Gabe could not sleep. He felt that he had handled things all wrong with Lily. He wanted her to be wide open with him, but in a way he still had control over her. And did she actually understand what he had meant? Did she realize that he wasn’t looking for a complaining shrew but a person who could speak her mind? He knew that she would never turn into a harridan, but the thought of never being able to share what you had on your heart was very painful to him.
Even David cried out to God from the depths of his heart, Gabe reasoned. Often in the Psalms David began by asking God if He had forgotten him, or why He had even let him be born. But David always ended his prayer with praise for his Creator and recognition of God’s mighty power and love.
Gabe had learned to speak all the thoughts of his heart to the Lord when he was too sick to speak or utter a sound. Maybe Lily was able to be that open with the Lord too. But as soon as Gabe had been better, he had also been surrounded by family and friends who were willing to listen. At this moment, Gabe was asking himself whether Lily was able to talk even to Jeff or her father.
Thoughts of Jeff took Gabe’s mind in another direction. Evan had told him to call Jeff, but he didn’t know if he could do that. The thought of verbalizing to Jeff his changing feelings toward Lily—even on the phone—was a little too hard to imagine.
Nevertheless…
Gabe got up quietly and left his room. He padded his way through the dark and quiet house until he was at his sister’s desk. He knew where she kept her writing supplies. It would have been easier to type it on his computer, but he didn’t want to go over to the office at this hour.
The letter began Dear Jeff, and continued,
I would like you to call me when you get this, but not until you feel the time is right. I wanted to call you, but as close as we are, I feel awkward on this one. The truth is, my feelings toward Lily are changing. Because of our close relationship, I have cared for her as your sister for many years—as I do your father—but not until I had a chance to be a part of Lily’s world did I realize how special she is.
But here are my numerous dilemmas. First of all, you. How do you feel about what I’ve just admitted? Second, your father. What would he have to say if he knew? After that it gets worse. What if I find myself in love alone? And now the worst yet. What if I get close to Lily and she falls for me, but I find she’s not the one? The thought of hurting her is more than I can bear. Maybe that feeling alone should tell me she’s the one, but as you can see, I am a mess!
When the time is right, Jeff, please call. If Lily is standing at my elbow, clearly we won’t be able to talk of this, but I need to know your heart, and as best you can figure, your father’s heart.
I just realized that all of this leaves Lily out of the mix. Well, if she learns of my feelings and doesn’t share them, at least she’ll be back in Kashien and I won’t have to face her every day. If I am the only one harmed, I’ll deal with it. As you know, I’m not a stranger to pain, but Lily must not be hurt—not by me or the disapproval of her family.
Again, I await your call, Jeff. I don’t need to say it, but I will anyway: We’re brothers of the heart, and we must never let anything change that.
Love,
Gabe
By the time Gabe got back into bed, it was quite late and he was finally tired. He opted not to set his alarm—something he would be forced to do all too soon. As late as the hour was, he knew he would never be out of bed to run with Lily.
But maybe that’s for the best, he told the Lord, turning on his side to get comfortable. Maybe she needs her space after the way I handled things in the kitchen tonight.
Lily was up early, but there was no sign of Gabe. She didn’t wait for him but made her way to the beach and began a slow run. The morning was beautiful, and in no time at all Scripture passages about God’s goodness and His creation were coming to her mind.
Right now Lily was translating the book of Genesis into Kashienese. Because of that, she had more than half the book memorized, so it was at times like this that she liked to start with the first verse and go down through the order of creation, thinking about when everything would have been new: the gathering of the waters, the dry land and mountains appearing, the sea and air teaming with life.
But that wasn’t Your greatest accomplishment, was it, Lord? Lily prayed, thinking that the intricacies of the human body were beyond compare.
Lily took some time to thank God for her strong limbs and stamina. She picked up the pace, loving the feeling of heat emanating from her body and the way her heart beat faster. She pushed herself some ways down the beach but then realized she hadn’t been this far before. Slowing her pace so she could take in the morning, Lily jogged along easily, her mind going to Proverbs 8, where God’s Word stated that wisdom was even older than creation. It was one of Lily’s favorite chapters from Proverbs because from the twelfth verse on, it was as though Wisdom herself was speaking. Right then verses 22 and 23 came to Lily’s mind.
“The Lord possessed me at the beginning of His way, before His works of old. From everlasting I was established, from the beginning, from the earliest times of the earth.”
I need that wisdom, Lord, Lily’s heart went on. There’s so much I don’t know, so much is still new. I want to be able to tell my father that I worked hard, but the time is drawing to a close, and I still want time to relax with Jeff and not have to be so studious. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s all so new and different.
