While Matt put the finishing touches on a scenery backdrop, he glanced over to where Rachel was helping the actors with their lines. Her involvement in the community theater had sparked a surge of new interest. Even people from nearby towns came for auditions. The group had been practicing throughout the summer in preparation for their opening the third weekend of September, which was only a month away. Under Rachel’s direction the musical comedy was coming together.
Matt’s original skepticism about her reasons for working with the theater had slowly slipped away. Her disappointment over not getting that movie part seemed forgotten as she threw herself wholeheartedly into helping with the community theater. She’d taken a group of unseasoned performers and guided them until their talents shone. She brought out the best in them. If she hadn’t gone into acting, she would’ve made a great teacher.
He’d learned over the years that students only gave as much as the teacher expected. So he’d always let his students know he expected a lot. Rachel had done the same with these amateur actors, and they reached for their best performances. Week by week a spectacular transformation had occurred right before his eyes.
“Hey, Matt.” Rachel’s voice shook him from his thoughts. “We need your help.”
Matt laid his paintbrush on a nearby paint can and stood. “What do you need?”
Rachel motioned for him to come over. “Steve has to leave early, and I want you to read his part.”
“Me?” Matt pointed to himself. “I’m no actor.”
“I’m not asking you to act, just read.” She held out a script to him.
“Isn’t there someone else?”
“No. You’re it.” She shoved the script at him.
Taking it, he stared at the pages. “Who am I supposed to be? I don’t have to sing, do I?”
“No singing. You’re going to be Leo.” Rachel turned back to the other actors.
“Great. That’s good for everyone involved, because I can’t sing.” He chuckled, glanced at the script, and hoped he wouldn’t make a fool of himself. He didn’t want to look stupid in front of all these people, especially Rachel.
He gripped the pages and waited for his turn. His hands grew clammy. Why was he so nervous? All he had to do was read, but he didn’t like being in the spotlight. Being the center of attention in his classroom was about as much attention as he could take.
Then he caught a glimpse of Becky sitting in the nearly empty auditorium. She looked up from the game she was playing and smiled at him. She gave him a little wave. At least he impressed Becky. He was a hero in her eyes. He wished he were a hero in her mother’s eyes. He didn’t know where he stood with Rachel, so why did he keep torturing himself with trying to impress her?
“Leo. Leo, you missed your cue.”
“Sorry.” Matt jumped into his part and chided himself for letting his mind wander.
Matt managed to get through the rest of the play without another missed cue. When they did one more run through, he even put a little inflection into his voice as he read the lines.
“You did good, Matt.” Becky hurried toward him. “Mom should put you in the play.”
“Thanks, Becky, but I think we’ll leave the acting to your mom and those other people. I’m better with paintbrushes, and I’ve got to clean those before we head home.”
“After you do that, can we go for ice cream?” Becky asked.
“Oh, so now we know why she said I did such a good job. She’s bribing me to take her for ice cream.” Matt winked at Rachel. “What do you think?”
“I think she’s right about you doing a good job, and I think the two of you are going to make me fat with all these stops for ice cream.”
“Mom, you’re not fat.”
“I agree.”
Rachel laughed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“I meant it. How could you get fat when you do all that jumping around with Sarah?”
“Okay, we can go for ice cream.”
“Yippee!” Becky skipped toward the door at the back of the auditorium.
Sitting at a table in front of the Dairy Mart, Matt thought of all the events of the summer that had ended with a trip here for ice cream—the fireworks on the Fourth of July, the Corn Palace Stampede Rodeo in Mitchell, where Becky learned about barrel racing first hand? He’d offered to take Becky to those events so he could be with Rachel. He was either a coward or not being honest with himself.
There were also church activities. When he learned about Rachel and Sarah’s bargain, he made sure he picked Rachel and Becky up for church every Sunday. Although she sat in the pew beside him, he wondered what went through her mind while she listened to the sermon. Did the message of God’s love touch her, or did she tune it out? He wished he knew.
