Chapter 27

ALLEGRA ROLLED OVER and looked at Luca’s handsome face as he slept beside her. They’d had fun last night, skinny dipping in the loch and fooling around on the shore. Then they’d come back to find Ollie had gone to bed and Xander and Imogen were nowhere to be seen, so they’d gone to Allegra’s room.

He isn’t bad, Allegra decided. She liked the patch of soft dark curls that spread out across his chest towards his dark brown nipples, and the caffe-latte colour of his skin. Those dark, heavy-boned looks were so different from her own blonde fairness, and she admired the contrast: soft white wrist against a brown one dusted with fine black hair.

What had the sex been like? The same as always, she decided. Whenever she had sex, the same thing happened every time. She would try to lose herself and enjoy it, but always there was that out-of-body sensation, as though she were floating up and observing what was happening from far above. Then the little voice would begin: she hated that little voice but nothing would make it be quiet. It insisted on making its running commentary on events, always with that edge of contempt in its tone: ‘Look at you now, with your tits out. Are you really going to let him suck you like that? It doesn’t feel very good, does it? It feels of nothing! What does he think he’s doing? That’s right, open your legs, just as you always do! Now, here it comes. You’d better sigh or moan or he won’t think you’re enjoying it …’

But I could enjoy it, I know I could, if I could only be allowed, she thought furiously. What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t enjoy sex, I can’t fall in love … I’m just not normal. She knew what she was scared of: she was being punished for the bad things she’d done. For Sophie Harcourt. For that bad man in Paris who’d made her do those things with him. For not being good enough for everything she’d got.

Luca stirred and rolled towards her, his face innocent in sleep.

Could I fall in love with him? she wondered. Can he break the spell?

But she was already sure it was a waste of time. Hadn’t the voice told her so even while she was pounding on top of him, urging him to his climax? It’s a waste of time! it had said scornfully. And it was always right.

Allegra stormed out on to the terrace. ‘Xander! Did you really shag Imogen last night? Ollie says you did!’

Her brother was reviving himself with black coffee and fruit salad while Ollie and Luca had gone down to the tennis court for a match, saying they wanted to sweat out the toxins.

He looked up, unperturbed. ‘Morning. You haven’t been listening to idle gossip again, have you? Besides, what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. You shagged Luca.’

‘That’s different!’ she said crossly, putting her hands on her hips.

‘Why?’

‘Imogen’s my friend!’

‘Luca’s my friend.’

‘It’s not the same, and you know it’s not. You’ve known Midge for years. She’s a friend of both of us. You can’t just sleep with her!’

Xander remained irritatingly calm. ‘It’s fine, and it’s none of your business. She knows how it is. She understands. It’s just something very sweet and nice between two old friends.’

Allegra frowned. ‘Are you sure she sees it that way? You know, she’s always had a soft spot for you. If you start sleeping with her, she’s bound to fall in love with you, and then you’ll break her heart. You mustn’t do it, you really mustn’t.’

‘All right then, if it bothers you so much, I won’t.’ Xander shrugged and took another sip of his coffee. ‘Like I said, it’s not a big deal.’

‘You haven’t led her on or anything, have you?’ Allegra said warningly. ‘You’re the one who was telling me not to lead her astray!’

‘Of course I haven’t. I said some nice things to her – and I meant them. She’s a lovely girl and I’m very fond of her. But I’ve never said anything more than that. I’m not going to lie to her. Like I said, she knows how it is.’

‘Oh, God, I blame myself for this.’ Allegra walked over to the edge of the terrace and stared out over the loch, which was covered in little white caps where the wind was whipping up the water. ‘I told her to look out for you. I probably set the whole thing off. Oh, bugger …’ She turned back to her brother with a warning expression. ‘If you’ve done anything to hurt her, Xander, I’ll be so furious with you! It’s not fair to include her in your womanising ways.’

‘If it matters that much to you, I won’t go near her again,’ he said in a bored voice. ‘You’re making way too much of this, Allegra.’

‘Good. I think it’s best if you don’t. I couldn’t bear it if you messed her up.’

‘Quid pro quo, Allegra. Go easy on Luca.’ Xander grinned. ‘Ever spent any time with a broken-hearted Italian? It ain’t easy. All those tragic arias.’

