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Things I’ve Learned from My Kids

I’VE LEARNED LOTS OF THINGS SINCE BECOMING A PARENT.

For example, before becoming a mom I had no idea there was such a thing as “tinkle targets” you could drop in the toilet to give potty-training toddlers something to aim at.

And suction devices to suck snot out of newborns’ noses? Well, I never saw that one coming in a million years.

And what about all those childproofing doohickies and doodads? Before becoming a parent, the LAST thing on my mind was rigging my toilet seat so that it would require seventeen minutes of labor, a master’s degree, and an act of Congress before I could go to the bathroom.

Since becoming a mom, I’ve also learned about things like humility.

For example, several years ago I was at a booksellers convention having breakfast with two influential women I’d worked with for years. Linda Holland was a bigwig at my publishing company. Ramona Cramer Tucker was top dog at Today’s Christian Woman magazine. And I was having the time of my life, because they were both sitting there bragging about my work. Linda was excited about my latest books, while Ramona had just asked me to become a contributing writer to the magazine and was excited about my articles. My head was swimming. If all the congratulatory back-patting I was giving myself was real instead of just in my head, my shoulder would have been pulled out of its socket by then.

About that time, Ramona turned to me and said, “But my favorite story about you—the one we tell around the office all the time—was from ten years ago. I had called you about some project, and we were talking on the phone, when all of a sudden you said, ‘Hold on! I’ll be right back . . . my toddler just stuck a peanut butter sandwich in the hard drive!’”

Just then Linda began to laugh. She said, “Oh, that’s nothing. She has a new baby now, and last week I was on the phone with her when her daughter set the microwave on fire and gave the cordless phone a bath in the toilet.”

I’m sure the whistling sound I heard then was just in my imagination. If anyone else had heard and asked about it, I would have said, “Oh, don’t worry about it, that’s just my ego deflating back down to normal.” At least I hope no one else heard it. If they heard it and didn’t ask, they might have assumed the windy noise was coming from a different source. Now THAT would have been REALLY embarrassing.

I’ve learned other things, too, from being a parent, sometimes during the most unexpected moments.

Like a couple years ago.

Kacie is five now. But when she was about two, she had this game she loved to play with her dad. It was sort of like hide-and-seek. Except she was never “it.” She was always the one hiding.

What was really funny was that she always hid in the same two places. If we were upstairs, she covered herself up totally with the quilt on my bed. Every time. And if we were downstairs, she hid under the desk in my office.

Every time.

Sure, Larry would pretend this was a tough assignment. He would roam through the house saying things like, “I wonder if Kacie’s in the refrigerator?” and then look in the refrigerator. Or “I wonder if Kacie’s hiding behind the couch?” and then look there.

But ultimately, he knew exactly where to find her, because she always hid in the same place.

Which got me thinking.

You know, I do that.

When I’m hurting or confused or rebellious, sometimes I try to hide from God. But you know what? I always hide in the same places. I always run to the same old sins or distractions or addictions and try to hide behind them. I think I’m so clever, as if my heavenly Father doesn’t know my tricks already. Like he doesn’t know where to find me.

But the truth is that he knows where I am and, like the loving dad he is, he’s willing to give me a little bit of time until I’m ready to be found. He lets me play my game until I get sort of cramped and lonely in that secret place of mine, and then he can’t wait to scoop me into his loving arms.

If I made a list of the very best things I’ve discovered by having kids, this would definitely be on the list.

The nasal suction device would not.