Peggy wanted to refuse, wanted to tell him that there were so many more questions that he could not have known to ask, but all thought fled from her mind as emotion and longing took over. She kissed him back with all of the pent-up agony and frustrations that she had been holding within. She was not naïve. She was not some frail maid. She was a woman grown, but he was still a baron, and she was a nobody. Still, she felt her own desire echoed in him. He had been just as bothered as she. She ought not to have reveled in that knowledge, but she could not help herself. He wanted her still and had been just as struck by the constant need of it. Wanted her as an aristocrat wanted a commoner. The thought popped into her mind, but she did not care. In this moment, there was only him, the strength of him, the scent of him, the feel of his arms around her.
Peggy grasped at his waistcoat, not caring if she left the crisp fabric wrinkled and mussed. For how long they were wrapped in each other’s embrace, she could not say. It could have been moments or hours, and she would not have been able to define the time in which they clung to one another. It was not until he spoke that her mind flitted back to reality. The emotions inspired by the kiss could not be. This happiness was not for her.
“You should stay,” he breathed against her. “Don’t go.”
Peggy felt a sinking feeling grow within her, and she pulled back enough to break the kiss and look up at him, though his arms remained wrapped around her waist, pressing her to him. Desire still strummed through her, reflected in him. Of course, he would think it were as simple as that. He could even visit her here, just as he was. She had a room here at the shop. It could be as she feared and desired in equal measure. She could be his mistress.
In any other town, the temptation would have been too great. If she had not met and loved his sister… But it could not be. She could not do that to Adam. It was then that she realized she had to tell him, and yet, he knew. How did he know about Adam? Surely, that knowledge should have put an end to his affections and ruin what had only just before been a moment of heaven. No. There was nothing heaven blest about their passion.
She swallowed deeply and prepared herself. “There is something that I must explain,” she began, already trembling in his arms with preparation for the hurt that must come.
“Adam loves it here,” he broke in. “You do not have to go, not on his account.”
“What?” she stammered. She had to blink her eyes and shake the distracting sensation of being held in his arms to try to make sense of his words. Had he really just said what she thought?
“I am sorry. I held a secret too. I am aware that Adam is your son,” he repeated with a sigh, finally releasing her and stepping back. He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it adorably haphazard in his frustration to explain. All Peggy could do was wait in silence with her arms wrapped around herself as if she could physically hold herself together.
He knew? She could hardly fathom how. “How?” she whispered. The word flitting about her mind came to her lips.
“I’ve known since the beginning.” He then explained that when Mr. and Mrs. Finch had received the letter from the abbey months prior to her arrival, the gamekeeper had brought it to his lord for advice about what could be done. Of course, they had wanted to keep the boy, but the letter so clearly described the mother as a victim of horrible circumstances who had loved her child very much. They had no legal right to the child. The letter instructed that they ought to let him go. “They were devastated. I wanted to be angry at you, a woman who would uproot her child…” He shook his head.
Peggy chided herself for a fool. She ought to have considered that the gamekeeper would have consulted his employer. Such was the way of things when legal matters were involved.
Lord Belton went on to explain his feelings. “I had so many suppositions… A woman who bore a child out of wedlock, she must be somehow…”
“Tainted?” Peggy said softly.
“No,” he said, but ran his hand through his hair with a nervous gesture. “Yes. I suppose I thought that at first, but then I met you. In that first meeting, I was intrigued by you. Attracted of course, but I had not really identified you as his mother, and Nora liked you so much. I guess, I just didn’t connect everything. I should have. Then the day at the Finch’s, I realized how wrong I was. When you reacted to the sight of the boy with such agony, I knew you loved him. You did not want to uproot him. You just wanted to love him. I knew that the letter had been about you. That finding your son had been the reason for your arrival here,” he revealed. “And the reason for your staying.”
Peggy stood glued to the spot, unable to speak or in any way disturb the events that were playing out around her. “I had hoped that you would tell me on your own. That you would offer up your burden so that I could help you. I wanted you to trust me with the most important thing in your life, your son, but I did not want to press. My own feelings were so …” He shook his head.
“Wrong?” Peggy supplied.
“No. Never wrong. Confused, yes. I can only imagine how hard it has been for you. Then, I saw that things were going so well with Adam here, and it was only then that I began to think that you might choose to stay. After we danced… After we kissed, I hoped that you would, but instead you seemed even more set on leaving. I couldn’t understand why.” He looked at her, a guileless hope in his eyes. “You could, you know. You could stay.”
