XXX

Bo-Bo Peterson is the first MAJOR PLAYER to break rank. He is the first of the big boys to stand up and say what the others are secretly thinking. Namely: “Lynnette’s a bitch, man.”

To his teammates he says, “I don’t care who she’s running against, I ain’t voting for her. If she was running against a goddamn butt worm, I’d vote for the goddamn butt worm.”

(That I am interchangeable with a “butt worm,” is slightly appalling, but I’ll take support where I find it.)

He and Lynette had a bitter breakup, you might recall. It seems he caught her with HIS OWN BROTHER! In his OWN BED! Yet, instead of saying she’s sorry or begging for his forgiveness, Lynnette went on the offensive and posted a series of wildly popular and deeply humiliating accounts of their love life on her MySpace page. So, you see, if anyone knows the depths of Lynnette’s bitchery, it’s Bo-Bo.

And if anyone wants to see her fail, it’s Bo-Bo.

 

So WELCOME ABOARD, BO-BO PETERSON. My unlikeliest ally.

He’s quite a catch.

A Manatee. Social A-lister. And all-around standard-bearer.

So when he showed up, with one week left in the race, wearing a Scarlet F . . .

Well, the whole Eisenhower hierarchy went KABLOOEY, it really did.

 

Then when he asked me to sit with him at lunch, well, it sent shock waves through the entire school and terror into the hearts of the staunchest Lynnette supporters.

 

People have started whispering: “He has a shot! He actually has a shot!”

People have begun to think: “It’s not such a lost cause after all!”

And I, myself, have begun to have real hope.

Suddenly, I dared to believe.

It could happen!

I could really pull it off!

“Lynnette really IS a bitch,” some people were saying.

“Never really liked her.”

“It would serve her right.”