Cole hooked his boot on the bottom rung of the corral’s gate and watched the horses graze, thinking about Jackie. Although worrying about her was more like it. There was a lot going on with that woman, behind her sunshine smile. He’d expected them to spend time together this week, but she’d been silent, so he’d taken his cue from her. However, if they didn’t go out soon, their relationship would begin to look odd. And over. But he knew he couldn’t act first, not after he’d seen the fear darting in and out of her eyes at the Valentine’s Day supper.
He wasn’t sure what to do about that other than let her put up her boundaries, and then respect them to the best of his abilities. This wasn’t a real relationship and he didn’t have the authority to barge in and fix her, or change things like he wanted to.
But that was fine. Her boundaries would remind him to keep his distance and focus on winning back Levi’s trust. Cole dusted his damp leather gloves together, then loaded up the tools for fence mending, intent on keeping himself busy proving to his family he was interested in ranching and was here to stay.
Even if Levi was still a bit reserved about giving him more than a few odd jobs on the ranch, he knew his mother liked having him home again, and they’d had some good conversations. Her new boyfriend, Clint Walker, was a nice guy, too. He’d called Cole up a few days before Christmas with a request on Maria’s behalf, asking him to come home. Clint had called him “son” and had offered to buy him a ticket, letting him know he planned to pick up Cole from the airport on Christmas Day.
Somehow, despite Brant calling him every few months to fill him in on things that were happening on the ranch, or to ask if he was ready to return home, having Clint ask had made the difference. Logically, it made no sense.
Maybe it had simply been time to return. Or maybe it had been knowing he had an impartial party in his corner, one who wasn’t likely to weigh in on the drama, that had finally given Cole the courage to test his reception back on the Sweet Meadows Ranch.
Truly, he’d never regretted leaving, as it had been a classic case of damned-if-you-do-and-damned-if-you-don’t. Everyone had felt certain their own opinion on how to help April was the correct one, and despite the mess, Cole was glad he’d listened to her and given her space.
She was moving on, and that gave him hope that he could, too. When he looked at his mistakes from someone else’s perspective now, he could see that maybe he’d done what he had been supposed to do. Even though he still felt he should have taken immediate, heroic action—both with April and her unexpected pregnancy, and with Ryan in the flooding creek.
“There you are.” April and Kurt were walking his way in their boots, jeans, thick jackets and cowboy hats, ready to ride, by the looks of it.
“Speak of the devil,” he said.
“What?”
“I was just thinking about you.”
“You were?” Her eyes narrowed cautiously.
“And me?” Kurt asked, his face beaming with hope.
“Yup. You, too.” He swooped him up into the air and the little boy’s laughter lifted Cole’s heart. Yeah, one of these days he wouldn’t mind having a few kids of his own. He’d teach them how to ride and be a cowboy or cowgirl.
“Your mom said you were out here, and that you’d be able to find your grandmother’s saddle blanket for me. Levi had it repaired and Maria wants me to bring it back to the house when we’re done our ride.”
“I bet it’s in the tack room or Betty’s office in the stable.”
April shook her head. “Maria said it’s packed away in the loft.”
In other words, somewhere April could easily find it, but Maria was trying to make him feel useful. It had truly come to this, hadn’t it? His mother meddling behind the scenes to set things up in a way that would make him feel included.
“She also wanted Carmichael’s saddle cleaned and stored up there.”
“He’s giving up riding?”
April shrugged. “Until the dry season, for sure.”
That made sense. His grandfather would be eighty in a few months and Cole had noticed the way damp weather locked his joints up tighter than a cowboy’s fist in a fight over a pretty woman.
They began walking toward the stable, and Cole noted that April was looking a lot happier than she had a few weeks ago. Marriage seemed to suit her. A lot better than it had on the day of her wedding reception, when he’d caught up to her during a trail ride. She’d been feeling lost, and he’d been able to guide her, he felt. It had been nice to help out.
