With trepidation, Rachel made the trip to the little country church where she would face not only her relatives again, but also reminders of her mother’s death. As Grandpa stopped the car along the blacktop road, Rachel’s heart fluttered.
Sun glinted off the stained-glass windows, and the steeple rose against the bright blue sky. But even the beauty of the white clapboard building set among the elm trees didn’t keep Rachel from seeing the flowers still lying on the plot where her parents were now buried side by side in the church cemetery.
“Mom, is that Matt?”
Becky’s question took Rachel’s attention away from the heart-wrenching scene. She looked to where Becky was pointing. “Yes. That’s Matt.”
Becky began wildly waving her hands over her head. Matt caught sight of them as he and his cousin John walked across the churchyard toward the concrete staircase leading to the church’s big wooden door. Grinning, he waved back.
Becky tugged on Rachel’s arm. “He sees us.”
Rachel chuckled at Becky’s excitement over seeing him again. “Looks like he’s waiting for us.”
“Will I get to meet that girl with him?”
“I’m sure he’ll introduce us.” Rachel noticed the woman with light brown hair, a plump face and kind smile. She held the hand of a little girl about Becky’s age.
“I hope so.” Becky skipped ahead.
Rachel marveled that her normally shy daughter was so eager to meet someone new. “Becky, wait for me.”
“Hurry, Mom.”
Rachel met Matt’s gaze. He smiled and a tingle of anticipation rippled through her. Why did feelings from the past keep reemerging?
“Hello, Becky.” Matt’s smile widened into a grin. “I want you to meet Erin.” He ushered the little girl with the honey-colored hair forward.
The little girls exchanged timid greetings while Matt introduced Rachel to Sarah.
Sarah shook Rachel’s hand. “Wow! I can hardly believe I’m talking with Rachel Carr. You seem like a regular person.”
“I hope so.” Rachel laughed, but she sensed uneasiness in Sarah’s comment. Rachel did want Sarah to see her as a regular person, not some TV personality. What would it take to get everyone to see beyond her professional persona?
Sarah grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to gush. It’s just…well, you’re the first famous person I’ve ever met.”
Chuckling, John glanced at his wife. “I watched Rachel grow up. Just think of her as the girl next door.” He gave Rachel a big hug. “It’s good to have you home.”
“Thanks. It’s good to see you again. Even though I saw you yesterday, it’s still all a blur.” Rachel realized coming back here might not be as bad as she’d anticipated.
“It’ll take you a while to get through the grieving process. We’re all going to miss your mom.” John tapped his daughter on the arm. “Erin, please show Becky where your class is.”
“Okay.” Erin grabbed Becky’s hand. “Follow me.”
“See you later, Mom.” Becky darted away with Erin without a backward glance. Giggling, they bounded up the wide church steps and slipped through the door.
“The girls have become fast friends,” Sarah said.
“It looks that way.” Rachel stood in disbelief at the way Becky had taken to Erin after such a brief encounter.
“It’s too bad you can’t stay for a while. Erin would love to have Becky for a playmate. There are very few girls her age around here.”
“Yeah.” Rachel’s reply was barely audible as they climbed the steps. Was everyone conspiring to get her to stay?
When they walked into the vestibule, John draped an arm around Sarah’s shoulders. Grandpa and Grandma Hofer held hands. Rachel smiled at the sight.
Matt grinned. “Looks like I’m stuck with you again. Just like old times.”
Rachel looked at him with mock indignation. “You could do worse.”
“Much worse,” he whispered in her ear as they settled into a pew beside her grandparents.
Matt’s whisper made her heart pound. The sound echoed in her brain, threatening to drown out the gregarious talking around them. Surely he couldn’t hear it.
These feelings were crazy. It had been ten years since she’d even seen him. She’d moved away and fallen in love with someone else, but love had been a disappointment. She didn’t have any desire to go down that path again.
The congregation quieted when her uncle Henry walked to the front of the auditorium to lead the adult Bible class. He stepped behind the ornately carved pulpit, stained in a deep walnut color that matched the woodwork throughout the old building. While the world around them had changed, few things had changed in this little country church. Time seemed to have stood still.
