Cole couldn’t imagine Jackie living in any of the places they’d looked at in San Antonio that morning. None of the neighborhoods felt as though the people living there would take care of her in the way the folks in Sweetheart Creek did.
But what was she going to do? Spend three hours in the car every time she wanted to zip into the city to check on her father? Sure, it wasn’t that far, but door to door, the miles and time added up.
Jackie had to leave town, her friends. Him.
Even though it was dusk, the work on the ranch done for the day, Cole headed to the riding stable, determined to do something productive, as well as get lost in a task.
Grabbing a shovel, he began cleaning out stalls so Betty wouldn’t have to do it in the morning. There were other things he could do on the ranch, tasks that would take more skill, but he didn’t feel as though he could step in and do them without talking to Levi first.
And yeah, he could go find his brother. He’d spotted Laura’s car parked out front when he got home, and her terrier, Target, had jumped up on him with excitement when he’d entered the house. But Levi was likely busy and didn’t want his time with his gal interrupted.
Cole finished cleaning out the last stall and stretched his lower back. He stood in the doorway to the stable, noting how dark it had become. Full darkness would close in soon, which meant it was probably around seven thirty.
“What are you up to?” Levi asked, joining him.
“Where’s Laura?”
“She went back to her place for the night.”
“That’s early for her.” She usually stayed until at least ten o’clock before returning to her one-bedroom rental in town.
“Did you clean out the stalls?” Levi asked, eyeing the full wheelbarrow.
Cole grunted in acknowledgment, lifting the wheelbarrow’s handles to go dump the contents out back. They walked in silence, Levi at his side, carrying a pitchfork even though Cole wouldn’t need it to empty his load.
“I hear Jackie’s leaving,” Levi stated, as Cole tipped the wheelbarrow, dumping the soiled straw onto the heap near a grove of cedars, dark shadows of the approaching night lengthening. Levi used the pitchfork to heave the straw higher on the pile.
“End of the month.” Just three weeks. They had been continuing with their relationship for the past month as though everything was still normal. But each day their smiles got a little tighter, their goodbyes a little longer.
Cole waited for his brother to finish, then turned to head back to the stable.
“You’ll be moving on?”
“What?” Cole’s steps slowed.
“I imagine the ranch isn’t so exciting after you’ve spent years mountain climbing and having adventures. And now with your gal leaving, there’s not much to stay for.”
Cole eyed his brother as they walked, his heart pounding hard in his chest. It was getting too dark to see his expression. “Is that what you want? For me to leave?”
Levi blinked under the light above the stable doors, as though he hadn’t expected the question. “Well, aren’t you?”
“I hadn’t planned on it.”
His brother frowned. “You’re not going with Jackie?”
Cole shook his head as he parked the wheelbarrow at the back of the stable near the stack of fresh straw, ready for its next job. It would be presumptuous to invite himself along on her journey, certain to create a disaster out of something good.
“Why not?”
“Why should I?” Cole asked, his tone hard. She hadn’t so much as hinted he might be welcome to tag along. With lengthy strides he headed back to Cookies’s stall, where he’d left the shovel, and tossed it into the wheelbarrow with a clatter.
“Seemed like the two of you were serious, is all.”
Cole didn’t respond. He’d been hanging out with Jackie nearly every night, and while he’d started dating her to show the town and his family he’d grown up and was ready to settle down, now he actually felt that way.
And to add another pain in his heart, it was working. He’d noticed a shift. People were asking him to help with things as if he was staying in town, watering those dormant roots that had always been there.
Which would have been great except he was no longer dating Jackie to show off a different side to himself, but because he cared for her.
And she was leaving.
“I haven’t noticed her with someone in a long time,” Levi stated. “And maybe never like this.”
Cole ground his teeth together. Things were stressful enough for her right now without him causing complications because he was feeling things for her. She could make a move, just like he could, and the ball was very much in her court.
But man, did he ever want to create complications. Desperately.
“I’m not breaking her heart, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s leaving for her dad.”
Levi lifted his hands as though calming a horse about to rear. “I didn’t say you were.”
“She’s a good woman, Levi.”
“I know.” His brother sighed. “Look, I’m not trying to fight.”
Cole crossed his arms and let out a long, slow breath. Levi was standing near the door now, essentially blocking it. Cole would be a jerk if he blew by him, but he wasn’t loving this conversation.