“How are things?” he asked, when Kurt ran ahead to catch Tootsie, the orange mama cat that had the run of the ranch.
“Good.”
“Yeah?” He slowed his pace, and she stopped moving.
“Really good, actually.” She didn’t look up at first, but when she did, he could see she was hesitant to talk to him about her marriage.
“Brant’s a good man.”
“I know,” she blurted.
“I’m glad you found each other, and I know my return hasn’t been easy for either of you.”
“It’s fine.”
She was such a poor liar.
“April?”
“Okay, okay. The rumors weren’t awesome.” She’d crossed her arms, and was chewing on the corner of her mouth. “But we took care of them.” There was a telling ghost of a smile playing at her lips.
So they had eloped to defeat some of the gossip. He chuckled, knowing that without the rumors it might have taken the two of them years to get to the point of marriage. Some things were just meant to unfold, messy and ill-timed, but ultimately for the best, weren’t they?
“I’m sorry for what happened with Heath,” he told her.
She watched him, eyebrows raised, waiting for him to explain.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t a better boyfriend and that you…” He’d thought about this long and hard, made several speeches in his head, but somehow none of them felt right.
“Cole?” She touched his forearm. “It’s fine. Really.”
“No, I caused you pain. I hurt you, and for that I’m so sorry.” He watched regret flicker in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“Why?”
“Are you serious?” She was giving him attitude with a strength that took him aback.
“Yes,” he said cautiously. “I am.”
“Cole.” She shifted impatiently. “You weren’t the only one in that relationship. I hurt you, too.”
He opened his mouth to argue.
“I did.” She said it with conviction. “I should have been stronger.”
“You shouldn’t have to be strong when you’re with the man you love.” He cleared his throat. That sounded too present tense. “That you cared for.”
“Yes, I should. Strength is needed to balance relationships.” Her gaze was fixed on the stable behind them. He got the sense she was thinking of the present as well as the past. She turned her focus back to him, her look serious, mature. Strong. “We never balanced.”
That was one way of putting it.
“I sometimes think that everyone wanted it more than we did,” she said, “and that we tried to force it for too long. The way we broke up so frequently should have been a sign.”
“I still should have done better,” Cole said. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper and let you run off into his arms.”
“And I shouldn’t have made you be the one to break up with me. I should’ve had the courage to do it myself.”
“You wanted to break up?”
“I’d already known for a long time that we were over, but I feared I’d cave to the hints from others, and go back to you again. I let others determine my actions for a long time for fear of…” Her shoulders lifted and her chin jutted out. “I ran to Heath so I wouldn’t run back to you.”
Cole rubbed the heel of his hand across his chest, working out the tension in his muscles. He hated that she felt she’d had to run away from him in order to start over.
“You know,” she said thoughtfully, “if you had done all that you wished you had, and I had been strong enough to do all that I had wanted… then I wouldn’t have Kurt. I wouldn’t have Brant.” She smiled through damp eyes, that ray of happiness shining once again. “I wouldn’t have this tremendous love and stability in my life.”
Cole nodded, understanding. “Still, I’m sorry.”
“So am I,” she said softly. “And I hope you’re doing okay.” Her eyes had dropped to the vest he was wearing.
“I am.”
“Are you, though?” She raised her head and stared at him.
“Yeah.”
“I mucked things up for you here.” Her eyes dampened again, and Cole froze.
“No, you didn’t.”
“Don’t lie to me!” Her anger was sudden, reminding him of the emotional storms they used to endure. “I caused you to miss out on years with your family. Your community.”
“April… You weren’t the only one I fought with before I left town, you know.”
“I asked for space, not for you to leave.”
“I know. My dad did.”
He heard her gasp, then release a lengthy exhale. She looked away, then back at him as though reaffirming that he wasn’t joking.
“We did a number on each other,” she whispered, “didn’t we?”
“We were young. Best to get our mistakes made early, right?”
She laughed, and they were silent for a long moment.
“What can I do to help?” she asked.
“Help?”
