12
PRESENT
“Grave? What do you mean, grave?” Hayden asked amidst all the sobs.
We hadn’t been one unit—the pledges and big sisters. However, at that moment we were a unit. Girls were sittingin each other’s laps and holding hands. I was in the back, so I didn’t know how or when they had all arrived, but all the faces were weary and broken. We weren’t going home, though. We certainly were forced to see each other through this.
“Keisha’s just come out of surgery, and for the next twenty-four hours, we’ll have to see if she comes through on her own. The other young lady, Sharon, has come around. She’s resting. Of course she’s devastated. Personallyshe has asked to see a couple of you guys, but her mom is in there with her now. Depending on what her mom says, she really may need a couple of you to give her comfortafter dealing with her tremendous loss.”
Cassie came out of the emergency room, and we all got up and gathered around her. Just to see one person walkingfrom the accident was a miracle.
“Thank you guys for caring about me. I have never been so terrified in my life. I didn’t want Keisha to drive, but she told me she had it. And now they’re telling me she might not make it. This is a lot, y’all. This is a lot. Malloy,Loni, Torian ... where are you?”
“We’re right here,” I said, and girls made way for the three of us to get to her.
“Thank you three. I should have had the guts to step up and stand up. I should have taken a more active role. I’m the Line Vice President, and I let everybody down.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” I said as I held her.
She then went over to get hugs and encouragement from everyone else. Loni and Torian were so happy. Hayden pulled me to the side and said, “Sharon’s mom said I can go talk to her for a second. I just wanted to let you know in case anybody is looking for me.”
“I want to go, too,” I said.
“I don’t understand. You hate Sharon.”
“Sharon just lost her baby. I don’t know, I want to let her know I care.”
Hayden put her arm around my shoulder, and we walked into Sharon’s room.
“I guess I owe you a bit of thanks,” Sharon said grudgingly.
“I don’t understand.”
“They told me you acted quickly. Had we been there any longer, if I hadn’t gotten to the hospital sooner, not only would I have lost my baby, but I would have been gone, too.”
She looked weary and had bruises and cuts on her face and arms. I rushed over to her side and held her hand. I was so thankful she was okay. I just remembered the mangled car. God had given her back to us.
“You talked to Kade already?” she asked.
“What?” I said, trying to play it off.
“I said, have you talked to him? I’m sure you did. I bet he’s not too sad that the baby is gone, huh?”
“He wasn’t ready to be a father, Sharon, but I have told him that you’re okay, and that was his main concern.”
“How am I ever going to be okay? My baby’s gone.”
Hayden came closer. “You’ll have plenty of time to have another baby when you get married, girl. Have a family and be able to take care of the child. Maybe this was just God’s way of saying—”
Clearly upset, Sharon interrupted. “Don’t even put God in this. The only thing He’s saying to me right now is that I’m such a horrible person I don’t even deserve to be a mom. That’s why he took away my baby.”
“Okay, let’s not even look at any of this like that. God spared your life. That’s a blessing, Sharon. Don’t get worked up. You’re still weak,” I told her.
“I ain’t got no beef with you, Malloy. Not only did you help save my life, but you tried to get Kade and I back together.He told me the whole thing. Got mad props for you, girl. I love him, though, and I do plan to keep fightingfor him. If you feel bad for me, stay away.”
Not knowing what I would say, Hayden put her finger over her mouth, telling me to keep quiet. I was so torn. I cared for Kade as well. I was not prepared to make Sharon any promises I couldn’t keep. Then she moaned out in pain. Boy, this was hard.
Before I could walk out, she said, “The police want to question me about what happened. I had bad heartburn, you guys. I needed some Tums, and we were just going to the store to pick up a few things. That’s all. I was too tired to drive. Is Keisha going to make it?”
“Right now we’re just glad you pulled through. We’re going to keep praying for her, okay?” I squeezed Sharon’s hand.
“When it all comes down to it, us Betas really stick together.Thanks, Malloy, and I really want you to be my sorority sister. After you peel back all them layers, you got a real big heart. And I’m glad I was able to wake up and tell you that right here, right now. You know I’m thankfulfor you. Thanks for giving Kade and I another chance. He and I are going to make it.”
I nodded, trying not to fuss with her about Kade. This night was about keeping her upbeat. I was understanding what sisterhood was all about. I smiled, and she felt peace.
