I can’t say my life without Zach was easy.
I had to learn how to let go of someone who had meant the world to me. He had quickly become someone who I felt as though I couldn’t be without. I didn’t know how I would go on without him, but somehow, I managed.
And now, six years later, at the end of an excruciatingly humid summer, I find myself back on Waverly beach. I’m looking out towards the ocean while my little girl and her father build sand castles and fly kites.
A loud, barking, one hundred and fifty pound dog starts running toward me. His fur has almost turned completely white, but there is no denying who he is.
“Sampson!” I shout, as the hound runs up to me, licking me on the cheek. He is off his leash, which isn’t the norm for him, but a few feet back, Mrs. Neverly makes her way up to me as well.
“Mrs. Neverly!” I shout, running up to her, and wrap my arms around her. “How have you been?”
“Oh, I’m fine, fine. Just getting older here alongside Sampson.”
“Yeah, but you both still look good! It’s been so long. I’ve missed you both,” I admit.
“We’ve missed you, too, dear. How are your little sister and parents doing? Everyone alright?”
I nod. “Yeah, everyone’s good. Molly is now eight, and my parents are still doing fine.”
“You never came back with them after… that year,” she says, her face full of sorrow. I know exactly what year she is referring to, but I also know that it is probably still difficult for her to realize.
Nodding my head and placing my hand on my hips, I answer, “Yeah, once I started college, I tried to stay busy, working, and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.”
“Your parents told me you got married three years ago and you have a daughter?”
“Yeah, there they are,” I say, pointing to my two-year-old daughter, Violet, and my husband, Evan. I wave at him as I call out to Violet to come over.
“V! Come here, pretty girl!”
The nickname my love had given me so long ago would never die. I had found a way to keep it alive. Violet is my pretty girl and I can’t help but wonder if Zach had still been alive, would she have been our daughter? As much as I love and am thankful for my husband, I can’t stop these thoughts.
My toddler runs as fast as her little legs can carry her, and once she reaches us, she throws herself right at Mrs. Neverly. She bends down to pick up my daughter.
“Oh my! Isn’t she just the most precious little doll you could ever lay your eyes on! Hello there, sweet Violet.”
Obviously, Mrs. Neverly has been wondering the same thing about Violet. She doesn’t have to say as much; it is just obvious.
“Hello!” Violet exclaims, full of glee.
“Thank you, Mrs. Neverly,” I reply.
Evan walks back up to us as he and Mrs. Neverly exchange introductions. After a few minutes, she hands Violet back to him, and he makes his way towards our car. We have to head back home to Jersey tonight.
Once we are alone again, she says, “I’m so glad to see you happy and doing well.”
It is bittersweet, but I know Mrs. Neverly always means well.
I look at her and confess. She alone understands my loss and pain. “I still think about him… I’m not going to lie. I love my little family, and my husband is amazing. He takes care of me and our little girl, and goes above and beyond, but I don’t know. Sometimes I think about how differently my life would have turned out had Zach still been here.”
She nods her head. “What you and Zachery shared was special. You both truly loved one another. You can always love Zach as well as your husband and that’s okay. What you and Zach shared is something that will remain with you for always. Some loves stay within our hearts way past their time and I’m afraid you can never replace that love.”
As I am about to turn around and make my way towards my family, I say, “Hey, Mrs. Neverly. I saw the ice cream shop when we entered town, Z & R’s.” Without even asking her what those initials stand for, I already know; it’s what Zach would have wanted.
She smiles lovingly. “It was a dream of his to reopen his grandfather’s shop one day. Unfortunately, life had other plans for him. I had to do it.”
Her eyes are full of tears and I’m suddenly standing there on the brink of my own waterworks.
Suddenly thinking back to what she had said about my love for Zach, I ask, “Mrs. Neverly? How do you know so much about the loss of a love like ours?”
I know she had lost her husband years ago, and I know that somehow she understands about a love lost way before its time.
“Because,” Mrs. Neverly states, “George wasn’t my first love. I had a fiancé before him whom I lost in a car accident. What we had was much like what you and my dear Zachery shared. I recognized it right away. This is how I know that even now you miss Zach and he will forever remain in your heart. But I also know that you and Evan will be able to live happily together for the rest of your lives.”
Those words have so much truth in them. Mrs. Neverly had been through what I had been through.
I know I’ll love Zach for the rest of my days, but I also know that what I now have with my husband is just as special and enough to get me through this lifetime.
The End