The rain began to abate as Peggy rode back to Riversbend with Lord Belton on his massive stallion. He said he was not letting her out of his sight, and he held her firmly in front of him as they walked sedately towards home. Home, Peggy thought. At last, she had a home and a family. Nora rode at her side while Lord Abernathy argued that Miss Nora should not be allowed to ride alone after her own shock. Nora loudly opposed this notion. Mr. Finch and others of the town fell back, allowing the argument to play out. Lord Belton promised a celebration at the inn for all involved, but Peggy just wanted peace and quiet. She leaned her head back against Lord Belton’s warm shoulder.
Nash’s father, the Viscount, and several others had remained behind to make the reports and handle the return of Lord Pentworth’s mangled body to his wife in Hampshire. Peggy momentarily pitied the woman for the shame that her husband’s behavior would bring upon her house. Then, it occurred to her that the lady might be more than pleased to be free of the wretched man who was her husband. There was status as a widow, and she would finally be free to marry for love if she so chose. Peggy knew that she need not to fear her father. Such a showing and defeat of the Viscount would keep the merchant far away from Riversbend. He had never been one who liked to get his hands dirty anyway, she recalled.
When they came into town, all of the residents had come out to gawk or greet their men upon the return. Even with all of the people lingering about, the street was filled with an eerie silence. Peggy looked about for Adam. She saw him standing at the front of the haberdashery and clinging to Mrs. Finch with Jemmy and Martha laying hands of comfort upon his sobbing shoulders.
Mrs. Finch drew his attention up to the road and pointed out his mother’s approach.
Without hesitation, Adam raced toward her, his arms flung out and tears flowing down his cheeks.
Peggy scrambled down from the horse before Lord Belton could help her dismount and caught Adam just as he leapt into her arms. She held him close, burying her face in his hair and relishing the knowledge that they had both come through the ordeal unharmed. Adam cried against her, expressing his fear that he might never have seen her again.
“I’m safe,” she murmured against him. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. We’re both safe.”
She sensed more than saw Lord Belton come up beside her. He had handed off the reins of his horse to someone in the crowd and pressed a hand to Adam’s shoulder, offering the boy his support.
Adam turned and hugged the Baron about the waist. Nash wrapped his arms around the boy. His eyes met Peggy’s over her son’s head, and she offered him a sad but grateful smile.
“You came for us,” Adam spoke into the chest of his hero. “The whole town came for us.”
“That they did,” Nash replied. “You’re one of us now, and we protect our own.”
“What if our new town doesn’t like us?” Adam complained, turning to his mother with pleading in his voice. “What if they aren’t like the people here and they wouldn’t protect you? What if that man comes again?” He was near hysterics, and so Peggy pulled her son back into her arms and whispered soothing words.
“That man will never harm us again,” she promised. “He… He’s dead.”
“Is it true that he is… was my father?” Adam’s voice was small. It broke her heart.
“Yes,” Peggy replied. She wanted to tell him that though Lord Sterling was the father of his birth, he had never been and never would be a true father to the boy. But that was not what the boy was asking, so Peggy had kept her answer brief.
“Then I am glad he is dead,” Adam scoffed. No longer was he tearful. He straightened his shoulders and stood strong, looking up at his mother with determination. “He wanted to hurt you, and so he is no father of mine.”
Peggy swallowed past the lump in her throat and nodded. She was sure this day would stay with the child, but she would not contradict him in this moment. In this moment, it felt as if Providence had smiled upon them. Was it an evil thought to be glad of it? She wondered. To be glad a man was dead? Were not the lives of all so preordained? She could not think of it now. She would not. She could only be glad her son was safe.
“Come now, child,” Mrs. Finch’s voice broke in from a few yards away. “Let us fill your belly and get you some rest. I think your mother needs some time to collect herself.” The woman’s eyes made a pointed gesture at Peggy’s blood-spattered gown, a detail that she had yet to notice, and Peggy was pleased to know that her son would be well cared for while she cleaned herself up. The gown she would burn, she thought with a flare, for she never wished to look upon it and think of its horrors again.
Adam allowed Mrs. Finch to take him under her arm as she led him away. He looked so small to have endured so much trouble in his life. He had been right, though, when he noted that the town had ridden out in their defense. Without question and with haste, a small army had given chase, even including several faces that she had never before seen. That was something, she thought with satisfaction. That was what made a place a home.