Lily was barely aware of coming to a stop, but she was no longer running. Her eyes were on the waves that lapped onto the shore. For a time she watched the rhythm and order of the water, and when she prayed this time, she whispered in the wind.
“You’re so huge and brilliant. You can make perfect waves come onto the shore. My heart can only imagine what treasures of creation lie within the waters themselves. I wasn’t praying to You earlier; I was fretting. Help me, Father. Help me to be strong and do what I’m told to do. And whatever each day presents, help me to be thankful and work my hardest.”
It felt good to start running again. It helped clear Lily’s mind and show her that she didn’t have to be in control. She had a God who could handle it all.
It was a small thing, really, but Lily’s heart was telling her differently. Her thoughts from the beach that morning were far from her as she sat in Gabe’s car. He was driving them to the golf course. He even had two sets of clubs in the back.
Lily wanted to learn to golf—she truly did. Jeff knew how to play and would be proud of her, but doing this today meant forfeiting something else.
“Oh, there goes Bailey,” Gabe said conversationally. Unbeknownst to Lily, the other vehicle had been close behind them all along. Not able to hide her interest, Lily’s head turned so fast that she nearly hurt herself, but Bailey passed with only a honk and sped on her way. Lily had at least hoped for a glimpse of something more. It had cost Lily much to tell the other woman that she couldn’t go with her, but she had done it. Her heart aching over what she must be missing, she suddenly realized all was not lost.
“Gabe, may I ask you a question?”
“Certainly.”
“How often does Bailey go to the grocery store?”
“Like she is today, to the big market, only once a month.”
“So she’ll buy a lot all at one time?”
“Correct.”
“And the store will have enough?”
“Yes,” Gabe answered slowly, even as bells began to go off in his mind.
“Is it a large store then?” Lily asked next.
Gabe assured her that it was, even as he took a side street just a quarter mile up the road, one that would swing them back the way they had come without being too obvious.
“And will the children be able to stay with her in the store?”
“Yes. She’ll get a basket that has wheels under it, and there will be a place for CeCe to ride. Pete will walk and help her with things on the shelves.”
“There are shelves?”
“Many of them,” Gabe said, now maneuvering through town. He waited for Lily to comment on the location, as it wasn’t conducive to a golf course, but it didn’t happen. A few minutes later he pulled into a parking space at the grocery store, cut the engine, and turned slightly to watch his passenger. For this reason Gabe saw the exact moment it all hit her.
Lily took in the large store, the smattering of shopping carts in the parking lot, and signs in the windows proclaiming items on sale, and at the same moment she felt Gabe’s eyes on her. With a hand to her face, she spoke.
“Please don’t make me look at you, Gabe, please.”
The plea tore at Gabe’s soul, even as he answered.
“That’s fine, Lily, but I need to talk with you. I need to tell you how easy it can be.”
Lily wanted to shake her head, but she only sat and stared straight ahead, too mortified to move.
“All you needed to say to me was that you wanted to join Bailey when she went grocery shopping. We could have golfed another time.”
“I can’t do that,” she told him, panic clawing at her throat at the very thought.
“Why not?”
“It’s not right. You made room in your schedule.”
“Why do you think I’m more important than you are?”
Lily didn’t know what to say. He had so neatly put his finger on the center of the matter that Lily had no reply.
“You know what,” Gabe cut in, “I don’t want our discussion to ruin your first visit to a grocery store, so let’s go in now and we’ll talk about this some other time.”
Lily was still sitting stock-still when Gabe opened her door. She made herself get out, finding it very easy not to look at him, but knowing she had no choice except to accompany him inside.
Do you have any idea how angry my father would be right now, Gabe? Do you know how ashamed of me he would be? You have your own life, yet you’ve set aside the day for me and I’ve rejected your efforts.
“What you have to understand, Lily,” Gabe continued, his voice playful as he put a plastic, handheld shopping basket into her hands, “is that a first-time trip to the grocery store is not to be missed. So take this basket and go to it.”
Lily’s eyes became huge.
“I didn’t bring any money with me.”
“I’ll cover it.”
“Oh, all right,” Lily agreed, very uncomfortable with this but trying not to disdain his generosity again. “Should I tell Bailey I’m here?”
“I’ll find her and do that, and then I’ll come back and track you down. Take all the time you need.”
Lily wanted to stop him. She wanted to say this was all wrong, but she didn’t. Instead, the reluctant shopper watched until Gabe was out of sight and then glanced around, wondering what she was supposed to do next.