Rachel paid little attention to the church service. Thoughts of Matt filled her mind. His presence heightened all of her senses. When he reached for the hymnal and indicated she could share it with him, she watched his strong, tanned hands holding the book. But she didn’t miss the very visible scars.
He shifted in his seat and put his arm along the back of the pew behind her. Prickles of excitement pulsed through her. Were these feelings only a remnant of a schoolgirl crush? They would be of little concern if she weren’t thinking about spending more time here. What would happen if she decided to stay for the summer?
Throughout the church service her mind wandered back across her school years to how she’d anticipate Matt’s annual summer visit and wish with all her being that she were older. Even though Matt and his cousins would include her in their summer fun, what teenaged boy was going to look at a little girl six years younger as anything other than a nuisance?
Matt, with his sun-bleached hair and golden eyes, had filled her girlish dreams. She’d never stopped dreaming that one day he would discover she was no longer a little girl. But her hopes had been dashed during her Christmas break her freshman year in college when she came home to find Matt engaged. She hadn’t grown up fast enough. Trading her dreams of Matt for dreams of an acting career, she headed to California the following summer.
What had happened to keep him from marrying Amy? Now Rachel’s dream, that he would no longer see her as the girl who was too tall and too skinny, was true, but ten years too late. Maybe it had always been too late.
After the last note of the closing hymn sounded, Rachel stood beside Matt and greeted her relatives and folks she’d known for years. She’d seen them at the funeral, when they’d offered their heartfelt condolences. Now they wanted to know what she was going to do with the farm. They meant well but had no idea she didn’t welcome their inquiries. These were decisions she wasn’t ready to face.
As Rachel hugged another one of her aunts, Grandma Hofer approached. “Rachel, we need to get going. John and Sarah are expecting us.”
Glad to be rescued for the moment, Rachel gave Aunt Lois a peck on the cheek. “Gotta go. We’ll talk another time.”
“You should come to ladies’ circle. We meet on Tuesdays,” Aunt Lois said.
“We’ll see.” Forcing a smile, Rachel contemplated the invitation she didn’t want to accept. “Bye.”
With goodbyes and well wishes ringing in her ears, Rachel followed her grandmother out to the car. Now she had to face another invitation—Sunday dinner with the Daltons. The thought of more time with Matt had her stomach full of butterflies.
This shouldn’t be happening. She wasn’t a kid any more. She was a grown woman with a child. So why was she having the same fluttery feelings she’d had as a girl about a man she hadn’t seen in ten years?
***
Matt slowly drove his pickup down the gravel lane lined with poplar trees. When he stopped in front of the white clapboard farmhouse nestled among the old elm trees, Rachel’s grandfather parked his big black sedan at the edge of the yard. Becky catapulted from the car and joined Erin in a dash across the lawn. Then Rachel stepped out of the car, her black and white dress ruffled around her legs in the breeze.
He studied her as she and her grandparents moseyed toward the house. She stopped on the stoop and turned to watch Becky and Erin play on the tire swing. Her dark hair hung in a French braid down the middle of her back. Her high cheekbones and smooth olive complexion with a hint of roses in her cheeks were made for the camera. Ebony eyes added a touch of mystery to her beauty.
Seeing her today, he couldn’t believe he’d held her in a comforting embrace just yesterday. She’d been little Rachel Charbonneau, grieving for her mother. Now all he saw was Rachel Carr, famous actress, and she made him nervous.
He gripped the steering wheel and tried to tell himself her fame shouldn’t make a difference in their relationship. He should think of her as his friend. But there had been a ten-year gap in that friendship.
A lot of crazy emotions wound their way through his acquaintance with Rachel. The little girl he’d first met during his summertime visits had grown into a tall gangly teenager with braces by the time he graduated from college and came to teach in his adopted hometown. All those years he’d befriended her.
Then she graduated from high school. Suddenly she was a young woman, and he realized his feelings didn’t stop at friendship. But he’d never considered acting on those feelings, because she was eighteen and he was twenty-four. Their relationship had always been friend and teacher, and he figured it best that it stayed that way. But thoughts of her had never been far away, even in the bleakest days of his recovery from his wartime injuries.