A week and a half had passed, and it was a long one. We’d attended Rose’s memorial service. It was packed. Keisha had also pulled through, but she was still in the hospital recovering. Sharon was back home with her mom in Texas, and I was rushing to get ready for finals because we’d spent the last days going through the other three gem ceremonies and studying to pass the Beta Gamma Pi exam. Everyone thought we did well on it.
One day, Sirena came over to my apartment and said, “Girl, you look very nice today.”
In a somber tone, I said, “Thanks. I made this dress.”
Sirena said, “Really? You got skills. Listen, I seen in the papers that you were some big hero, calling in that accidentright away. You got to come over for dinner tonight. Girl, I’m making my jambalaya.”
“Your jambalaya?” I said, finally getting excited for the first time in a while. “What time?”
“It’s still brewing, but it’s been on all night. It should be ready to eat in a few hours.”
“Cool. All right, I’ll be over.”
She gave me a hug but didn’t let go right away.
“All right, now that you’re chokin’ me, I’m not going to be able to eat nothing later on,” I said, playing it off as I pushed her away. “All right, I’ll see you later.”
When I shut the door, the phone rang, and it was Hayden.“We need you to meet us on campus at the sorority room in an hour. Please come dressed in a black dress.”
As soon as I got off the phone, Torian called. “You know we’re going to cross tonight? We will finally be Betas.”
“You think?” I asked.
“Yes, girl, we got to wear our black dress. We been through all the gem ceremonies. We had the Eagle Weekend.What else is there for us to do?”
“Yeah, because we even took the test, and, obviously, that is all that can be next.”
“We’re crossing tonight!” Torian screamed.
When we got there, we were all in the sorority room, and Jaden said, “We started out this line as two distinctly different sets. But today I stand in this room excited that this line is one. Malloy, Torian, and Loni, the three of you guys are all a part of us. The bonding experience has been successful.”
Torian said, “I wanted to be a part of this group becauseof the sisterhood for so long. I wanted you guys to really want the three of us to be included in your heart. What I feel is real. I hurt when you hurt. I’m excited when good things happen to you. In every sense of the word I am your sister, and if this is our time, if we cross the burningsands, if we go from not being Greek to being Greek, let us take all that we’ve learned and be better. Let us continueto change and make the world awesome. Let us continue making each other even more dynamic.”
People were sobbing, people were clapping. It was just the ten of us, but it was a special time.
Loni stepped up, grabbed my hand, and said, “This bond just ... is deep for me. I got a lot of sisters, and I’m not as close to them as I am to some of you. Know that I’m here for you. If you need me, I’ll give you the shirt off my back. We’ve endured some tough times, but I know we’re stronger because of it.”
Hayden looked over at me, and I had to be honest. “You guys, know I wasn’t really feeling the whole sisterhood thing. I used to think this was something my mom forced on me, and I always resented her for not being there for me. However, somewhere along the way throughout this process,I finally figured out what’s been keeping her from being my mom. I also realized and regret that I’ve been a little selfish. When you care so deeply about your sisters, as if they were family, and you feel and care so much for them, it’s a bond that’s a gift from God. Thanks for acceptingme. Thanks for changing me. Thanks for showingme what love is. I appreciate what we have. I’m your sister.”
Though I felt that in my heart, an hour later in the historicchapter room, we actually became sorority sisters. Over thirty alumnae and collegiate sorors made us membersof their Beta Gamma Pi. My mother was a presiding officer, and it was an emotional ceremony. To put a high note on all we had endured, we knew that, becoming Betas came with a high calling. This vow the ten of us made was something we would never take for granted.
My mother came over to me and held me tight. I felt so honored. I was in the grip of my National President’s arms. She kissed my forehead and would not let me go.
“Malloy, I love you so much. I’m proud to have you as my sister, but forgive me for not always knowing how to be your mom,” she said with tears in her eyes.
Wiping them, I said, “You’ve had much on your hands that I didn’t understand. I thought being so involved with BGP was a job. I now see it is a calling given to you by God. Forgive me for being so needy. I never went without. You were there for me every night. If I wasn’t so selfish, I would have probably freed your heart to do even more good for Him and for our sorors.”
“You saying this to me means more than you know. Thank you, baby. Your godmother wanted to be here; she’d be so proud of us right now,” she said as she lifted her head toward Heaven. “Thank you, God. We get what the other needs.”