“Yes. Help you return to your rightful place back in the heart of this family and community.”
“I’m working on it.”
“If there’s anything I can do…”
“Be a friend to Jackie.”
Her eyes narrowed as though suspicious.
“I think she’s going through some things,” he said carefully.
“Like the whirlwind of dating you?” There was a twinkle of amusement in April’s eyes, the suspicion gone.
“No. She just needs… people.”
“You know we fought the night of your party. That’s not a Jackie thing to do.”
“What did you fight about?”
“You.” April’s eyes twinkled again.
“Me?”
“I told her she should kiss you.”
“And she didn’t think that was a good idea?” he asked, more curious than was safe.
“She didn’t want a fling, and yet here the two of you are.” April gave him an intrigued look, one he ignored.
“It’s not a fling.”
“So you two are looking at marriage?”
“No, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?”
April’s tone told him she was very much being Jackie’s protective friend at the moment. Which was good. It was what he wanted. And yet he was still grateful—possibly for the first time in his life—to see his great-uncle Henry pull up.
“Something in between,” he muttered. “Sorry, gotta help unload the stallion.” He tipped his hat and headed toward his uncle’s truck and borrowed horse trailer.
“We’re not done talking about this,” April called.
“Talking about my girlfriend is now officially off-limits.”
“Treat her right or I’ll be forced to give you a knuckle sandwich, Cole!”
He nodded, then shook his head, glancing over his shoulder to watch April retreat to the stable.
“I heard about the two of you,” said a voice hardened with age.
“Hello, Uncle Henry,” Cole said. “I prepared the stall for the stallion. Need help unloading?” He really didn’t need another hint from someone that April was moving on.
“Jackie’s a nice girl.”
“I know she is.” Cole was instantly wary. He clasped the back of his neck with his right hand, wondering if he could refrain from telling his uncle to mind his own business, because he was no doubt going to lay into him about dating Jackie.
“So you thought you’d mess up her life?”
“No, sir.”
“She’s as sassy as a summer day is long, but she doesn’t have much for family. You hear what I’m saying?” Seeing Cole’s hesitation, Henry lowered his voice. “Her father’s forgotten who most everyone is, and her mother passed a few years ago. There’s a reason she’s at the Wylder dinner table on holidays, and it’s not because she’s pining away for you. That was nothing but a distraction, a smokescreen for what she really wants.”
“What’s that?” Cole held his breath, afraid his uncle wouldn’t answer.
“Jackie will tell you eight ways to Sunday she’s fine, but she’s on the thin edge of things.” Henry inhaled through his nose, then sighed as if he was carrying a great burden. “It’s not my business, but I thought you should know before you carry on as if she’s as strong as she looks. This family is all she’s got right now.”
So she wanted family? His family?
Cole met his uncle’s eyes. For an old curmudgeon, he wasn’t so bad, his caring side lending a welcome insight. “I appreciate the heads-up.”
He’d ensure that when they broke up she was blameless.
He paused for a second, a small thought whispering through his mind that if he wasn’t careful, he’d end up leaving the family ranch to give another ex ”space.”
“Don’t run off when things go south with this one,” Henry said, getting in one more lick, as was his habit. “We’re honorable men.”
“Things won’t go south,” Cole said tersely, his patience gone. “And as for leaving town when I did? I left because I was asked to.” He lifted his head. “I did the honorable thing, and I’m sorry to see you’ve judged me negatively for listening to my family’s wishes.”
He turned, leaving Henry opening and closing his mouth like a Guadalupe bass trapped in the bottom of a fishing boat.
* * *
“I think I’ll move to San Antonio,” Jackie said, joining Cole at the edge of the riding ring. Reaching him, she balanced a clipboard on top of a nearby post.
He jolted as if in surprise, the paintbrush in his hand jerking. Panting beside her was the ranch’s growing menagerie of dogs, which had barked when she’d come around the side of the stable.
