Cole couldn’t seem to stop kissing Jackie. Only after she pressed her hands into his chest did he finally let up on the assault, stealing one last peck before reluctantly breaking free.
“Are you trying to duck out of working?” she asked breathlessly.
“Yes.” He tugged her close again and laughed. “It’s more fun kissing you.”
“We’re not supposed to be doing this.”
“Hanky-panky stuff?” He caught her as she tried to weave out of his arms. There was a question in her gaze he couldn’t figure out. “What?”
“You are trouble, you know that?”
He felt his smile fade.
“Oh, quit being so hard on yourself.” She patted his chest, then ran her hands up into the hair at the nape of his neck, sending shivers down his spine when she gave a slight tug. Having her body snugged against his felt right.
“I was hoping you’d be at the auction,” she whispered. She laughed when he studied her more closely.
“Maybe you’re trouble,” he mused.
“Maybe we’re trouble together,” she retorted, kissing him lightly. Sadly, she broke the kiss before it could get out of control. But her fingers were still stroking the fine hairs on his neck, running up his skull, giving the short tufts a light tug as she explored. The sensations she was creating were doing funny things to his brain, and he was finding more reasons to keep Jackie around. After all, his family liked her, and maybe having a steady, kind girlfriend would help him earn back trust. It would be like Jackie had suggested earlier—show everyone he planned to stick around. Being committed to Laura seemed to have made Levi even more committed to the ranch and its prosperity. Cole’s family could likely extrapolate the same intentions from him if he exhibited similar settling-down behavior to his older brother. And he’d know it was working if Brant gave him a dog. His veterinarian brother tended to do that when he accepted and trusted someone. And so far, no dog for Cole.
“What was that my grandfather told you about us helping each other?” Cole asked, a fuzzy idea forming in his mind.
She shrugged, her tone offhand. “He thinks we can fix each other.”
“You’re broken?”
Without answering, she slipped from his loose embrace and went to crouch beside her car, wiggling the bumper. “Do I need a new one?”
Cole stared at the task in front of him, his motivation waning. Suddenly the idea of dating Jackie to solve all of their problems seemed juvenile. What was the point of trying to be a good guy when nobody was likely to see it? For many he would always be the wild Wylder, even if he no longer acted like it.
“Want me to call the wreckers?” he said finally.
Jackie nodded, and soon they were standing among acres of old vehicles stacked in the Texas scrubland several miles east of Sweetheart Creek. They worked side by side, retrieving the same shade of blue bumper from a sports car before returning to Sweet Meadows Ranch.
Now, sitting on the equipment shed’s dirt floor, Cole scratched his chin. Buckey, Myles’s dog, came ambling in, tail wagging. She threw herself down beside Cole, placing her head in his lap. He absently scratched her chin before pivoting onto his back to slide under the car to attach the new bumper, the dog crawling under with him.
“Do you remember which bolt goes where?” he called to Jackie.
“No.”
“How about you?” he asked Buckey. The dog shuffled closer as if to take a peek.
Cole angled himself to look out at Jackie. Making a funny face, she gave the bumper a thump, fitting it back into place so he could bolt it in.
“Careful!” he yelled when she gave it another thump. “Don’t set off the airbag!” His warning caused Jackie to jump, and he laughed while Buckey scrambled out from under the vehicle.
Jackie’s eyes widened before she exhaled and rolled her shoulders at the prank. Earlier, for safety, they’d disconnected the battery and airbags. “You’re a brat.”
“You don’t like working with me?”
“You said it, not me.”
Cole let out a huff as though annoyed. Hanging out with Jackie was easy, and he hadn’t expected how smoothly they could flow between moments of heat and moments of camaraderie and partnership. It reminded him of Levi and Laura. They flowed like they’d been together longer than the few months they had.
Cole knew he should feel awkward for having revealed his fears and past mistakes to Jackie, but instead he felt closer to her. Was that how Levi felt with Laura? He and his older brother used to talk about all sorts of stuff, and Cole had missed him during his years away. Had Levi missed that, too? Had Laura stepped into Cole’s role like Jackie was stepping into Levi’s? Was this a part of growing up?
