After reading Mitch's newest e-mail, Lainy groaned. Of course her crazy brother had sent him the videos. And of course Mitch would be excited to see them. She hoped if she featured in any of these family movies, she had combed her hair.
Lainy tried not to think that whenever she went to the lake, she usually didn't bother to brush her hair. Why hadn't she taken into consideration the fact her wacky brother always brought his camcorder? She’d forgotten Mitch was a new viewer and therefore could be subject to anything.
Frantically, she tried to remember when she'd seen Ed with his camera and with a blink came up with ... nothing. She hadn't seen him with his camera at all. She'd seen him get knocked into the lake a few times by Bentley and she couldn't think of a meal he'd missed, but otherwise she didn't remember seeing the camera in his hands.
Pursing her lips she tried to think of his children, but they were all too young to be entrusted with a camera. Especially Ed's pride and joy new DVD camcorder. Not happening. She tried to think back to whether or not another brother had wielded the thing. Nope.
She didn't dare breathe a sigh of relief until after Mitch told her what he'd seen on those DVDs. Then she'd stop worrying. In the mean time, perhaps she'd better let Bentley outside for a romp and work on the computer program she'd yet to finish debugging.
*****
Mitch awoke feeling rested and content. Rolling over he saw the photo of Lainy and Bentley on his nightstand and smiling, he reached for the picture. What a great way to start the day. Staring at the two beings who were most important to him, he saw their happy faces and the emotion grew in him.
He rolled out of bed and padded to the bathroom. He only encountered about eight other men, which was nice, and finished quickly. Before he left the sleeping quarters, he swiped a couple packages of popcorn from Al's stash and slid them into the drawer with his cookie supply. He intended to watch Morrison Family videos all day long. There was a moment of satisfaction when he had trouble closing the drawer, since the contents almost exceeded capacity.
Whistling, he headed for breakfast. Twenty minutes later found him on his way back to his quarters. Still whistling, he opened his overfilled drawer and selected a cookie while he booted up his computer. He spent the time waiting by sorting through the precious discs and found one that sounded intriguing. Lainy's Detour Routine. Hhhmm.
The video began and Mitch had a good view of the inside of one of the cabins. They progressed down a hall lined with doors and into the kitchen. He caught a stealthy movement to the right at the same time the cameraman did. The camera swung in time to see a mid-thirtish couple peek furtively to the left and right before sneaking into what he assumed was a room, but he couldn’t tell for sure. The woman giggled, and he heard the man hiss, “Hush, Laurie, or the kids or Lainy'll hear us.”
Which set off more giggles, muffled this time, from the woman. Mitch wondered if this was Steve's mom and Lainy's sister. The cameraman stepped back and the view widened enough that he caught sight of Lainy notice the couple entering the space. He watched her brows wing into her hairline before a mischievous look crossed her face. He could almost see the sparks of humor and non-good will emanate from her amazing eyes.
Light glinted off her glasses as she glided across the kitchen to a door. She opened the screen door and yelled, “Granddad just opened a box of Twinkies and doesn't want any rugrats to come in right now.” She slammed the kitchen screen shut and locked it before hurrying over to hover just outside the room the couple had snuck into.
The front door opened with a crash and a swarm of little bodies filled the foyer. Mitch counted several furry bodies among the small human ones. Impish eyes laughed up at Lainy and the hidden cameraman as they all tromped down the hall toward the kitchen, which lay behind Lainy.
Just as the parade pulled abreast of her, Lainy whisked the closet door open and intoned in a deep announcer’s voice, “Construction in the kitchen. Detour.” She ushered the kids and dogs into the closet before snapping the door shut.
Nearly as soon as she'd accomplished that, another troupe of kids and canines poured through the door and Lainy detoured them, too. “What, no Twinkies?” one chubby little guy asked and Lainy shook her head. “Not this time. There's more important business for you to take care of right now.”
The kid nodded his head sagely. “Are Mom and Dad at it again?” He rolled his eyes.
“Afraid so, buddy. And it's your mission to stop them,” she intoned and Mitch realized this was the first time he'd heard her voice. Not nasal or high, but husky and warm enough to send shivers chasing down his spine. He liked her voice. He liked her brain. He liked her.
Lainy only just closed the door on the second group before footsteps sounded above them and Lainy turned to face whoever plodded down the steps. He saw a teenage girl, probably about fifteen enter the foyer and turn right toward the kitchen.
“Sorry, sugar, detour,” Lainy informed her and indicated the closet door. Behind which emitted some very interesting noises. Barking and giggling and squawks of protests. Mitch grinned. Snagging a cookie from the still open drawer he realized he was enjoying himself.
“Aunt Lainy, I am so not going in there,” the teenager protested.
“Well, honey, you don't have to, but think of the odds,” Lainy pointed out.
“Odds?” The girl sounded dubious.
“I think all eight of you were conceived in this very closet. Odds are that every pregnancy has a fifty-fifty chance of producing a boy or a girl. So far, you've got six brothers and only one sister. If you want another brother, by all means, keep going. Otherwise, I suggest you enter zee clozet,” Lainy finished on a really bad French accent.
Her niece sighed and looked musing for a moment before rolling her eyes. “I don't need another brother,” she decided and stared at the door in resignation. “All right, I'll go,” she said, as though Lainy had just asked her to be a virginal sacrifice for the local dragon.
“I figured you'd feel that way.” Lainy swung the door open. Two kids and one dog fell out. Lainy and her niece herded them back in before the young woman followed them inside and shut the door.
Lainy grinned at something shouted through the door and slid home a bolt on her side. Whistling, she entered the kitchen and unlocked the door before yelling, “The Twinkies are now gone. Anyone wanting to enter may do so at their leisure.”