Peggy left the murmuring crowd in the street and let herself into the shop. It took her less than half of an hour to toss her gown into a freshly lit fire, scrub her skin until it was near raw and held no indication of the day’s trials, and don a new frock. When she checked her appearance in the mirror, she did not look so very different, and yet she felt as if she had transformed into a new person entirely.
Gone was any question of leaving Riversbend. No more would she attempt to imagine a new life far away with just herself and her son. They had a community now, and Peggy had never felt that so deeply in her soul before this day. So many had come to their defense. Even those that she had not yet met had pledged their support and their lives in the protection of herself and her son. She had long been left to feel quite on her own, a captive worker with no agency of her own, a moving pawn in a game of chess for her father’s progress, or an aberration in society as a woman ruined by a man without consequence. Now, she felt a oneness with those around her, and she was grateful to have been accepted even after the town had learned that she had begot a child out of wedlock. Still, they had come for her in numbers greater than she could have ever imagined. For the first time, she had not been abandoned to her fate.
When she finally felt that she had put herself back together, she descended the stair with the intention of opening the shop to the crowd. There would be few purchases today, but they would all have questions or wish to offer their support, and she owed them her gratitude. It was the least that she could do to put on a brave face and bear through it.
It took several moments for her to realize that she would not be opening the shop at all. Lord Belton waited below with the curtains drawn against anyone who found themselves too overcome with curiosity. She was pleased that she would not be expected to perform and felt simultaneously guilty that she had the need for privacy at all. That her troubles had come to Riversbend was no one’s fault but her own.
“They are all worried about you,” he explained, “but I told them that what you needed right now was some quiet.”
“Thank you,” Peggy said with hesitation. He stood in the center of the shop awaiting her approach, but she was frozen on the last step, unsure.
There was a part of her that wished to run into Nash’s arms and allow his embrace to chase away all of the concerns of her day. There was a part of her that cried out for him and screamed within her head that he had more than proved his devotion to her this very day. There was a part of her that had believed what he had said when he had declared to all that he had been taken with her. There was a part of her that wanted to hope that the affection that had grown between them was enough, could be enough.
And yet… there was also a voice in her head that could not help but believe what Lord Sterling had professed. That she was worthy enough for a distraction, for pleasure, but nothing more. She was not a woman of noble birth. She was not even a poor but innocent woman. She was ruined. How could a man as wonderful as he, ever care for her in the way that she had come to care for him? Try as she might, she could not stop the doubts from taking over.
She was forced to admit that Nash had never formally declared himself. In all of their weeks of happiness, she had made the foolhardy assumption that his intention was for them to remain together in a much more public manner than they had begun. In her most secret of hopes and dreams, she had imagined them wed and happy, but she now saw that he had never actually suggested such a thing outright. He had claimed that he loved her, that he wanted her, and that he wished that she would stay. Lord Sterling had wanted the same, and that had never once meant more than a superficial arrangement. Like the Viscount, the Baron had never offered her his home or his name.
Her ex-lover had been quick to point out that his expectation of Peggy’s role might not be so different from that of her new beau. Lord Sterling had expected to keep Peggy tethered to the wings, and while the cover of secrecy had been her own demand for Adam’s sake, Peggy could not help but note that it would benefit Lord Belton in the long run if he ever chose to forsake her for another. He could keep her as his lover and the manager of the haberdashery without ever needing to give her more. Gentlemen were known to expect such things on the side of their formal agreements. They married noble ladies. They bedded whomever they pleased.
Though she had tried to argue with herself that she and Lord Belton had never dared move past a passionate embrace, it was only a matter of time before they succumbed to the need. She could not even place the blame solely on Lord Belton. She realized that despite her determination that she would never place herself in such a position again, she had fallen too deeply for the Baron to deny him much. If he had pressed further, she would have complied. The knowledge made her lose what little respect for herself she had gained over recent months. As Lord Sterling had suggested, she was weak when it came to matters of the heart.
“What is the matter?” Nash broke her from her reverie with a voice filled with trepidation.
“I don’t know,” she lied. But she knew very well. She had done the thing that she had sworn she would never do again. She had fallen in love with a gentleman who was well above her station and who would never, if he had an ounce of sense about propriety, claim her in public.
He shook his head, stepping forward to meet her where she stood at the stair. Peggy remained aloof but allowed him to brush his fingers down the length of her arm until his hands clasped hers at her sides. A shiver ran over her skin, leaving raised bumps across its surface.
“You are doubting my intentions,” he said with the strange and acute knowledge that had so often caught her off her guard. “What that lout said was meant to make you doubt me. Doubt us. It wasn’t true. I thought you would see that.”
