It was around December 15, 2013, when I received a cryptic email from my first ex-husband. It read, I need to talk to you before both of us make a mistake we can’t take back. Instantly, I knew what Aeron was up to; it was the same shit he always did, that radar he had that sent him into attack mode, never wanting me to be happy. For a few days, we played phone tag and then on December 19 made plans to meet for brunch at a restaurant near my apartment, a place we’d frequented often when we were married.
I went into the situation quite snide as I was in the midst of preparing to leave town with Taj in a few days. He and I were in a really great place and this would be our first trip together to spend time with his friends and family. Floating on a cloud, I made my way to the restaurant as slowly as I could and arrived about fifteen minutes late, even though the eatery was just two minutes from my place. Aeron had arrived on time and waited for me.
Before leaving the apartment, I preened; I wanted to be sure to look my very best. I wore a form-fitting outfit and five-inch heels. I did my makeup and perfected my hair. I wanted to stun my ex-husband; I wanted him to see I was not only okay but thriving— that I was happy, healthy, and gorgeous without him.
I walked into the restaurant and scanned the room, finding him as he stood up, his six-foot-four-inch frame towering. I gave a half smile and made my way over to him, greeting him with a one-handed hug and a lazy hello. We sat across from each other in a booth and made the usual pleasant conversation for the first few minutes.
“You look beautiful,” Aeron started.
“Thank you. You look like shit. I can tell you haven’t been sleeping,” I responded with a smirk. “Your skin looks good, though! You’ve been in a steam room, huh?”
“Yeah, I was just in a steam room yesterday. And it’s hard to sleep these days.”
“Oh, yeah? Why is that?”
“I’m not happy, Karrine.”
Just then, the waitress came by. “Hi there, you two ready to order?”
Completely unmoved by Aeron’s admittance of unhappiness, I ordered a large breakfast and a mimosa. I was starving and something told me I was going to need to be tipsy for this conversation.
Aeron ordered his food and as the waitress walked away, he continued. “You were right. The way you had it all set up before, the way you took care of the kids, the house, and me was all right. I just couldn’t see it then. I want it all back.”
“You want what back?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“I want you back. I want the regimen you had in place. I want to go to bed early and turn off the phone for family time. I want to go to church and brunch on Sundays and not run around town taking meetings that amount to nothing. Just like you always insisted.”
“Really? What brought this on?”
“I’m just not happy, babe, and I want my wife back. I need you to fix my life.”
“Fix your life? What’s wrong with your life?” I asked as our food was delivered to the table. “I’ll need another mimosa,” I said to our waitress.
“Things are just out of control and they were never like this when we were together.”
“Yeah, because I was a good wife who took complete care of you, your son, our home, and everything else. But you didn’t appreciate any of it. You didn’t want to be there! You didn’t want to be told what to do or to be regimented! That’s what you said back then, so don’t change your fucking song now!” I insisted, a sarcastic tone in my voice.
“I know. I know!”
“You wanted to let your mother run your life instead, so go let your mother fix your life.”
“I don’t really talk to my mother anymore. I know she came in between us in our relationship and ruined a lot of things for me and for us but she’s not around as much. She moved into a new place and finally got a life of her own.” He was trying to entice me. He thought he was saying what I wanted to hear.
“Mmm. Enough about that. How’s Jonah?”
“He’s okay. He’s in Chicago with his mother.”
“Oh, good! He’s there for the holidays?”
“Yeah. Well, he’s out there for good, at least for right now.”
“For good? The judge finally granted her custody?”
“Yeah, but I’m fighting it.” After six years of a heated court battle, after all Aeron’s lies, antics, and deceptions, Jonah’s mother was finally able to regain custody of her son after a Chicago court found him unfit.
I nodded my head but smiled on the inside, thinking about when Aeron tried to have my son taken away from me, knowing his chickens had come home to roost. “Well, good for him. Every child deserves to be with its mother. I mean, she has a house and a husband, and they have four or five other children between them. So, he’s with his family and he’s stable now!”
“I would have never lost him if I was still with you, though.”
“This is true, but you fucked all that up. You had a wife and a stable home, you had two kids and all the love and support in the world. But you wanted to do what you wanted to do. You wanted to be gone days, weeks, and months at a time!”
“I was never gone for months!”
