23.

I woke with a snap. My Sartrean dream of non-being had not come true yet. Although the room was grayer now, there was still light in the picture window, and I could see and feel the details of my life. My feet were tied to the legs of the chair, there was a rope around my middle, and my hands were pulled awkwardly behind the back of the chair and tied to it. One of them was tingling. On the floor in front me were what appeared to be several large pieces of new burlap folded up, coils of clothesline, rolls of duct tape, and several lengths of heavy silvery chain. Beyond that, sitting cross-legged on the floor, was Big Boy. The look on his face told me he hadn't been meditating. I was beginning to appreciate hippie culture more and more the farther I got from it. Big Boy didn't say a word. Neither did I, since I had what felt and tasted like an old sock tied around my mouth. If it was, I hoped it was mine. But I still had my shoes on. I looked to my right. Red was there, awake and alert. He turned his head and looked at me and nodded. It was all he could do. I nodded back. I saw a dark stain in the front of his pants. They hadn't even let him use the bathroom.

Big Boy levered himself awkwardly up from the floor and came to me. His expression was neutral as he reached around and untied the gag. It was indeed an old sock. Then he crouched down in front of me and looked me in the eye for a while. His eyes drooped a little at the corners, giving him a sad hound-dog expression, but his lips were firm under the carelessly-trimmed moustache. Finally he got up and went to the other side of the big room and found a chair, which he put on the floor in front of me. He sat himself down in it and looked at me some more, leaning slightly forward with his hands on his knees. Finally he spoke. His voice was a dull neutral rumble, more of an articulate mutter than anything else. I'd guessed close enough when I'd tried to imitate him at the door. I was beginning to wish I'd been less lucky then, so I could be luckier now. If I hadn't fooled Alice I might not have gotten into the cabin. I would have had to think of something else, but in retrospect that didn't sound too bad.

"You don't look like him," he said, nodding briefly towards Red. "You ain't related?"

"No," I said. "I rent a little house on his property in LA."

"So why you here?"

"Red and me, we've known each other for ten years now. He's become a friend. You take care of your friends."

"Huh. Guess you do. Didn't turn out too good this time."

I remembered one of Red's good ol' boy sayings. It seemed appropriate for both the occasion and the audience. "Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you."

Big Boy smiled. It was a real smile, not the wild leer Denise's propositioning had elicited. "I guess that's funnier to me 'n it is to you right now. Huh?"

"I guess you won't be laughing when the cops catch up to you."

"They ain't never gonna find you in that lake, 'less it dries all up. And that ain't never gonna happen." The thought made him smile.

I guess he wanted entertainment, or he wouldn't have untied the gag. I figured I may as well oblige.

"Robert," I said. "I've been talking to people all over the valley. They know I've been looking for Red. They know I've been asking after you and Tracy. And now Red and me and Cindy are all going to disappear. Someone's going to come after you sooner or later."

His brows drew together again. That made three expressions in his repertoire. "We won't be around. No one's gonna find us where we go. Alice knows a place…."

"She and Connie going with you? 'Cause you know they'll talk as soon as the cops get them in that little room." I was guessing that Big Boy had been in that little room himself, and probably didn't want to go back.

"Alice is coming with. Don't know what Connie wants to do. He leads his own life."

I took a chance. "And how about you, Robert? You lead your own life? Tracy ever let you off your leash?"

I heard a distant contrabass rumbling. It might have been thunder. Maybe the weather would turn bad and delay our midnight swim….

Big Boy's eyes dropped even more than usual and his mouth turned down in a frown. He'd got the message, and I could only hope that he wasn't a kill-the-messenger type…although most people are.

Big Boy looked down at his knees. I could see that he was thinking, and that the effort cost him. Finally he looked up at me and said, "I figured out long ago that I'm not too smart. You know, that’s just the way it is, and it don't do me no good to pretend it's different. I tried, and I just got into trouble. So I know that I got to hang around someone smart, like her. She takes care of me." The thunder sounded again, not so far off now.

"Robert," I said. "Are you out of your mind? She's set you up for a kidnapping rap, and before that she had you dealing dope—"

"Naw," he said. "I done that before, the dope. I mean, what else is there for folks like me? She just made me better at it…." His brows drew together again. Maybe I was pushing my luck, but it looked to me that I'd run out of luck over an hour ago. There was nothing to lose except the smidgen of comfort I felt in not being actively beaten up. He just looked at me, with his head tilted a little, and asked, "But how'd you know, anyway?"