She allowed herself to meet his eye. No matter what Nash thought he felt when he was with her, it would not solve the issue that it would never make sense for them to be together. No one would ever expect him to lower himself to her standard.
“I could see his point,” she said in a voice that was barely a whisper. “I know that you are his superior in every way, but I know who I am. What I am. And that makes his words ring all the more true. Why would you stoop to choose—”
“Why would I choose a woman who is kind and strong and has already proven herself to be the most devoted mother?" he cut in before she could finish. “A woman who has survived the worst and still gives her best? A woman who has every reason to hate the world and still sacrificed herself and her own choices for the happiness of a little boy and the benefit of a town in need?”
He spoke with passion, and Peggy tried to listen, although the hopeless part of her mind refused to believe. “Why would I choose the most beautiful woman I have ever met who turns my insides out and who I dream about each night? The woman I want to bear my children and call my wife? Yes, my wife. Not a mistress. Not a lover. I want it all.
Peggy felt the need to protest, but he went on. She had heard what he had said and wanted to celebrate in the knowledge, but she knew that his wants, or her wants, mattered little when other people had a say, and they would speak out against her. Society would reject her and him in kind. “Why would I not willingly choose only a woman who my family has grown to love and respect? One that they would support and champion even against the harshest critics of society. Let them say it is wrong. We will prove them wrong.” He was so filled with certainty that her heart ached. Only one of truly noble birth could see the world through such gilded eyes. She had seen the dark side of life, the dark side of the aristocracy, and she knew that it would eat up all those who were foolish enough to think that good could prevail. It was a wonder that this man, this gentle, wonderful man still believed in fairy stories, for what they had could only end in heartache.
“We cannot—” she began.
“Bollocks,” he interrupted, sounding nothing at all like a gentleman and every bit the earthy man she loved. “We can. Did you not say that you didn’t give a bloody farthing what people thought?”
She blushed. He was not supposed to hear that.
“It was not very ladylike,” she whispered. “That is why…”
“Why I stand before you now, as a man before the woman he loves. Not a lady and a gentleman, but a man and a woman who love one another. Say you love me, Peggy,” he whispered, the pain suddenly in his words.
“I do, but I cannot be a baroness. I certainly can’t be a viscountess.”
“Why not?’
“The people would never accept me.”
“I do not care what the people think, but I think you are wrong.”
“Those that fall under my care would respect you as more than just their lady. They have already proven that. They have accepted you as a woman who has proven that she could earn a place among them. That they would risk their lives for. That they would come running to protect when the call rang out. For that is exactly what we saw today. Each and every man who rode with me championed you and your goodness. Not me alone, but dozens. They believed in you and were willing to fight to protect you.” Peggy suppressed a sob that threatened to break loose at his words. But he went on. “One whose decisions I could trust and who had the knowledge to work alongside me to make this village thrive?” He threw his hands up in the air. “Why would I choose that woman?”
Peggy was stunned. In one speech riddled with sarcasm, he had cast aside all of her arguments and left her feeling as if she had insulted his very nature for the mere implication that she was beneath him. Yet that is how she had felt after Lord Sterling’s words. She had felt unworthy. No. She knew she was unworthy.
Peggy reflected on all of their interactions and tried to recall each moment as she had seen them before, when they had been filled with wonderment and happiness, not with the taint of hateful words and insulting insinuations.
Nash had always been kind to her, more than kind. He had gone out of his way to ensure her comfort and offered his ear even when she had refused to speak. He had trusted her with the responsibility of a man when many would have laughed in her face and told her to focus her efforts on more feminine pursuits. He had known her darkest secrets and still allowed her the chance to prove what type of person she was within. He had been gentle and respectful in his courting yet never withheld the proof of his passions. Nor had he taken advantage even though he had known that she was not an innocent.
Most importantly, he had only kept their attachment a secret at her behest, not from any drive to hide her away from embarrassment or to convince her to be a kept woman. Peggy had wanted time and the ability to pull away freely if she chose. She had wanted an out and Nash had given it to her. He had never once asked for a single thing she was not willing to give.
