Tara was still in bed late the next morning when Aubrey texted her.
AUBREY: Tara, are you awake?
TARA: Define awake.
AUBREY: I have something to tell you.
TARA: Then tell me already.
AUBREY: Seth left this morning.
Her stomach dropped to her toes, shot back up, and rammed into her throat. She swallowed the bile, and sat up in bed.
TARA: Left? Left how? Did he go back to Santa Monica or his mom’s house?
AUBREY: No, hon. He left for Paris.
She clicked on her calendar to make sure she had the date right. Yes, he wasn’t supposed to leave for four days.
TARA: Why?
When Aubrey didn’t respond right away, Tara realized how nonsensical her question was. It was because of her. He left because he couldn’t stand being near her anymore. Did he hate her for her cruel words?
AUBREY: I thought I should let you know. You okay?
TARA: Thanks. Yes, I’m fine.
That was such a lie. She should take it back. She didn’t want to ruin her relationship with Aubrey, too, by being dishonest with her.
TARA: I lied. I’m not fine at all.
With that confession, she ran to the bathroom and hurled in the toilet. Shivering and her teeth chattering, Tara sat on the cold floor for a moment to gather herself. Seth was gone. Really gone … It was worse. So much worse than what she’d imagined it would be like. She knew she would be heartbroken when he left, but she’d opened herself to him anyway. She’d thought being with him was worth the heartache. She was right on that count. She wouldn’t trade the time she’d spent with Seth for the world, but damn it hurt.
When her butt started feeling numb from the cold, she pushed off the ground on shaking limbs and brushed her teeth. Her phone dinged.
AUBREY: Let me know if you want to talk. I’m here for you.
While she appreciated her friend’s unwavering support, she needed to pull herself together first. The only sound that would escape her mouth if she opened it now would be sobs and wails.
Wait. A. Minute.
Why would Aubrey text her to tell her that Seth had left? Why would she ask if she was okay? Oh, shit. She knew. Aubrey knew that she’d had a thing with her brother-in-law and then stomped on his heart with construction-grade boots. Seth must’ve told Landon about them. Of course, he would. Who else would he lean on?
When she tried to keep it locked up inside, she nearly broke. She was so relieved that Seth had Landon and Aubrey for support. Well, not so much anymore. He’d left for Paris. Where he had no one. Would he be all right?
The tightness at the back of the throat told her she was on the verge of crying again, but she stopped herself. Crying was self-indulgence at this point. She’d broken Seth’s heart in the harshest way possible and was trying to soothe her guilt and pain with tears. But she didn’t deserve to have her guilt and pain soothed away. She let the full force of her pain wash over her, and she buckled under its weight. But she wouldn’t turn away from it anymore. The least she could do was hurt with Seth.
The wallowing stopped now. She was a grown woman with responsibilities. She had to continue to function.
Pain was her constant companion now, but she’d learned how to function through it. And so she existed—day by agonizing day. She worked hard at the brewery and offered to help anybody, any way she could. She might as well do some good with her existence. Like putting in more hours at the brewery.
“Hey, Jack.” She went and peered down at her brother. “Are the tables getting wobbly again?”
“Yeah, I spotted a few that are bugging me.”
“Didn’t you fix a bunch of them last month?” she asked. “It’s so weird how they keep getting lopsided. Does the floor snack on some of the legs? The least they could do is eat them evenly.”
He stopped fiddling with the legs of the troublesome table and looked up at her. “What’s up?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you hanging around here? You usually couldn’t care less about broken chairs and lopsided tables.”
“Well, the past me used to be an inconsiderate creature. Now I’ve changed, and want to offer my help.”
“You’re being so nice.” Jack got to his feet, dusting off his hands. “Why are you being so nice?”
“What are you talking about?” Tara clapped a hand to her chest, genuinely indignant. “I am nice.”
“You’re good and kind.” Her brother’s words appeased her a bit, but he kept talking. “But you aren’t particularly nice. Not all the time.”
“I take offense to that.” She narrowed her eyes. It felt kind of good to be angry, so she let it burn.
“You’re someone who knows your mind and aren’t afraid to speak it. You never do something just for the sake of being nice.” He lifted his hands as though to ward her off when she snarled at him. “For example, if I was struggling with these table legs, you would’ve offered your help without hesitation. But you know I enjoy fiddling with woodwork, so you usually leave me to it. You only offered to help this time because you were being nice.”
“Fine. You could’ve just told me you don’t need help. I don’t know what the big deal is.” Tara looked everywhere but at him. Something about this conversation was making her really nervous.
“Tell me what’s going on, Tara. It’s as though you’ve been trying to pay penance for something these last few weeks.” Jack laid a big warm hand on her shoulder. “We know that there is something seriously wrong, but have no idea what. We’re all worried—Mom, Dad … all of us. Please. Let us help you, or at least bear some of the burden with you.”
Paying penance. Oh, God. He was right. Her guilt was making her find ways to make up for what she did to Seth by helping others. But how did that help Seth? She was such a mess.
“It’s a long story, but here’s the short version. I fell in love with Seth, but when he told me he loved me, I told him that I didn’t love him and never would. So he flew away to Paris with a broken heart, thinking I don’t love him.”