Becky shouted with delight as she played with some smaller children, the parents sitting nearby enjoying their ice cream. Several teenagers milled around under the neon sign that flashed a rainbow of colors. Life seemed so simple here. Was it too simple for someone like Rachel? Why couldn’t he be satisfied with how their relationship was progressing? The closer they became, the more he was afraid she would decide to go back to California.
“How’s the banana split?” Matt asked, trying to get rid of his troubled thoughts.
“Good. There’s nothing else like one.” Rachel took another spoonful.
“You’ve certainly been quiet tonight.” Matt wondered what was on her mind.
“I’m all wrapped up in thinking about the theater. The opening is only a few weeks away. I hope we’re going to be ready.”
“Everyone’s doing great.” He chuckled. “As long as you don’t have to have me for a stand in.”
“Thanks for helping out tonight.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.” Matt raised his eyebrows. “Have you heard from that agent of yours recently?”
“He won’t make any more surprise visits, if you’re worried about that.”
“I wasn’t worried about him, but he seemed pretty eager to get you back to California.” Why had he mentioned the guy? He wasn't even here, yet he was intruding on their time together. Matt put his arm around her shoulders. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere for now.” She put her hand on his arm. “Becky will start school here in a week.”
His hopes soared. “So you’re not planning to leave any time soon?”
“No. I love working with the theater, and I’m not ready to go back, especially now that the movie part didn’t materialize.”
“But what happens when one does?”
“I can’t foretell the future. Let’s just think about here and now.”
Could he ignore the future? He was torn in too many directions. He was afraid she would leave before he had a chance to see her come back to God. He had such hopes because she was attending church on a regular basis. But he had to face reality. She was going because of her bargain with Sarah. Rachel had made that very clear when he’d asked her about it.
Then there was the selfish part he tried to not dwell on. He wanted to win her heart for himself. He wanted so much to be a part of her life, but if she never came back to the Lord, was he only playing with fire? He had to be honest with himself and true to the Lord. These same things had bothered him since she’d walked back into his life last May.
Rachel slapped her arm. “The mosquitoes are getting wicked out here.”
“You’re right.” Standing, Matt stretched his hands above his head. “Let’s go home.”
“Okay.” Rachel got up from the table. “Becky, we’re going.”
“Do we have to?”
“Yes, I don’t want you to get eaten by mosquitoes.”
Becky giggled and ran toward her mother. “They can’t eat me. I’m too big.”
“I know, but they can sure make you itch.” Rachel waved a hand to shoo away the offending insects.
“If you do what your mother says, maybe we can convince her to go to the state fair in Huron over the Labor Day weekend.”
Becky looked at her mom. “Please. Can we go to the fair?”
“Okay, but like Matt says, you have to be good.”
“I will.”
Matt watched Becky skip ahead and knew he was doing it again—using Becky to spend time with Rachel. He wasn’t proud of himself, but he did care about Becky. But without her, would Rachel be willing to spend time with him? Whenever the three of them were together, they seemed like family. Did Rachel ever feel that way, too? His mind filled with a mountain of questions.
On the ride home, Matt took in the beauty of the prairie sunset. The fencerows, lone farmhouses, and shelterbelts stood as blackened silhouettes against a sky awash in oranges and reds. Did Rachel see the splendor of God’s creation?
When Matt slowed the pickup and turned into the driveway, she looked over at him with a smile. His heart twisted. He loved that smile. He loved everything about her, but the same old question plagued him. Despite his prayers and constant wishes that somehow things would work out between them, nothing had changed in the weeks since their one and only date. How could he pursue this relationship when she didn’t share his faith?
***
The smell of hot dogs, popcorn, and candied apples filled the air as Rachel strolled along the midway at the state fair. Squeals and laughter mingled with the drone of motors operating the rides. She wondered whether she’d ever get to be alone with Matt. He’d left with John as soon as they arrived.
Becky tugged on Rachel’s arm. “Come on, Mom. You’re walking too slow. Erin and I want to ride on the merry-go-round.”
“You’ll get to ride.” Rachel gave Becky a nudge. “Go stand in line with Erin.”