With a sinking feeling, Peggy realized that her doubts were the result of no one’s behavior but her own. The struggles of her life had formed insecurities that had gone unnoticed. She had thought herself healed and whole, a strong woman who knew her own mind. She had been wrong. Nash had known about her child and about her time in London, but he had known nothing of her life before those tumultuous events. He had not known of her father’s expectations and how they had weighed on her. He had been unaware of the ease with which she had been cast aside in her shame by both the father of her child as well as her own family or the damage to her confidence that being cast out by those that she had thought would always love her had left upon her psyche. He could not have known that she had been declared unworthy time and again after having been told that she must appeal to a certain standard, or that the false declarations of love that had been used to manipulate her youthful mind had left her unwilling to trust or leave herself vulnerable to others. Then had come her captivity, in which she had soon learned that the only person that she could rely on was herself. It had not been until the very end that she had even remotely begun to allow herself to collaborate with others for her freedom. And yet this town had come to her air. He had come to her aid.
Had he known these things, he might have been able to preempt her plummeting confidence by making his intentions clear. Instead, he had held back only the most formal of declarations until she had made her decision to stay and be with him or leave. As it was, Lord Belton had been sure that he had left little room for doubt, only enough opportunity for Peggy to make her choice without the pressures of his own hopes to cause her confusion. He had wanted her to choose him, as she had wanted Adam to choose her.
She felt like the most ridiculous fool, needy and demanding of constant proof.
“I am truly sorry,” she said when it had all begun to make sense in her mind. “Nash, I believe that I have some explaining to do. You know of my past, but not all of it. There are things that shaped me, things that I thought that I had long ago moved past. It seems that some part of me still believed them. Still believed that I was unworthy of anyone, let alone someone like you.”
“If you could only see yourself though the eyes of others, through my eyes,” he amended, “then you would never have reason to doubt.”
Peggy descended the final step and made her way to stand in front of him. He seemed to be waiting for her cue as he looked down upon her.
“What can I do?” she asked of him.
“Well…” He shrugged, looking a bit uncomfortable. “You could tell me what your intentions are.” He looked terrified at the prospect of her answer. “I would not fault you for deciding that you wished to find a more secluded place where you and Adam would have no fear of being accosted. Being a Baroness, and then a Viscountess, I cannot promise you anonymity, but I can promise I will protect you”
“While I am certain that such a thing will never happen again,” she began with a smile, “I cannot guarantee that any village will protect us quite so well as Riversbend and you.”
He waited with bated breath, which Peggy could not help but find endearing.
“I think this is just the place for us to remain, if we are still welcome,” she concluded.
“You’re staying?” he said in a breath. “For always?”
She smiled, thinking he sounded for all the world like a boy who had just been told Christmas had come. She nodded and gasped when, in his excitement, he swept her up into his arms and spun her about.
“I had been certain that you would until today,” he revealed. “To think that such a horrible thing could happen here.” He shuddered and kissed her, as if the need to confirm that she was real and before him was too strong. “I could not bear it if it made you feel unsafe.”
“Quite the contrary,” she replied. “Had I not been in Riversbend and surrounded by such good people, I would have been lost for sure. It was only by being here that I was saved. I have never felt safer in my life than knowing that I have so many lovely neighbors who would never allow harm to befall me or my son.”
“Your son,” he mused. “I was thinking that you might wish to rethink that a bit.”
“Oh?” Peggy wondered aloud, her heart racing with hope and uncertainty. A gentleman of his position might wish that her son be cast aside. Though she did not think that Nash was the sort to suggest such a thing, it was not unheard of.
“Well,” Lord Belton brushed her hair away from her face and clasped her to his side. “I cannot claim him as my own, but I can provide for him as if he were. I could give him a good life, if you’d let me… raise him alongside others even. He’d have an education and an allowance. A real future of his own desire. It’s just a thought.”
Peggy turned into the frame of his arms and looked up at him, her features overtaken by the love and gratitude that he would even consider caring so fully for a child that was not his own.
“Is that what you want?” she asked.
“I want you and everything that comes with you,” he confirmed. “I’ve always cared for Adam, and to raise him like a son would be more than I could have ever dreamed.”
“But could you?” she wondered. “Raise him as your own, that is? Love him even though he came from another?” She was fearful that if there was a future between herself and the Baron, any further children might cause a rift since she knew according to the laws of succession, Adam could never be the Baron’s heir. Providing for a child was one thing. Making them feel like a welcome part of a family was quite another.
Nash drew back and looked down upon her with confusion. “Do you not think that the Viscountess loves me?”
“Well, of course your mother loves you,” Peggy sighed. He must have misunderstood her meaning, she thought. She had not meant if a male could love a child in the way a female could love a child. She had meant if he could love a child that was not bonded by blood.
“Lady Umberly is not the woman who gave birth to me,” he revealed, to her utter shock.
“What?” Peggy reeled. “Of course, she is. She called you her child on several occasions. I am sure of it.”