"Robert…everybody knows. You're too goddamn obvious. You're both too obvious, parading around with silly nicknames trying to sound dangerous."

He straightened up. "Well, who's the dangerous ones? She says you all knew what her dad was doing to her and you let it go on. You're all so, whaddaya call it, righteous, and you let…that…happen." He nodded towards Red in the next chair. "Your good buddy there, he was a cop and all, and he let it go. He was best pals with her dad, brung him up here to the lake, gave him the keys to his cabin. You know what went on in that cabin? She told me, and she told me that's why she's the way she is. It made me sick."

He looked out the picture window. The trees outside were still; the air wasn't moving. The thunder sounded again, and I realized it wasn't thunder. Big Boy realized it too. "I wish I was out riding my hog with them all, whoever they are. Damn…what am I doing here?"

The deep snorting chaos of a squad of Harleys got louder and louder. Big Boy's brows kissed again. "What're they doing up here? This road don’t go no farther…."

The ragged thunder of the hogs surrounded the house, and we saw a leather-clad figure bump past the window on a big black motorcycle. Then the noise stopped, except for the loping put-put of a single bike at idle. "That looked like one a them faggots that hangs out at—"

He was interrupted by the front door splintering open with a crash. It banged against the wall and then fell crookedly, hanging by one hinge. The biggest of the Three Dollar Bills crouched down to stride into the cabin.

Maybe it was the aftereffects of whatever Denise had pumped into me, but Bill loomed bigger in the room than any other more-or-less human being I'd seen before—and when I'd seen Bill himself up close before, he'd been sitting down. Judging from how far he surpassed the doorframe, I'd guess he was six-foot-eight at least. He was dressed entirely in black leather, from his gleaming motor cop boots through his skintight pants to the elaborate vest that did nothing to hide the musculature of his arms and chest. His gauntlets, which reached nearly to his elbows, made his big hands look gigantic, and his arms were spread out like a lovestruck gorilla's, an image not the least belied by the wicked grin peering out from his perfect black beard. Even his peaked cap was black leather, and nearly brushed the ceiling of the cabin. The tight pants did nothing to hide his enormous erection either. Biggest Bill made Big Boy look like a dirty, hairy child…and yet, in a way, he was an idealization of Big Boy's look.

I've got hand it to William Robert Paterson: either he was really brave, or even stupider than he had claimed for himself. Face-to-face with Bill, I would have run. I would have run anywhere, off a cliff, into a den of pumas, straight through a tornado. Paterson's eyes bugged out, but he turned and charged the grinning monster, brandishing a switchblade that suddenly appeared in his left hand.

He might as well have been waving a soda straw, for all the effect it had on Bill. The giant took two steps forward, crossing the front room, and reached out one thickly-gloved hand to take Paterson by the wrist. He gave a little twitch, I heard a popping sound, and the knife clattered onto the floor. Paterson gave a low, bovine moan and batted ineffectually at Bill's chest. Bill picked him up bodily and, still grinning like a kid eating cake, tossed Paterson through the picture window eight feet away.

Even before the broken glass stopped tinkling, I heard a ragged barking followed by a growl, followed by Paterson shouting, "Get him off me, get him off me!," with an increasing frenzy to his voice.

And then, Mae Belle's unmistakable tones: "Spike! Come back here, Spike! And you, boy, don't you move an inch, 'less you want to make me shoot you with this .44." She stepped forward enough that I could see her through the shattered window. "Clarence, help me tie this thing up…."

Biggest Bill strolled to the window and leaned gingerly out. "Will this help?," he chirped soothingly. In his hand was a pair of handcuffs, which he dangled through the remains of the glass. Mae Belle said, "Why, thank you, Bill!," and took them. Then she looked into the window. "Oh, my lord, that poor man! And Lenny too!" She handed the cuffs to Clarence, then bustled out of view to come trotting heavily in the front door.