“I know I haven’t given you as much work around here as you might want,” Levi said, his voice low and even.
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.” Levi’s tone became grim. “You’ve been trying, and I’ve been punishing you. At least that’s what Laura says.”
Smart woman.
“It’s fine. Really.”
“Quit lying,” Levi snapped.
“I understand I broke your trust by leaving,” Cole said cautiously, “and that I need to rebuild it.”
“No.” Levi was shaking his head. “I should have apologized to you a long time ago.”
“For not working me to the bone as soon as I stepped over the threshold?” Cole said with a chuckle that sounded a bit bitter. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No,” Levi repeated firmly. Above the wide doorway a naked bulb glowed, casting shadows that made him look even more serious than his tone suggested. “For sending you away.”
Cole scoffed in surprise. “You didn’t send me away.”
“I acted like my solution to the problem with April was the only one possible. I didn’t give you the space to figure out what was best for you. I put you in a take-it-or-leave-it situation. You left it, and we haven’t spoken for years. I don’t like that, and I’m ashamed I treated you that way.”
Cole let his brother’s apology sink in. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been wanting to hear him say that.
“So you’re saying you’re bossy?” Cole suggested, lifting an eyebrow. His brother tipped his head down with a huff of amusement as well as an acknowledgment of the truth.
Cole’s chest felt tight, and a lump of emotion seemed to be lodged in his throat. Levi had told him that he should stay, step in, take charge of April’s life and make everything better. So had Brant, but in a slightly different way. It hadn’t been what April had wanted, though. And afraid that revealing her wishes would cause her further judgment from the family she needed, Cole had remained silent, taking his lumps. When he’d left the next morning, no doubt Levi had felt he was to blame, as had Brant, not knowing there was so much more to the story.
“Laura’s been telling me I get caught up in thinking that my way is the only way. I’m learning that’s not always true.”
“You didn’t send me away.”
“You probably could have used a brother that night. Instead of listening, I dictated what I thought was best.”
“Levi, I didn’t leave because of you. I left because it was what April wanted and needed.” He let his brother consider that. “And trust me. Everyone in the family had similar conversations with me that night. There were a lot of opinions about what I should do, and none of them were what April wanted. She’s important to this family. She’s a Wylder, and not just because she married Brant. April’s always been one of us, and I needed to let her have this family and this town. She was going through some tough stuff and needed the support. If I was here, it would have made it tougher. She asked for space and I agreed. She didn’t ask me to leave. I did it because it was for the best.”
“You stayed away a long time,” Levi stated.
“And now I’m home.”
“Some reception you’ve gotten,” he said, tsking regretfully.
“I have fences to mend.”
“Well, consider this one mended, because I’m truly sorry for judging you, for not supporting you and for not calling sooner.”
“What was with those voice mails, anyway?” Cole asked, amused. He imitated his brother’s tight tone in the messages. “‘Levi here. Levi Wylder.’”
His brother laughed, his expression softening with humor. “I was trying, man.” It felt as though they were back working on the corral earlier in the season. Replacing the weak boards with new ones, protecting and strengthening the fence with fresh stain so it would last for years to come.
“Well, I appreciated it.” Even though he hadn’t known how to respond.
“I’m not done,” Levi said, growing serious again. “You’re an equal partner in this ranch, and while I haven’t taken the time to bring you up to speed around here, I hope to do so soon.” He angled his head, watching Cole. “If you’re interested.”
Cole stared at him, the question hanging in the air. Should he stay? Did he want this life? And could his brother trust him to have his back once again?
The answer to all those questions was yes.
Cole stepped forward and gripped Levi’s hand firmly. “You can count on me, big bro.”
* * *
Jackie sat across from Cole at a small table in The Watering Hole, the end of April only two weeks away. They were both drinking whiskey, which was a direct result of Cole betting Jackie she couldn’t pull off wearing a pink feather boa around town. Or wouldn’t want to. She had, and so now they had glasses of dirt-cheap whiskey sitting in front of them, and were making funny faces over every sip.
“Thanks for helping Mrs. Fisher back in February and then again this month,” Travis Nestner said, giving Cole a pat on the back. The mayor caught Daisy-Mae as she hustled past, filling in as a server. “Their next round is on me.” She nodded and carried on.
