Belle

I ARRIVE AT the mall exactly five minutes before I’m scheduled to meet my Sisters. Diana expressed some concern as to whether choosing to spend our day together at a shopping mall would be a good idea considering Sue’s financial situation and the fact that she’s just left a retail job, but in the end she was overruled. “Even if it does upset Sue, she will never rise above this if she does not face the things that cause her to feel that way,” I told her. “What better opportunity to do that than with her Sisters at her side?”

“So you’re going to throw her in the deep end and demand that she swim,” was her reply.

“You’re being very dramatic. I’ve asked Sue already, you know, and she said that she couldn’t care less where we go.”

“You’re right. It sounds like she’s absolutely thrilled about it.” My grip tightens on my purse strap as I walk across the parking lot. This is going to be a success. Nothing will go wrong. Nothing can go wrong; I will simply not allow it.

Diana is already there, of course, standing as straight and still as a piece of the architecture; Chastity and Denise are sitting on a bench a short distance away from her. “Good afternoon, ladies,” I say. “How’s it going?”

“Hi, Belle,” Chastity says. “We’re good, thanks.”

“Excellent.” I look around. “Where’s Sue?”

“Late, of course,” Diana says.

Sue arrives twenty minutes later, by which time Chastity has drifted into what appears to be a light trance state and Denise has reorganized the contents of her purse three times. Whatever idle thoughts had been going through my mind evaporate as soon as I get a clear look at what Sue’s wearing: an over-large white t-shirt and stained grey sweatpants with dingy running shoes.

“What is that about?” Diana whispers to me as Sue lifts her hand in greeting. I notice that she doesn’t wave back at Sue.

“Don’t say anything,” I warn her.

“I don’t know if I can help myself.”

By this time, Sue is dangerously close, and I smile and wave at her instead of saying anything more to Diana. “Sue, lovely to see you.” I hold out my arms, and she hugs me briefly.

“Hey. I know I look like a train wreck,” Sue says.

“You look just fine, Sue,” Chastity says.

“She looks God-awful,” Diana whispers to me as we walk to the mall doors ahead of the others.

“Please, Diana,” I say as I pull the door open. “She’s upset.”

“So am I. Are we expected to go shopping with her while she looks like that?”

I give Diana a hard look. “Whatever she’s wearing, she is family. We are supposed to be supporting her, not calling attention to how far her situation has deteriorated. I’m warning you, Diana: not another word about it.”

Diana’s mouth twists, but she doesn’t say anything more.

At first, we move through the mall in relative silence. Chastity and Denise walk a bit ahead of the rest of us, pointing out a particularly good sale whenever we pass a store that’s having one. “It’s so sad,” Chastity says, looking over her shoulder to include the rest of us. “You never used to see anything like this. Everyone’s so desperate to make a sale.”

“Of course they’re desperate,” Diana replies. She’s walking in the middle, just ahead of Sue and I. “Have you seen anyone but the employees in any of these stores?”

“No,” Denise says, “and honestly, I can see why. They’re all so expensive.”

“Everything looks expensive to me,” Sue grumbles.

I place my hand on her shoulder in what I hope comes across an encouraging gesture. “If you see something that you’d like, I’d be very glad to treat you to it.”

“Wow, charity. Thanks.” She shrugs off my hand.

“That’s not how I meant it.”

Diana glances over her shoulder at us. “Problem?” she asks.

“No, sorry. You’ll have to find somewhere else to stick your nose.” Sue walks forward quickly to catch up with Denise and Chastity, who are approaching a kiosk advertising discount perfume.

Diana waits for me to catch up to her. “And now she’s got an attitude into the bargain. Do I still have to keep my mouth shut?”

I watch Sue, who’s talking with Chastity. “Hopefully she’ll get better as the day goes on.”

Diana follows my gaze to Sue and Chastity. As we watch, Sue says something that I can’t quite hear, and Chastity frowns nervously. “Yes, I can see it already.”

Throughout the first two hours of shopping, Sue keeps her distance from the rest of us. She drifts around the racks of clothing instead of looking through any of them alongside us; in the DVD store, she doesn’t make any of her usual comments about the more insipid boxed sets. “How many situation comedies do we really need?” I ask her while Denise is paying for two movies that she found in the bargain bin.

“Us unemployed people need to watch something, right?” she replies.

Eventually, Denise decides that she wants to stop for a coffee, and I take advantage of the opportunity to take Sue aside. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Do you want it alphabetically?”

“Stop it. We’re here trying to give you a break from all that, and you’re being very hostile.”

“Oh, please.” She snorts. “Going out shopping is supposed to be a break from my problems? What the hell is this, Clueless?”

“It isn’t about the shopping. It’s about spending time with us. We’re your family, your Sisters —”

“And that’s all great, but it’s not going to pay my bills.” When I don’t reply right away, she puts her hand to her head and takes a deep breath. “Sorry. I don’t want to be like this. I know you guys aren’t responsible for what’s going on; it’s all my own fault. I just ... I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Let us help, then.” I take her arm and try to steer her toward a nearby table. “Let’s talk about it, and —”

She pulls her arm out of my grip, firmly but not violently. “What is talking going to solve? I’m going home.”

“No. Being alone is the worst thing for you right now. You need your Sisters; you can’t do this by yourself.”

“Then let me find that out for myself, okay?”

“No,” I repeat.

She shrugs. “Let’s see you stop me.” In a softer tone, she adds: “Tell the others ... whatever. You’ll figure it out.”

I watch her walk away until she vanishes around a corner; then, I join the others at the counter where Denise is waiting for her coffee. “Where’s Sue?” Chastity asks.

“She left,” I reply. “I suppose she wasn’t feeling up to it, things being what they are.”

“Oh.” Denise says. “Maybe we should have made more of an effort to include her. It just seemed like she wanted to be left alone.”

“Good riddance,” Diana says. I dread her inevitable “I told you so”.

“I’m worried about her,” I say.

“She knows where we are,” Diana says. “When she’s ready, we’ll be here. If we try to force it, we’re just going to make everything worse.”

I kneel in front of Gertrude’s altar and force my breathing to slow down as I pour the tea into cups and offer her one. This tea set was Gertrude’s, one of the many things that I felt she would have wanted me to save from the vultures who eventually cleaned out her apartment. “Hi, Gertrude. I’ve just come back from shopping with my Sisters. I got you a little something.” I reach into my pocket and pull out a silver necklace with pink stones, which I drape over her picture frame. “Pink was always one of your favourite colors. The heart chakra ... self-esteem, and unconditional love.” I run my fingertips down the glass of the frame lovingly.

“I’m so worried about Sue. She hasn’t been doing well at all since she broke it off with Nick.” I pause and stare down into my teacup, but see nothing there except for the clouds of milk. Scrying was never my gift. “I tried to tell her, Gertrude. I tried to warn her that he was dangerous, that he was different. If only she’d listened to me then, she wouldn’t be in such a mess now. She might even still have her job, and everything would be okay.”

I look back at her picture. “I’m sorry. You taught me that the past is done with, and that it’s foolish to wish that it had gone differently.” I look at my distorted reflection in the silver teapot. “I need to focus on the present. I need to help Sue get over this. I can’t let it destroy her; I can’t let her die.”

I stare into Gertrude’s eyes. “I will save her, whatever I have to do. Please, stand with me.”