“I am her son, for all it is worth.” He shrugged. “But my own mother died a few years after I was born attempting to give birth to another. They were both lost.”
“I do not understand,” Peggy frowned. The Viscount was clearly in love with his wife. She had never heard of him speak of another. Was Nash implying that he himself had been begotten outside of the marriage bed? She blushed with the thought, although if he were from the wrong side of the blanket, well, she could hope. The son of a Viscount was clearly beyond her reach.
“My father loved my mother very much,” Nash explained. “It just so happened that they were only married for a few short years before she passed. She was quiet but had a humor about her that she only revealed to those closest to her. It was how my father learned that both laughter and passion must exist for a marriage to bring pleasure to both parties. He knew that if he were ever to love again, it would require that much and more.”
Peggy clung to him, her arms about his waist and her face turned up in anticipation of the tale. “It was several years later that Father met Augusta. She was open with her laughter, and it brought joy back to the manor. Furthermore, she was the mother that I had never had the chance to recall. She gave birth to Nora and raised the both of us as her own. She can dote and scold in turn as easily as any mother, and I never once felt separated from her treatment of my sister. If anything, she is harsher with Nora, but that is only because my sister has brought that upon herself. Blood has never stopped our family from being whole.”
Peggy was shocked at the revelation. Of course, it made sense. Had she not herself noted that Nash and Nora looked nothing alike? They did not even act alike. Quite the opposites, in fact. He was tall and dark, while his sister—his half-sister—was petite and fair in feature. He tended toward a quieter nature, like his mother, and Nora was as lively as the Viscountess or more. And then there was the gap in their ages that made sense when one considered that the Viscount had gone through the long transition of widower to husband.
“Then…” She tried to consider what he was offering but did not wish to jump to conclusions.
“Adam would always be welcome and loved,” he clarified. “I would never subjugate him to the shadows. He will never want for anything. He would be mine in every way except to the entail, which of course, I could not change. That responsibility would fall to our son.”
“I—I see.” Peggy reeled.
“Unless you are opposed,” he added with hesitation. Peggy looked up to see that Nash’s features were unsure, as if he feared that he had assumed too much.
“Why would I be opposed?” she laughed.
“Well…” He released a long breath and pulled her to him as if he could draw comfort just from having her in his arms. “Quite some time has passed in this conversation since I mentioned that I would like nothing more than to have you for my wife, and you haven’t exactly responded.”
Peggy’s mouth fell open in horror. He was right. He had mentioned it when he had ranted about all of the reasons why she had been worthy of his love. Then he had gone on to quell her fears about being accepted, about Adam being accepted, and still she had remained silent on the subject, but she had never dreamed he meant marriage. Marriage to her, a ruined woman with a child.
“Well…” she decided with a devious grin. She grasped him by the cravat and tugged until his mouth met her own.
She kissed him. Thoroughly and with every ounce of passion that had ever cried out for this man, she kissed him. Her body pressed against his, she melded into him, and his arms held her close. Mouths and hands and bodies moved in a dance as old as time. Peggy was breathless and on edge, but she held nothing back, allowing herself for the first time perhaps ever to give herself over fully to a man. Heart and soul, she sang for him, and he met her beat for beat.
“That had better be a yes,” he groaned when a long while later they had been forced to draw apart, gasping for breath, before neither of them could prevent the embrace from going further.
“I’ll say,” Miss Nora said from where she stood in the doorway at the back of the shop. Her cheeks were red, and her eyes were wide with shock, but the way that she blew out her cheeks and turned straight around to make her exit revealed that although she had witnessed enough, it had been no more than the last few seconds of their embrace.
Peggy dropped her head to Lord Belton’s chest and laughed at the absurdity of having been caught in the embrace, but this time, she felt no shame.
“Now you’ll have to marry me,” he said with a laugh, “or I’ll be ruined.” The irony of the situation was not lost on her.
“Nora will not tell a soul.” Peggy chuckled as he rested his chin upon her head.
“I suppose not,” he said. “She wouldn’t dare risk ruining her own claim to success.”
“No,” Peggy differed. “She would not tell because she is my friend.
“I suppose that is true, but if you change your mind and slink back into the shadows, I might just have to make certain that she does tell! She is my sister, after all. I have ways of making her talk.” He winked cheekily.
Peggy slapped at his arm and then pulled him down to kiss her once more. No, Miss Nora would not tell a soul. But soon enough it would not matter, for Mrs. Margaret Williams intended to marry the Baron Whitefall just as soon as possible, and she wanted all the world to know.