Pavel walked her to a Tandoori restaurant with dark tinted windows. Eva had imagined the restaurant was a pre-picked venue until she saw how reluctantly the little waiter served them. The little pencil squiggles in the philosophy book had made her imagination run riot. Pavel ordered her a white wine without asking if she wanted one. Eva gently pushed the glass away.
“What is it?” said Pavel.
“You’re drinking all this water, and buying me glasses of wine. I don’t like to drink alone. Well... not always.”
“Don’t you let your hair down at all, Eva?”
“Of course. But today has been...”
She hesitated.
“Different to what I expected.”
“Ah. There may be a reason for that.”
“Tell me...”
“I’m old before my time, Eva. I think too much. I was always a thinker, but these days I believe I must act on my thoughts as well as think them. Does that sound mad?”
“It sounds... risky.”
“Really? Life is a risk. I certainly couldn’t be happy and keep all of these ideas inside.”
“What ideas?” said Eva, leaning forward, but she heard the harsh, inquiring tone in her own voice, and watched Pavel retreat in his chair.
“Just ideas, that’s all. But I’ll share one with you, if you like.”
Eva nodded. She swallowed as a shrill tension took control of her in anticipation.
“Okay. Promise you won’t hate me.”
Eva smirked, pretending the idea of hating Pavel was ridiculous.
“If it wasn’t for our... family connections, Eva. Do you think our kiss could have become anything more...?”
Eva’s face flushed. She toyed with the edge of her napkin and sat back before looking Pavel in the eye. “We were seventeen, Pavel. We made a mistake. I didn’t think we would ever revisit those things again. Not ever.”
“You buried the kiss. So did I for a time. But I remembered it too fondly. The more I smothered it, the more it appeared. Especially in recent years...”
“I think if we had gone beyond a kiss we would have lived a life filled with regret.”
Pavel drew back in his chair in silence. “But maybe there is already regret. You have become conservative, Eva. You were an idealist back then, like me. Your answer fifteen years ago might have been quite different.”
“I was a girl, Pavel. Can we not leave it there...?”
“Maybe you can. But listen. I showed you that book. It’s ingrained in me, Eva. I must be who I am.”
Eva shook her head. “Is this what you are here for, Pavel. To dig up the past?”
“To be true to myself and to experience freedom.”
“Pavel?”
“Eva, I have never loved anyone since you.”
Eva coughed and took a sip of her wine. The man’s big eyes flickered. He watched her drink and waited. “Pavel... that’s ridiculous. We were children!”
“No. We were young adults. I can see you don’t want to hear this... I see that now. But Eva... I have a duty to live the right way.”
“You do know about Dan?”
He nodded.
“Then how could you do this to me?”
“Because of what I told you. What I already showed you in the library. I am going to create history, Eva. What is the point of hiding the truth in such circumstances?”
“You’re living your life by a book? Something happened. Now tell me, what happened to you?”
The little waiter brought them starters of sizzling fried prawns on black platters. A phone vibrated somewhere, and Eva hoped it was hers, but she saw her cousin reach into his pocket and read a text from the screen of his smartphone.
“I must make a call. Please start without me.”
Pavel walked away from the table and headed for the toilets. Eva looked at the sizzling prawns without any appetite. She shook her head, furious, ready to walk out. There across the table, sticking out from his coat pocket, she saw the little red leather book. Eva looked at the waiter. The little man was stacking glasses at the bar, his back turned. Eva moved. She stood up and grabbed her jacket. As deftly as she could, she leaned across Pavel’s coat and snatched the little book from his pocket and then turned to the front door. Her temples were tight and her body rigid, fearful of being caught before she could get out. But she made it. She walked out into the bright spring sun, and blended into the crowded streets by Whitechapel market. And she kept going. She felt relieved with each passing second. Then the seconds ran out.
“Eva! Where are you going!” called Pavel. She turned and saw how far she’d managed to get. She was only a few shop fronts away from the restaurant. Finally, Eva gave in. She turned away and ran, and she heard him call after her as he started to give pursuit.