Dear Diary, he kissed me!
Zach Canady was kissing her!
And she wasn’t even drunk. Not until Zach’s lips had grazed hers once, twice, then settled in for a deep, satisfying caress, that is.
His scent, the slide of his lips over hers, the sensation of his body pressed against her, all pulled together to create a potent concoction that intoxicated Maddie more effectively than downing a magnum of expensive champagne.
Her heart jack-hammered, vibrating through her body. Her head swam, and she clutched the front of his shirt with one hand to reassure herself that yes Zach was kissing her. She hadn’t drifted off to a daydream fantasy of wicked proportions.
How many times had she fantasized about him doing this? Of him really kissing her? Of him devouring her with passion right where they stood?
Too many to count.
When his tongue, warm and moist, slipped against hers, he drew a throaty moan from her. It was as though a cocoon wrapped around them, and it didn’t take much to imagine the world consisted of just them as she kissed him back without reservation. He tasted faintly of lager and fun, good times and dreams come true.
Maddie tried to make herself focus. There was something slightly inappropriate about this all-fire kiss, but she couldn’t think what it was. Not until the wolf whistles, hoots and catcalls finally penetrated, forcing her to remember.
She was on a stage in the middle of a club full of people! Yet, her greed for Zach’s kiss wouldn’t allow her to pull away.
As if he’d been as lost in the moment as she until now, Zach wrenched his lips from hers, his breathing frayed, eyes indigo dark and bright with heat. One hand held the sax, the other still caressed her face as he leaned his forehead against hers.
“Damn.” He drew in a deep breath. “Sorry, Maddie, that was reckless and stupid.” His voice was the low, gravelled murmur of a dominant male. He let his hand drop to his side. “It’ll never happen again.”
Maddie’s breath hitched with shock. Had Zach just apologised for kissing her? She didn’t know whether to cry or slap his face.
Thankfully, the noise-making crowd reminded her she’d given them quite a show already. She took a step back from him, forced herself to smile, and hoped no one noticed the slight wobble of her red stilettos, or the sheen of hurt tears coating her eyes. Never in all her fantasies had she dreamed that Zach might feel the need to apologise and promise never to kiss her again. He’d managed to wow her and hurt her all within a hazy moment.
Floundering to hold onto some of her pride, she took a step back from him. His hand fell from her face. “From now on, Zachary, stay away from me.”
“Mad—”
Unable to bear hearing any further apologies from him, Maddie turned back to the patrons, raised the mic to her mouth.
“Thank you. You’ve been great.” She slid the mic back onto the stand, stepped off the dais, and kept right on walking.
It wasn’t until she got out onto the sidewalk, cold hands pressed to her burning cheeks, that she realized she’d left her bag at the booth. Humiliated beyond reason, there was no way she was going back in there to fetch it. Which meant getting home was going to be some kind of adventure.
She could walk.
She was irate enough to trek all the way back home on heels made for glamour and not walking. She was so mad at Zach she could just—
A car drove by at that moment. The front seat passenger leant out of his window, wolf-whistled, and gave her a lewd compliment that had his companions barking coarse laughter as they sped away.
Maddie’s mouth fell open as she automatically looked down at her neckline.
She groaned.
Yep, that was a lot of cleavage on display. She tugged the edges of the V as close together as she could force them. If she walked the streets at—she glanced at her watch in the streetlight—eighteen past eleven at night, she’d be asking for trouble.
But the thought of going back into the club with Zach and his apologies, and her friends’ curiosity, was enough to encourage her to look around for a Black Cab. She could only hope she’d find a driver accommodating enough to take her home and trust she’d pay him once she got there.
Unsurprising, the street was empty.
She didn’t relish the idea of hanging around on the curb waiting for a cruising taxi. Not with the experience she’d just had with the passing motorists.
As she turned to head back into the club, a tall, dark figure behind her shocked a yelp out of her. Her hands flew to her chest where her heart worked a loud double-time as her gaze collided with Zach’s.
“You just took three years off my life. What are you doing sneaking up behind me?” She glared at him despite her knees going weak with relief that she didn’t have to run for her life in three-inch heels. “How long where you there?”