Still, there were some things you could say to a brother you just couldn’t say to a woman. And maybe one day, if he stuck around long enough, he and Levi would find that common ground and trust again.
Cole attached the last bolt and rolled out from under the car. Standing, he dusted himself off, then stretched, clasping his hands behind his neck while curving forward to relax the muscles in his lower back.
He tapped Jackie gently on the shoulder to draw her back from where her thoughts had taken her. She had crouched to hold the bumper, and was still hunched over, hands on the blue plastic even though it was now securely bolted. He offered her his hand, helping her up.
“What’s next?” she asked, squeezing his biceps in that friendly way that always made him want to flex his arm.
“It’s fixed. We just have to reconnect the battery and airbags.”
“Thank you!”
Her gigantic grin had him leaning in to place a kiss on her lips before he thought better of it. It was a quick one, but Jackie’s features softened with pleasure.
Cole exhaled slowly, realizing what he was doing. He’d spent his years away being careful not to get too close to anyone, not to get attached, not to let someone get hurt. He needed to fix things with his family and within himself before he got involved. And here he was, making Jackie promises with each kiss. It didn’t matter that they’d said they weren’t doing this; their actions were writing checks reality would never cash.
And yet every time he kissed Jackie he felt as though he was getting closer to some vital truth, adding another piece to the healing puzzle.
“About what you said earlier about me needing a girlfriend…” he began, wondering if his plan to remain alone, ready to jump when his family asked him to, was a poor one.
She laughed and bumped her shoulder against his arm. “Cole, you’re not looking for a girlfriend. And I don’t do short-term relationships anymore. So don’t get all serious on me just because we keep having little moments.”
Her happy expression clouded, and she turned away, collecting the tools spread over the floor.
Cole felt strangely rejected, and he took a moment to watch her work.
But what if he wanted a girlfriend? Jackie would meet all of his requirements, plus some. She was smart and funny, easy to work with as well as hang out with. And he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t attracted to her.
He couldn’t help but think once again that there might be validity to her idea of dating someone—like Jackie—to show the community he was stable and serious now, intent on staying in town and building a life for himself.
“I can hear you thinking all the way over here,” Jackie said.
“Yeah? What am I thinking about?”
She’d straightened, a collection of wrenches bunched in her hands. She studied him with her pretty blue eyes. “You think you’re a mess.”
“I am a mess.”
“But you need to remember that dating me—a flirt—would only reinforce the worst rumors about you.” She dropped the wrenches in the toolbox with a clatter, bringing Buckey running over to check on her.
“You’re too hard on yourself,” he murmured. Jackie was well-loved, and with her past history of not dating anyone seriously it would only add weight and meaning when she finally did. And that small fact might help her, as well, as he’d learned over the years that there was nothing like a woman being taken off the dating market to make men feel as though they’d lost out on something. If he were to date Jackie—even as a ruse—it might just show the town that she was more than a flirt, and bring her Mr. Right out of the woodwork. “A relationship would show I plan to stay.”
She didn’t argue, nor agree.
“Something slow and steady. Something to demonstrate I’ve grown up.” He sighed, leaning against the tractor again. “I’m tired of sitting around, waiting for a chance to prove myself to Levi. That’s not working, but a relationship might.”
The problem was that a steady relationship came with expectations. A ring. A house. If he didn’t settle down with the woman, it would appear as though he hadn’t changed. And anyone he approached would think he was looking for either a wild and crazy time or something serious, when all he wanted was to calm everyone’s minds about why he’d returned home and who he’d grown up to be.
He needed a woman who didn’t want forever with him, and wouldn’t demand the things he couldn’t give. He needed someone like Jackie, the town sweetheart, where if she chose him it would mean something—and not just because she’d been publicly chasing him for years. He needed a woman who wouldn’t cause him to ruin the reputation he was rebuilding. Someone who could play the game, help him move toward his goal, without tripping him or herself in the process.
“So find a girlfriend,” Jackie said lightly, not looking his way. “I’m fairly sure you have a lot of options.”
“I don’t want a lot of options,” he mused. He rubbed his mouth, a hint of strawberry lip balm from Jackie causing him to focus in on her again.