Standing with Sarah, Rachel watched as the little girls found horses and scrambled on them. Loud, bouncy music played as the old carousel lurched forward. Becky and Erin shouted and waved each time they passed.
“The girls are certainly having fun,” Sarah said.
Rachel laughed. “I always loved the state fair, but not for the rides. My weak stomach couldn’t take that twisting and turning. The merry-go-round was about as much as I could handle.”
“You can say that again.” Matt came to stand behind her. “When you were in high school, you went on the scrambler. You were green when you got off.”
The sound of his voice sent her stomach on a roller coaster ride to match any at the fair. “I’ll have you know I’ve outgrown my motion sickness.”
Matt grinned. “We’ll see about that.”
“Did you guys get your fill of the latest in farm equipment?” Sarah asked.
“We saw it all.” John took off his cap and smoothed his hair before replacing the cap. “If we only had the money to buy it, we could sit back and let the farm run itself.”
Before anyone could say another word, Becky and Erin came bounding off the merry-go-round.
“What can we go on next?” Becky planted her hands on her hips as she stared up at her mother.
“How about the bumper cars?” Sarah said.
“Yeah,” the little girls chorused.
While the group made their way toward the bumper cars, Matt caught hold of Rachel’s arm and pulled her back to walk with him. “How about after this, just the two of us go on a few rides? We can test your claim that you’ve outgrown your problem with motion sickness.”
Rachel stopped and looked at Matt as the others went ahead. “What ride are you taking me on?”
“My choice.”
“Should I trust you?”
“I don’t know. Can I be trusted?”
“I’ll take a chance.” This chance had everything to do with her heart and nothing to do with carnival rides.
“Good. We’ll start with the roller coaster.”
“Start? I thought you said ‘a ride.’”
“That’s what you said. Nobody can go on just one. That’s not a true test.”
“For me it is.”
“Not when you’re with me.” He laughed. “Shall we team up for this adventure?”
“Sure.” The thought of teaming with Matt for something more serious than a carnival ride ran through Rachel’s mind, but she was unwise for letting that thought linger.
Matt and Rachel laughed their way through the crashes and jolts on the bumper cars. When they finished, Sarah agreed to watch Becky so Matt could take Rachel on the roller coaster.
Minutes later, Matt rubbed his upper arm as the roller coaster came to a stop. “You look like you’ve survived pretty well, but I was beginning to think my arm would drop off and my hearing impaired.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“I don’t exaggerate. See the finger marks here on my arm?” He pushed up his sleeve and flexed a bicep.
“No. You just wanted me to look at your muscles.”
“They are magnificent, aren’t they?” he asked with a Cheshire cat grin.
Rachel took a fake swing at Matt. He ducked to avoid the punch. “Didn’t they teach you to swing any better than that in the movies?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to hurt you.” Rachel laughed as she ran ahead.
Trying not to let his limp show, Matt caught up with her. “You still have to ride the Ferris wheel.”
“Is this the last test?” she asked.
“If you pass.”
“I will.”
After the attendant locked them into one of the seats, they slowly ascended as people got on below them.
“I love the view from up here,” Rachel said as they neared the top.
“As I recall, you didn’t like the seat to move.” Giving her a sideways glance, Matt began to rock back and forth.
Rachel tucked her arm in his. “You can’t scare me.”
“I wasn’t trying to scare you, just test you.”
“Have I passed?”
“Let’s rock the seat a little more.” The innocent smile did nothing to hide the mischief in his eyes.
As the motion increased, Rachel released her hold on Matt’s arm. Willing herself to be calm, she gripped the bar in front of them. “Do I pass the test when you make this thing turn all the way around?”
“That would be exciting.”
“Maybe for you. You can rock all you want in your childish game.” Rachel looked straight ahead while they slowly descended on the front side of the Ferris wheel.
Matt burst out laughing. “You may be a great actress, Rachel, but you can’t hide those white knuckles.”
“So does that mean I’ve failed?”
He put an arm around her and pulled her close. “No, you pass with flying colors. We’ve gone around once, and you haven’t screamed.”