“Long enough.” He stepped forward, his expression grim as he held out her red clutch bag.
She took it, wanting to be far away from Zach and yet longing for that out-of-time moment on stage again. “Thank you.”
His gaze flicked over her, leaving a heated trail over breasts that immediately tightened and grew heavy.
“Have you ever considered wearing a wrap?” His hands were warm as he stood in front of her to place his suit jacket around her shoulders. “If you’re going to wear dresses like this one, I suggest you invest in a few. You might save yourself the deluge of vulgar remarks from uncivilised toerags.” His tone was casual but she noticed the tight set to his jaw, the angry lines creasing his brows together.
Maddie slipped her arms through the too-long sleeves, catching a delicious noseful of Zach’s scent that set tingles all over her body.
“You heard that?” And she thought she’d suffered the ultimate humiliation when he’d expressed regret at kissing her. She pulled the lapels together and crossed her arms to lock his jacket over her chest, holding her clutch against her as an added security. “I assure you, I have no intention of wearing this again ... or anything remotely like it.”
Zach muttered something that had Maddie’s head swivelling in his direction as he placed his hand on the small of her back and urged her to fall into step next to him. The livewire jolt from his hand turned the ordinary, everyday gesture into an extraordinary reaction. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought he muttered, “Shame.”
“Did you say something?”
Would he repeat it?
And why did she care what he thought? Melting aside, she meant what she said. She wanted him to stay away from her. Her visceral reactions every time she saw him must put unspeakable stress on her poor heart. She didn’t want to collapse with heart failure before she reached her thirty-third birthday.
“I said I’ll take you home. My car is in the car park at the back of the club.”
Maddie pressed her heels against the concrete sidewalk. “I’d rather go home with the girls.” Anything that didn’t mean spending any more time in his company.
He stopped, gently grasped the tops of her arms, and turned her, his face like granite beneath the street lighting.
“Look, Mad. The only reason your girlfriends aren’t out here hounding you for juicy details right now, is because I told them I’m taking you home.” Scrubbing a hand over his face did nothing to erase the tight expression. “Of course, if you wish to field Sasha and Cristi’s questions—and believe me they have thousands—then go right ahead. I have to tell you, though I don’t envy you. When I went to grab your purse some of the questions they fired at me were pretty inquisitive.”
He didn’t have to tell her how nosy her friends were. The thought of answering questions about that kiss, when she couldn’t even get her head around it, was almost enough to make her agree to Zach’s offer of a lift.
Almost.
“I’ll take a taxi.”
Zach looked up and down the street. “Where from? There isn’t a rank.”
His hand settling on her lower back again burned through the material of his jacket and her dress, spreading warmth to regions best left unmentioned. And a point proven that she shouldn’t be alone with him. Who knew what kind of crazy behaviour an excess of Zach’s pheromones might influence?
Oh no. Na-uh. No way was she getting into a car with him. She didn’t trust herself enough to be alone with Zach.
“Inconsequential.” She fished her mobile phone from her bag, touched the screen to pull up her contacts list. “I’m sure one can be here in five minutes.”
“Why wait for a cab when my car is just around the corner?”
“Either you didn’t hear me or you don’t listen very well. I meant it when I said I want you to stay away from me.” She selected the number for her preferred taxi company.
Zach took the phone from her. “Come on, Mad, I already apologised. What more do you want me to do?”
How could someone as smart as Zach be so utterly clueless?
She reached for her phone.
He slipped it into his trouser pocket. “Whether you like it or not, I’m seeing you home.” He dragged his hands through his hair in a gesture of frustration. “Tell me that stupid kiss wasn’t a kiss of death to our friendship.”
“That ‘stupid kiss’”—means more to me than you can ever know—“was just a kiss, Zach.” She moved behind him, to his right side, shoved her hand into his pocket, pausing for a second when her hand smoothed over hard muscle through the thin cotton pocket. Heat radiated through her as she grabbed her slim line phone and yanked it out.
He caught her wrist with one hand, closed his other hand around her white-knuckle grip on the phone. “Not so fast, sweetheart.”