He needed someone who wouldn’t get serious. Someone like Jackie. Because despite what everyone thought, she could take him or leave him.
There was only one woman for the job. Only one woman he would enjoy being with for several months while this played out.
He needed Jackie.
The idea was as powerful as a bull kicking him in the thigh on a dismount.
* * *
“Will you be my girlfriend?” Cole asked, with such earnestness Jackie’s heart nearly stopped working.
“What?”
“I mean, as a fake. You know, like you were saying earlier.”
“I did not suggest you lie to the town and your family by faking a relationship with someone, and especially not the local flirt. That doesn’t show you’ve changed. And trying to trick them—”
“No, I don’t want to lie,” he said quickly.
She froze, swallowed hard. “So you’ll tell everyone your relationship is fake?” Or did he mean that his feelings were real? Feelings about her? The woman he’d asked to stand in as a girlfriend.
“No… I…” He wiped a hand over his mouth as he’d done moments ago. “Okay, so it would be a lie. But I was thinking a relationship that was real, or real enough, but with an agreement that it won’t go anywhere.”
“Still fake. Still a lie.” She shook her head. The man seriously hadn’t changed. Would this latest bit of knowledge finally allow her crush to die? Now that she could see with clarity that he wasn’t good for her?
“It’s just dating. Without the wedding or blowup at the end. I need to show I’m putting down roots.”
“Buy a house.”
“You know you’d be perfect.” He eased closer, with a soft look meant to convince her, no doubt.
“Because I’m a flirt? Because I don’t have feelings?” This was like April telling her to throw herself at Cole. Nobody seemed to think she wanted love and commitment. He was choosing her because she wouldn’t complicate things, and there’d be no sticky, troublesome feelings like love.
“Because I like you. Because I trust you.”
The earnestness in his gaze shook her resolve.
She focused on the toes of her cowboy boots, centered her thoughts on the reasons he felt she would be perfect for something fake, then focused on the resulting pain.
“Because I don’t do long-term, serious relationships?” She ignored the fact that she always ended it before anyone ever got close to love.
“Jackie, this could help both of us.”
She saw it so clearly from his point of view that all she could do was shake her head. “Because this is fake, there won’t be a big blowout. Things will naturally fade away. Right? You’ll look like you gave me a shot, like a nice guy, and I’ll look like I finally caught my Wylder.”
But she’d be one step further from finding her own happily ever after.
“Will you think about it?”
She sighed, knowing she couldn’t avoid considering the angles. A fake relationship would do both of their images good, and maybe it would finally show men she was worth considering, if Mr. Uncatchable chose her for more than a fling. And maybe people like April would stop laughing off her desire to have love and a family. Sticking with one man for a while would likely be good practice, too. It might also help her hone in on what she was looking for in a life partner.
“I suppose,” she said thoughtfully, “anyone who thinks you’re still angling for a way to get April to return to you—”
“I’m not.”
“—will give up that line of thinking, because you and I will be some hot new thing.”
“And exclusive?” he asked, a possessive set to his jaw that surprised her.
She moved to the hood of her car, using it as a seat. “Who said I’m agreeing to this asinine idea?” She crossed her arms and glowered at him, letting him know she was still the boss.
The problem was that now all she could think of was what would cause him to want exclusivity.
Well, it would be bad for their images if they were dating others on the side, obviously. This ploy would be about his reputation, not about him wanting her all to himself for some primitive reason based on obsession or emotions.
“Of course exclusive,” she said with exasperation. “We’re aiming to build a good reputation.”
She eyed him, that handsome angle of his jaw, the way the brim of his cowboy hat shaded his eyes, giving him a look of mystery. Her anger faded, and a feeling of futility washed over her.
“It would also help beat off all those women drooling after you. I mean, after all, it’s just a matter of time before you weaken and give in.”
She studied her boots again. She wanted this. She wanted Cole all to herself. And ever since their first kiss, her desire to have a shot at a relationship with him had been renewed with an unrelenting vigor. An honest shot. Just one. And knowing this was all he could give, she would take it.
The bright side was that a relationship with him—even fake—would be an expedient way to crush the obsession she’d had for him all her life. In her experience, there was nothing like dating someone to dim her fantasy and send her running in the opposite direction.