Now she was back, and surprisingly, those long-buried feelings had resurrected themselves. Still, he couldn’t act on them. He was a broken man. Most of the time he didn’t think about the scars marring his face. Even the limp didn’t bother him most days, but emotional scars lingered.
How many nights had he awakened, soaked in sweat, from a horrific dream? The blinding explosion and pain would come rushing back. He’d spent months in counseling to overcome the terrors of war. Besides, a famous TV star wouldn’t have an interest in a scarred schoolteacher. He put that thought firmly in his mind as he stepped out of his pickup.
As he walked across the yard, trying his best not to limp, Rachel looked his way. He forced a smile, but he couldn’t push away his self-consciousness. “Hi.”
“So you decided to join us? I was beginning to think you were going to stay in your pickup.”
Matt shook his head and motioned toward the two little girls. “Just watching them play. Becky reminds me of another little girl I used to know.”
“Who?”
Matt gave her a sideways glance. “You know who I mean. The little girl who used to try so hard to fit in with all of us rowdy boys.”
Stopping, Rachel turned to look at him. “Are you saying I was a tomboy?”
“No, but you certainly had a mind of your own. No one was going to tell you that you couldn’t keep up with the boys.”
“And I haven’t changed.”
“I’m beginning to see that already,” Matt said, his nervousness slowly slipping away.
“You live here on the farm now?”
Matt nodded. “I moved out here after my aunt and uncle retired to Arizona. That way I’m here to lend John a hand if he needs one. Before my National Guard unit was called up, I helped John remodel this place, so he and Sarah could move in here.”
“Then you live in the big house by yourself?”
“Yeah, just me and the mice.”
Rachel laughed, and her laughter went a long way toward lifting his spirits. Maybe he really could think of her as his friend. Why was he concerned? She was only going to be here for a short time.
Rachel called to Becky and Erin, and they joined her as they followed Matt into the kitchen where Sarah was already busy bringing dishes out of the cupboard. The delicious smell of pot roast filled the air.
“Sarah, is there something I can do to help?” Rachel asked.
“You and Matt can take these into the dining room.” Sarah handed Matt a platter laden with the roast, potatoes, and carrots. She gave Rachel a bowl of green beans.
As Rachel put the beans on the table, Becky and Erin raced into the room and claimed their seats. Matt set the platter down and took the chair beside Rachel. He remembered the Sunday dinners he’d eaten with the Dalton clan over the years and wondered how Rachel felt about being here, especially when they joined hands to pray.
Holding her soft hand in his callused, scarred one reminded him that their lives were worlds apart. He’d be absolutely crazy to think of letting long-ago feelings occupy his mind. He forced himself to concentrate on John’s prayer.
After the prayer ended, Sarah handed Rachel the platter. “I’m so glad you could take time to have dinner with us.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Rachel helped herself to some of the roast, then turned to Matt. “How are your parents and brothers?”
Matt hesitated as he thought of his younger brother’s trials and how his parents had suffered worrying about two of their sons. But God had brought them through it.
“I hope they’re doing okay,” Rachel said, when he didn’t answer immediately.
“They are, but Mom and Dad had a rough few years helping me recover from my injuries, and then helping Wade deal with lymphoma.”
A little pucker appeared between her eyebrows. “Oh, I’m so sorry. How’s he doing?”
“He’s in remission and has a new job. He’s back out there hugging trees again.”
“That’s good news.” Rachel laughed. “So in a sense he’s a farmer, too. His crop’s just very, very big.”
“Yeah, maybe farming is in our genes. It just skipped a generation.” Matt chuckled. “But then there’s Peter. He’s some bigwig in a construction outfit in Atlanta, and I doubt you’d ever get him on a farm again. He never liked coming here when we were kids.”
Becky narrowed her gaze as she looked at Matt. “Why does your brother hug trees?”
The adults at the table broke into laughter. Matt patted Becky on the head. “It’s only an expression. He works with a company that grows trees, used to make paper and other products.”
Sarah glanced at Rachel. “And there’s more good news about Wade, although I don’t think Matt and Peter want to acknowledge that one of them is finally tying the knot.”
