The people of Marble Bar came out in force to see the circus perform in sweltering heat. It wasn’t the worst show Zarconi’s had ever done but there was no sparkle in anyone’s performance. Doc said nothing and disappeared into his caravan as soon as the crowd had left. Everyone else sat around in the empty big top, a miserable pall hanging over them.
‘No point staying on a second night here,’ said Nance. ‘No one’s going to want to come back and see a show like that again.’
‘I’ll work Buster back into that old act with Miette,’ said Cas.
‘She’s a one-trick pony, Cas. No, what we need is a whole new act. Something with a bit of class,’ said Nance.
Hannah shot a meaningful look at Gus and winked at him but she put a finger to her lips to signal for him to be quiet.
‘It is not the same without Kali,’ complained Vytas. ‘A show with no elephant, this is very sad.’
‘Well there’s nothing we can do about it, Vytas,’ snapped Nance.
‘Isn’t there any way we can get another elephant?’ asked Gus innocently.
Nance rolled her eyes. ‘Do you know how much an elephant costs? Thousands and thousands of dollars – and anyway, you can’t bring them into the country any more. You can only get them if another circus is selling one or the zoo is having trouble and can’t cope. That’s how your great-grandfather got Kali. No, there’ll be no more elephants for Zarconi’s.’
Nance slapped her hands on her knees and stood up.
‘We’ll head straight up to Port Hedland in the morning. The generator’s on the blink and we’ll be able to get parts there. Give the rest of the route a miss. Maybe something good will turn up there. Big town, big audiences. Who knows?’
After she’d left, Hannah called Effie and Gus over to her.
‘Tonight we will work hard, my little ones. Tonight, we must make our act really come together. Gus, your somersault must be perfect. Perhaps, we even try for one and a half!’
Stewie had disappeared into town, so Vytas and Cas rigged the net while Effie and Gus stood guard. Gus could see Doc through the flywire door, sitting at the laminex table with a glass tumbler and a bottle of whisky in front of him. Nance sat opposite, her head in her hands, staring at a pile of papers with a despairing expression.
When the net was up, Hannah insisted they act as if it were a proper performance. Gus felt strangely nervous as he stood on the platform, staring down at the net. All of a sudden, too much seemed to hinge on him getting it right. Effie had already done a simple shoot-over-the-bar with Hannah catching. Gus had swung the bar out for her to make a twist and return. When she landed back on the platform beside him, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He looked down into the net and it seemed further away than ever before.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked Effie, staring hard into his face.
‘Nothing,’ he replied, swallowing hard.
Hannah clapped her hands, signalling Gus to take the fly bar and swing out to her, but Gus stood frozen to the spot, clutching one of the supporting cables.
‘Gus?’ said Effie.
Gus didn’t reply. He stared at the net and felt giddy. A cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck. Hannah’s voice seemed to be coming from far away as she called to him from the catcher’s lock. He felt like he was looking down the wrong end of a telescope. Everything looked small and far away. As if in a dream, he saw Vytas cross from where he’d been standing guard and climb quickly up to the platform.
‘Little fish,’ he said, reaching out to touch Gus gently on the arm.
‘What’s wrong with him?’ said Effie.
Vytas ignored her and turned Gus’s face towards him, holding his chin firmly in one hand.
‘Gus, you can do this. I have seen how you can do this. You can swim through air as easily as you do through water. Just think like that. The sky, it is an endless sea and you are Zarconi’s magic flying fish.’
Gus looked hard into Vytas’s eyes. The gold flecks in his irises glowed and Gus felt a rush of warmth and confidence flow into his own body. He reached out and took the fly bar from Effie.
‘Come on, little fish,’ called Hannah. ‘Swim to me!’
Gus took off. The air rushed past him as he built up his swing. When he heard Hannah clap, he released the bar, spinning through the air towards her. Her grip was firm and sure as she grasped his wrists and they swung together, high above the net.
When Nance walked past Gus’s bed in the dark that night he reached out to her and touched her hand.
‘Nance, I can’t sleep.’
Nance sat down on the edge of the couch and stroked his forehead.
‘Are you missing your mum? You’ll be back with her soon,’ she said softly.
Gus wasn’t sure what he felt. He pulled his knees up to his chest without saying anything and made himself as small as he could.
‘I miss your mother,’ said Nance. ‘I miss her every day.’
Gus looked up at her. He couldn’t see her expression in the dark, just the outline of her head with the desert moonlight shining in through the caravan windows.
‘I thought you’d be kind of used to her not being with you any more.’
‘Oh, you can get used to anything, but it doesn’t mean you stop missing people.’
‘Even when they’ve died? You have to stop missing them when they’ve died, don’t you?’
‘I still miss your uncle Gus,’ said Nance.
Gus sat up.
‘Nance. How did Uncle Gus die?’
Nance got to her feet, her body casting a long shadow across Gus and the couch.
‘You don’t need to worry about how he died,’ said Nance.
‘Was it cancer? Did the cancer get him? Is that why you won’t tell me?’
Nance sighed.
‘No, he didn’t have cancer, Gus. It was an accident.’
‘Nance, please tell me what happened. It was something to do with the trapeze, wasn’t it? That’s why you won’t let me up there.’
‘Some things hurt too much to talk about, Gus. This is one of those things.’
‘But it hurts to not know!’ said Gus fiercely.
Nance bent over and kissed him on the forehead. She sat down next to him and put one arm around his shoulders. Gus could feel her trembling.
‘My Gus, he was a beautiful flier. There was nothing careless in the way he flew. Your grandfather and I had worked with him since he was a little boy but he was better than either of us. Your mother, she was good but Gus was the star. He had no fear. He belonged in the air.’
‘So what happened?’ asked Gus.
‘It was a problem with the rigging. A cable snapped. He fell badly and glanced off the net. I’ve fallen, Doc’s fallen, it happens. You break a bone or two. It doesn’t necessarily mean you die, but when Gus fell…it was a freak accident.’
‘So that’s why you won’t let me do trapeze? You’re afraid I’ll fall.’
‘Your mother would never forgive us. We’d never forgive ourselves.’
‘But Nance, you said, it was a freak accident. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. If I did trapeze and something happened, it wouldn’t be your fault. It’s my body, my life.’
Nance stood up and took a step away from the bed, her eyes glittering in the darkness.
‘Stop it, Gus! That’s enough. It’s late and you’re all done in. It’s time you got some sleep.’
Gus curled up on the couch and tried to will himself to sleep. When it came at last, it was strange and fitful. He dreamt he was in the middle of the ocean, in a small, leaky vessel crammed with bodies; Doc, Nance, Vytas, Cas, Effie and Hannah. Water was spilling into the boat and Nance and Doc were bent over double in the bow. Vytas turned to Gus and gave him a shining fish hook. Gus looked at it lying in the palm of his hand and it turned into a silver anchor.
‘Fly little fish, fly,’ whispered Vytas and at his words Gus’s body began to swell and change, fins like wings sprouting beneath his arms, his legs merging together to form a tail. He dived from the boat, a flying fish, skimming the surface of the pale sea. Vytas let out his fishing reel and Gus realised he was still connected to the tiny boat, linked by a shining slender line as he flew across the ocean.
Above him soared a giant albatross. Its wings cast a warm shadow across his finned body and beneath him, just below the waves, a gleaming black dolphin sped through the water. Wind and water surged around Gus, and the little boat and its passengers followed, sailing to a distant shore, bound by a silken thread to the magical boy-fish.