The minutes crawl by the next day at school when all I can do is think about Sarah.
Kate phoned early this morning. She said she didn’t think she could cope with identifying the body on her own. Mom was busy with us, so Dad said he’d go. I can totally understand her asking, but I do feel sorry for Dad. I know how he felt about it.
Sheralyn is at school and the rest of us are home now, waiting for them to come back, waiting to find out if it’s her.
Olivia is not happy because she’s had to miss ballet. I don’t think Finn’s aware enough to know he’s missed his swimming lesson too. Mom has decided we should play Pairs to take our minds off things. I say we, but Mom and I are playing together, and Mom is mostly playing for Finn too. The cards are all laid out facedown in rows, and we take turns to pick two and see if they match. Mom is useless, which is frustrating because I have a good memory and could do much better than her if I could just pick the cards myself.
Finn is not very interested at first, but he suddenly begins to pick out matching pairs by himself. I’ve never seen him play a real game like this. Mom has to restrain him until it’s his turn. He is beating Olivia, and I can see the tension building in her face. Finn has no interest in winning, of course. I don’t think he knows what that means. He’s just enjoying matching cards. Olivia will not cope well if she doesn’t win, least of all if she is beaten by Finn.
Mom can see this too. She gives a brief lecture, supposedly to everyone, about winning not being everything and how not everyone can win.
Finn gets another pair. Then another. Olivia picks two cards. They match. Phew! She has another turn. This pair doesn’t match. She throws those cards down and then kicks the rest of them so that they are all out of position.
“Olivia,” Mom says sternly.
“I’m not playing this dumb game!” Olivia yells and storms out. I hear her feet thudding loudly as she thumps her way upstairs.
Mom sighs. She begins to put the cards in the box, but sees that Finn is still playing with them. He turns all the cards faceup and proceeds to match them into pairs and line them up. He is trying to make order out of the chaos.
The game had actually distracted me from thinking about Sarah, but now Mom’s looking at her watch.
The doorbell rings. I see Mom jump.
Dad has his key—unless he forgot it. I wonder who it is.
I am facing the wrong way. I have to wait for a voice. “Hiya, any news?” a voice asks softly. Of course it’s Sheralyn. I’m glad she’s here.
As Sheralyn comes into the living room, I hear Mom’s cell phone ring.
“Well?” says Mom.
It must be Dad. I wait, ears straining. “Oh, goodness,” she says next.
Mom comes into the living room while Sheralyn is taking off her coat.
I see Mom’s smile, but it is a small, sad smile. “It isn’t her,” she tells us. “The body isn’t Sarah.”
Mom flops down in the armchair, still clutching her phone to her ear, speaking into it. “See you soon, dear,” she says.
I’m not sure if I’m crying or if my eye is just watering, but I can feel the wetness running down my cheek.
Finn stands up, looking almost as if he’s going to say something. He turns and looks carefully at his lines of pairs. Every card is now matched, but one is slightly out of line. He straightens it and then claps his hands.
Has he heard what Mom said? I’m sure he has.
Sheralyn turns to Mom and then reaches out to give her a hug. Then Mom goes out into the hall, calling up the stairs for Olivia to come down.
“The body isn’t Sarah,” I hear Mom tell her.
“Where is she, then?” Olivia asks. “Where’s Sarah? Why doesn’t she come back?”
* * *
“If it turns out she’s gone off somewhere on a whim,” Kate says as we sit around the kitchen table with Mom and Dad later, “I will never forgive her for putting me through this—never.”
That sounds weird to me. She has to be relieved that the body wasn’t Sarah. But she and Dad just looked exhausted when they got back.
Kate starts to cry. “When they pulled back the sheet, I was so expecting it to be her, and then…and then…”
“It must have been awful,” says Mom. She looks at Dad. I can’t see his face, but his head nods slowly.
Mom goes over to Kate and puts a hand on her shoulder.
“That poor girl,” says Dad. “The police don’t know who she is.”
Dad shudders. Mom goes over and gives him a hug. She kisses him, and he hugs her back. I can see the love between them, and it warms me inside, like the hot chocolate Mom’s just made me that is the perfect temperature. People usually make it too cold because they’re so worried about it being too hot!
Dad sits down and sips his coffee.
“Thank you for coming with me,” Kate tells Dad. “It would have been much worse on my own. I just want to find her. I think she’s alive and she’s gone off somewhere to straighten her head out.”
“I hope you’re right,” says Mom.
Soon after Kate leaves, I hear a sudden sobbing sound. It’s Mom crying. I think she still blames herself for Sarah going missing.
Poor Mom. I wish I could comfort her and tell her it’s not her fault.
And I need her to stay strong. If Mom goes to pieces, she might decide she can’t look after us anymore. Then what would happen?