THE DAY AFTER I talked to Jake at the mall, I met with Jackson Preacher at Starbucks. He was wearing a polo shirt and khaki shorts, with brown flip-flops. He was cracking his knuckles.
How did I get there? Mom, don’t act so surprised. You drove me. Sort of. You dropped me off at the movie theater next door. I said I was seeing the new Mamma Mia movie with Madison. There is no new Mamma Mia movie. Besides, even if there were, you know Madison’s mom doesn’t let her watch PG-13 movies. I’m sorry I lied.
Jackson was super friendly. He bought me a pastry. Though he seemed nervous, too. When I messaged him on Instagram the day before, he messaged back right away, like, less than a minute later. He asked if we had heard from Amir. I thought that was kind of weird. Either this guy murdered my brother or Amir actually had a friend at school.
We started talking, and it was obvious we were both being careful with our words. I didn’t want to out Amir, in case Jackson didn’t know, so I said things like “I feel like he’s hiding something” and “I wish I could know the real Amir.”
Jackson took a big sip of his coffee and went, “You know, don’t you?” Again, I tiptoed. I wasn’t sure if Jackson was the villain here or what. Maybe he was the reason Amir left. Maybe he had made Amir believe that our family wouldn’t love him. Jackson took one more sip, then chugged the rest of his drink and said we should go for a walk.
We found a bench in a park and sat down. Jackson kept taking deep breaths, looking around, shaking his knee. I had a feeling I knew what was going on at this point, so I asked: “Jackson, were you my brother’s boyfriend?” He broke down. I couldn’t believe it, this football player, his hands covering his face. He told me he hadn’t ever talked to anyone about this, any of this—no one knew that he was gay except for Amir. But they had stopped talking a couple of months before graduation.
I asked Jackson why they stopped talking. He said Amir just stopped texting him, made up excuses and stopped wanting to hang out. He knew something was wrong. Jackson thought maybe it was something at home, because when he asked if it had to do with his parents, Amir got really snappy. He said Amir couldn’t even look at him.
The last thing I asked Jackson on that park bench was “Did you love my brother?” Jackson thought for a bit, and then he said, “I loved how he made me feel.”
I asked, “How was that?”
He said, “Like myself.”