Rachel turned to Matt. “Wade’s getting married?”
“Yeah. Little brother is the first one of us to bite the dust.” Matt grinned. “When he started his new job last summer, he met his soon-to-be wife, Cassie.”
Sarah set her fork on the table. “And it’s such a cute story.”
“How’s that?” Rachel asked.
“Well, she’s taking care of her two nieces and two nephews, who’d been thrust into foster care because of a bad family situation. The kids were matchmakers for Wade and Cassie. Now they’re adopting the kids.”
“Wow! That’s a big undertaking.”
“Yeah, he has a ready-made family.” Matt grabbed the platter and helped himself to some more roast.
Sarah looked at Rachel with anxiety written on her face. “Thanks again for joining us today.”
Rachel smiled. “I should be the one thanking you.”
Chuckling, John gave Sarah a sideways glance, then looked at Rachel. “Sarah can’t get over having a celebrity at her table. I’ll have to get out some of our old photos. Then she’ll see the way we remember you.”
“That’s a good idea,” Matt said, thinking the photos would remind him that she was only a friend.
“Mom, I wanna see them, too.”
Rachel laughed, but that little frown puckered her eyebrows again. “I’m not so sure I like that idea. I was shy, and I hated how I looked when I was a kid—all knees and elbows.”
Matt grinned. “But those knees and elbows are famous now.”
“I can remember when Rachel was a little girl. She was always singing a song or putting on a play with her dolls and stuffed animals,” John said. “I never thought you were shy.”
“I was. But when I was performing, I was someone else. The first time I stepped onto a stage in elementary school and lost myself in my part in the school play, the applause made me realize I wanted to entertain.”
“You surprised everyone when you took off for Hollywood, but not me,” John declared. “I knew you’d make it big.”
“Sure, you can say that now, since she’s a star,” Sarah said.
“John told me.” Matt looked from Sarah to Rachel. “He tried to convince me you’d do well.”
“So you thought I wouldn’t make it?” Rachel gave Matt a questioning glance.
Matt cringed inwardly. He’d really stuck his foot in his mouth this time. How was he going to get out of that statement? “I was just worried a sweet farm girl might get swallowed up by that cutthroat business.”
“Well, I made it—”
“And we’re all glad you did,” Matt said as quickly as he could.
After dinner everyone went outside to enjoy the warm, sunny afternoon. Sitting on a lawn chair in the shade of the elms, Rachel watched Matt lean against a tree. While he talked with John and Grandpa, a slight breeze ruffled Matt’s thick, golden hair. Her fingers itched to comb it back in place. Clenching her hand, she willed the feeling away. She didn’t have the strength to deal with any more emotional upheaval.
Rachel turned her attention to Becky and Erin, who had changed into shorts and T-shirts. They skipped across the yard in the shade of the blue spruce and poplar trees growing along the north side of the house. Rachel remembered how many times she’d done the same thing.
“Mom.” Becky’s breathless voice disturbed Rachel’s musings. “Erin wants to know if I can go over to Matt’s house to see the kittens. Can I, please?”
Rachel smiled at her daughter’s pleading. “I suppose, but I’ll go with you.”
“All right!” Becky and Erin chorused.
“Lead the way.”
Rachel walked with the girls down the long drive past the garden on their way to Matt’s house. When they neared the fence, the girls skipped ahead and entered through the gate. A minute later, Rachel stepped inside. The large elms surrounding the house made the yard shady and cool. The earthy scent of late spring filled the air.
On their hands and knees, the youngsters looked through a hole in the latticework trim underneath the porch that wrapped around two sides of the white clapboard farmhouse. Crouching behind them, Rachel saw five small bundles of fur curled up together next to their mother.
“They were born a few weeks ago,” Erin whispered, looking up at Rachel. “Matt says we can only look at them now. When they’re older, he said I can have one.”
Rachel knew what was coming, even before Becky spoke.
“Mom, I want a kitten, too.”
Rachel shook her head. “We probably won’t be here when they’re old enough to leave their mother.”
“Can’t we stay long enough for me to get a kitten?”
Even Becky was making it hard for her to turn her back on this place. “I don’t know, honey. I can’t make any promises.”