Bill Adler and one of the lesser Bills drifted in after her. She hurried right past me to Red, who sat looking patient and pathetic in the rickety chair he was tied to. "Oh, my baby, what have they done to you! Good lord in heaven, they didn't even let him get up to pee! Somebody hurry and get me a wet rag." Her voice alternated between tender and commanding. Bill Adler found the cabin's bathroom and came back with a dripping face towel in his hand. With a glance at Mae Belle, he gently soaked the duct tape that covered Red's mouth, and together, without a word, they peeled the tape back, a bit at a time, till Red's mouth was free. Mae Belle whispered "Thank you," and Bill just squinted a grin in reply and stood back. Mae Belle wrapped her arms around Red and kissed him with surprising passion—which didn't seem to surprise him at all. He kissed her back, his eyes closed.

When they came up for air, he said, "Babe, if ya can see your way to untying me, you know I could hug you back…." And damned if he didn’t wink at her.

"Oh, my lord," she said. "I am such a foolish old woman. Any of you big bruisers carrying a knife? Help me cut that poor man free!"

Biggest Bill got up from the ratty sofa where he had parked himself. "No need, my dear," he chirped. "It so happens that I am quite an expert on knots…." He worked the gauntlets off his massive hands, pulling them properly, one finger at a time, then squatted behind the chair and deftly undid the ropes binding Red to it while whistling a popular song. After that, he untied my own ropes, as gently as a nurse. "Age before beauty," he cooed. I think I turned red; in any case, he chuckled behind me. The ropes fell away, and I stood up.

Red stood more slowly, windmilling his arms as if he was swimming to limber them up. He swayed a bit on his stiffened limbs. Then he winked at Mae Belle again and said, '"Okay, babe, let's do it right this time."

"My dear man, every way we do it is just right." They fell into an embrace. Bill Adler and Biggest Bill smiled sweetly as they watched. I guess I did too, but I was worrying about Tracy's plans for Cindy. They had to be halfway to LA by now. I was about to interrupt them when Denise came running in and flung herself around me; it was almost as much football tackle as hug, but her intentions were clear. "Lenny, Lenny, forgive me, I fell asleep under the trees, it was so sweet there, and, and…if a crow hadn't started making a fuss I might never have peeked in the window again with the binoculars, and…oh my god, you're okay, you're okay, you're okay." She squeezed me tight and then stood back, holding my hands and smiling straight into my eyes. "I know you think it's wrong to kiss me, but…."

Mona Lisa won. I kissed her. And then I gently pushed her away.

"We’re not done yet," I announced. She smiled broadly. In a quieter voice I said, "I didn't mean you and me. I meant…."

Red detached himself from Mae Belle and said, "I heard what them bitches was talkin' about. They're runnin' down to LA to kidnap Cindy. Lenny, you call up that Italian gal of yours and make sure she gets Cindy the hell out of the house. Cin' probably wouldn't hear the phone, she's so deaf now. I'm guessin' they might break in and wait for her if she ain't home. That ought to give us time to get down there."

"Red, can't you just call one of your cop buddies…?"

Red glowered at me. Mae Belle stood beside him, with her arms on his shoulders. His mouth looked like he had just sucked a lemon as he spoke. "She's still my grand-niece. My blood kin. I ain't setting the law on her, shitty as she done me. I want to see if I can set her straight about what I done back then." His anger faltered. "I guess I mean about what I ain't done…." He wobbled a little on his legs, and Mae Belle guided him to a chair. He sat down in it with some reluctance, slumped, and shook his head. "There's a phone in the living room. I heard them make a coupla calls…."

I went to the front room and dialed home. I guessed Sheela would be back from work by then, and she was. "Baby!," she said when I gave my name. You could hear her smile over the line. 'I was getting worried…what's going on?"

"What isn't going on? Crazy stuff. Listen, I found Red, but there were…complications. No time to explain, but Tracy, that's his niece who set all this up, she's headed down there with a crazy hippie chick to kidnap Cindy, and you've got to get her out of the house. Take her up to our place, take her to the salon, but get her out of there. Tracy got ahold of my gun, and she's taking it down there. We're leaving as soon as we can, but they've got a head start—"

"Lenny." Her voice was calm, firm, and dangerous. "I get it. Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of it. Get going, lover. Hey…Red's got a gun in the house, right? Just in case they show up before we leave?"

"Yeah, a couple. Cindy would know where they are. But don't go there, it would be—"

"Just in case, lover. Should I call the cops?"

"No. Red doesn't want to sic the law on his niece. Just keep Cindy out of their hands. We're heading out any second."