“Didn’t hear me come up?” she asked, amused by the way she’d caught Cole off guard. The last rain shower had ended, leaving the morning air fresh. “And isn’t it too damp to be staining the new boards?”
He shrugged, displaying his work, which looked unaffected. “San Antonio? Are the rumors about us already that bad?”
“I’m sure gums are flapping around town,” she said matter-of-factly.
Cole was studying her with that patient look of his, and she struggled to regain her cheerful facade.
The truth was she needed to get serious about moving her father to a facility with more dedicated memory care. And that meant the city, since there was nothing local. She wanted to be close to him, which meant she’d be moving, too. Possibly a full month before the end of her and Cole’s fake romance.
“But no, I haven’t heard any rumors,” she said, gazing thoughtfully at the horse and rider being guided around the ring by Betty, the stable manager. The child was beaming, and waved excitedly as they passed.
Cole leaned against the fence, casually taking her in, and Jackie returned the favor. He was in a dirty pair of jeans and a thick plaid vest, his black hat low on his brow. He looked troubled and handsome. Her favorite combination.
“Then why would you move?” He watched her, his attention on her mouth, and she wasn’t sure if he was waiting for her to say something more or if he was thinking about kissing her. She hoped the latter.
“Do you think we’re stirring up a lot of gossip?” She hitched an elbow on the top board of the fence and turned to face him, resting her head against her hand. She hadn’t seen him since Valentine’s Day. Not even a text. It was weird being in an almost-relationship, as their roles were so undefined. She wasn’t even sure how she was supposed to act with him. “You’d think people wouldn’t really care what we do, since neither of us is marriage-track material.”
“April read me the riot act about being good to you.”
“Well, of course she did. I’m her friend and you’re basically the devil.”
“Ouch.”
“Is she okay with us…”
“Dating?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, unless I act like a jerk. Then she threatened to punch me.”
“Good.”
April had told her to go for it with Cole, but Jackie still feared her friend had been lying. Not that what she and Cole were doing was real, but April didn’t know that, and Jackie didn’t want to lose a friend over something that would go nowhere.
Cole took a step closer. Almost automatically she tipped up her chin, ready to kiss him.
“So the two of you are okay?”
A shadow crossed his face. “We worked through some things.”
He slipped his arms around Jackie’s waist and drew her into a hug, causing Myles’s dog, Buckey, to bark playfully. Jackie leaned her head against Cole’s shoulder, inhaling the scents of hay and man. The hug felt nice.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
She laughed, feeling nervous. “Why?” She slid her arms up between them, and when he didn’t release her, clamped her fingers on a shirt button, exposed through his partially done up vest.
“You can tell me anything.”
She lifted her gaze to his. When his expression grew solemn, full of caring and concern, she let out a shaky breath, unexpected emotion welling up inside her.
“Anything?” She gave him a playful look.
“Anything.”
She batted her lashes. “You’re very handsome.”
He unwound one arm from around her slender waist, hooking a finger under her chin and gently lifting it so he could see her better. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Well, I might.”
The arm around her waist tightened.
“Are you going to kiss me?” Anything would be better than pouring out her sorrows, because she feared Cole’s kindness might melt her into a puddle. She needed to remain strong.
With torturous patience, Cole lowered his lips to hers and she kissed him.
“That’s better,” she said.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” he asked, when they broke apart after their second kiss, her body feeling tingly and warm.
“I don’t know. What day is it?”
“Friday.”
“Oh, right.” She blinked away the haze from the kiss. She’d come here for work and had become distracted by the fine sight of a cowboy working on the riding ring’s fence.
She reached for the clipboard she’d left on the fence post. “I came to talk to Levi, but your mom said he’s out with a herd. So she said I could talk to you or Hank, or that new guy, Owen.” Jackie gave Cole a bright smile. “I chose you. And not just because I saw you first.”
“Owen and Hank are out with the herd, too.”
“Which explains why I found you.”
“So you were bored at work and decided to stop by, to act mysterious and wheedle kisses from me?”
