EVIE
It’s our last day here in the orphanage and I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye to everyone. Not just the volunteers, but the children.
Dad says we’ll be back next summer and that helps a bit, I suppose. He’s taken a job with the orphanage and I don’t think I’ve seen him this excited. Except maybe when Liverpool win a game. I look down at Stefan, sleeping in my arms and sing a lullaby to him.
‘He’s going to miss you,’ Gloria says. ‘You’re a natural with the small ones.’
‘I’ll miss him,’ I say. ‘But I’ll come back again, Gloria. I promise.’
I’m going to help Dad do some fundraising. I have an idea about a Guinness Book of Records attempt we could do to raise funds. A convoy of caravans and motorhomes across Ireland, or something like that. I emailed Luke, Ann and Lulu last night and they all said they’d help me.
Martina and Deirdre pop into my head. I’m sure they’ll have loads to say about how lame that idea is. But I realise I don’t care what they think any more.
‘To hell with them,’ I whisper to Stefan. I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve had a privileged childhood – more than all these kids in here.
‘I’m going to help you have a brighter future,’ I vow to Stefan.
I spent so long at the beginning of this trip, counting down the days, wishing I could get home again. And now that we are down to our last two weeks, I want time to slow down. I can’t wait to see Ann. It’s weird, but I feel like we’ve been best friends our whole lives. And Luke has already planned an ice-cream date with me, when I get home. I know he’s been having a rubbish summer.
‘It’s time to say goodbye. We’ve got to go up to the site now.’ Dad pops his head into the baby room.
I give Stefan one more kiss and place him in his crib. Gloria walks with me to the playroom, where Jamie is playing with all his friends.
‘He’s a real-life superhero,’ Gloria says to Mam and Dad, as Jamie swoops around the room like Spiderman. Mam is crying and I realise I’m only a nano-second from joining in too.
‘Did you say goodbye to Magda?’ I ask her. I know she must be finding that one the hardest. She’s spent so much time with her this week.
‘Yes,’ she replies. ‘She bit me again, as I hugged her. But then, when I walked away, she said my name and then ran over to me and hugged me one more time.’
‘You worked hard with her. And you’ve done a great job. I know it’s awful saying goodbye. But Magda will be fine, I promise you. We’ll keep working with her. And she’ll soon realise that she doesn’t need to attack everyone that comes near her,’ Gloria tells Mam.
‘We’ll be back next summer,’ Mae promises, hugging Gloria.
‘I know,’ Gloria says. ‘I always get a sense about the ones who’ll come back. Romania isn’t done with the Guinnesses yet.’
We leave the orphanage holding hands and we walk up to the construction site. The first of the houses is ready and we get to see the new owners move in before we leave.
It feels like Christmas Day. The air is heavy with excitement and anticipation of a sackful of great gifts about to arrive. Skippy has tied a big red ribbon around the front of the lodge, resplendent against the brown woody frame. The construction volunteers are all lined up on either side of the house and Dad joins them, with Jamie.
They call me and Mam to join them too, because Skippy says we hammered a few nails in.
‘Even if they were crooked!’ he teases.
Then a woman and two children arrive with Andy. They have a rucksack each on their backs.
‘At a guess, that’s all they own in the world,’ Dad says.
‘They have each other, they don’t need anything else,’ Mam replies and I nod. I get that now.
As they get closer to the house, the woman starts to cry and the children follow soon with tears of their own. It must be overwhelming to walk up and see us all lined up, watching them. The woman keeps repeating something over and over.
Andy shakes her hand and hugs the children. ‘This is Liliana and her two children, Razvan and Nicole. And what she is saying is: You don’t live, but you don’t die either. Maybe now we can live.’
You don’t live, but you don’t die, I repeat the words to myself over and over.
I wonder what horrors they have all faced in their lives to warrant such a statement. And what strength they have to be here still. Fighting to live their lives.
Flashes of the girls in school taunting me, making fun of me, bound around in my head. I repeat Liliana’s words again: You don’t live, but you don’t die either. Maybe now we can live.
‘I’m not going to let Martina or Deirdre get to me ever again,’ I say to Mam. ‘I’m going to live, stop being scared.’
She looks surprised at me bringing this up. But she turns to me and says, ‘You already are living. You’re stronger than you can ever know. The way you’ve handled yourself this summer, but these two weeks in particular, is incredible. I am so proud of you, but you should be proud of yourself. You can do anything.’
‘Like go back to school, to hell with the lot of them?’ I say.
‘Yes, exactly. Why should you leave when you’ve done nothing wrong? Because it’s their bad. The best way to defeat a bully? Ignore them. And live your best life,’ Mam tells me.
Dad picks up Jamie in his arms and Mam puts her arms around me and we all watch Liliana cut the ribbon to her new life. The children run and open the door.
‘Mult¸umesc mult¸umesc!’ Liliana sobs when she walks through the door. We don’t need a translation for those words. Thank you, thank you, she is saying.
As I look around at everyone clapping and cheering, some wiping away tears, I know that right now, in this moment, I’m changed.