Could we go somewhere for a tall one?” Tammy said. She was trying to play it cool, but I could tell she was as agitated as a shook-up soda can. She had shown up unexpectedly at the gym just as I’d showered and changed into my street clothes.
“Sounds like a plan,” I said. I’d been so busy putting my life back in order after my run-in with Ross, I’d scarcely seen Tammy for the last couple of weeks.
We went to a dark, dingy sports bar—Tammy’s choice—and sat in a back booth pulling on frosty mugs of Bud draft and listening to the steady click of balls from a pool game a few feet away.
“You know how much I love you and the Queens,” Tammy said, quaffing her third beer. “I’d do anything for y’all.”
“You definitely saved my ass.”
“And I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
Whatever it was that Tammy had stuck in her craw, she’d been skirting around it for the last hour. At this rate, I’d be shit-faced before she finally came out with it.
“Go ahead and say what’s on your mind,” I said. “I promise not to bite.”
Even in the gloom of the bar, Tammy’s face was easier to read than a mood ring. She may as well have had “guilty as sin” stamped on her forehead.
She took a big breath. “I’m finally leaving Bob.”
“I take that back,” I said, plunking my mug down on the table. “Maybe I will bite you after all.”
“I haven’t been happy for a long time,” Tammy said. “I tried, but it’s not working. This isn’t a snap decision.”
“Who is he?” I said, bracing myself for the whole catastrophe. On some level I’d expected this breakup for a very long time—I just always expected it would come from Bob—but I still wasn’t quite prepared for it to be happening.
“You’re not going to believe it,” Tammy said, excitement washing away the guilt on her face. “His name is James and he’s a lord. He has his own manor house in England. Do you know what that means? He’s real live royalty, just like Princess Diana.”
All of the Queens were bewitched by the Princess Diana frenzy (we’d stayed up all night to watch the wedding) and we were downright covetous of her genuine tiaras. However, leaving your darling husband to have a dalliance with a B-list Prince Charles was taking it too bloody far.
“Have a liaison with Lord Lover Boy if you must,” I said. “But that’s no reason to break up your marriage.”
Tammy shook her head. “James wants me to come to England and live with him. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“What?” I said, banging my head against the back of the booth. “Are you out of your fuckin’ mind? You don’t even have a passport.”
Tammy slid a small blue book across the table. “All set. Remember when Bob and I went to Paris?”
I’d forgotten. Bob scrimped and saved for months to surprise Tammy with that trip for their fifth anniversary.
“How long have you been planning this?”
Tammy stared into her empty mug, then held it up for the barkeep to see. “Since just before you met Ross. James gave me the diamond tennis bracelet you caught me wearing.”
“Why haven’t you told me?”
“I couldn’t. You weren’t around or available. Besides, I was afraid you’d do something.”
“Like stage an intervention with the rest of the Queens the way y’all did me?”
“Something like that,” she said, stuffing the passport back into her purse.
“I do want to stop you. I think you’re making the worst mistake of your life.”
“Come on, Jill,” Tammy said. “He’s a lord! His money is so old, it dates back to before the earth cooled. Not like these North Jackson bitches, with their tacky new money.”
“Like Marcy Stevens?”
“Yes, like her. Imagine if James and I got married; I’d be Lady Tammy. People like Marcy Stevens Whatever-the-fuck’s-her-last-name-now would have to curtsy to me.”
I shot her an appalled look. “Marcyfucking Stevens—Tammy, good God, hunny—will you EVER let that go? You are gonna fuck up your life on the off chance that it might give you some kind of warped upper hand with some bitch from HIGH SCHOOL? What is it gonna take for you to get over that bullshit?”
“I’m also madly, deeply in love with James,” she added quickly, obviously realizing how shallow she sounded but ignoring my rant.
“And you’ve known him how long?”
“Long enough. He was here visiting a cousin for a month. We went out almost every night while Bob studied at the library. He’s back in England waiting for me to come.” She happily hugged herself. “He’s sent me a love letter every day since he got back.”
“Didn’t you learn one thing from my mistakes? Never rush into things with a man.”
“I’m not that gullible! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say you were gullible. I just meant—”
“The savviest woman in the world can be gullible if she thinks only with her heart instead of her head. I learned that the hard way.” I paused. “But it sounds to me like you’re thinking with your pocketbook and your fucked-up inner Social Register.”
“Not true. I’m crazy about James. It’s just a happy coincidence he’s loaded.”
“When did ya tell Bob?”
Tammy twisted her beer mug back and forth. “I haven’t. I’m leaving him a note.”
“Un-fuckin’-believable! Very classy.”
“I know it’s chickenshit…but I can’t bear to see his face,” she said. “He’s a wonderful man. He’s just not the one for me.”
Bob would be completely devastated. At that very moment, he was working himself to a nub for his supervision degree just to be a better provider for Tammy.
I took a deep breath. “Tammy, I love you, but you’re doing a horrendous thing and for fucked-up reasons. How many times are you gonna do this? There is no ‘society’ for you to ‘arrive’ in—people are just PEOPLE, no matter where you go. If you won’t learn from MY mistakes, at least learn from your OWN! I wish to God you’d give this more thought.”
“Believe me, Jill, this is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Tammy chugged the rest of her beer. “You’ll see. One day, all the Queens can come visit me in my castle. Don’t you think for once in my life I deserve to be happy?”