She backed hastily away from the door as a huge man entered. “Lock Laurie and Greg in the closet again?” He started opening cupboards at random.
Lainy sighed and shoved the behemoth out of the way to open the only cupboard he hadn't. “You own this cabin, how can you not know where the glasses are?” She sounded exasperated.
“I have other more important things to file in the old brain. Why do I need to know where the cups are when there are nerds here who can show me?” He tried to swipe a finger under her chin. Lainy dodged him with apparent long ago earned skill.
“I suppose space would be limited when your brain is only the size of a pea,” she agreed, neatly side stepping him again. Mitch figured this must be a brother.
“So, how long are you intending for Laurie and Greg and half the munchkin population to inhabit my closet?” he asked, taking a long swallow of water.
“Mom and Dad will come looking soon enough.” She shrugged and the man choked.
“You’re going to wait for Mom and Dad to let them out?” His voice sounded strangled. Like the water had slid down the wrong pipes.
“Absolutely.” Lainy offered a serene smile.
The man started laughing about the same time Mitch did. Only to be rudely shaken from laughter by a bellow. “What's going on in here?” A tall man with pure white hair and an erect back marched into the room. This man had been military at one time. Mitch would stake his pension on it.
Lainy turned with a dazzlingly innocent smile. “Nothing Granddad, right Will?” and she elbowed the man he thought was her brother. Will didn't provide much help as he bent double and his face turned an interesting shade of purple.
Granddad would have to be deaf not to hear the cacophony behind the locked closet door. The old guy didn't appear to have that malady as he cleared the space in record time and opened the door with a flourish. Three kids and four dogs fell out.
Granddad rolled his eyes, not unlike the teenager occupying the closet, and watched as more bodies spilled from the space. His eyebrows rose when the older girl exited, but she merely rose on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek and offered a, “Thank you for freeing us, Granddad,” before making her way to the kitchen.
It wasn't until Lainy's sister and her husband sheepishly left the closet under the watchful eye of Granddad that Mitch couldn't control the lip twitch anymore and laughed. He didn't miss Granddad's mild comment though, “Lainy's practicing population control again, I see.” Which set Mitch off again. And brightened the cheeks of her sister and brother-in-law.
“Of course it was Lainy, General. Who else locks us in the closet with the entire camp?” Mitch noticed the younger man didn't seem daunted by the older man at all.
“Not the entire camp, just a few kids and dogs,” Lainy protested and Laurie rolled her eyes.
“Right, Lainy. Just remember, your turn is coming,” Laurie warned. Lainy's smile upped in wattage about four fold.
“I'm not worried,” Lainy returned, not sounding repentant at all. “I was just doing my civic duty and preventing yet another birth in the Colson household. I mean, really, can't you guys keep your hands off each other for a weekend?”
“Apparently not,” General Granddad intoned. “But that's not necessarily a bad thing, either.”
“Of course it's not, dear,” another voice chimed in. The camera swerved to an elegant, white haired woman.
“Your granddaughter is up to your tricks, Melody,” the man scolded.
The woman, who had to be Lainy's grandmother, merely cocked an eyebrow and exchanged a secret smile with Lainy.
She patted her perfect looking hair and said, “Yes, love, I know. I've been teaching her everything I know for years.” The woman took her husband's arm and tugged him into the closet.
“Since we don't have to worry about altering the population now, why don't you come with me?” she invited. The General's lips curled up into a masculine smile as he followed her.
“Want me to lock the door?” Lainy's voice piped in impishly before the screen went blank.
*****
To: L_Morrison@gmail.com
From: M_Monahan@yahoo.com
Subject: Lainy's Detour Routine
Hello Lainy,
I laughed through the first video and before watching the next one, I had to send an e-mail to you. Your brother must have been lurking in the shadows during the time you did your civic duty and helped with population control. Did Laurie and her husband really conceive all their children in that closet?
Where did you get the idea to start detouring kids and animals inside? I understand staying in a romantic mood would be next to impossible with a bunch of kids and dogs underfoot, but that was classic!
I'll probably have to share this video with some of the guys. We have very little to laugh about here, and this would suspend our reality for a little while.
Your grandparents seem pretty awesome. Are they your grandparents, or your parents? I thought grandparents, but since the man opened the closet door, I figured perhaps they were your parents? And you call them Grandmom and Granddad because of the herd? Some clarification on that matter would be appreciated.
I'm still laughing about that video. By the way, do you do that routine with anyone who enters the closet with members of the opposite sex? By the way, your brother is a brilliant cameraman. I didn't feel dizzy or sick or anything like that while viewing the family movie. (This cannot be said about all family cameramen, sadly.)
I'm assuming Will is one of your brothers? The one with the pea-sized brain (according to you). He looked vaguely familiar, so I think I have a picture or more of him, plunging into the lake. Would that be correct?
It's a tough job, trying to keep your 800 rellys straight.
Off to view more of these Morrison Family Treasuries. Tell your brother I'm enjoying them. He's welcome to send me more. Actually, scratch that. I'll tell him myself, since I doubt you'll “remember” to pass that info on. <g>
Yours,
Mitch
Before he hit the send button, though, Al poked his head around the doorframe. “Yo, cookie boy, we got another job. Leave at 1100 hours.”
“Thanks, Al,” Mitch muttered as his friend’s head disappeared and he fought the urge to hurl something. He wanted to see the rest of his videos. Having them and not being able to watch them was like owning a pirate’s chest of gold but lacking the key to open the latch.
Sighing, he added a quick line about being called out on another job before he shut down the computer and threw a few things into a bag. Otherwise, the world might not be safe and he couldn't bear the thought of Lainy in danger.