Their eyes met again, and she looked away as she fought a grin. She waved the clipboard stacked with white pages. “I’m an open book.”
Cole snorted.
“What?” She dared him to argue.
He dutifully shook his head, mouth closed.
Good boy.
“The feed store’s supplying supplements for part of the split testing in the college’s cattle breeding study Brant’s working on, so I came to find out what you have on hand.” She gave Cole a sly look that stirred his blood. “I could have called, but you know…” She winked. “Sometimes real life visits are more fun.”
He chuckled, and drank her in slowly, dropping his voice to a friendly growl. “Indeed?”
She relaxed, knowing he wasn’t going to dive into personal territory such as the mess her father’s life was in and how she felt about it. She was safe. He wasn’t going to dive into her life and emotions like he was a real boyfriend.
* * *
Cole was feeling frustrated. Partly because he couldn’t find the mineral supplements in the spot they’d once kept them, but mostly because of the way Jackie kept shutting him down. She kept locking him out of her life as if he was her fake boyfriend.
And yeah, he was. But he wanted to believe he was at least a friend that she could talk to. He’d done a good job of listening to April’s woes the other week, so why couldn’t Jackie trust him with her worries like he had with her?
Cole shoved an open bag of feed aside. Their digging around in the stable’s storage room was stirring up dust and making her sneeze. Not to mention how her sexy black cowboy boots with the white stitching were looking after trekking across the dirt floors.
“Doesn’t Levi just let the to-be-bred herd graze on the rye he planted in the far west corner?” she asked. “I haven’t heard him talk about supplements.”
Cole straightened, adjusted his hat and dropped his hands on his hips. He sighed in defeat. “Shoot, Jackie. I’m sorry. I’m sadly out of touch with the ranch’s details. We used to keep phosphorous in here, as well as breeding records.” He’d been confident he’d find something for her, but so far was striking out and looking like an idiot who didn’t know his own family’s business.
Her expression softened. “I thought Levi was happy to have you back, helping.”
“You’d think.” Cole toed another bag out of his way, knowing he wouldn’t find what he needed on the shelf behind it due to the thick layer of dust. Jackie tossed her clipboard onto one of the large white feed bags, which weighed more than she did. She pulled her phone from her back pocket and sent a text to someone.
Cole scratched his neck. Brant and April were supposed to be straightening out the records. Maybe they’d decided this dusty old room wasn’t the place for them, and had moved everything to the office in the house.
Jackie performed another adorable sneeze, then reclaimed her clipboard and said, “Let’s get out of here before my nose is stuffed up for the rest of day.”
“Levi’s been traveling a lot with Laura,” he muttered. “We haven’t had a chance to connect on everything yet.”
“Hong Kong last week, right?”
He nodded.
The couple had spent eight days visiting Laura’s sister, Ava Ross, who was scouting a location for a music video, since the sisters had missed seeing each other at Christmas. There may have been a meeting or two for Laura’s new perfume business, as well.
“I’m losing track on where those two are and if they’re coming or going,” Jackie said, and Cole appreciated the way she was trying to make him feel better.
“Let’s check the house,” he said, guiding her from the room.
“I never saw Levi as someone to go traipsing across the world, and here he is, filling his passport with stamps,” Jackie stated. “I took Laura to the football game and matched her up with him, you know.”
“Your semi-famous matchmaking skills I’ve been hearing about?”
She nodded.
“You did some matchmaking with all of my brothers at games last season?”
“I did.” She was wearing dark jeans and a thick black vest that brought out the pretty rose color in her cheeks. Her boots were town ones, too fancy for ranch work, sexy and somehow so Jackie. “If you want, I can take you to a game after we’re done with our little thing.” She gave him a wink, and he felt a strong sense of despair, as though being pulled into something that might break him.
“Anyway,” she said, tucking her clipboard against her chest, “I need to get back to work. It was nice kissing you.” There was that smile he adored again. Sweet and slightly devious, and able to increase his heart rate in an instant.