With all the anger and sexual frustration tangling her up, she was on the verge of a major meltdown. She wrenched her hand out of his. “Do you apologise to every woman you kiss?”
His gaze dipped to her mouth, glittered. “No.” When his gaze flicked back to hers, it no longer glittered with desire. He’d managed to mask whatever he’d felt in that split-second. “I’ve never had to say sorry for impulsive actions until tonight.”
“Thanks, I guess that makes me extra special.”
“You are special, Maddie. That’s why kissing you was a mistake. The last thing I want is to lose you as a friend again.”
She squeezed her fist around the phone until she thought the mobile might snap. “That’s where we differ. I no longer consider you a friend.” A great lump of grief and hurt lodged in her throat, taking the edge from her voice, turning it sad. “Friends don’t pack up one day and disappear without so much as a goodbye, then suddenly show up ten years later and expect to continue where they left off.”
Zach reached for her hand that held the death-grip on her phone, kept his gaze on the task of smoothing out her clenched fist.
“What would you say if I told you I need you in my life, Mad? I need your friendship?”
The warmth from his hands tingled up her arm, spread across her chest, then filled her body. Reminded her that the last thing she wanted was to be back in the friend zone.
“I’d say I’m sick of being your wing girl. I have enough friends. I don’t want any more.”
The sad truth was she’d loved being Zach’s closest friend, had loved knowing she was the only person he trusted completely. But she wanted more than the platonic relationship she’d had with him so many years ago.
She needed more.
To be his lover, his friend, the woman he chose above any other for the rest of his life. She knew she was being selfish, stupid even, but she couldn’t settle for anything less.
Her heart just wouldn’t let her.
If she couldn’t have it all with Zach, she didn’t want anything.
“Then what do you want?”
She laughed, tugged her hand out of his once more, aware he had possession of her phone again. “That’s a very leading question.”
“Answer it.”
She raised her brows. “What I want from you?”
He nodded.
“I want everything.”
“Define ‘everything’.”
She may think it, wish for one more taste of his lips on hers, for forever afters. She may even dream about it, but was she courageous enough to voice her desires?
No.
Not when it meant laying her heart bare at his feet. To tell him she wanted him to love her would be foolish beyond reason. So she pushed her heartfelt wishes down deep where they couldn’t be seen and gave him her best feline smile.
“Why, Zach, I just want to see what all the fuss is about.”
“Fuss?” His dry tone, compressed mouth and narrowed, penetrating stare sent apprehension through her.
She pulled herself up a little taller. “Yes, I’m dying to find out why no woman can resist sleeping with you.”
He looked stunned. “You want to have se—”
“A one-night stand.” She couldn’t bear for him to say the word sex. Sex sounded cold. Something people did with very little feeling, like animals mating. What she wanted was for him to make love with her. “Sure.” She forced that worldly smile again. “Does it surprise you to find out I want a one-night stand with you?”
He watched her closely for several seconds. “Yes ... You aren’t like that.”
Since he didn’t really know her anymore, she could be anything she wanted to be. And right now she chose to be bold, the type of woman who went after what she wanted without apology or regret.
“Like what?” She tilted her head, raised her brows. “Desirable? Sexy enough to make a man pant?”
“No—yes. You are.” He rubbed his forehead. She liked that she’d made him a little flustered. “But what I meant was, you aren’t the type of woman to do casual relationships.” Zach’s gaze hardened. “And I don’t do anything else.”
She gave in to the need to hide her nervousness and crossed her arms. “How do you know what type of relationships I get involved in these days?”
Maybe if he thought she was sophisticated and carefree, he’d see her differently. Different enough to consider her more than friend material.
Zach mirrored her stance, folded his arms across his wide chest.
Maddie swallowed.
Her dry throat produced a gulping sound as her gaze fixed on the way his chest filled out the expensive material of his shirt, the way it hugged his shoulders and pulled taut around his powerful biceps.
“I know you, Maddie. You may have matured, but there is one part of your personality I’d lay bets on hasn’t changed. You’ll let your emotions get involved ... and then you’ll get hurt.”