"Hit the road, lover; this is serious."

We hung up. Denise looked at me. "I suppose this means I can't come along?"

Mona Lisa was nowhere in sight. "I'll have to come back up here with Red when everything's over with. I've got your number. We'll talk. Only talk," I said. Mona Lisa found her way back.

"Okay, we'll…talk."

Mae Belle spoke up. "Lenny, Red's in no shape to run off right now. I got to get him cleaned up and loosened up, so I'll take him back to his cabin and get him in shape. You can take his truck down—"

Bill Adler interrupted her, smiling under his heavy moustache. "No need. We were going home anyway, and Lenny can just ride with us."

Mae Belle looked worried. "Don't worry, Mrs. Williamson; we won't kidnap him. Despite what people think of us, we're quite civilized."

Mae Belle looked at him for a long moment, then slowly nodded her head. "I guess I know exactly what you mean…."

"After all," Adler said. "We're born this way. And we've stopped apologizing for it."

Second Bill rolled his eyes. "But Bill," he said, "hasn't stopped lecturing the world about it. Really!"

I realized someone had to play the master of ceremonies, and that it had to be me. "All right. What about Paterson out there? I walked to the window. Big Boy sat glumly with his handcuffed hands behind him, leaned against a tree. Clarence and Van stood over him. Clarence held a revolver in his hand. "You two stand out there long enough like that, and someone's going to call the cops on you. Get him in here. Robert, how's your wrist?"

"Whaddaya think," he rumbled. "Hurts like hell. But I don't think it's broke."

"Clarence, get him back in here and watch him. The two gals went to LA to kidnap Cindy. I called down and told Sheela to get her out of the house, and I'm riding down with the Bills to see if we can intercept them. Red doesn't want to call the cops on Tracy. But if we miss them, they'll be back up here, and Tracy got ahold of my gun, thanks to Paterson. You willing?"

Clarence glanced at Van. Some kind of eyebrow-based semaphore message passed between them. Clarence said, "You have nothing to worry about, young man. We'll make Mr. Paterson as comfortable as he is likely to be under the circumstances. And we'll do what we can to make the young ladies feel relaxed should circumstances foster their return to this little mansion." Clarence nodded again at Van, who helped Paterson to his feet.

"That dog ain't still around is he?," Big Boy said.

"Yes, he is," I said through the broken window. "But just keep calm and don't get Mae Belle nervous." I figured that between the dog and the .44 he had sufficient incentive to behave. I don't suppose he liked Mae Belle any better now than he had two days before. He got up as gracefully as anyone in handcuffs can after being shot and thrown through a window, and having his leather jacket gnawed by a vengeful dog. He was practically a watered-down Rasputin, without the charm. He trudged dutifully into the house and went straight to the chair I'd been tied up in.

"No," Mae Belle said. "Put him in Red's chair."

The chair was still wet with pee from Red's extended sojourn in it. No one protested, not even Big Boy.

"All right," I said. "Let's get going. Red, the Bills and me'll meet you two at the cabin. I want to borrow that .45 you've got in the closet if that's okay."

Mae Belle interrupted to say, "It'll save time if you just take my .44. But you be careful with it now; that weapon makes a very thorough mess of things."

"He knows, babe. I taught him to shoot using my big ol' .44 down in LA. You be careful around them gals. I don't want to find no one in pieces when I get back. Just use it to keep 'em quiet while you wait."

Red limped out to her car. Mae Belle's arm round his shoulder steadied him. Suddenly Third Bill came trotting out of the house carrying a towel. "Mrs. Williamson," he called out. "For your car seat…you know." He smiled and bowed, and handed it gently to her.

"Why, thank you," she said. "You are so sweet…I mean…." She looked a bit embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Williamson," he said. "We are sweet, and proud of it!"

"Except him, " said Second Bill, jerking his thumb over his shoulder at Biggest Bill. "He's just a big brute."

Biggest Bill smiled wickedly. "Tell me you don't like it," he chirped. The Bills all trooped out after Red and Mae Belle. I followed.

Bill Adler sighed and smiled. Then he said, "You ride with me. Just tell me your freeway exit in LA." I gave him quick directions, and we scattered to the motorcycles, leaving Clarence and Van to watch over Big Boy. When I glanced back, Van was wrapping clothesline around him. I suspected he was good at knots himself.