“Always my pleasure,” he said, delighted with how his low growl made her bite her bottom lip, lift up onto her toes and plant a kiss on his lips.
Things might not be working out today with fitting back into the ranch, helping Jackie or convincing her to let him in, but the kisses were worth it.
* * *
“Hang on, I have an idea.” Cole was already marching out of the stable and toward the house before Jackie could react. He paused when she reached the stable door. “You coming?”
She nodded and followed. It wasn’t an unpleasant view. His jeans snugged his back end, and he was still as fit as when he’d competed in the rodeo in his twenties. He had filled out before he left town, but his build was different now, displaying more strength and power.
Though he still walked like a cowboy. She would bet his lower back was stiff every time he stood up.
They entered the house through the patio door, Buckey and Carly’s sheepdog, Sergeant Riggs, following them to the threshold. “Go on now, you two. You can’t come in here. You’re all muddy,” Cole told them.
Buckey whined, but Sergeant Riggs, as though understanding, turned and headed toward the holly hedge that separated Carly’s ranch from Sweet Meadows.
The kitchen was empty and warm, scented with cinnamon. Jackie’s stomach rumbled as she and Cole ditched their muddy footwear, using the wooden boot horn at the door to pry them off.
“Lunch?” Jackie asked hopefully, spying cooling trays of cinnamon buns and two apple pies alongside her BFF, lasagna, on the kitchen counter. She inhaled deeply, savoring the aromas of spicy sauces and sweetness.
Cole shook his head, a man on a mission. Jackie convinced herself to follow the soft padding of his feet and not pause to sneak a bite of Maria’s delicious food.
He turned left, heading down the hallway that ran between the sunken living room and the bedrooms. Her heart lifted when he opened the door to his room. She hurried after him and held her breath, partly in anticipation and partly to brace herself in case there were still reminders of him and April from when they’d been an off-and-on couple throughout their twenties. But as the door swung open, she noted that the room didn’t even have a bed. It was cluttered with a paper-covered desk and bookshelves filled with binders, and in much more disarray than she’d expected in the typically neat home.
“What’s this?” she asked from the doorway.
“Levi turned my room into an office,” Cole said, his jaw clamping shut.
“Then where are you staying?”
“Down the hall.”
She peeked down the hallway at the closed bedroom doors, then back at the dust that covered the office shelves, the binders with loose pages shoved into them. Stacks of books and folders, spiral-bound booklets from the county, unopened mail and piles of catalogs covered the floor.
“Are you sure Levi’s in charge of this room?”
“It’s a bit shocking, isn’t it?” Cole said from behind the desk. He was digging through papers, clearly searching for something. “Mom keeps threatening to clean it up, but he fights it every time.”
“It’s a good thing you came home when you did,” Jackie said as she surveyed the room. Levi was typically so anal about details. The office told a story that spoke to the true state of things on the ranch, and how overwhelmed Levi must have been with running things.
“Why’s that?” Cole asked, peering at her with his bright blue eyes.
She gestured to the chaos. “He obviously needs help.”
Cole scanned the room with an encompassing look, then with a sigh, opened a binder and started flipping pages. Moments later he set it down again and began moving stacks of papers on the desk, placing them back where he’d found them.
“If Laura hadn’t come along he’d be completely unbearable,” Jackie commented.
Cole didn’t lift his head. “Why?”
“You know. Firstborn trying to rule the world. Or in this case, the ranch. Stressing out that he was going to lose the entire operation and let the family down. Your dad has very high expectations of him, doesn’t he?”
“Of all of us,” Cole muttered, continuing his search. The brim of his hat hid his expression, but Jackie had a feeling it was tight, with emotion held barely in-check.
“He missed you.” She was wading into uncharted waters, certain there were hazards everywhere she might wander.
“My dad? I doubt that.”
“He did. But Levi especially.”
Cole shifted his attention to the bookshelf, attacking more binders, pulling them out, flipping them open before shoving them back into place. She caught his eyes, dark and stormy, not their usual blue.
