The next morning, Gus found Doc sleeping in the sawdust under the big top. He wouldn’t come into the caravan for breakfast but stood just outside the circus lot staring at the Flinders Ranges, sipping the black coffee that Gus brought over to him.
It took twice as long as usual to pack up and get the circus on the road to Kimba. The evening performance was dismal without Effie and Gus was glad when it was over. It was nearly midnight by the time the circus was loaded up again. They headed south-west to Streaky Bay and set up in a field outside town overlooking the sea. Moonlight glistened on the surface of the ocean and Gus stood in the dark beyond the circle of caravans, taking in deep breaths of the briny sea air. The sound of the waves lapping on the nearby beach made him feel warm and sleepy. He curled up on the couch in his grandparents’ caravan and, for the first time, felt strangely at home, drifting off to sleep to the sound of the sea and the low hum of the generator.
Despite the late night, Gus woke up early. The sky was a bright, pale blue and the morning air was cool and sweet. He pulled on some clothes and went outside.
There was no one about – just the horses grazing in the long golden grass, and Kali blowing trunkfuls of dirt across her back. Gus put his hands in his pockets and sauntered over. She was swaying rhythmically, as if she could hear music from far away.
‘Hey, Kali.’
She went on swaying as if she hadn’t heard him. Gus had tried this same routine every morning for weeks, but Kali still wouldn’t pay him any attention. If she’d only look at him or reach her trunk out towards him to let him know she knew he was there, he would have been satisfied. Gus looked over his shoulder to be sure no one was watching and then quickly slipped under the electric fence that surrounded her. He felt his heart beating faster as he stood in front of her with nothing between them but a few feet of ground.
‘You’re not allowed inside that barricade, Gus McGrath.’
Gus spun around and saw Effie staring at him from the other side of the fence. He dived back under the wire and glared at her.
‘What are you doing up?’ he asked. ‘Aren’t you meant to stay in bed?’
‘I’m sick of being in bed. You don’t even come and talk to me.’
‘I did!’
‘Oh right, for about five minutes.’
‘Well, it’s too squashy in the caravan. I’d rather be outside.’
‘Me too,’ she grinned. ‘Let’s go down to the beach.’
‘Shouldn’t we tell someone?’
‘Nah, they won’t let me go if we do.’
They rode bareback on Rosa and Anouk across the fields and along a winding dirt track that ended on a wide expanse of beach. There was no one anywhere and it felt as though they owned the world. Sea birds swooped low over the water and dived into the sea to catch their breakfast.
Effie rode Rosa into the water and Gus followed. Anouk was much smaller than Rosa, so the top of Gus’s head was only level with Effie’s waist. He knotted his hands into Anouk’s mane and leant down against her neck, breathing in her musty smell and the scent of the sea.
‘I hear you’ve got a new name,’ said Effie.
‘How’s that?’
‘Zippo Zarconi,’ she said, laughing out loud.
‘Yeah. Well, I was pretty happy with my old name. It sounds stupid: “Zippo” – like a cigarette lighter or something.’
‘Clowns are meant to have stupid names.’
‘I don’t know what everyone’s problem with my proper name is.’
‘I think it’s just a hard name for Doc and Nance to say.’
‘G-u-s – couldn’t get a whole lot simpler.’
‘You don’t get it. There was another Gus – before you came along. And every time they say your name it’s like they have to think of him too.’
‘What other Gus?’
‘I don’t know who he was exactly but he was some sort of relative and they want to forget about him.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I heard Dad and Hannah talking about him when I was lying awake the other night. They took turns to sit with me the night I fell, and I heard them talking about it.’
‘So what were they saying?’
‘Well, this other Gus, he had a fall once too – like he fell and hurt himself and Doc always goes and drinks too much and does his block if anything like that happens ’cause he doesn’t like to be reminded. He likes to forget about that other Gus. Me falling reminded him.’
‘Did that Gus run away from the circus like my mum?’
‘I don’t know. Hannah just said that Doc was drunk because of Gus. And Dad said, “What did the poor boy do?” and that’s when she said, “Not him, the other one”.’