A sign proclaiming crackers to be on sale caught her eye. She moved toward that aisle and a moment later stood in near stupefaction. Never in her life would she have dreamed of so many jars of peanut butter. She was still taking in the brands and varieties when Gabe rejoined her.
“Gabe,” she said immediately, “I can’t believe how many containers of peanut butter there are.”
“There are a lot,” he agreed, thinking she would faint when she encountered the cereal aisle.
“Look at this one! It has jelly right in with the peanut butter.”
“Oh, yeah,” Gabe agreed, plucking it off the shelf. “You’d better put one of these in your basket.”
“Oh, do you think so?”
“Certainly. Give it a try.”
Gabe suddenly found himself being stared at. He was several inches taller than Lily, so it was impossible to miss the way her head tipped back to look into his eyes.
“I want to apologize to you, Gabe, for the way I’ve been acting.”
“How have you been acting?”
“Not thankful. You try to do things for me, and I show ingratitude.”
“I’ll tell you something, Lily Walsh,” Gabe admitted with a small shake of his head and wonder in his voice, “you take submission to a whole new level.”
Lily’s head tipped to one side as she asked, “What do you mean?”
“There are Christian men and women all over the world who do not understand the biblical view of submission. When it’s done well—when it’s done God’s way—it doesn’t look like threats or domination, nor does it look like a woman not having a say or being a complete doormat.”
Lily had to think about this. The word “doormat” perfectly described the way most of the women in the village lived their lives, but she had never seen it that way. She knew that some of the women were loved, especially the ones in the church family. But if “doormat” also meant second class-citizen, then Gabe had certainly hit the mark.
“Okay,” Gabe now said, his eyes bright and eager, “what are we going to look at next?”
“Are you staying?”
“I am, yes.”
“What do you need to look for?”
“I don’t. I’m just having fun watching you.”
Lily laughed at that and then blushed a little.
“I did get pretty excited about peanut butter, didn’t I?”
“Wait until you see the cereal,” he teased her.
Lily was laughing about this when they were spotted. Barb Stringer was pushing a basket toward them, a smile on her face.
“I just saw Bailey and the kids.”
“We’re kind of together,” Gabe explained.
“And, Lily!” Barb went on. “You’re shopping too.”
“It’s my first time,” the younger woman admitted.
“So what do you think?”
Lily shook her head. “There’s so much. It’s overwhelming.”
“What do you have at home for grocery needs?”
“There are open-air markets in the large cites, but in Lhasa you just know who sells what product. My father and I grow wheat, flax, and beans, but we have no milk cow or goat, so for cheese we go elsewhere.”
“And you go anytime, or just at certain times?”
“Friday mornings are when most people have their wares for sale, but meat and milk products are available more often.”
“Do you miss it?” she suddenly asked.
“The people, yes.”
Barb smiled at her and not for the first time wondered at the younger woman’s composure. She wasn’t sure she could do the equivalent of what Lily had accomplished: leave behind everything familiar and go to Kashien for three months.
“Well, have fun,” Barb told them.
Gabe and Lily told her goodbye in unison before Gabe turned back to the new shopper.
“Where were we?”
“You said something about cereal.”
Gabe’s brows rose expressively.
“Come with me.”
It didn’t take Gabe long to see that he was right. Lily could not speak when she saw the selection of cold cereal alone.
“And over here,” Gabe directed, “are hot cereals—the ones for the stovetop or microwave.”
“What are all the dates?” Lily finally managed.
“The dates indicate that the product is freshest if eaten by then.”
“Those dates seem like a long way off,” Lily said as she eyed the boxes.
“True, but most things have some type of preservative in them, and since cereal is not a perishable item, it naturally has more shelf life.”
“Shelf life.” Lily tested the words and then moved on.
Gabe smiled and wondered what it would be like to have everything so delightful and new.
“There’s Peter,” Lily suddenly said. “Hi, Peter.”
“Oh, hi, Lily. What have you got in your basket?”
“This peanut butter with the jelly right in it.”
“Oh, wow! Grape jelly inside.”
“Doesn’t that look fun?”
“Yeah! Are you going to buy this, Lily?”
“Yes, Gabe is helping me.”
Peter looked to his uncle.
“Can Lily get gum?”
“Lily can get anything she wants.”
“Come on, Lily,” Peter took no time to say, his little face very sincere. “I’ll show you.”
Lily didn’t even glance at Gabe but, realizing this was turning into a whole lot of fun, followed closely in the little boy’s path.