“I’ll talk to Levi about the study’s details later,” she said. “Really, there’s no need to ransack the place.”
Cole squeezed the navy blue binder in his grip, his shoulders flexing. “I want to help.”
There was sorrow in his voice and Jackie sank into the chair near the door, disturbing a collection of ball caps. “Cole…”
The binder protested his tight grip, making a strangled squeaking noise before the metal rings bent with a pop. He tossed it onto a pile on the desk, sending things sliding. “Why am I even here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll never fit back into this world.”
“It’ll take time.”
“I did what April needed me to do, and I let everybody else down in the process. That’s not easy to fix.”
“Sometimes we have to do the hard stuff for our family,” she said, fidgeting with her chipped nail polish. Her Valentine’s Day manicure hadn’t lasted long. She should remove it, but somehow couldn’t summon the energy to care. “Even if it’s not what we want to do, or even what’s best for us.”
When she looked up Cole was watching her, the muscles in his jaw flexing.
She got up, moved to him and wrapped her arms around him, letting him know he wasn’t alone, and that she understood.
“Maybe this is why people start their own families.” He curved his body around her, his breath soft in her hair. “It’s like a giant do-over.”
* * *
“Are you really going to leave me?” Cole asked, feeling as though her comment about San Antonio had a ring of truth, a ring of sorrow.
Jackie tipped her head back, still in his arms. In those blue-and-amber-flecked irises he saw pain and worry, loss and uncertainty. He instantly wanted to make it better even though he didn’t know how. He wanted to hold her tighter, not let go.
“I don’t know yet.” She shifted, and he reluctantly released her. “But I may not be in town until the end of May.”
“A job offer?” No, it was her father. Cole could see it in the way she pulled in, closed off to protect herself. “Your dad?”
She wouldn’t look at him. “He needs a level of care that isn’t available locally.”
“And you want to be close to him.” Cole understood that, understood why she’d hugged him when they’d started talking about doing hard things for family. He’d thought the embrace was for him, but maybe she’d been the one in need. His uncle’s earlier words about Jackie needing the Wylders came to mind.
She was watching him now as though expecting him to do something. It was so similar to the look April had given him when they broke up. It was a do-something, say-something, make-it-better-again look. But there was nothing he could do. Nothing to say.
“I’m sorry.”
Jackie sighed and nodded.
“Hey.” He reached out, gently taking her arm when she moved away, turning her to face him. “Sometimes you need to let things simmer in the back of your mind for a while. The answer will come in a flash, and then you’ll strike.”
“I’ve been doing that for months, and my dad almost got hurt as a result.” Her nostrils flared, and Cole almost crossed his arms defensively before he realized she was mad at herself, not him.
“Is he okay? Like, right now?” Cole had money saved up, and maybe he could help her get through this moment.
“I don’t know anymore.” She collapsed on the chair with the hats again, this time sitting on the bulk of them. Her eyes welled; her shoulders slumped. She looked exhausted.
“Come here.” He clasped her hand and pulled her up, then led her down the hallway to his bedroom, careful not to catch the attention of anyone who might be home.
“Cole…” She hesitated on the threshold and he gave her hand another soft tug.
“Trust me.”
He closed the bedroom door behind them and pulled back the blankets on his bed.
“I should be at work.”
“We’ll talk about cattle feed and supplements. I promise.”
She let out a snort of laughter, but climbed onto the mattress. Cole followed her, snugging his body behind hers, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close.
She was rigid at first, boxing in whatever was bothering her. He gently kissed her cheek and idly danced the tips of his fingers up and down her back, marveling at her soft curves. A woman’s figure was worthy of worship. And in particular, Jackie’s.
Eventually she made a contented sound and snuggled closer, relaxing. Her breathing evened out and she drifted off for a moment or two. When she stirred, he wrapped her tight in his arms, wishing to give her a longer moment of peace. But he could sense her mind was still moving, her body tightening incrementally as worry took over.