She stared at him unable to believe that he could be so naïve. She could not stay. Only as his mistress, and even then, it was impossible. “You don’t care that I have a son?” she snapped with disbelief. “A child. You don’t care that I have been ruined in more ways than most women would experience in a lifetime?”
He shook his head. “I know you,” he protested. “You are not ruined. In fact, add in the letter, and I had confirmation of everything that I already knew as to your person, and I would say you are the strongest, most remarkable person I know.”
“Then you know about London as well?” She did not know why she was getting so defensive, but she felt anger for some inexplicable reason. She could not, would not, believe that he had known all this time and still chosen to accept her. Such things were not done. It had to be a trick, and she was soon to be the recipient of a poorly timed joke. That was what aristocrats did. Could she believe that of this aristocrat? She had come to know him, and nothing in his character was so cruel. Dare she take him at his word?
“I do,” he murmured. “It was easy enough to piece together the timing of your captivity and the story that broke all of London last season. A duchess was involved. Unwilling captivity. A court case in which several female witnesses went unnamed and were rewarded with financial security for their suffering. It was no secret. Peggy, I…” he reached out to her, but she flinched away, and he let his hand drop to his side.
“Do not say that you are sorry for me,” she snarled. “I do not need your pity. Is that what this all has been? An attempt to make amends because I’d been wronged? Well, I assure you that I do not…”
He cut her off a snap in return. “I have never once pitied you! No one ever could. You are a beautiful and vivacious woman.”
“Beautiful?” she said, disbelieving.
Again he raked his hands through his hair as if he wished he could tear it from his head to get through to her. “You are the strongest, smartest woman that I have ever encountered, and you have never needed pity. If anything, I find myself amazed by your resilience. And I am honored that you would even deign to take the time to help a small village or me…”
She stood staring at him unbelievingly.
“You could have just snatched up your son and went on with your life. You have no need for pity; you deserve a medal.”
Peggy was touched by his words despite her best effort to remain cross. She gave a halfhearted scoff. “I tried to snatch him up. He wouldn’t come.”
“A less kind mother would have forced him,” he disagreed. “You gave him the chance to adjust. You put yourself out, altered all of your plans, and took on this enormous project.” He gestured at the store around them. “Successfully, I might add, just to give your son the time that he needed. If anything, I loved you more for it. And so does he.”
Peggy froze.
“Yes, I said what I said,” he breathed in frustration. “I don’t pity you. I love you.”
She had no words. Did not even have thoughts. He had known about it all. All this time, even before their first kiss, he had known her darkest secrets and accepted them, accepted her. It was almost too much to fathom.
“Say something,” he murmured, taking a tentative step toward her and another when she did not back away.
“I cannot believe it,” was the best that she could muster. She was filled with wonderment and still disbelief. “Does Nora know?”
“No, none but me,” he said taking another small step. “Nora, for once, has no say in this,” he said with a laugh.
“Oh.” Peggy felt what little hope she had melt. It was one thing for Lord Belton to accept her and quite another for others to go unbothered. She had seen the affect others’—especially familial—disapproval could have on a mindset.
“She will not care. She adores you,” he continued. “Everyone does. The whole town loves you.”
“The town?” she said. “But you are a baron. One day you will be a viscount. This small northern town may be able to see past what I have done, but not London.”
“From what I’ve gathered from the letter and from your contacts in London, everyone who has ever met you finds you remarkable and worthy. London included.”
Peggy shook her head. “It is not that simple. The Ton…”
“Oh, the Ton can go hang,” he snapped. “Sorry.” He reached for her as if drawn by some irresistible force.
She stared at him. In one minute, he was accepting her as less than a lady and in the next apologizing like a London gentleman who misspoke before a lady. She was so confused, but the truth was, he was a gentleman, and no matter what he said now, one day he would regret being with her. She could not allow it. She shook her head mutely.
“Let it be for now,” he murmured as he slipped one hand about her waist and coaxed her to him. She did not resist. “For this moment, let us not be who the world thinks us to be. Let us just be Nash and Peggy.” He tipped her head up and kissed her with such tenderness that she thought her heart would break.
“Oh, Nash,” she groaned in agony and allowed her forehead to fall to his chest. She wished that she could just hide there forever. Her life here in Riversbend seemed far too easy and good to be true. She knew that this was not the way of the world. The world was filled with hateful, evil people who would tear her to shreds the moment her full story was revealed, and he would be hurt by that gossip. She did not want him hurt.
With a finger to her chin, he coaxed her to look up into the security of his blue eyes. For that was what she felt in his arms, safety. So badly she wanted to trust that feeling. So many times, she had learned that there were few places in this world that one might feel safe.