“I’ll have you know I’ve had plenty of one-night stands, and I haven’t gotten emotionally involved once.” She pointed a forefinger straight up in front of his face, getting carried away with her effort to appear experienced.
He looked unimpressed, sexy and tousled from when her hands had mussed his hair during their kiss on stage. She wanted to do it all over again.
“I don’t believe you.”
Her mouth fell open at the sheer audacity of the man. Okay she was lying, but he had no way of knowing that. She could’ve had thousands of affairs for all he knew. “You don’t even know me. I’ve changed.”
Electric tension vibrated between them. He was staring at her mouth again, his jaw stiff, eyes doing that glitter thing once more.
“I don’t think so. Underneath all that sophistication you’re still the sweet girl I used to know.”
Goaded into retaliation, Maddie followed the first crazy impulse that popped into her head.
“Oh really? Would a ‘sweet girl’ do this?”
Before he had time to take a breath, Maddie threw her arms around Zach’s neck and plastered herself to him.
As kisses went, she nearly cracked a tooth with her surprise attack. He wrapped his arms around her as he staggered back. Pleasant shock rippled through her. Zach didn’t push her away. He was kissing her back. He crushed her against his chest, growled low in his throat, and deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped inside her mouth in a sexy, welcomed invasion that was so hot and graphic, pleasure exploded inside her. Moist, scorching heat at the apex of her thighs. A desperate need for release. Fantasies of Zach scooping her up, taking her home and making love to her hijacked her imagination. He held her tight enough to squash her breasts into his chest. They went soft and tingly. She ached for him to manoeuvre his hand between their bodies and caress at least one of the tight peaks.
Instead, his hands slipped down her back, over her hips, to cup her bottom and press her flush against him as his tongue mated with hers. That was good, too. He held her, urged her onto her tiptoes until his arousal pressed against the perfect spot—right where she wanted him.
Oh, yeah ... really good.
She tangled her fingers in the silky cut of his hair and pressed herself into him, liking the sharp intake of breath he gave when she rolled her pelvis against his erection.
He tasted of beer, smelled of masculine citrus and spice, and felt incredible against her. Maybe they didn’t have to go home. Maybe they could go to Zach’s car, push back the front seat. She could straddle him. It would be so good. She’d never done anything wild before, but she just knew lovemaking with Zach would be out-of-this-world satisfying. And Zach would have to agree she was pretty darn exciting to do something so wild.
Maddie experienced that out-of-time sensation again where only the two of them existed. Where he wanted her as much more than a friend. Where all her dreams came true.
She was just getting into the hottest Zach-fantasy of her life when he tore his mouth from hers, glared his disapproval as he pried her arms from around his neck. He released her hands and stepped back from her as if worried she might throw herself at him again.
He rubbed the back of his neck, his expression grim despite the ragged quality to his breathing, dilated pupils and slashes of heightened colour across his cheekbones.
“Find yourself another guy, Maddie. I’m no good for you. I’ll rip your heart out in the end and leave it bleeding on the floor.” He looked away from her. “You deserve better than that.”
Where his kiss had been pure ambrosia only moments ago, his words were now a jagged weapon that pierced her heart. She didn’t know what she’d expected from Zach, but it certainly wasn’t this sub-zero disgust.
With her heart breaking, and her knees threatening to drop her on the concrete path, she forced a tinkling laugh, hanging onto her crumbling pride for self-preservation’s sake as she tried to look unconcerned by his rebuff.
“I might just do that.” While keeping a steadfast hold on her self-assured performance, she traced a slightly unsteady forefinger down the shallow indent in his chin as she made an effort to sound airy. “Your loss, Zach.” She would’ve never guessed she had it in her to be such a great actress.
Her smile may have surpassed superstar proportions—she made sure it did and the ache in her cheeks, the wide stretch of her lips told her she succeeded—but the realization left Maddie cold. No matter what she did, Zach would never fall in love with her the way she had with him. Tears filled her eyes. Regardless of how deep and dark the hollow place of Zach’s rejection, she refused to let them fall.