I DIDN’T MEAN to get into the specifics of my date with Valerio, but judging from your intense level of attention, you seemed to be okay with it. There’s something about you, Officer. It’s like you have a soft side.
Unfortunately, this story is about to sour like a poorly made batch of limoncello. Limoncello? It’s a lemon digestif they make in Naples—digestif, it’s like an aperitif. Um. Wow, and I thought I was the teenager.
Do you watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, sir? You’ve heard of it? You say you accidentally walked into a viewing party at a sports bar thinking it was a football game? I ask because it can get dramatic, in a way only the gays can, so buckle up.
Viewer discretion is advised.