‘Well, I still don’t get it,’ said Gus, sliding off Anouk’s back. The cold water of the bay washed over his bare feet.
‘Don’t you see? Maybe that’s what your problem with him is all about.’
‘Look, I don’t have a problem with Doc, he has a problem with me.’
‘That’s what I mean. Maybe you remind him of that other Gus. Maybe that’s why sometimes he’s extra mean when you’re around. He’s definitely been a whole lot crankier since you’ve been around. Maybe he had a big falling-out with that other Gus like he did with your mum or maybe the other Gus was your father!’
Gus looked out to sea and felt the weight of Effie’s words settle on his shoulders. He dropped Anouk’s reins and walked into the sea until the water lapped around his waist.
‘What are you doing?’ Effie shouted after him.
‘Going swimming,’ he yelled back.
‘With all your clothes on? You’re crazy, just like the rest of your family!’
Gus dived under and his T-shirt billowed out around him. He wanted to swim far away from Zarconi’s and never come up for air. He cut the water with a fast breaststroke, swimming deeper with each stroke, and then turned onto his back and floated.
His head was spinning with questions. Why hadn’t his mum told him any of this? Why did she run away from Zarconi’s? What had happened to the other Gus? Could he really be his father? He stared up at the blue morning sky and felt amazed at all the silences that hung around Zarconi’s like storm clouds.
Sea-birds wheeled overhead and suddenly something clicked inside Gus. It was as if some of those dark clouds inside his head had parted just enough to let a thin beam of light through.
Effie was furious by the time he freestyled back into shore.
‘About time!’ she said, handing back Anouk’s reins. ‘Doc doesn’t like me taking the horses without permission. It’s okay for you – you’ll be going back to Melbourne any day now but if I get on Doc’s bad side I’ll stay there for ages.’
‘Don’t worry. You’re not alone. I’m going to be around for a whole lot longer, whether I like it or not.’
He took his T-shirt off, wrung some of the water from it and jumped up onto Anouk’s back.
‘That’s tough,’ said Effie. ‘You’re hanging out to go home, aren’t you?’
Gus shrugged. ‘I am in one way. But there are a few things I want to find out before I go back.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like what’s the story with that other Gus. And why did my mum clear off and about a million other things about my crazy family.’
‘Your mum left because she hated being in the circus, just like you.’
‘I don’t think that was the reason. If I was an acrobat like she was, if Doc let me on the flying trapeze, I don’t think I’d ever want to go. I reckon I’d be like you.’
‘You will never be as good an acrobat as me, Zippo Zarconi!’
‘Wanna bet?’
‘No, but I’ll race you to the end of the beach.’
‘Like that’s so fair!’ said Gus. ‘Anouk’s legs are half as long as Rosa’s!’
‘Chicken. I knew you’d be scared of losing,’ Effie said smugly.
‘I’m not scared of anything!’ said Gus, and he kicked Anouk into a canter before Effie could turn Rosa around, gripping her mane firmly and hanging on tight. Sand flew up around them as Rosa drew alongside.
‘You cheated,’ Effie shouted.
Gus laughed and reached around to slap Anouk on the rump and in that instant, he lost his balance. Anouk’s legs flashed past him as he rolled over and over in the damp sand.
Effie reined in Rosa and leapt off her back.
‘Gus, Gus,’ Effie cried as she ran back up the beach and knelt beside him. He lay flat on his back with his eyes shut, not moving. Her hair brushed against his face, tickling his mouth and nose. Suddenly, he sneezed.
‘You pig,’ she said, punching him in the arm. ‘You scared me!’
‘So who’s the chicken, then?’
They sat glaring at each other for a moment.
‘You know something?’ said Effie. ‘You’re not as wimpy as you look.’
‘Is that a compliment?’
‘If you want it to be,’ she said coolly.
They were still kneeling in the sand, eyeing each other warily, when they heard Cas’s voice calling them.
‘We are in big trouble,’ said Effie.
‘At least we’re in it together,’ said Gus.