She studied Cole carefully. So handsome. So rugged. Could it be that easy? Date the man, spend some time in his arms, and poof! The crush faded and she could move on?
Was it possible that eligible men sensed she was holding a candle for someone else, and that was what kept her from finding love? The crush was all a daydream, but that didn’t matter. She’d made her heart unavailable. And it was time to free it with a dose of reality.
Cole was looking at his own feet, his hat hiding his expression.
She cleared her throat. “The point is…” She softened her tone when he glanced up warily, waiting to hear what she had to say. Waiting for her to reject him, cut him down. Her heart softened even further. “I want you to succeed at winning back your family and the town.” She realized how true that was. He’d made so many sacrifices, and instead of being celebrated, he was being punished. “And a relationship might help, as well as serve as a protective shield against…” She paused, unable to say something he might find negative or derogative.
“Womanizing? Bad decisions? Brawls? Drunken rages?”
She laughed. “That’s not really you. Never was. And drunken rages? Really?”
“There’s still time.”
She smiled at his joke and he shrugged good-naturedly.
“You really think I can keep you in line? Make you look respectable?”
“If anyone can, it’s the town sweetheart.”
She laughed again.
“You think I’m lying?”
“You might be a tad overly optimistic.”
“I thought that made me charming.” He quirked his head to the side. “No?”
Jackie moved to him, wondering if they could really pull this off. She toyed with the collar of his shirt, her gaze scanning him, noting details. Kissing him would be no issue, and ditto for spending time with him.
It might also put a halt to those pitying looks. It was no secret people thought she was a lovesick fool who’d spent the past several years pinning her dreams on a man who would never even notice her. Was it wrong to feel a thrill at the idea of walking around town with a certain level of look-at-me-now, I-wasn’t-so-wrong?
“How long would we keep up the charade?” he asked, his voice a deep rumble, his hands coming up to cup her elbows. His touch registered inside her like a Richter scale needle during an earthquake.
“I haven’t agreed to temptation and deception.”
“Temptation?” he breathed, his lips inching closer.
“Always.” She cleared her throat and straightened her spine. They both knew she was going to say yes, but she wasn’t going to let him distract her with a mind-clearing kiss while they were still bargaining. They needed to set some pretty serious parameters if they were considering deceiving the people who mattered most to them. “What qualifies as a long-term relationship these days?”
“How many months was your last one?”
She shook her head and grimaced. “Yours?”
“Nope.” He shifted. “So?”
“Two months?” That didn’t feel very long.
“Double it?”
She nodded with a shrug.
“So you’re mine until June?”
His words sent thrills and fear through her in equal measure. “Wow, that’s quite a while.”
“Can you handle that much of me?”
“We may find there are some weeks where we need to spend more time at work.”
“You really can’t do four months with one man?”
“Of course I can.” That was what she was looking for, right? Practice. “That’s just a lot of Cole Wylder.”
“I thought you were rooting for me.”
She smirked.
“You’ll pay for that.” He pointed a finger at her, trying to act threatening. Her smirk grew.
“We seem to do okay as friends. And to preserve your sanity let’s say the end of May as our goal—three and a half months. I’m sure we can survive that.”
“Friends who kiss a lot,” he said, giving her a smug look. “But what about you?” He tipped his chin in her direction. “Would this cramp your style?”
She rolled her eyes. “There’s no style to cramp.”
“So to reiterate, we want to look serious, but not too serious.”
“Too serious?”
“Like we’re on the marriage track.”
“Right.”
“I just want my brothers to understand I’m here to stay.”
“Nobody will expect you to marry me. Or vice versa.”
“Right. I’m too wild and crazy to settle down?”
“Nobody’s come close to marrying me.” She frowned, considering how others might view their relationship. “Maybe this won’t work.”
“I think us finally getting into a relationship that’s steady has a certain power to it,” he said. “It’ll show everyone that we are both ready for this. That we’ve both outgrown our old images.” He slid his hands around her waist, as though hoping to settle her. “You’re the only one I can do this with.”
“I know.”
“So will you?”
“Almost four months?” She exhaled slowly, her heart thumping.
“Please?”
She gave a tiny nod, accepting the inevitable.
