Sarah is still quiet when she dresses me on Sunday morning. She doesn’t mention Dan. Mom and Dad say nothing more about Ryan or the man the police questioned. Everyone is busy getting ready for Finn’s sixth birthday.
Finn doesn’t like balloons, but Dad has found some “Happy Birthday” paper decorations with alternating blue and yellow triangles. Finn is oblivious to the specialness of the day and has no interest in the birthday cards, so Olivia opens them for him. Finn is more interested in the colored envelopes and proceeds to line them up neatly across the floor. I watch him, and at one point he looks up at me and meets my eyes. Although neither of us can speak, I feel close to Finn. I always have. I sense that he likes me watching him.
Mom and Olivia bake a cake. I enjoy the bustle in the kitchen and the delicious baking smells, especially the smell of melted chocolate, which Mom lets me taste from a spoon. Olivia is happy and doing what Mom tells her for a change. Mom is so patient with her, even when she spills sugar on the floor. While the cake’s in the oven, Sarah takes Olivia for a walk to the store, and they come back with bags of little candies to decorate it with. Olivia is ecstatic. Once the cake has cooled, Mom ices it with buttercream frosting, and Olivia lines up the candies in neat rows saying, “Finn will like it like that.” She puts the candles in a line across the middle.
“It looks great,” she announces, and rubs her belly. “Yum, yum!”
“You’ll have to wait until later,” Mom warns, but once she’s left the room, Olivia stays next to the cake, staring at it greedily.
She looks thoughtful, then carefully takes three candies from each row and moves the others to cover the gaps. She stuffs the ones she’s taken into her mouth.
Mom comes back before Olivia can do it again. Soon it’s time for Finn to open his presents.
Dad showed me his present when he bought it, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing Finn’s reaction.
We all sit in the living room and watch as Finn opens the box with its striped wrapping paper. He pulls out a huge box of matchsticks.
They’re not matches you light, but ones people use to make model ships and things like that. There’s a picture of a ship on the box. When Dad showed me, I didn’t get it at first. I couldn’t see Finn making model ships. But then Dad took out a few matchsticks and lined them up. Dad understands Finn.
Finn examines the box, opens it, and tips all the matchsticks out. A huge grin spreads across his face. Finn rarely smiles, and I have never seen a smile as big as this. I catch Dad’s eye—his grin is as big as Finn’s. Finn gets busy making a line of matchsticks that stretches the length of the living room.
“Don’t give me matchsticks when it’s my birthday, will you?” says Olivia.
Dad laughs.
We go into the kitchen, and Mom lights the candles on the cake, but Finn is still lining up his matchsticks and won’t come. In the end, Mom brings the cake carefully into the living room and Mom, Dad, Sarah, and Olivia sing “Happy Birthday.” Finn doesn’t even look up, but I feel suddenly happy, with the brightness of the candles and the warmth of my family around me. “You can blow the candles out for him,” Mom tells Olivia, and Olivia jumps up and down with excitement.
We go back to the kitchen to eat the cake, which is delicious, and Mom keeps a piece for Finn to have later.
* * *
Two hours later, Finn and I are alone in the living room. He has moved on from lining the matchsticks up along the wall. He is now arranging them in what looks like a big square around my wheelchair—though I can only see part of it. It definitely has at least two right angles. I sense he is enclosing me completely. Now and then he looks at me and meets my eyes as if seeking my approval. I have never seen Finn make eye contact with anyone apart from me. I like being the center of his play. I feel alive and connected in a way that is rare for me. I think Finn has completed one square, because he is now starting a second one, right around the first. He has never made anything but straight lines before. I hope Dad will come in—he’s going to be so impressed. I hear footsteps, but it’s Olivia who comes around in front of me, and my heart sinks.
She sometimes messes up Finn’s neat lines deliberately, and I don’t think she’ll understand.
She gasps. “Wow, Finn! That’s amazing.”
She gets it! I am stunned and feel a little guilty for assuming she wouldn’t. Then I hear her calling, “Everyone, come and see! Come and see what Finn’s done!”
That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Sometimes it happens like that—I know what I want people to do, and they do it—and it feels a little like I can control things, just for a moment. Olivia is thrilled to be the one who shares the news. Sarah appears first, then Mom and Dad.
They gather around and all “Wow!” over what Finn has done. Dad tells him it’s amazing, and the others agree. I see Mom squeeze Dad’s hand, and they share a smile. Finn continues, apparently oblivious, but I am sure he is pleased.
In this moment I feel full of love for them all: Mom, Dad, Sarah, Finn—and even Olivia. I don’t want anything to change.