She flashed him an irritated look. “No thanks to you.”
“I wasn’t expecting thanks, just a kiss.”
He leaned over and captured her mouth in a kiss. She forgot the midway and the lights below. The two of them were alone at the top of the world.
When the kiss ended, everything was louder and brighter—the music from nearby rides, the screams, shouts, and the lights. He pulled her closer. Why had she let him kiss her, when they were all wrong for each other?
When she’d confessed her confusion after their date, he’d backed away, agreeing they both needed space. Sure they’d worked together at the theater and done the fun stuff with Becky, and of course, attended church together, but he’d kept a certain distance. But that distance had done nothing to help resolve her conflicting emotions.
What was she to make of his behavior now? Was he trying to take her on an emotional roller coaster, as well? Her heart hammered as she gazed into his golden eyes. “What’s happening with us?”
“I know I said we’d give each other space, but I can’t stop caring about you.”
Rachel stared into his expressive eyes and sighed. “If only that could solve everything.”
“No matter what you do or where you go, I’ll be waiting here for you.” He took one of her hands in his. “I can’t walk away until I’ve done everything within my power to share God’s love with you.”
As the Ferris wheel descended, an unsettled feeling lingered in her stomach. She closed her eyes. He wanted to share God’s love with her, but what about his love. Did he want to share that? His kiss should answer that question, but she wanted to cover her ears against his words about God.
Was Matt trying to control her? Her every reason cried out against the idea. He was her childhood friend. He wasn’t like Dean. Finally, she looked at him. “I’m not sure I deserve God’s love.”
“We all fall short, but God loves us anyway,” Matt replied.
They came to a stop at the bottom of the Ferris wheel. The attendant released them from their seat, giving Rachel no chance to respond to Matt’s statement.
He grabbed her hand and maneuvered his way through the crowd. “There’s a coffee shop nearby. We can get something to eat and talk this over.”
She stopped short, feeling the need to resist what seemed like his attempt to order her around. “What about Becky?”
“She’s having a good time with Erin.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Then we won’t. I’m not going to make you do anything.”
In the waning light, Rachel studied his face. Could she believe him? She was being unfair judging him from her bad experiences, but she couldn’t shake the thought. Had her life brought her to the point that she didn’t trust him or her own judgment?
She shook her head. “I’m sorry I’ve been short with you. I’m a little confused.”
“You and me both.” He reached out and took both her hands. “Let me buy you a piece of cherry pie with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream.”
“Okay.” Glad that he seemed to understand her discomfort, she fell into step beside him. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him.
After they settled in a booth, the waitress took their order immediately.
“That was quick service,” Rachel commented.
“It’s because you’re the most famous person they’ve had in here all day.” He fiddled with the salt and pepper shakers sitting at the edge of the table.
Rachel glanced around the large open room with booths lining the walls. In the center, stools covered in bright red plastic surrounded a long counter. The clicking of silverware accented the low hum of conversation. “I don’t think anyone has noticed.”
“I-ah wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Matt looked toward the back of the restaurant. “Don’t look now, but our waitress appears to be having an animated discussion with several coworkers. I think they’ve recognized you.” Matt chuckled. “Our order is coming. It’s so big it takes three people to deliver it.”
“Oh, no.” Rachel glanced toward the ceiling. “All this time I’ve managed to avoid being recognized. I guess it couldn’t last forever.”
“Smile. Your adoring fans are almost here.”
Rachel put on a pleasant face as three young women placed glasses, plates, silverware, and napkins in front of them. Then they stood there for a moment as if they were going to watch Matt and Rachel eat.
Finally, one of them blurted, “Are you Rachel Carr, you know that TV actress? I mean, if you’re not, you sure look like her.” Then seemingly embarrassed, she dropped her gaze to the floor.
Rachel chuckled softly. “Yes, I’m Rachel Carr.”
“I can’t believe it.” The young waitress looked at her friends and then at Rachel. “Can we have your autograph?”