When I got home after celebrating that night with my mom and new sorors, I was wiped out and ready to hit the bed. However, Sirena was at my door with her arms folded.
“What’s wrong with you?” I said.
“We had a date. You were coming over for dinner, and you didn’t even call. You didn’t even show up.”
“Oh, my gosh, I forgot,” I said, knowing she would forgiveme when she knew me and my line sisters had crossed. I showed her my letters on the back of my new T-shirt.
“Like I care about any of that.”
“Okay,” I said, stepping over her and taking out my key. “You stay on your side, I’ll stay on mine. You can’t understand that, then, girl, you need to get a life.”
I went into my apartment and went about my business. Thankfully through all I had endured, I still had been able to maintain my grades. The semester was almost over, and I knew I’d do well on my exams. I was happy to be heading home soon.
I became a little melancholy and decided to call Jackie. I wanted to find out how the Betas at the University of Southeastern Arkansas were doing since they’d lost their chapter soror.
“Honestly, Malloy, it’s so hard. Some of us still want to call her. Some are so happy that Keisha is okay; some want her in jail. I just don’t think all this is over. Thanks for holding me down that night.”
“No problem. I just wanted you guys to know we’re sorry all this happened.”
I hadn’t known Rose at all, but to be at her service and hear what type of girl she had been, how much everybody cared about all she’d done, made me know Heaven was richer now that she was there. Jackie and I talked about that a little more, and I tried to give words of comfort. Then she congratulated me on crossing. “You going to our bowl game?”
“I’m sure my mom is going to make me go to support my brother. I can’t believe they’re playing in the big NCAA Division I Bowl.”
“Yep, we’re headed to New Orleans, baby, for the Sugar Bowl. I’ll see you down there then.”
“Cool.”
A week later, it was Christmas. The day was great. My dad and brother came over for a big meal. We weren’t a typical family, but we made the best of it. I wanted to let my parents know how much I cared about them doing so much for me. Though they had hurt me in the past, I knew it wasn’t intentional. Plus, life was short. No day was promised.If I wanted things to change or to be different, I had to be the one to take a stand and make that happen. Being in a sorority had taught me a lot. It taught me not only to care about myself but to be proactive in wanting change.
So I said to my family at Christmas dinner, “This is really nice, the four of us sitting around at the dinner table together.Mom, Dad, you guys have given me and Mikey so much. Financially we are set. Maybe we don’t say thanks often enough. I’m letting you know how appreciative we really are. I guess I just want to do better and make you proud. And I want us to spend more time together like this.”
As I kissed my father on the cheek, he said, “That’s a good present to give your dad. Hey, maybe you and Mom will come to New Orleans and check out your brother and the Razorbacks in the game. Kade came up to me and asked if you were going to be there.”
“Are you serious, Dad?” I said.
“Yeah. For him to talk to your pops, he’s got to think something of you, because I looked him in the eyes and let him know straight up I don’t play. He knows my baby don’t need his money. Even if it is gonna be many times mine.”
“I’ll take it,” Mikey joked. “For real, he likes you, and I’m actually pretty impressed. You didn’t just give him everything he wants like every other girl he’s come across. Malloy, you’re pretty special. I’m letting you know his feelingsare real. I wouldn’t tell you that if I thought he was planning to hurt you. Now, I’m not saying he’s going to be perfect, and I’m not saying he won’t let you down, but he won’t let up. Every time I see him, he’s not talking about any game strategies, he is asking about my sister.”
“Crazy,” I said, not knowing what to think about Kade.
Six days later we were excited that Arkansas beat Michiganin the Sugar Bowl. I was waiting with all the other parents and friends for my brother to come out. Girls were looking me up and down. I knew word was I was Kade’s girl. They didn’t have to cut me with their eyes though. He and I were through.
Kade’s mom came over to me and said, “Honey, my son is a special young man, and I don’t want just anybody in his life. I know y’all are young, but I believe he deserves only the best and classiest young lady in his life. Whatever he did wrong, give him a second chance. He needs you.”
I turned around, and he was standing right there lookingbetter than I could have imagined. He was the MVP of the game, and that honor usually went to offensive players. I tried as hard as I could to hold back the desire I was feeling for him.
Then he looked right at me and said, “Tell me you’ll give me another chance.”