He released her with a grin, then held out his little finger. “Pinkie swear. A couple of months together. No blowups. Just kisses and image reform.”
She gave him a look of disbelief. “Really? A pinkie swear? If anybody in town saw this right now, they’d throw out your old reputation in a heartbeat.”
He frowned at his finger, and she snagged it quickly, releasing it before he could react.
“Yep. You’re a tough bad boy. Pinkie swear,” she scoffed, heading out of the equipment shed, her heart thrumming in her ears with what she’d just done. What she’d just agreed to. “I’m hungry. Is it lunchtime yet?”
He hurried after her. “Girlfriend, wait up.”
When she turned, she didn’t know whether to look at him or away.
“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” he said.
“Because you made it weird.” Her entire chest felt warm with the idea that of all the women in the county, Cole had chosen her as his girlfriend.
* * *
Cole saddled up two horses, one for himself and one for his girlfriend.
What a strange feeling it was having a girlfriend again. Someone he trusted. Sure, it was a fake commitment, but he was certain he’d enjoy the process.
Like a real couple, they were heading down to the creek for a Valentine’s Day picnic before their afternoon odd-job task.
As Cole adjusted the saddle blanket on his horse, he glanced to the right, where Jackie was untangling a bridle she’d dropped on the dirt floor moments ago. His girlfriend.
Technically, he could kiss her anywhere, anytime. Well, maybe. They hadn’t quite ironed out the rules yet.
He smiled to himself. Despite the way his thoughts had been drawn to Jackie ever since he’d arrived home Christmas Day, he hadn’t seen a relationship coming.
And even though it was fake, and neither of them wanted something lasting, he hoped the idea helped them both. That Jackie’s Mr. Right finally saw what he was missing, and that Levi realized Cole intended to stay, as well as show the town he was ready to settle down and act like a mature adult.
He tightened the saddle, then stroked his horse’s nose. Lots of people in Sweetheart Creek seemed to think Jackie had an undying crush on him. Was there a chance she was in this for real?
Somehow, despite the heat between them, he didn’t think so. She flirted and had fun, but she’d made it clear she didn’t want something permanent. And by no means had she jumped into his arms when he’d suggested she pose as his girlfriend.
They mounted their horses, and he turned down a dusty trail that took them through pastures where cattle grazed, and along to where Sweetheart Creek ran through the property. He’d spent hours riding this and the other trails on the ranch during the past several weeks, becoming reacquainted with his home while unspooling his thoughts.
Despite it being winter in Texas, the afternoon sun was warm. And while he missed the extreme seasons of Colorado, where he’d spent most of the last year and a half, he took comfort in the predictability of milder weather that wasn’t out to murder him should he be caught unprepared.
The creek came into sight, the sound of water babbling over rocks joining the soft thump of horse hooves.
“How about here?” Cole asked, indicating a grassy area near the creek. In the far distance clouds were gathering for the week of rain his mother had mentioned was coming. The temperature would likely drop to near freezing tonight, making this the last perfect picnic day in a while.
“This is pretty romantic, you know,” Jackie replied, swinging one long leg over her saddle and lowering herself to the ground.
He did the same, then took her reins and hitched the horses to an oak growing along the creek’s edge. The frequent spring floods overwatered it, pulling at its roots before abating, leaving the tree still standing like a lone survivor along this stretch of creek.
“I have to up my game. We’re official now.” He shot Jackie a wink that sent a flash of color racing across her cheeks. She had grabbed a straw cowboy hat from her car and looked every bit the Texan she was. She could go from a boot-scootin’ boogie in the saloon to her desk job at the feed store, to riding the trails or getting dusty under her car’s broken bumper. There was something about Texas women that he just hadn’t found in anyone else during his travels.
“Don’t go getting me all hopeful,” she teased. “I might start expecting flowers, chocolates and…” She shrugged as though embarrassed.
“Hanky-panky?” he asked, shaking out the picnic blanket on a flat patch of grass.
“Karen said we’re not allowed.”
“Maybe she could make an exception.”
Jackie flashed him a glare and pursed her lips, but her gaze dropped to his belt buckle.
