanted to pepper Jemmy with questions, to find out how Adam was doing and to know more than those three frustrating words that Mrs. Finch had sent, though she was sure that the note had not been meant with ill will. She knew it would be unfair to put the young man in the position of spy and so she had held her tongue. At the end of the job, when she thanked the young men for their effort and praised the clean look of the shelves, Jemmy had stayed behind and offered her his hand to shake as he would a man.
She grasped it in return and gave a nod of thanks for the sign of respect.
“I appreciate what you’re doing here,” the young man said when they were fully alone. “For the town and for Adam. All he needs is a little time. He thought you were dead, you see. It’s like being asked to believe in a ghost.”
“I understand,” she replied. She really was trying to understand. It was not easy, but she could only imagine how confused the young boy must feel.
“He asked me a few times if you were nice or mean, and I said the nicest, I did.”
“Thank you, Jemmy,” she had said with barely restrained tears. “That means the world to me.”
“I meant it. No one ever gets us meat pies from the inn. They’re my favorite. Better than my mum’s, but don’t tell her I said that.” Peggy tried not to laugh at his words. Everyone knew that the way to a young man’s good graces was through his stomach. She was not born yesterday. “You know,” he continued without noting her amusement, “I like working for Lord Nash, and I liked working for you just now,” Jemmy said as he kicked his toe at a loose board on the floor. “If you ever need help again, you just call for me, all right? I can be really helpful. I’m strong now. I can lift bags of grain and anything that’s too much for…” he eyed her as if afraid she might take his words as an insult, “… a lady.”
She laughed. “You know, I just might take you up on that.”
“Really?” he beamed. “Because I could use the extra money. I’m savin’ up to rent my own bit of land.” Peggy wondered if his motivation had more to do with a certain local girl that had caught his interest. Jemmy was getting to an age where he needed to start thinking about his future if he wanted to be able to provide for a wife and have children of his own. In a few years, he would be old enough to marry if he chose. A small tenancy on the Whitefall holdings would be an excellent start as he helped his father in the role of groundskeeper.
“I’ll make you a deal,” she offered without needing to give it much thought. “Once my supplies arrive, I might need help setting things up, but more importantly, I could use a swift set of feet to run deliveries. If I get a request, I can’t leave the shop unattended, so I’ll need someone that I can trust to take the purchases to the customers for me. Do you think you could do that?”
He nodded with enthusiasm. “As long as my da or Lord Nash don’t need me, I can be here,” he promised. “If not me, I bet any of the other boys would take you up on it. Just don’t give them my spot, deal?”
“Deal!” Peggy laughed and offered her hand to him once more. He shook it with vigor, their agreement sealed.