“Aeron,” I continued, putting down my fork and looking him square in the eyes, “you were gone for seven months one time, and you don’t remember half the shit you did or the damage you caused, because you and I were in two different relationships. You got to fuck shit up and just walk away and I was left to try to pick up all the fucking pieces, to repair the broken spirits and emotional gashes you left behind! Then, whenever you got tired or bored or thought for one second I might be moving on, you came back to fuck shit up, again! You had everything and you ruined it. You fucked up your life and you have to be okay with that now. I will never come back to you. You were my biggest mistake and the worst thing that ever happened to me. And I’m sorry to hear you’re so unhappy but that’s your fault and, as for me, I am happier without you. In fact, I’ve never been so happy! And I’m sitting here, listening to you, and all you have done for the past hour is tell me all the things I can do for you. You have never once offered to do anything for me! You’ve just come back around here to take, to bleed me dry, to finish me off. You haven’t once asked about me, how I’m doing, because you don’t even care!”
My tone was serious but my voice remained low and calm. I was in control. I was confident and secure and, for the past fifteen months, had never once regretted my decision to leave Aeron behind.
“I do care, babe. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I mean, there were lots of good times and all you choose to remember are the bad times! We were happy, we were in love, and I can’t imagine starting my life over with someone else. The woman I’m seeing now wants to get married and have kids and I’d rather do those things with you. I figured it was time we gave it another chance.”
“I think you should stay with your new girlfriend and marry her and have kids with her. I’m sure she deserves you more than I do,” I responded, laughing at his attempt to make me feel as if I’d better jump on his offer before someone else snatched him up. I giggled like a child as I asked, “How long have you been dating this person?”
“About two months.”
I fucking roared! My mimosa almost came through my nose, I laughed so hard! “Child, you should marry that girl you’ve known for two months and go live happily ever after.”
“But I’d rather be with you!”
“Yeah, I bet! But I’m not the same girl you used to know. Besides, you haven’t even thought to ask me what’s going on with me—if I’m in a relationship or not. As usual, you’re just assuming I’ve been sitting around fucking waiting for you to come back into my life!” My laughter was uncontrollable. I couldn’t take it anymore. He was being too ridiculous.
Aeron looked at me blankly, searching for his next line, his next lie. He was still the same man, the same abuser trying to fool me into falling into the pit with him again. This time, he’d lost everything. The year before, he’d been cast on a popular sitcom but that character soon played out, and Aeron found himself working less and less. To make matters worse for him, he had lost custody of Jonah. Plus, he looked like shit. He was exactly where he deserved to be—and so was I.
“Well, this has been lovely, but I have to go. I still have some shopping to do before my boyfriend and I leave town in a few days,” I said, trying to end the date.
“Oh, you have a boyfriend?”
“Yeah, and you would have known that an hour ago if you would have asked anything about me and my life. We’ve been together over a year. Anyway, good luck with your relationship. I hope that works out for you.”
We rose from our seats and walked out of the restaurant to the parking lot and stood next to my new car, just two spaces away from his dinged and dated vehicle.
“Well, maybe we can continue to talk. We can build and start over slowly. Nothing’s wrong with that, right?” Aeron questioned. He was still looking for a way in.
“Sure. Email me,” I responded, one foot already in my car.
“Aren’t you going to give me a hug good-bye?”
“Ugh. Okay,” I whined, as I stepped in front of him and gave him another one-handed hug and two pats on the back.
“Don’t fucking pat my back like we were never married!”
“Sweetie, we weren’t.”
“Oh, yeah?” Aeron said as he leaned in and tried to kiss my lips. I couldn’t believe it! He was still trying to lure me into his web with all the same bullshit he gave me in 2007.
I moved my face as he chased my lips from side to side, holding me in an embrace. “Stop! I’m not kissing you!”
“You’re my wife! Kiss me!”
I pushed away from Aeron and said, sternly, “I’m not your wife, anymore. You divorced me, remember? And you have to be okay with that, too.”
Aeron reached into his pocket and tried one more trick, one more last-ditch effort to win my affections. He pulled out a short stack of money and peeled off a few hundred-dollar bills. “Well, here. Maybe I wasn’t always able to help you out as much as you needed me to, but I can do a little something now.”
I took the money. “Thanks.”
“Buy something for Naiim for Christmas and tell him it’s from me.”
“Will do!” I said as I closed my car door and started my vehicle.
“Call me later. I love you.”
“Bye!” I yelled out the window as I backed up and sped out of the parking lot, leaving Aeron in my dust. Literally.
I shoved the money into my purse and laughed. There was no way I would buy my son a Christmas gift on Aeron’s behalf. There was no way I would ever tell my son I even met with Aeron. I wasn’t going to infect my kid with so much as a mention of that monster’s name, and the fact that Aeron wanted me to was further proof that nothing about him was different. I took the $300 he gave me and went shopping for my trip with Taj.
It seemed apropos.