ETIQUETTE IS EVERYWHERE. It is there to guide us through our interactions, from everyday events to special occasions. The door held open for the person whose hands are full, the flowers sent to the new mother in maternity, the thank-you note to the reference for a new job—etiquette is behind all of these thoughtful gestures. It is also there to help us craft an informative invitation, to eliminate confusion at the dinner table by letting us know which fork to use, and to provide instruction on how to be a gracious guest in someone else’s home. Etiquette comes to the rescue in tricky situations, guiding us to the proper action to take when a companion has a piece of spinach stuck between two teeth or when we need to end a phone conversation with a person who is particularly chatty. And it assists us during difficult episodes such as leaving a job, visiting a sick friend, and attending a funeral.
Often people mistake etiquette with “rules.” However, this is not an accurate interpretation. While firmly set in precedent, etiquette is also flexible, perpetually morphing according to situations and times. Not only does etiquette respond to the specifics of the circumstances at hand (such as who we are with and what region of the world we are in), but also it evolves over the years to keep pace with what is happening in technology and culture.
Etiquette is about expectations. Based upon the way a situation presents itself, etiquette allows us to anticipate behavior. Understanding what is expected of ourselves and others creates conditions where everyone feels more at ease. For example, when someone extends his or her hand for a handshake, we know to extend our hand in response. There is no awkward fumbling or surprise involved. When we are dining with others, knowing that serving dishes should be passed counterclockwise means that we are prepared to receive a dish when it comes our way and that when it is time for us to pass something along we are unlikely to enter into a collision with someone else. When properly employed, etiquette minimizes confusion and maximizes confidence and comfort.
This is not to say that one must always remain within the guidelines of etiquette. A modern bride may opt to eschew etiquette and wear red down the aisle. However, knowing that her choice will come as a shock to many, a considerate bride will graciously provide a brief explanation of her attire selection in the ceremony program. All etiquette asks is that when we choose an action to take, we are doing so with full knowledge of and a readiness to accept the consequences.
Etiquette is about our relationships with others, from those we hold dear to people we do not even know. Whether meeting someone new, running into a casual acquaintance at a party, honoring a loved one with a special role in a baby’s naming ceremony, ending a romantic relationship, disagreeing with a colleague, or sharing space with strangers in the tight quarters of an airplane or elevator, etiquette is there to guide our actions. In both the social and professional spheres, etiquette provides us with the tools we need to make our communications and encounters go as smoothly as possible.
Above all, etiquette is about consideration for others. The guidelines of etiquette are designed to ensure the comfort of all involved and to prevent an individual’s behavior from offending, disturbing, or hurting the feelings of others. From arriving at a performance on time so as not to interfere with others’ enjoyment of the show to keeping the ringer of a cell phone turned off while in a restaurant, codes of conduct have their roots in common sense and revolve around demonstrating respect for those around us, whether we know them personally or not.
This guide is designed to educate and enlighten, to aid and assist as you navigate the intricacies of interacting with others. For both the personal and professional realms, the information contained within these pages should provide you with guidelines, perspective, and direction so that you may live a considerate and courteous life.
Warmly,
JODI R. R. SMITH
www.mannersmith.com