As Cole set out the picnic, he said, “This is about where Ryan got swept downstream when we were kids. He was seven, I think.” Cole had been about thirteen, in that strange age between dependence and rebellion. He’d still wanted to be close to his parents, under their wing and tightly woven into the fabric of the family. But he’d also craved independence and had possessed a healthy desire to buck their approval.
“I heard the story,” Jackie said.
Cole settled on the blanket, elbows on his knees. He tipped his hat back and scratched his forehead as familiar feelings of not doing the right thing, of letting his brothers and himself down, came over him.
“It was a flash flood, more violent than any I’d ever seen. The creek covered the ground we’re on now, plus another couple feet.” He gestured to the dry land behind them. They had been working at keeping a nearby herd safe from the floodwaters and had taken a break. Levi had stalked off earlier, having gotten fed up with his four younger brothers teasing him for kissing some girl Cole couldn’t even remember. Ryan had kept throwing sticks into the creek for Bonkers, the family dog, and Cole had snapped at him, stressed out at being the responsible brother in what was a dangerous game of fetch.
“Ryan had been trying to cross the creek and suddenly he just slid in and disappeared. Couldn’t even see a flash of his shirt.”
“Myles jumped in after him though, right?” Jackie asked, kneeling beside Cole on the blanket.
He nodded. “Then the dog went in, too. He got dashed on some rocks.” Cole scanned the area, looking for the outcropping they’d thought had killed Bonkers in the flood. “Bonkers showed up the next day. Broken leg.” Cole felt that old twist in his gut, the immeasurable guilt for not searching for the family dog. He’d been washed down the creek to who-knew-where, then had limped the long miles home. They’d all written him off instead of looking for him.
Cole cleared his throat. “Dad wanted to put Bonkers down, and Brant lost it. I don’t think the five of us ever agreed on anything so fast in all our lives as we did that day. We pooled our allowance and Christmas money so we could take Bonkers to the vet.”
He swallowed over a sudden lump in his throat. He was talking about stuff that was so far in the past it no longer mattered, but he didn’t seem able to stop.
“Brant ran to the house to get Mom when Ryan fell in the water, and I just stood there, frozen, not knowing what to do.”
“Where was Levi?”
“He’d gotten tired of us teasing him, and left us to finish the chores. He’d been dating some girl. Well, not dating her, but he’d kissed her, and we’d found out.” Cole sent Jackie a crooked grin, thinking about the good ribbing they’d given Levi. There was nothing quite like teasing a sibling. You could be unrelenting and yet know you’d be forgiven, still loved at the end of the day, still someone they’d go to the end of the earth for.
Unless they were forced to choose between family members—even ones not related by blood. Then all bets were off.
He didn’t begrudge his family’s opinions, or how they’d argued with him over what he should do about April all those years ago. They’d been fighting for the family member who’d needed protecting the most—April. And Cole would have done the same had his position with his family been reversed.
“And Levi’s never had time for women ever since,” Jackie mused. “At least until Laura showed up.”
A lot had changed for the brothers on the day of the flood. Brant had found his future career, Ryan had decided his brothers weren’t worth listening to, and Cole had figured out some important things about who he was.
Back then, he’d always been Levi’s shadow, second in command, feeling important by proxy and as though he could do anything his older brother could do.
Yet that day he’d failed at keeping his brothers on task, keeping them safe. Cole had frozen in shock, while both Myles and Brant took immediate action. Without Levi there barking at him, Cole had been locked with indecision, unsure how to fix the situation.
Shortly after, he’d joined the rodeo in an effort to find his own path and to force himself to make split-second life-or-death decisions while on top of livid bulls.
“I’ve never really heard the ending to the story,” Jackie said, drawing him from his thoughts. She had settled in a cross-legged position, her left knee resting against his. “Just that Myles and Ryan were swept down the creek, Brant got bounced around in the truck when your mom floored it across the pastures, and that Ryan thought he should have crossed elsewhere.”
“Eventually he and Myles came up against a downed tree.” Cole pointed downstream. “I managed to grab them.”
“I thought you said you froze?”
“I did.” He’d stood there staring in panic when Myles had jumped in. Then, not knowing what else to do, he’d run down the creekbank following alongside.