“Why the hell would you tell him that when you love him?”
“I was afraid. I was afraid we would end up hurting each other in the end, and I didn’t want to risk that.”
“Seems to me you’re suffering deeply right now, and I doubt Seth is in any better condition.” Jack pulled her into a hug, and ran a gentle hand down her hair. She burrowed into him to soak up the solace he offered. “How is this any better than a hypothetical heartbreak in the future? Which might never happen? Why give up the chance for happiness when you have nothing to lose? Do you think it’ll be harder than what you’re going through now?”
“Jack, I broke his heart. How could I have broken his heart just because I was scared?”
“Because you were scared, Tara. People make foolish decisions when they’re afraid.”
Something that felt like life fluttered in Tara’s chest. She’d chosen wrong because of her fears, but maybe she could change that. Maybe she deserved another chance. She stepped back from the hug and said, “Hey, are you calling me a fool?”
“If the shoe fits.” Her lovely big brother grinned back at her. “So what are you going to do now?”
“Fix my monumental mistake, of course.” Hope and fear were duking it out inside her. “What if he doesn’t forgive me?”
“Are you going to let ‘what if’ make the decision for you again?”
“No.” Tara shook her head resolutely. “Never again.”
“There is the little sister I know and love.” Jack tousled her head. “Now go and do whatever you need to do. I have you covered with the fam.”
“Thanks, oppa.”
She ran for the back office. There was no time to drive home right now. Tara needed to get to Paris as soon as possible. She woke the sleeping computer with a jiggle of the mouse, and jumped on the web. Heart pounding, she searched for the earliest flight to Charles de Gaulle. Luckily, there was a redeye to Paris tonight. It would take a chunk of her savings to buy a one-way ticket, but she would deplete her unborn child’s future college savings to get to Seth. Without blinking an eye, she hit buy.
Tara didn’t bother with a return ticket because she had no idea when she would be returning. She planned on staying there as long as necessary to win Seth back. She didn’t want to leave her family in a lurch, but Weldon Brewery would be fine with the four of them for a while. With her decision made and her ticket bought, her urgency to go to him only grew. Almost a month had passed since Seth had left. Why the hurry now? Who knows? But every fiber in her being was telling her to go to him. Now.
“Jack,” she yelled out to him. “I’m going home to pack.”
“Okay,” he said nonchalantly. “Bring me back some macarons.”
The drive home was slow because she was shaking and had to pay extra attention to the road. She wouldn’t be able to handle the long drive to the international airport.
“Call Aubrey.”
Her car obediently dialed Aubrey, who picked up on the second ring.
“Hi, Tara.” When she didn’t respond right away, her friend asked in an alarmed voice, “What’s wrong?”
“You’ve been asking me that every time I call you lately. Can’t a girl call her best friend just to say hello?”
“Of course, you can. But are you?”
“No. To hell with hello,” Tara said, suddenly impatient. “I need your help, Bree.”
“Anything.”
“I need a ride to the airport. I have a flight out at ten o’clock tonight.”
“Oh, thank God,” Aubrey said with feeling.
“I don’t want you guys telling Seth anything. I have to do this on my own. Plus, I’m afraid he would run away if he knew I was coming.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. He would never run away from you.”
“What do you call flying to Paris four days early?”
“Getting there a few days early for his new job?”
“Quit making sense. I feel inferior when you do that,” Tara said wryly.
“You’re in love. You’re not supposed to make any sense when you’re about to fly across the ocean to get your man back,” Aubrey said. “Your flight’s at ten o’clock? That doesn’t give us much time. Getting to the airport alone will take us three hours with traffic. And you need to get there two hours before your flight time for international flights.”
“Right. I’m almost home, and I’ll be packed in ten minutes. What’s the best outfit for groveling?”
“Tight jeans and a billowy top. The jeans will make you look good and the loose top will hide any anxiety sweat stains.”
“Good call,” Tara said, putting her car into park. “Okay. I’m home.”
“Got it. I’m going to put Justine in charge here, ask my mom to watch Morgan for the rest of the evening, and have Landon pick up the baby after work.” She was probably ticking them off her fingers. “I’ll be at your house in half an hour.”
“Sorry about putting you through so much trouble.” She couldn’t forget that her best friend now had a family of her own. Being a working mom was hard even without emergency chauffeur duties.
“Do not apologize. You would do the same for me in a heartbeat.”
Tara couldn’t argue with that. So she didn’t. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She pushed herself out of the car, her trembling somewhat better, and let herself inside. The house was quiet and she didn’t run into anyone on her trot over to the garage. She quickly spotted her carry-on case and rolled it to her room.
Tight jeans and loose shirts. Right. Not allowing herself to think too hard, she packed as many of them as she could in her small suitcase, only leaving room for panties, bras, and toiletry. If she needed anything, she could buy it over there. She had twenty minutes to spare so she took a quick shower and changed into a pair of tight jeans and a billowy tunic.
Her cell phone buzzed at the thirty-minute mark. Aubrey was here. Oh, my gosh. This was really happening. She was doing this. She breathed in and out through her nose, and squared her shoulders. Damn right, I’m doing this. I’m going to win my man back.