“You’re going to give yourself an ulcer.” When she flipped onto her back with a sigh, he propped his head on his hand and looked at her. “You okay?”
“Never better.”
“You don’t trust me.”
She shifted to face him, flattening a palm on his pectorals. “I do.”
“You don’t.”
“Maybe I don’t trust myself.”
“With me?”
“With…” Her eyes filled with tears again.
“Let me help.” He drew his free hand down her arm, and when she shivered, tugged a blanket up to her shoulders.
“What’s bugging you?” he asked, figuring he had a fifty-fifty chance of receiving an answer.
She shrugged, her expression clouding.
“I’m here if you want to talk.” He lowered his head to the pillows and allowed his eyes to drift closed. “I’m also here if you don’t want to talk.” He opened one eye again and was rewarded with a smile that made him feel as though for the first time in a very long while he was with the right person. Even if he couldn’t help her in the way he wanted to.
“If you want to talk about how fabulous we are together, or how you still taste like coffee, I’m here for you, Jackie.” He locked his eyes on hers, letting her know that he was indeed here, even if he joked about it.
With her chin still resting on his chest, she grew quiet for a long moment. Finally she said, “I’m worried about my dad.”
He watched her, listening.
“He’s in a nursing home and he wandered out on Valentine’s Day. He doesn’t always remember where he is, or what’s going on.” She gave a shudder. “He almost got hit by a car.”
Cole shifted to face Jackie more fully and cradled her in his arms. He brushed a strand of golden hair from her cheek, then cupped her shoulder with a hand. No wonder she’d been so tense and removed when they’d gone to the Valentine’s Day dinner. She’d been holding this all inside.
“Is he okay?”
She bit her bottom lip and nodded, her eyes damp. “Someone recognized him,” she said, her voice wobbling. “They brought him back, but his doctor is recommending I move him somewhere that’s better equipped to deal with the pace of his progression.”
Cole mulled over the implications, easing back so he could see her expression. “Would that be expensive?”
Jackie’s mouth had folded into a frown. Those lips were irresistible, and he found himself moving closer so he could steal a kiss when the next opportunity arose.
She sighed. “And even farther away from Sweetheart Creek than Riverbend.”
San Antonio. Her jokes had been hints about what was really going on, about what was hiding under her sunny disposition. The shadows were real.
Somehow the knowledge that she was hurting weighed more heavily than ever.
“What are you going to do?”
Her eyes clouded. “He has a bit of money left from the sale of his house, but not a lot.”
“What does your brother say?”
“He’s busy with his family and says whatever I decide is fine with him.” Her tone was hard and Cole considered how things must be between her and her only sibling at the moment. Cole had always been able to discuss things with Levi, hash out ideas until they came up with a solution. She probably felt the same way Levi had when Cole left. The pressure to make the correct decision, to not negatively impact someone else’s future, must be great.
Cole’s stomach twisted as he focused on Jackie and her problem. He wanted to solve it for her, but recalled how much April had hated it when he’d tried to do that for her. He’d learned over the years that sometimes a woman just wanted you to listen, not step in and solve everything your way. Especially not without consultation. Unless it was something like changing a flat tire or opening a stuck jar lid—then it seemed to be a case of be-my-guest.
“If I move my dad into a new facility too soon, there won’t be enough money left for when he really needs it. Memory care facilities can be very expensive.”
“He’s not well enough to be at home right now?” Cole asked.
“I couldn’t do it all,” she said, her voice sounding so small, so lost and hurt, full of failure. “We both needed more than a few hours of respite care, and he couldn’t be left alone any longer.”
“Oh, Jackie.” He stroked her hair while she broke down and cried, her tears melting through his shirt, warm at first, then cooling.
He held her, wondering how he could help this woman who had in such a short time become so dear to him. He feared the only way to be of help would be to load her belongings into the back of his truck and drive her to San Antonio. And that idea made him inexplicably grumpy.