XXXIII

Preparing for the big assembly . . .

Busy, busy . . .

Gotta look FABULOUS!

Gotta TOP EVERYTHING!

So . . .

Right now, I’m putting that flesh-colored bodysuit to use by spangling it with REAL DRAGON SCALES. What? Yes! Dazzling green and black and blue, with flashes of silver. And a tail! A great big dragon tail! When I’m through, I will be a mighty, prehistoric lady dinosaur—RAR!—and everywhere I go, I will leave a trail of destruction in my wake. SLAP to the left! CRASH to the right! Drinks will be spilled. Tables overturned. Pedestrians knocked down. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Car alarms! Fire hydrants! Telephone poles! Why, the earth, itself, will tremble with each step I take. Just look at the big green claws on my hind legs. So powerful! So deadly! And did you check out my big green lizard boobs? How hot are THEY? I am truly a beautiful man-eater . . .

 

“NO! NO! NO!” Mary Jane shouted when she saw what I was planning. “WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Think about it: You’re running for an election! You’re trying to get people to like you. You don’t want to alienate or provoke anyone with your outfits anymore. You need more voter-friendly looks. Something that will appeal to the people. That will evoke warm feelings and inspire trust.”

Okay . . .

What about . . . the Virgin Mary?

Or a puppy-dog suit?

What about Oprah? Who doesn’t love Oprah? Sure! I could stuff a few pillows here and there . . .

 

“Maybe we’re going in the wrong direction here,” she said. “Maybe being shocking is no longer shocking. Maybe what’s shocking is NOT BEING SHOCKING.”

Ohhhhhh . . . I seeeeeeeeee.

Damn, she’s good!