“What did Mona say to you?”
We sat in the SUV in the dark hotel garage. I looked at my hands and folded them to stop their trembling.
“She just spouted her usual joy and fairy dust.”
Jimmy groaned, leaned forward in his seat, and rested his forehead against the steering wheel. “Rain, why won’t you tell me? Why won’t you talk to me?”
I blinked, trying to push the tears back into my eyes. Inside, I cried out to him. I couldn’t tell him what Mona said because I felt like he and I were teetering on the edge of ruin. I believed one more push would be the end of us.
“Jimmy, I’m just all out of talk right now. The reading was bad enough, but your mother cornered me in the bathroom… the bathroom!”
He watched me with his somber slate eyes and they looked so sad I wanted to start bawling.
“I’m sorry for whatever she said, Rain.”
“I just want to go to sleep. I think I’m just tired.” I folded my arms across my chest hugging myself.
“We need to get away, you and I,” he said finally. He looked down through the steering wheel to his knees.
“I don’t understand.”
Jimmy sat up. He seemed to be debating something. Finally he blew a breath out slowly. “You’re troubled, Rain. I can see it.”
“I can handle it.” I sniffled and looked down at my hands again.
“Rain!” Jimmy bellowed. “Don’t do that, don’t do this again.”
I looked up at him and started to cry. “You can’t help me with this, Jimmy. You…we can’t weather…” I shook my head frustrated. He’d never believe me. If I waited for Mona to, it would still tear us apart. What would he do when confronted with evidence, even if it was fake?
He started to talk but my cell phone buzzed. It was Salem.
“He’s picked up the receiver for the key logger on Parker’s computer.” I checked my watch. It was already four in the afternoon and the sun was on its way down. I didn’t want it to get dark.
Jimmy sighed and started the SUV’s engine. “Tell him we’ll see him tomorrow.”
I stared at Jimmy. He didn’t wait for my response. He just pulled out of the parking space and merged into traffic. I looked at the phone in my hands and typed out a text message to Salem to compile the keystrokes and print out everything. It was the kind of thing that took hours anyway. I turned my phone off and looked out the window at stores and buildings as we flitted past them.
Jimmy didn’t talk.
I didn’t talk.
An hour into our drive it got dark outside, and I stared at my face in the window’s reflection. I had no idea where we were going, and didn’t care. My lawyer, Sierra Hopkins had been right. The big bomb Parker and Mona intended to drop on me was not intended to win them the wrongful death suit. She’d predicted they had something strong enough to make me step down from co-executorship of Autumn’s estate, but not strong enough to use in court. The whole suit was a distraction. It was a reason to request medical records, to shake me up with depositions, and to leverage the fake evidence for my silence.
My stomach churned.
Jimmy pulled onto a dirt road. A few yards in, a silver metal gate appeared in the headlights. Jimmy stopped the vehicle. He got out and pulled the gate open. A wood sign to the right of the gate read; Olvidar. Jimmy had brought me to the animal sanctuary.
He got back in, and drove down a windy pitch black road. The only thing in sight was the five foot length of dirt road visible in the light cast by the headlights. Jimmy rolled the windows down and the smell of the woods floated in. Pine oil and wood mingled with churned up dirt to take me back to the scents of camping with friends. I closed my eyes and went to those cool fall nights, laughter, and sitting by the fire in Jimmy’s arms.
“I can’t even see it yet and I love it already,” I whispered.
Jimmy looked at me and the corners of his mouth turned up, slightly sad. “I hope you like it here,” he said quietly.
We drove a few minutes up the dirt road and then the lodge’s outside lights came into view. It was a sprawling one story structure with floor to ceiling glass along the front façade. Built at an angle to the tree line it seemed to melt into the darkness. We pulled to a stop in front. Jimmy got out and took my hand. He led me up the steps and into the front door. Inside the foyer, he hit the lights and the gorgeous house lit up before me like an incandescent dream.
It was beautiful. It was masculine and warm at the same time. It screamed Jimmy. I looked at the dark leather furniture, the parquetry floor, and the stained glass skylight.
“I see why you call it a sanctuary.”
His face was filled with tension. He pulled me to his chest and kissed the top of my head.
I stepped away, and my whole body trembled. The drive had given me time to decide what to do. But now my heart rammed in my chest and my mouth went dry.
Worry flashed behind Jimmy’s eyes and he reached a hand out to me.
I pushed it away. “Jimmy, I can’t keep doing this...”
“Rain, please…”
I shook my head. His shoulders slumped, and I felt my heart start to tear open. I walked to the leather sofa and sat down. He took the seat next to me, his eyes on the polished wood table in front of us.
“I have to do this, even though I don’t want to with all my heart,” I began.
Jimmy tensed and when I put my hand in his he closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his face. Did he know already? Had he overheard Mona and I in the bathroom? My heart slammed fast, painfully but I needed to tell him. I took a breath and told him everything.
He looked up at my face with surprise when I got to the part about the evidence that Mona and Parker had.
