INTRODUCTION

Sex at Its Best

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Married couples are talking:

Would you believe these couples are talking about the Song of Solomon?

Wait a minute! you’re thinking. Isn’t that in the Bible? And Solomon? Wasn’t he the guy who had hundreds of wives? Why should I listen to anything he has to say about sex or marriage?

Good question. After all, Solomon accumulated seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines during his lifetime. He’s not exactly a role model when it comes to marriage! What godly insights could he offer married couples today?

WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO SOLOMON?

First of all, we want to point out that Solomon inherited many of his wives and concubines from his father; others he acquired for political alliances. Also, 1 Kings indicates that it wasn’t until later in his life that Solomon accumulated all his wives, which were his downfall: “When Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the LORD his God” (11:4).

Even so, Solomon seems to lack the proper credentials for giving anyone —let alone Christians —marital advice. Like you, the four of us aren’t sure we trust Solomon. But we do trust God.

Solomon’s résumé has one positive credential that overshadows all his weaknesses as a writer for a book about married love. God chose Solomon to write the Song. What other credential does he need?

The one whom God chose, he also equipped. In his youth, the likely time in which the Song was written, Solomon was completely devoted to the Lord (see 1 Kings 3:4-15; 8:14-66). As a young leader he cried out to God, “Give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong” (1 Kings 3:9, NIV). God, moved by Solomon’s heart, answered his prayer and gave him “wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore” (4:29, NIV). God said there never would again be anyone as wise and discerning as Solomon —past, present, or future (see 3:12).

The wisest man of all time wrote the Song of Solomon. Granted, he was not perfect. But our imperfection has never stopped the Almighty from delivering a perfect message, and although the human vessel was flawed, God’s message was not. Just as we do not discount the wisdom of Proverbs because Solomon became foolish later in life, so we do not discount the rich, inspired teaching that permeates the Song.

Now that we’ve discussed Solomon’s credentials, we’ll tell you about ours.

WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?

Jody and Linda have been married for fifty years, and the Song of Solomon has been their “sex manual.” They have benefited from the wisdom in this book and have spent hundreds of hours studying it. Jody holds a doctorate in theology and has dissected the Song in Hebrew. In the 1970s, he wrote a popular commentary on the Song of Solomon called Solomon on Sex. Linda first wrote about the Song in 1977 in Creative Counterpart, a book that encourages wives in their biblical role as helpers to their husbands. Recently Linda wrote What’s It Like to Be Married to Me? and coauthored Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery.

Peter and Lorraine also have been married a long time —thirty-four years. Peter has a doctorate in educational leadership and wrote his dissertation on spirituality and servant leadership. Lorraine is author of Diapers, Pacifiers, and Other Holy Things and Jump Off the Hormone Swing.

Linda and Lorraine have written two books together: Intimate Issues, which answers twenty-one questions Christian women ask about sex, and Gift-Wrapped by God, which gives single women a biblical perspective on sex. They have taught almost eighty Intimate Issues conferences around the world. All of their writing and teaching is based on the Song of Solomon.

Like Solomon, we are not perfect. Nor are our marriages perfect. Nevertheless, we believe God has asked us to write this book. Just as Solomon cried out to God, we also asked something of Him: We prayed that He would use us to encourage others by making His Word come alive so that they might receive instruction, hope, wisdom, and healing. We believe that the book you hold in your hands is God’s answer to our prayers.

WHAT KIND OF BOOK IS THIS?

While many Christian marriage books provide great insight, most primarily reflect the authors’ thoughts and then use God’s Word to supplement their ideas. Intimacy Ignited is different. We wanted God’s Word to drive this book. Nothing written in ages past, nor anything written in the ages to come, can compete with the “flawless” Word of God (Psalm 18:30, NIV). Only Scripture can claim to be “living and active . . . able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). Only Scripture can boast that it is the very breath of the Almighty (see 2 Timothy 3:16). This is why we begin each chapter with God’s Word and then follow it up with application for married couples. As we wrote we prayed that our thoughts would reflect His thoughts and that God might graciously infuse the text with the power of His Spirit to instruct, teach, and build you up.

This book is not only unique in its starting point but also in its purpose. Intimacy Ignited is three books in one:

A popular commentary. The beginning of each chapter examines a portion of the Song and offers verse-by-verse commentary that will help you picture the cultural and historical context as well as understand the symbolism and meaning of the original Hebrew text.

A marriage manual. Each chapter also contains a section called “Applying the Song.” This section provides you with tried-and-true ways to put into practice the biblical principles discussed in the chapter. Some of these practical ideas come out of our own marriages; others come from people who have told us their stories. All of the quotes and stories in this book come from real people, although we often changed the identifying details in order to respect personal privacy. While we directed most of the application toward couples, on occasion Linda and Lorraine wrote specifically to women (“Applying the Song for Wives”) and other times Peter and Jody wrote application points that apply to men in particular (“Applying the Song for Husbands”).

A Bible study. At the end of the book is an eight-week Bible study designed to take you deeper into God’s Word. Couples may wish to do this privately or as part of a small group.

In order to help you better understand what you are about to read, we wanted to provide you with some background information that will enhance your appreciation of the Song.

WHO SHOULD READ THIS BOOK?

This book is for married couples and mature engaged couples who are close to their wedding day. If you are disappointed with your marriage, this book can help you. If your marriage is good, this book can help make it better. If your marriage is already “better,” this book can take it up another level.