‘Ha, ha.’ She went back over to the table and sat down. ‘Now can I please have some coffee? I’ve got a hell of hangover here.’

Allegra wasn’t surprised when Imogen didn’t call that day. Not only were they all wiped out after the impromptu party, but Sam was due.

Whenever she thought about Xander and Imogen, she felt a surge of protectiveness towards her friend. I’ve been so stupid. Of course … she’s not in love with Sam, and she’s so romantic, she’s bound to fall for someone like Xander – the charming but reckless womaniser who needs looking after. I was an idiot to put the idea into her head. I’ve got to warn her off before she starts getting some kind of serious crush on him. I’d be caught in the middle, she’d get hurt … it’d be awful.

When Imogen did ring the next day and suggested coming over to Foughton, Allegra said that she was bored of hanging round at home, and what she actually needed was a trip out. Why didn’t they to go to Edinburgh and do some shopping?

They met outside Jenners on Princes Street, just as they always had since they were schoolgirls, and wandered about, eventually finding a nice little tea room where they could take a break from the busy streets outside. The festival would be starting soon, and the city was filling up in preparation.

Allegra ordered a pot of Earl Grey and lit up a cigarette, while Imogen decided to have a banana milkshake.

‘So – quite a night the other night!’ Allegra said, with a mischievous grin, mentioning the subject for the first time. ‘I suppose you know I pulled Luca?’

‘Did you?’ Imogen seemed very interested in stirring the blob of ice cream that was melting on top of the yellow milk. ‘I thought you might have.’

‘Mmm.’ Allegra nodded, holding a mouthful of smoke for a moment and then exhaling. ‘It was a laugh, actually. We had a swim and then went back to my room and got serious.’

‘What was he like?’

‘Passionate.’ Allegra nodded. ‘He really put his back into it.’ She laughed. ‘I could hardly walk the next day.’

‘Are you going to see him again?’

‘Maybe. He’s gone now. So has Ollie. Xander’s still at home, but he wants to leave before the family start arriving. It’s going to be grouse-shooting fever for the next few weeks and he isn’t that keen.’ Allegra looked carefully at Imogen who still appeared entirely unaffected by the subject matter, except for a slight pink stain on her cheeks. Thank God for that! ‘So … how about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘A little bird told me that you and Xander got kind of close the other night.’

Imogen’s face turned scarlet. ‘Oh … well, yes … a bit …’ She looked confused and stopped talking.

Allegra laughed. ‘Well, we all got a bit carried away, I suppose. I had stern words with him.’

‘Did he say anything about it?’ Imogen said breathlessly, her grey eyes eager.

‘Not really. Just that he thinks you’re sweet.’

‘Does he?’ Her face lit up. ‘Did he say that?’

Allegra leant towards her friend, her own eyes kind but serious. ‘Midge, I don’t want to be horrible but I’ve got to say it: please don’t get het up over Xander. He’s not a prospect. Really. He’s far too flaky for you and he’d mess you about. You know what’s he’s like, he’s an incorrigible womaniser. He loves them and leaves them all the time. Steer well clear, that’s my advice. You deserve someone much more reliable – like Sam.’

‘That’s all finished,’ mumbled Imogen glancing away. Her hand went to her neck where she wore a scarf tightly knotted. ‘We agreed it was best.’

‘Oh, God, I’m sorry. Was it horrible?’

Imogen nodded, looking downcast. ‘It was. He wasn’t happy.’

Allegra put her hand on her friend’s. ‘I’m sorry, love. But you did say it was going to happen, so I suppose it can’t be too upsetting for you. And you’ll find someone else, I know you will.’ She took her hand away and lifted up her china tea cup. ‘Just make sure he’s nothing like Xander, that’s all.’

‘All right,’ Imogen said in a weak voice. ‘It didn’t mean anything, I suppose.’

‘Exactly. I’m glad you see it that way. I think it’s much the healthiest approach. Besides, you and Xander … well, it’s a bit close for comfort, isn’t it?’ Allegra sipped her tea. There. I think that’s sorted it. Thank God I found out about it before any more damage was done.