I started crying halfway through. I finished, and Jimmy stood up abruptly. I thought he was going to walk out of the house, into the dark, and out of my life forever. Inside the little voice wailed.
He’ll never believe you.
Jimmy stood with his back to me. He put his hands at his sides and looked up at the ceiling. He was drawing in deep breaths like he was trying to control his temper.
I crumbled inside. My voice sounded so small when I spoke. “Jimmy, please tell me what you’re thinking,” I said through the lump in my throat. “Please talk to me.”
Jimmy turned and my heart jumped. Pain had etched dark circles under his eyes. He sat down next to me on the couch and took my hand between both of his. He looked relieved, which confused me. “What I’m thinking….” He muttered. “Actually, I’m terrified of what you’re thinking.” He rubbed my hands between his.
The knot in my stomach loosened a little. “What I’m thinking?” I hadn’t expected that one.
Jimmy’s gaze held mine, their gray color just as striking to me as when I’d first seen them.
My heart fluttered nervously when I saw his worried look. I shook my head, not understanding.
“I’ve spent the past few days trying to convince you to give us another chance. But then this thing that Mona and Parker…My family is just…” He struggled to find his voice. It was low and gruff when he tried again. “I always believed that we were supposed to be together. I mean, I’ve prayed and prayed and I know in my bones that you’re the only one for me.”
“Jimmy, I’m really sorry…”
“Rain, stop saying that you’re sorry,” he interrupted.
The tone of his voice stabbed through me and a hot tear slid down my cheek. He started again, but wouldn’t look at me. He concentrated on my hands in his.
“When you said you missed us, I started to believe that we could finally…” He looked away. His jaw worked and I waited, desperate to hear what he was thinking, and dreading that it was goodbye at the same time.
“Jimmy, please don’t do this,” I breathed suddenly. My chest ached. I didn’t think I could bear this. Why when we were so close to making it, did everything line up to pull us apart?
Jimmy looked at me and I made myself take breaths. I willed myself to look at him despite what he was about to do. But his face had a tender expression. His eyes searched mine with worry, not finality.
“Please have faith in us, Rain. Don’t give up.”
“What?”
He squeezed my hand, not letting go. “This will work out. I don’t know how, but all of this chaos that we see right now, it’s only temporary. God has given me peace about this, Rain. We’ll be OK. But I need you to trust that we’re not alone in this.”
My breath caught in my throat and my heart soared. I felt like a million pounds just slid off of my chest. “I thought you were breaking up with me,” I gasped through tears. “I thought…”
He pulled me closer. I could feel his heart race against my side. He ran a finger along my jaw and then wiped a tear from my cheek. He took in an uneven breath and shook his head.
“Ma chér, I would never do that. I love you. That has never, and will never change. I was afraid just then that you were having second thoughts about me because of the horrible things my family has done to you these past few days.”
“Me?”
I finally understood his relief.
“I was terrified, actually, that you were just about to end things between us, again.” His face was apologetic, sad, and I realized that the strength of his faithfulness wasn’t in question here, mine was. I’d run before and he was afraid when things got tough, I’d do it again. My face burned with shame.
My heart was fickle, not his. I had not been steadfast, he was.
He was asking me not to hurt him again, because even then, he wouldn’t be able to stop loving me. He didn’t believe Mona and Parker. None of it mattered to him.
Floored, my hands trembled as I took his in mine I whispered softly near his ear. “Remember when we were in high school and you used to drag me to your youth group meetings?”
His gaze searched mine. “Yeah…” he said slowly.
“Remember that everyone used to hold hands and go around the circle, and if you wanted to pray for something, you could?”
Jimmy nodded. His eyes were rimmed in red.
I felt my heart thud in my chest and I struggled for breath. “Maybe, you could do that now, for us.”
Jimmy looked at me stunned. “You want me to pray?”
I’d gone with him and Summer to their youth group meetings in high school, but I’d never participated. Later, after Jimmy’s dad died and we were in college, Jimmy never went to church. We didn’t talk about religion, or Jesus, or what had happened to his faith. It wasn’t until after the accident, when he changed, did we broach the subject. Only by that time in our relationship, anything having to do with God ended with me yelling.
But now I saw Jimmy’s heart, full of faith again. I wanted that. I was drawn to his strength without reason, to the peace despite the circumstances. He’d been given a promise, one he’d patiently waited for, and he was unwavering in his belief that God would deliver. Jimmy believed in us despite what I did, or what was happening. He had faith that made me marvel.
I was beginning to think this relationship of his with his Savior was something more than theory. Maybe it was something more than songs, and buildings, and books. Maybe a relationship like that was real.
“Yeah, Jimmy,” I whispered. “I’m willing to try, if you are.”
Jimmy’s voice failed him. He pulled me to his chest, and he whispered in my ear. He prayed for our relationship to remain in God’s hands. He prayed that those trying to hurt us would fail. But he prayed most fervently for me to understand grace.
I didn’t know what he meant. Not then.