“Man, we should switch to the good stuff,” Cole told Jackie.
“Don’t you dare,” Travis said.
Cole chuckled. He and Jackie had helped the Fishers again because the yard work had needed doing and they’d been footloose and fancy free on Saturday a few weeks back.
Travis shook Cole’s hand, and Jackie could see the approval shining in his eyes. “It’s nice having you home.”
“Thanks,” Cole said, leaning his elbows on the table as the mayor walked away, meeting up with his wife, Donna, for a dance.
“I’ll be leaving your reputation in good standing,” Jackie said.
The silence between them grew, and she turned to watch Levi and Laura dance. She’d never felt awkward sitting in silence when she was with Cole, except lately. The countdown to her leaving Sweetheart Creek was looming, like a clock that grew louder with every tick. And her move had a date now, an address.
She’d have to tell him she’d found a place, but right now she wanted to enjoy these waning moments together, since each day felt more and more as though this thing between them was over.
Cole wasn’t moving to the city and she wasn’t staying here. There would be no point in asking him to come with her. He belonged here, and hadn’t returned home after five years away just to turn around and leave again.
The song ended and Levi and Laura slipped into the empty chairs Jackie and Cole had saved for them.
“You’re not dancing tonight?” Laura asked, out of breath.
“Maybe later,” Jackie said.
“Hey, what do you think about selling off a few of those red Angus yearlings?” Levi asked Cole. “We could take the profit and pour it into purchasing a Beefmaster bull at the next auction.” He was leaning on the table, ready to listen.
“Do we have enough to cover the increased feed costs for our lactating cows?”
Jackie rolled her eyes at Laura, gesturing to the brothers, even though her heart warmed at how they were fitting back into the old partnership they’d once had, being each other’s best sounding board. She had a feeling the ranch was going to have some very good years ahead.
Just another reason not to follow her heart and ask him to leave with her.
“Ready to move to the city?” Laura asked gently.
Jackie sighed and scrunched up her nose. “Not especially.” She gave a bright smile. “But Mrs. Fisher has been saving boxes from the diner’s food orders so I can pack my things. I’m going to have the best-smelling belongings by the time I move.”
She caught Cole watching her, his expression softening. He tapped her nose as she scrunched it again, trying to dispel the sadness that overcame her at the thought of moving away from all she had here.
“Careful, your face might freeze like that.”
She laughed and wished he was sitting close enough that she could lean against his shoulder, spend every last second attached to him.
* * *
Laura and Levi went out for another spin around the dance floor as the crowd thinned out, the band finishing their last set for the night. Cole noticed his father sitting with a friend at the bar, every once in a while casting a glance his way.
“Do you think I should go talk to him?” Cole asked, just as Jackie started talking.
“I found an apartment,” she blurted.
He set down his whiskey.
He’d convinced himself this moment wouldn’t actually come. That she wouldn’t really pack up her belongings and Goose, and try to fit into city life.
Daisy-Mae strode past in the same outfit she’d worn on New Year’s Eve, looking very much the buckle bunny. She stopped, backtracked and asked over her shoulder, “You two need anything? Last call in fifteen.”
They shook their heads and she carried on.
“I have a week of overlap between my move and my dad’s, so I can get set up,” Jackie said. Her eyes were unfocused, the words coming out almost as though she was reading them from a script.
“You’re really going to do this?” he asked, unable to look up from his whiskey. He wanted to stand up and shout at her, drag her home and make love to her all night. He wanted to rage, to tell her she couldn’t possibly go, that she shouldn’t leave him. Didn’t she understand that what they had was special? How could she just give it up?
She gave him an angry look. “He’s my father.”
Cole exhaled harshly. He understood sacrificing for family. It just didn’t seem fair that his life was being derailed once again by such a sacrifice.
“Did you find a job?”
Her shoulders slumped and she fidgeted with her glass.
“I’m sure you’ll find one.”
“I applied for a few online, but haven’t heard back. Nobody wants a feed store lackey in the city.”
“Will you come back when…” Cole pushed back from the table, letting out a long breath. He didn’t want to finish the sentence, to plan for when her father was no longer in her life. That was callous, selfish and possibly the worst thing he could say.
Jackie had pushed back her chair as well, and now she stood.