“But what could you have done? Jumped in as well?” She handed him half a sandwich from the lunch bag they’d packed in a saddlebag.
He took a bite.
“Maybe your role was to do exactly what you did—run downstream and catch them when they passed under a fallen tree? Then haul them out?” She gave him a wry look. “You’re too hard on yourself.”
“They would’ve found somewhere else to climb out,” he said, tossing a piece of breadcrust toward a squirrel that had come down the angled oak, curious about the newcomers.
“I dunno. I’ve heard the story, as I said,” Jackie stated with a healthy dose of skepticism. “Myles told me he was half-drowned by that time and wasn’t sure they were going to surface again if they went under. He said he couldn’t reach the branch and was saying his last prayers when you appeared out of nowhere and pulled them out, like they were no heavier than teddy bears.”
Cole could still feel the wrench in his shoulder as he’d grabbed Myles’s outstretched hand, locking his fingers around the stone-cold ones of his brother. The momentum of the current had jerked him half off the fallen tree. He’d hooked his legs around branches he couldn’t see, his abs straining as he’d stretched, fighting the force that wanted to drag him off the thick trunk. One split second of error could have sent him into the current along with Myles and Ryan.
Like in rodeo, adrenaline had kicked in, giving him strength to do the impossible. He’d yanked Myles, then Ryan out of the water, hauling both brothers from the danger sucking at their boots like a hungry beast. Their lips had already been a frightening shade of blue when he’d pulled them onto the fallen tree. The rapids below had been rushing, frothing brown water ready to consume them all, and he’d all but thrown Ryan onto dry land.
His youngest brother had coughed up an impressive amount of water. Could Ryan have survived in that swollen, freezing creek for even a minute longer? How much strength had been left in Myles’s muscles to keep them afloat?
“It sounds like you boys worked as a team,” Jackie mused. She wrapped her fingers around Cole’s forearm and brought him back to the present.
He nodded, suddenly no longer sure why he’d felt like such a failure in that crisis. Maybe because he hadn’t barked out commands like Levi would have done. Maybe because he hadn’t been the one to jump in without a thought. He’d been a stronger swimmer than Myles, who was four years younger. But he’d also been strong enough to pull his brothers from the frothing waters, which Myles might not have been able to do.
Maybe it had worked out the way it was supposed to, and what he felt now was simply the fear that had dug in deep with its claws while he’d stood on shore at a loss. It was a terror that had tainted everything about the memory for him up until the present moment.
Cole placed his hand over Jackie’s, willing himself to make peace with the memory. A better man would have prevented the whole thing from happening, just like a better man would have been able to prevent the mess he’d made of April’s life.
But he wasn’t that man. He was himself.
And maybe somewhere in the retelling of this tragic tale he’d figured out that there might be more to April’s story, too.
* * *
Jackie sidled closer to Cole on the picnic blanket. She tried to picture the quiet creek trickling past as swollen and dangerous.
She wasn’t going to “fix” Cole, as Carmichael predicted, but she could listen and be a friend.
From her perspective, Cole had done exactly the right thing and kept a cool head with the whole Ryan-in-the-creek incident.
“Why are you still beating yourself up for Ryan falling in?” She gestured to the slow-moving water.
“Because it’s not the only time I’ve frozen during a crisis.”
“You mean it’s not the only time you’ve waited for your moment to make a difference?”
Cole was silent, and Jackie feared she’d broken the train of thought that had been allowing him to open up to her.
“When April broke up with me, I let her run off. She was more angry with me than I’d ever seen her. If I’d acted, she and Heath wouldn’t have… She went down some really hard paths because of me not acting in that moment.”
“So you felt you should have cooled her down and somehow prevented what happened with Heath?”
Cole readjusted his hat with a jerk, looking up at the cloudless sky, then back at the creek. He seemed antsy, his knees jiggling.
“She adores Kurt,” Jackie said. “She would never wish him away. She’s right where she’s supposed to be, with Kurt and Brant, and that might not have happened if you’d tried to stop her.”
“I’m not wishing Kurt away.” Cole’s eyes flashed.
“I know. But without all that stuff with Heath, I’m not sure she would have seen Brant for the man he is. The man she needs.”