His eyes searched hers, looking for and finding answers that she could not know herself.
“You can stay here,” he murmured, his mouth descending as he spoke, “with me.”
She started to shake her head in negation, but then their lips met, and there was nothing but him. The Ton and all the problems of the aristocracy were obliterated by the power of that kiss. Peggy hummed with pleasure.
“Is that a yes?”
She could feel his smile against her mouth. Her mind was filled with confusion, and her heart was heavy with what must not be. She was no lady, but he was a gentleman. They could never be married. All they could have was this moment. Well, so be it.
She would have the moment, and the future would have to take care of itself. She was already a fallen woman. Gossip could not demean her more than it already had. She had endured too much to let this small chance at happiness go, even if it was only temporary. In this moment, they were not a laundress and a baron. They were only a man and a woman in love. Were they in love?
A desperate sound of want and sadness for what would never be escaped her lips, and then his lips closed over hers. She wanted this. She pulled Nash to her and twisted her position so that she was pressed with the counter at her back and Nash at her front. “I’ll need some convincing,” she said.
In response, his hands moved swiftly toward her bottom. He lifted before she knew what he was about, and he set her with a resolute thunk upon the countertop. She squealed, both shocked and pleased with the rugged nature of his behavior. It was simply not done! Now seated, and finally eye to eye, he placed one hand at either side of her hips and pretended to give her a stern glare. Then, his features took on an earnest expression that conflicted with the shifting movement that settled his hips between her knees.
“In all seriousness,” he said quite casually, considering she was flustered, and it took all of her willpower not to link her ankles at his back and pull him closer, “I won’t force the issue if it is not what you want. But if it is at all a possibility, I would like the chance to convince you.”
Peggy wondered for a moment what sort of convincing he might be implying, and her cheeks flushed at the thought. Certainly not that.
He must have read her thoughts because he chuckled. “Then you’ll consider it?”
Peggy was breathless with wanting and merely nodded before she recalled that she had a stipulation.
“I don’t want Adam to know anything until I’ve decided,” she explained. “To stay or not, that is. I cannot bear to get his hopes up. I need to know where he stands with me as his mother before I decide anything else.” Peggy needed to know that Adam wanted her and not just the chance to stay in Riversbend. It was important that their bond as mother and son come first, before romance and before the Baron.
“That is a bother,” Nash teased. “I figured between Adam, Nora, and I, you wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Exactly!” She giggled as she pretended to be cross. “The three of you are quite enough on your own without my having to deal with you all banding together.”
Nash nodded, solemnly accepting his fate.
“I mean it,” she said. “I will not have Adam’s place tainted. I want him to stay with me here, and I need time to build a relationship with him.”
“And what about a relationship with me?”
She groaned at the thought. Allowing Nash to visit the shop would certainly put a damper on her relationship with Adam and vice versa.
She started to shake her head, but he put a finger under her chin. “Can I begin to convince you now?” he asked, kissing along her jawline and toward her neck. “Adam is not here.”
“I suppose.” Peggy could hardly breathe. She was all in knots. His mouth came over here and she clung to him. They kissed and murmured incoherent things to one another. She was fairly certain that Nash mentioned something about thanking God for the bloody curtains, but she hardly had time to laugh and breathe at the same time.
Then, without warning, he stepped away and smoothed his waistcoat, which was in shambles and quite possibly missing a button.
“Now that that’s settled,” he said, kissing her lightly on the forehead. “I shall see you tomorrow for the ledgers, and we shall have to behave ourselves in front of Adam.”
“Yes,” she agreed somewhat shakily.
“I suppose it is time to release Nora from her confinement.” Then, he exited the shop before Peggy had a chance to recover.
She remained for a long while on the countertop, thrumming with desire. Her mouth hung open in astonishment, wondering as time flew by if she had imagined it all. Surely, if he were really here, he would have slaked his desire, but he had not. She had no idea where this tryst would take her. What was his plan? A tryst? An arrangement? If this was Nash’s idea of convincing her to remain in Riversbend, then she was in way over her head.
Finally, she thought her legs could hold her and she leapt down from the countertop. She did not think she could sleep. Perhaps, she would make some of that delicious new tea. As she wandered aimlessly in the room, the moonlight caught a glint on the floor.
Apparently, she had not swept as well as she thought she did. She leaned down to capture the shiny object. It was a silver button; his silver button. She stared at it. She had not dreamt the last encounter. It was real. Nash was real. She wrapped her arms around herself, reliving the feeling of comfort in his embrace. He had said he loved her.