Present

14 years later

I hated the cold. I hated it so much that when I was a little girl, I refused to go outside in the winter. My friends would knock at my door and throw rocks at my window for me to come down and play, but I only ignored them. I would have much rather been cuddled up next to my dad while he graded papers and I drank my hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Today was much like those bitter, cold days that I hated. A light coat of snow covered the ground and the wind that swept across my face was like the worst punishment that I had ever endured. People huddled up close to their families as they scurried in and out of the busy shopping centers and restaurants. Thanksgiving had just passed and now people were in the holiday spirt as they spent endless amounts of money on their kinfolk. It was 8:00 pm and the streets were still packed being that the malls and shops stayed open later because of the holidays.

I stood unnoticed as people whizzed by me; their smiles repulsing and their laughter obnoxious. So many people being in the holiday spirit made it impossible for me to relax. I couldn’t wait until the streets were clear and quiet so that I could get back to my life. The next two hours were filled with people walking to and from and breaking the bank for material shit before it finally calmed down. Finally, I could rest. My feet were eating through my shoes from walking all day, and on top of that, I was freezing in the 30-degree weather.

I removed my knapsack from my back and took out a little quilt that my grandmother had sent me from Hatti so many years ago that I couldn’t remember. I kept it close to me just so that I could feel a little closer to my family. Next, I fetched a piece of cardboard from the trash and laid the quilt on top of it. I placed my knapsack down and balled it up a little so that it resembled somewhat of a pillow. I laid down on the blanket and cardboards and wrapped the remaining little of the quilt around my body. It didn’t take much seeing that I was a pretty frail woman. The quilt gave me little warmth, but it wasn’t much against the harsh weather. Dripples of snow flowed above me, finally connecting with my face and dancing with my tears. I didn’t even know that I was crying or what I was even crying for.

It was my fault that I was the way that I was. Many theories, such as the Adlerian and the Existential theory, stressed the importance of all people having choices in life, and me, well I guess I had just made the wrong choices. My incessant crying had finally put me to sleep, but it was short lived as I was awakened to a flashlight being shined in my face.

“Ma’am, this is private property. You can’t sleep here,” the heavy black lady said.

I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and realized that she was a cop, and I instantly froze up. There had been too many instances with black people and the police, and they all ended the same way; a black person ending up at the morgue.

“Excuse me ma’am! Did you hear me? Get up right now! You cannot be here.”

I quickly grabbed my bearings, which was pretty much nothing, and stood to my feet.

“If I catch you here again, I will write you a citation. It’s so many shelters, why don’t you go find one?” she said rudely. The snow had finally stopped, but there was still about three inches covering the ground and ice everywhere. I took my time so that I wouldn’t slip as I carried my bag and cardboard.

“You need to hurry up!” the lady yelled. “I’m not going to feel bad for you because you are homeless. We all get the same twenty-four hours in a day and you chose to waste yours.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go,” I finally said, my voice cracking.

“Not my problem!” she answered before she finally got back into her police car, leaving me walking with no destination in sight.