Cole let out a huff, sounding almost amused. “He broke the bro-code.”
“The what?” Jackie giggled before catching on to what Cole was saying. “Oh. Do you mind that they… got involved?”
She could see Cole mulling things over. He was frowning thoughtfully, shaking his head back and forth as though he couldn’t find one reason to be bothered that his brother had found true love with his ex-girlfriend.
Ever since age six, when Jackie had first noticed Cole at recess, she’d watched how he would pause and think. Kind of like Brant, but different. Brant was soft and gooey on the inside, whereas Cole had this hardness about him. A certain go-get-it-done-and-take-no-prisoners approach—after he’d contemplated things and charted his course.
She admired that about him. He was like a train on the tracks—not about to take a corner that wasn’t already plotted out ahead of him. And yet he’d veered a few times in his life, showing her he wasn’t so rigid that he couldn’t change his mind, and reset his trajectory when needed.
Tired of waiting for a verbal answer, she said, “You know, maybe you’re blaming yourself for stuff that nobody else does. Things work out the way they’re supposed to.”
“And it’s like that in your own life?”
She paused, thinking of the things she’d like to change. Her father’s health, her own loneliness.
“Of course,” she said mildly.
“Are you always this much of a know-it-all?” He frowned at her, his eyes shaded by the brim of his gray Stetson. It made his angular jaw seem even more hardened and firm. He sure didn’t look like a man intent on changing his mind at the moment.
“How long have you known me?” She batted her eyes, and his narrowed.
“Basically, all my life.”
“There’s your answer then.” She released his arm, realizing she’d been clutching it, and dusted her hands together, turning to the packed lunch. “Shall we stop fussing over the past and enjoy more of my favorite lunch?”
Maria, the sweetheart, had made chicken salad sandwiches and cinnamon buns, leaving the meal in the fridge for them.
“So much for the prodigal son getting pampered upon his return. How’d you charm my mom?” He shot Jackie a quick grin that made her feel warm and liquid inside, as if he’d kissed her.
“That is for me to know and you to find out.”
He growled low and fake lunged for her. She squealed and giggled, tumbling onto her back, knocking the bag. Cole sprawled over her, bracing his weight on one elbow, then dropping a kiss on her forehead.
“You missed,” she informed him.
“Are you always this demanding?”
“If you think this is demanding,” she said, running her hands up his deliciously toned sides, “you just wait and see.”
He chuckled and rewarded her with a kiss on the lips, one that was sweet and slow. The kind that curled her toes and left her wanting more.
Jackie sighed. She could spend all afternoon wrapped up in this man.
“Too bad you have chores for us after lunch,” she grumbled.
“I’m going to make you muck stables.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“Then what?” She hoped this was his afternoon plan for her.
“It’s in town. A good deed.”
Now she was really intrigued. “Does that mean we need to rush?”
“Not at all.” He lowered his lips to hers once again and slid his fingers under the hem of her shirt, gently stroking the skin above her waistband.
“Just don’t make us late for supper,” she said breathlessly. “I bought tickets.”
Cole’s fingers stopped moving and he frowned. “Supper?”
“The Valentine’s Day meal. It just seemed like… I don’t know. Karen asked.” She bit her bottom lip, panicking, knowing it seemed presumptuous to buy the add-on dinner tickets for what now looked like a romantic date. She’d been in full help-out mode when Karen had asked if she wanted two, and she’d said yes without consulting Cole first.
Cole shifted and sat up.
“Where are you going?” she asked, alarmed that she may have already broken a rule, and that Cole would call things off before she had a chance to get over her feelings for him.
“What are our boundaries?”
“I don’t have any.” She gripped his shirt and pulled him back down on the blanket.
His look of surprise had her laughing.
He kissed her slowly, then said, “You totally have boundaries, sweetheart.”
“Sweetheart?”
“You don’t like it?”
She did. But it was dangerous ground, judging how it made her feel. She didn’t remember him calling any of his old girlfriends “sweetheart.” Was that something he did for his fake girlfriends, or did it mean she was special?
“It’s fine. Just unexpected.”
“This entire day has been.”
“Amen to that.” And then she kissed her fake boyfriend as if he was real.