“I think we need to eat out for lunch,” Gabe announced to his sister and Lily as they ended their grocery-store adventure at the checkout counter.
“What about the perishables?” Bailey mentioned.
“Well, we’ll run those home and then head out, or even go to the Little Bay.”
“Works for me,” Bailey agreed, but no word came from Lily. She was too busy checking out the small booklets available near the checkout counter.
Lose 30 Pounds in 30 Days!, Your Horoscope: What You Might Be Missing!, Birthdays of the Stars! Lily read the titles with great interest before her eyes dropped to the large magazines below. “BABY BORN WITH TWO HEADS” leaped out at her, and Lily stared in horror at the composite drawing.
“Are you going to put one of these into your basket?” Bailey teased her.
“Do people actually buy these?”
“All the time.”
Lily’s eyes went back, this time to the batteries hanging on the rack. She took a package from the shelf and studied it, but long before she was done, it was her turn in line.
A store employee helped Bailey out with her baskets, and Gabe hung back to give Lily a ten-dollar bill and directions if needed. She thanked him and would have said more, but the conveyor belt moved the food to the waiting clerk, and Lily was at once engrossed. The whole process with the bar codes and computer register prompted a new series of questions in the new shopper’s mind, but with only five items in her basket, three of them gum, it didn’t take long until she was paying, thanking the man, and moving on her way.
“Do the items ever get so heavy that the belt can’t move?”
“I’ve never seen it happen, but it might. Maybe we can come back sometime, and you can ask your questions.”
“All right.”
When they arrived at the car, they found that Bailey had brought the van up. Gabe went toward the car, but Lily went to Bailey’s window.
“Would you and the children like gum?”
“Oh, thank you, Lily.”
“Which one?” she asked.
“Here, Peter,” his mother called to him. “Come and pick one for us.”
It didn’t take long for Peter to select the watermelon flavor, and as soon as the pieces were shared, Lily scooted around to the car.
“Don’t even think about it,” Gabe said flatly the moment she climbed in and began to open her mouth.
Lily looked at him.
Gabe looked back.
“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I was certain you were going to apologize for holding me up, but I realize you might have been ready to offer me a piece of gum. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I was going to offer you gum,” she admitted, “just as soon as I apologized for holding you up.”
Gabe smiled at her before asking, “What flavors do you have?”
Lily couldn’t contain her excitement. “This is original, then watermelon, and orange.”
“And they’re all bubble gum?”
“Yes.”
“What are you going to have?” Gabe asked as he pulled behind Bailey’s van and waved at Peter, who had turned to see them.
“I don’t know! I don’t know where to start.”
All Gabe could do was laugh.
“I know! Why don’t we each have a different flavor and then compare notes?”
“Okay,” Gabe agreed, but his mind had gone to a dangerous place. Thinking about chewing gum with Lily made her kissable for the first time.
“Do you want orange or watermelon?” Lily made the decision to inspect those two.
“Orange.”
Both went to work on their gum. Gabe concentrated on driving while Lily examined the contents of the fifth item she had purchased.
Gabe had to work to keep his eyes on the road as intelligent, well-educated Lily Walsh took neon-colored Band-Aids from a box and sorted them on her lap. She put the spot sizes together, regardless of color, and sorted the larger sizes in the same manner. She inspected the way the adhesive was exposed when the paper was folded back, and even went so far as to put a small strip on the back of her hand, all the while her mouth was going around the gum and even producing an occasional bubble. By the time they reached the house, she was as relaxed as a cat, her head back and eyes closed as she savored the wad in her mouth.
“So, how is your flavor?”
“It’s wonderful. How’s yours?”
“Very good.”
“Do you want to try a watermelon?”
“Not until after lunch.”
“Oh, is it lunchtime already?”
“Yes. We’re eating out.”
“At the cove?”
“No, at a restaurant.”
Lily had all she could do not to swallow her gum. First a grocery store and then a restaurant! It was too good to be true.
“Are you all right?” Gabe asked.
“Yes,” she told him, but he could see that she was flustered as she stuffed items into her shopping bag, dropping both gum and neon strips.
“I’m going to go help Bailey with the bags.”
“I’ll come too.” Lily was only too glad for an excuse to do something. If she didn’t calm down, she was going to ruin her outing in the restaurant as she had almost done in the store.
On his end Gabe was praying for patience. He could see that something was on Lily’s mind, and he wanted her to tell him.
Well, Lord, I won’t have to second-guess on this after all. If Lily ever decides to start talking to me, I’ll know we’ve got something here.