“Jackie, don’t.” He felt desperate to stretch out every moment he had with her from now until she left.
She looked conflicted, and he realized he didn’t know if he was asking her to not leave the saloon or the town. But mostly it was him. He didn’t want her to leave him.
This was a breakup, and he’d never felt like this before when a relationship ended. Never. Not once. Not even an inkling of this.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do the long-term thing for you. I’m sure everything will work out fine for you from here on out.”
Except he’d be doing it all without her at his side.
He stood, unsure what else to do. She rested a hand gently against his chest and leaned in to kiss him. The contact was brief, warm, and a goodbye.
Her lips quivered as though holding in a flood of emotion. “Me leaving is probably for the best.” She gestured futilely. “There will be no gossip, no big ending and no…”
No being a wonderful boyfriend and doing what felt right. Following her. Staying with her.
But he wasn’t cut out for the city. He’d tried that. He’d try again for Jackie, but she hadn’t asked. Although, even if she had, he was fairly certain putting two miserable-to-be-there country folks in a city apartment would be a surefire way to end things, like someone throwing gasoline on a bonfire.
But Jackie? She’d make the best of it, bring a ray of sunshine everywhere she went and make San Antonio better for having her in it.
“We could do long-distance,” she suggested lightly, such sadness etching her face that her laugh lines looked like ones of sorrow. Her eyes kept cutting to Laura and Levi, who were locked together in a slow dance, arms tight around each other like they were afraid to let go. They made it work because the two of them could flex their schedules and follow each other wherever the other needed to be. If Levi was needed on the ranch, Laura changed her New York meetings to ones online, keeping the internet humming with the quick exchange of contracts and other documents. If Laura was needed for an in-person meeting in New York or across the globe, Levi handed the reins to Myles and off he went.
Cole and Jackie couldn’t do that.
But most of all, she meant too much to him to run her through the wringer.
“I told you in the beginning I’m not made for commitments,” he joked, his light tone causing a sharp ache in his chest. He waited for her to look back at him, watching her from under the brim of his hat. “Let’s not hurt each other by trying to make this work.” She opened her mouth to argue, a flash in her eyes. “It’s time for us to move on.”
Patches of red appeared on her cheeks.
“Jackie, I’m trying not to hurt you.” He felt desperate, like he was making the wrong choice, saying the wrong things. He was trying so hard to be a good man, to not let his old self rear up and fight.
And why did this hurt so much? They’d known this moment was coming.
“And this…” She gestured to him and the surrounding saloon, which was filled with friends and neighbors. Quite a few who were acting as though they weren’t eavesdropping. “This doesn’t hurt?”
This was where he had to be strong. This was where he had to put her needs before his.
She was waiting for him to speak, to find a way to make this work. He couldn’t think of a darn thing. It was like standing at the edge of the flooding creek watching Ryan vanish under the muddy waters. Watching the horror unfold, unable to stop it.
“You don’t follow someone to the city after dating for two and a half months,” he said gently. “And long distance won’t work. Not for us.” Especially judging from how they’d started shutting down their hearts over the past month instead of growing closer, clinging to what they had. There wasn’t anything for either of them to fight for, and they both knew it.
“The fantasy is over, Jackie.” He swallowed hard, reached down and took a gulp of his whiskey, hoping the burn of it would become more prominent than the persistent ache in his chest. “It’s been fun, but it’s time.”
Jackie’s chin went up in defiance, as though she was impenetrable, as though he couldn’t hurt her. But he knew better. It was an act.
He had hurt her. He’d hurt her by trying to protect her.
* * *
Jackie couldn’t believe Cole had given up on them so easily. She knew he felt the same way she did, and yet he was being so stubborn about not even trying to find a solution, a way to make things work.
She leaned against the outer wall of the saloon, swiping at the tears running down her face. Rusty sat at her feet with a whine. She ignored him, heading home. In her apartment she began heaving clothing into boxes. She still had almost two weeks before she moved, but she needed to stay busy, to distract herself from the ease of Cole’s rejection.
She’d wanted him to say he wasn’t ever going to leave her corner, that he’d always be there, ready to fight, ready to protect, ready to solve.
She tried to cajole herself into believing a smooth breakup now was for the best, but couldn’t help but wonder what might’ve happened if she’d found a way to stay in Sweetheart Creek.