“Sure.” Rachel took the pen and paper they handed to her. “What’s your name?” Rachel quickly learned each girl’s name and signed an autograph for her. Then the threesome disappeared.
“Luckily, this place isn’t very full, or you’d probably have to sign a few more of those, wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah. Sometimes my private life isn’t very private, but being on the farm has given me some solitude.” Rachel smiled. Over and over again she had to admit that all of the good things on the farm surrounded her and gave her a sense of belonging she hadn’t known she missed. Matt was one of those things.
“It’s good to see you smile when you talk about the farm.” Matt took one of her hands and cradled it between his. “You’ve had a change of heart about the farm. I hope you’ll have the same change of heart about God.”
Not able to bear Matt’s scrutiny, Rachel closed her eyes. Sometimes, she wanted to share his faith, but she couldn’t let go of her doubts. How could God fit into her life again after all this time? Feeling the comforting pressure of Matt’s callused hands, she finally opened her eyes. Warmth radiated from his gaze. She didn’t want that adoring look to change to one of despair. Hollywood could do that. She wanted to spare him the grief.
With a shake of her head, she stared at him. “I’m not sure that’ll ever happen.”
“Why do you say that?” A puzzled frown knit his brow.
“You don’t know what my life’s been like.”
“No, I can’t say I know what it’s like to be rich and famous.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about my personal life.” Rachel wondered what Matt would say about the life she’d led. What would he think of her marriage? So many of her fears regarding a new relationship stemmed from her bad experiences with Dean. “You’ve never asked me about Becky’s father.”
Matt leaned forward. “I figured you’d tell me when the time was right.”
“What do you know about Dean?”
Matt shrugged. “Not much, other than he died doing a stunt in a movie before Becky was born.”
Her heart pounded. She should tell Matt about the horrible life she’d lived with Dean. Her shame had kept her from telling anyone. Taking a deep breath, she didn’t miss his kind expression. He would understand. “Dean and I met on a movie.”
“Was he working as a stunt man?”
“Yes, it was a made-for-TV movie based on a romance novel. He did some of the stunt riding. I had a supporting role.”
“I remember Sarah liked that movie.” Matt grinned. “John and I watched it only because you were in it.”
Rachel smiled despite herself. Matt made her feel wonderful even when the story she was about to tell didn’t. “Anyway, one night some guys in the crew were giving me a hard time, and Dean defended me. After that, he was always bringing me flowers or little gifts. He swept me off my feet, and when the movie was finished, we hopped on a plane to Las Vegas and got married. But that kind of whirlwind romance made me fail to see the danger signs.”
“Danger? What danger?” Concern shone in his eyes.
“I didn’t recognize his possessiveness. I thought I’d fallen in love with a kind, generous, and handsome man, but it was all an illusion.”
“Why do you say that?”
Rachel remembered the awful fights. “It didn’t take long before I began to see a side of Dean I would come to fear. He was extremely jealous for no reason at all and suspicious of everything I did. Eventually the verbal abuse became physical.”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
“The first time he hit me, he said he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. And it didn’t, not for a long time, but I lived in constant fear that I would do something to make him angry enough to hit me again. Finally, I did.”
“You should’ve left then.”
“I didn’t have to. Two days later, he was killed in that accident.” Placing her elbows on the table, Rachel let her head rest in her hands. “How can God love me when I wasn’t sorry my husband died. I pretended I was, but it was all a lie.”
Quickly, Matt got up and slid into the booth beside Rachel. He put his arm around her shoulders. “God forgives our sins. We just have to ask.”
“I haven’t forgiven myself. How can I ask God to forgive me?” Rachel raised her head and gazed at Matt. “You have such confidence in God, but I don’t. I don’t know if I ever will.”
“Don’t be afraid to let God forgive you,” Matt said still holding her close.
Rachel let out a shaky breath. “I’ve lived a life too far from God. How can he ever take me back?”
“I reminded you once before of the Prodigal Son? You can always come home to God no matter how far you’ve strayed.”
Sadly, Rachel shook her head. “I don’t know what it’ll take to bring me back home.”