But if abuse or addictive behavior characterizes your marriage, we encourage you to seek help beyond what is offered in these pages. Your marriage doesn’t have to be such a painful place. We urge you to get professional help from a counselor or pastor and pursue resources that will serve your specific need.

HELPFUL THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE SONG

Who Are the Main Characters?

The two main characters are King Solomon and his bride, the Shulammite. Shulammite is the Hebrew feminine noun for Solomon and can be translated as “Mrs. Solomon.” But because it felt too cumbersome to refer continually to the bride as Mrs. Solomon, we took the liberty to name her Tirzah. Tirzah was a city in Israel that was renowned for its beauty. In the Song, Solomon tells his bride, “You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling” (6:4).

An imaginary chorus of virgins called “the daughters of Jerusalem” acts as the third character in this drama. This chorus periodically interrupts the story to convey warnings or other messages of importance. Solomon used this chorus as a literary device to transition between scenes or emphasize certain points.

What Is the Song About?

The first part of the Song addresses the passions and insecurities faced by most newlyweds. We witness the king and his lovely virgin bride as they run to the bedroom to consummate their marriage. Heat rises from the pages as we view the steamy, yet appropriate, exchange of endearments and caresses. Then, toward the middle of the Song, problems surface. Selfishness rears its ugly head as Tirzah dreams about a recurring problem in their sexual relationship. In the dream, Solomon comes to Tirzah late at night, demanding sex. She rejects him because she wants to sleep, and then she feels bad and runs after him. They work through their problems and learn to become servant lovers to one another. The book ends with one of the most powerful statements in the Bible about married love, one lifted as a light of eternal hope for every couple: True love is stronger than death; it is eternal and everlasting, the very “flame of the LORD” (Song of Solomon 8:6).

What Are the Prevailing Views of the Song?

The two most common viewpoints are:

It’s allegorical. Jews down through the ages see the Song as a “magnificent metaphor for the relationship between God and the Jewish people.”[1] They believe that Solomon represents God and the wife represents Israel. Christians who hold this view believe the Song is an allegory of Christ (Solomon) and the church (the bride).

It’s literal. This view says that the Song is the actual love story between a husband and his wife and that the story teaches God’s view of love, marriage, and sex.

In our desire to understand any book of the Bible, we must ask ourselves, What is the most obvious message the author is trying to communicate? While it is possible that the Song tells a story of spiritual love between God and His people, we have embraced the literal view of the Song throughout Intimacy Ignited.

Why Is the Song Difficult to Understand?

People often scratch their heads in bewilderment after an initial reading of the Song, asking, “What is going on here?” This reaction has to do, in part, with the manner in which the Song is written. For instance:

We don’t understand how to read Hebrew poetry. Solomon wrote this book as poetry, not prose. Hebrew poetry is didactic and rhythmic, stressing and unstressing certain syllables and sounds. The Song also contains word parallelism, a technique in which similar (or opposite) ideas are offset between the lines of poetry. While these rhythmic phrases create an alluring tempo for the unfolding of a drama in Hebrew, all of the intended nuances make it difficult to accurately translate into the English language.

The scenes in the drama are not in chronological order. The poetic style used in the Song is called lyric idyl. One of the characteristics of this style is that the scenes are a series of flashbacks; they are not in order.[2] Be prepared to witness erotic sex scenes and then reminisce about the wedding!

Sexual references are explained through elusive imagery and symbolism. God inspired Solomon to use poetic imagery to portray explicit sexual acts. For example, when the husband entered his wife’s “garden,” the image refers to . . . well, let’s save that for a detailed discussion in chapter 10. “Mandrakes” and “pomegranates,” which spill forth their seed when opened, symbolize fertility and virility; “honey” and “wine” convey intense, erotic desire. Because all the sexual references are cloaked in symbolism, a child could pick up the Bible, read the verses, and find no offense. But a husband and wife could understand the terminology and find specific sexual instruction.

What Is the Theme of the Song?

“Put me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, jealousy is as severe as Sheol; its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD” (8:6, emphasis added).

This, the key verse of the Song, speaks of a love between a husband and wife that is white-hot, passionate, burning, and unable to be extinguished because it comes from God. The promise of the Song to married couples is that their love will last forever —if they become servant lovers. This book is dedicated to helping you and your spouse do just that.

A SONG AMONG SONGS

God ordained Solomon to write this timeless little instruction book on sex. The task before him must have seemed impossible. How would you feel if God told you, “Write a real-life drama that captures the passion, adventure, and mystery of marriage, but do not ignore the problems of daily life. Be frank and precise when speaking of sexual intimacy, but write in such a way that if a child reads the words, his or her innocence will remain intact. Regarding sexual activity, be specific enough to be helpful, but sensitive enough not to offend. Be spiritual, yet practical; wholesome, yet sensuous. And do it all in one hundred twenty verses or less”?

Quite a tall order, wouldn’t you say? Yet Solomon did not balk.

The result is a book on sex that is specific, yet poetic; frank, yet innocent; simple, yet profound; confusing, yet straightforward. Truly, the Song is the best among all songs!

We are excited and expectant as we lead you into the riches of the Song of Solomon. We promise you that Solomon’s best song will act as a match to ignite intimacy in your marriage.